Lol

As I sat there in English
class,
I stared at the girl next to me.She was
my so-called 'best friend'. I
stared at her long, silky hair. I
wished she were mine, but she didn't
notice me like that.And I knew it.

After class she walked up to me and
asked me for the notes she had missed
the day before, and I handed them to
her.She said 'thanks' and gave me a
kiss on the cheek. I wanted to
tell her. I wanted her to know that I
don't want to be just friends. I
love her, but I'm just too shy. And I
don't know why.

11th Grade...

The phone rang. It was her on the
other end. She was in tears, mumbling
on and on about how her love had
broke her heart.

She asked me to come over because she
didn't want to be alone, so I
did. As I sat next to her on the sofa,
I stared at her soft eyes,
wishing she was mine. After 2 hours, a
Drew Barrymore movie,and three bags of
chips, she decided to go to sleep. She
looked at me,said 'thanks,' and gave
me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell
her. I want her to know that I don't
want to be just friends. I love her,
but I'm just too shy.And I don't know
why.

12th Grade...

The day before prom she walked to
my locker. 'My date is sick,' she
said. He's not going to go. Well,
I didn't have a date and in 7th grade
we made a promise that if neither
of us had dates we would go together
just as 'best friends,' so we
did.

Prom night, after everything was
over,I was standing at her front door
step. I stared at her. She smiled at me
and stared at me with her crystal
eyes. I want her to be mine, but she
doesn't think of me like that,and I
know it. Then she said, 'I had
the best time,thanks!' and gave me a
kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her.
I want her to know that I don't
want to be just friends. I love her,
but I'm just too shy. And I don't know
why...

Graduation Day...

A day passed. A week passed. A
month passed. Before I could blink, it
was graduation day. I watched as
her perfect body floated like an angel
up on stage to get her diploma. I
wanted her to be mine, but she didn't
notice me like that, and I knew
it. Before everyone went home, she came
to me in her smock and hat, and
she cried as I hugged her. Then, she
lifted her head from my shoulder
and said, 'You're my best friend,
thanks!' and gave me a kiss on
the cheek. I want to tell her. I want
her to know that I don't want to be
just friends. I love her, but I'm just
too shy. And I don't know why...

A Few Years Later...

Now, I sit in the pews of the
church. She is getting married,now. I
watched her say, 'I do' and drive
off to her new life, married to
another man. I wanted her to be
mine but she didn't see me like that,
and I knew it. But before she
drove away, she came to me and
said, 'You came!' She said, 'thanks!'
and kissed me on the cheek.I want to
tell her. I want her to know that I
don't want to be just friends. I love
her, but I'm just too shy. And I
don't know why...

Funeral...

Years pass, and I looked down at
the coffin of the girl who used to be
my best friend.' At the service
they read a diary entry she had wrote
in her high school years. This is
what it read:

I stare at him wishing he
were mine. But he doesn't notice
me like that, and I know it. I want to
tell him. I want him to know that
I don't want to be just friends. I
love him, but I'm just too shy, and I
don't know why. I wish he would
tell me he loved me...i wish I did
too...i thought to myself, and I
cried.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------




Please lol. Life doesn't work that way. I would know :rolls eyes:




Let's not go there

AHHHHHHH

JOANNA HOW COULD YOU DISSECT THAT AFTER RAISING IT FOR FOUR MONTHS. AHHHH.

EVIL PERSON

D=

Whoa coolios

Hey Keann! :)

This year, I feel the Lord's leading me into a time of Bible
study... to dig deeper into His Word, and allow that to be the
foundation for my life, rather than just what I hear from church at
weekends... but to really get grounded in the Word... :) So I was
thinking of starting a little group where we can come together to learn
from each other and from God.
I was wondering if you were interested in joining such a group. And if
you know anyone who wants to study the Word as well... Let me know?
Lala


:o

Looking at last post, can you say answered prayer :o

YES PLEASE :D Who else is interested? (:


I distinctly remember wanting to blog about some other stuff but i forgot what it was. Guh. It was really important too D=


Tag people, i reply them! (:

Draw me deeper

Oh Lord don't ever let me forget just how much I love you and just how much you've done for me cuz I can feel myself start to take all these things for granted and I never want to do that guh/




You've given me direction, security no one else can provide, a safety blanket, gifts i mostly take for granted, experiences and miracles in my life that I can't exactly seem to draw to mine but I distinctly remember them being present in my life.

Assignment miracles. Countless
Time miracles
You healing my arm in malaysia. I'm damn sure I heard it broke and the fear and despair that washed over me lying there in the middle of nowhere.
Testimonies before my eyes
Self-worth
Random acts of providence of money, internet etc when you knew I really needed them
Taking me back over and over again
Loving me
Me getting into mass comm
My girlfriend and all the lessons you taught me from that
Thousands more that I don't remember cuz Satan doesn't want me too but I pray that you put them into my head through dreams and whatnot.

Don't let me forget Lord, draw me deeper and keep the fire burning within me cuz the fuel's waning, make me delirious for Your Name(:


I pray and I pray and I pray fervently for all the outreaches Lord, but especially for the movie marathon. Help me ask people to come Lord, to not fear rejection and all that, and just open doors for me to ask aye. Help me be a living testimony of Your Love pleeeasee I wanna and give me a hunger for Your Word. I pray for guidance Lord. From You and from the Spirit and from teachers. Show me where to read and learn(:


Gnight Lord, bless tomorrow in Your Name? (:


I can feel the passion coming back Lord, and I thank You :D Use me omigosh don't let me stumble.



falling on my knees in worship
giving all i am to seek your face
lord all i am is yours

my whole life i place in your hands
god of mercy humble i bow down
in your presence at your throne

i called you answered
and you came to my rescue
and i want to be where you are

Drop-Dead Gorgeous

Its so sad i'm drop dead gorgeous today perfect hair super cool colour-coordinated casual i-don't-care-but-you-can't-help-but-stare outfit but no one saw cuz I'm home already):



Lol. The view at suntec towers is like <3

And interviewing germany globetrotting bigwigs are fun. There out the super-leet-view-windows go my notions of staying in Singapore to study. Hello. I want so much more. Lol.


The guy said he had kids our age about to go into university soon I didn't dare to ask if he had a daughter :o

Idk, I just like talking to American/European/Not asian people. I somehow click well with them by default. I was so born to see the world yes no.



Iwanttoskydive ahhh.

Okay attempt to work time. I promised God that I'd quit myself off shows and the forums I go to and other stuff so basically the only thing I can do other than my work which I should be doing is read my new book :o And then its off to essay and speech and radio meddling. Harder than it looks :blink:


Lata.

Frustration

I will not be political I will not be political I will not be political

Even though I badly want to cuz ARRRGH i will hold my tongue even though I feeling like blasting the guy with the equivalent of a foghorn.


LIKE, ARRRRGGGGGHHHHH. YOU OFFEND ME. GREATLY AND HORRIFYINGLY SO.



On so many levels and you probably don't even realise it which annoys me even further cuz I can't tell you cause I really don't want to blow this whole thing wide open.

Conflict is bad.

I will master my tongue. And my anger. And gosh my railing urge to kick some sense into the doofball through public humiliation.


Oh God I so need to let go):

BUT ITS HARD.



I knew I should have gone to bed earlier.
So much for angst free day

Memorabilia

Heroes s2e10, Monica Dawson:


"I know what its like, to lose someone you love, to wish that you had a piece of em, something solid to hold on to."



So.



This is my piece of you



Bad lighting bad angle horrible construction so sue me or buy me a proper camera lol.

Right. Now we have before us a matter of grave importance. It has come to my attention that there are some who claim that Maggie Grace resembles or better yet trumps our beloved Kristen Bell.




Seriously now guys.



Maggie Grace:




There has got to be an easier way of formatting these things. Anyway, Maggie of Lost fame is okay, kinda hot, kinda spunky, kinda devilish, kinda come-hither-lets-have-some fun goodness, but then you bring Kristen Bell into the picture.




Kristen Bell:









I like blue.


Who's maggie?





<3

Yellow

Yellow is so not my colour. I look like a washed-out sickly leukemia patient. With bad hair.





Breakfast time <3

Super short post reporting for duty

YUP

Mind-blowing earthshattering self-revelation for today:


When I find myself in relative socially close proximity to multiple girls i am romantically attracted to at once, I react inversely to my usual programming and somehow lock myself into "you-know-what-I'd-rather-stay-single-for-awhile" mode.

Wrap your minds around that :o




Wisest choice of action imo, what am i supposed to do otherwise, speed-date all three? Or was it four. Or five. Meh. Sobering really, the whole thing.









Or maybe I just like the idea of being single and having options O.o





Nope i refuse to elaborate any further you horrible gossip-addicted people(:

Night yoar

Muse

Cuz i has no idea what to put for a title


I love my cell
I love my cell
I love my cell
<3<3<3<3

Even though it may not be the most fired up of cells but hey they're family idk why but lol.

(:

Ahhhhh cell outreach makes the total number of outreaches im involved in happening around the CNY period to uh 5? Ack. This is madness. Lol.

BUT HEY ALL FOR YOU GOD EVEN THOUGH IM TERRIFIED LOL

:D

Really what. It is somewhat harder to ask friends in poly to come to an outreach moviehousechillout thingy for reasons that i'm too lazy to go into but you'll understand if/when you reach the poly level so yeah lol. But yeah I was talking to a couple of people and I'll just ask everyone and someone has to bite yeah so (: Hrrmmm. God will provide (:

Somewhat guilty I only heard about the cell outreach moviething now so I don't have much time to contribute to whatever planning meaning we can't do anything on a big scale like sher's cell is doing :o

Especially since I've been through the whole organizing camps grind so I'm rather well-equipped for things like this lol.

Oh God help me use my gifts for Your Glory :D

Service was cool, Pastor mrw was hilariously funny. Like. I was flopping over my seat in the aisle for half the world to see at least 60% of the message. heh.

I somewhat wish he talked about pastor jen wanted him to talk about -relationships - though :/

YES RELATIONSHIPS ARE SUPER IMPORTANT TO ME KAY kableh. lol

Hmmm. Freaky alison's dress arm thingies matching mine exactly whoa headrush heh :D

Should have taken a picture. But I don't like pictures. :o



I wonder if I will ever see the day when charmaine dresses down for church lol


FASHION POLICING ASIDE, I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY BUT I SHALL PLUG IT INTO MY NEXT SUPER SHORT POST YUP.

Random Thought

My gut feeling tells me microwaving that lime in the fried rice packet is a bad idea.
PUT THE LIME IN THE COKE YOU NUT

HAHA

(:


I've decided that tomorrow I will force some unsuspecting victim to drop a lime in his coke np <3

Cain and Abel

Charmaine's bright pink-or-purple-frankly-i-can't-tell prom photos scare me.


Anyway,

Genesis 4

Cain and Abel

6 Then the LORD said to Cain, "Why are you angry? Why is your face downcast? 7 If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must master it."

Pastor Derek brought this up today to talk about God speaking to you or something or other which doubtlessly is really important and cool but the whole passage was speaking to me another way. Yup.


(I would honestly like one day free from drama yes that would be nice)


So hanyway I was honestly amazingly pissed at this brother in Christ for failing to listen to reason etc etc no you're not getting no more than that politics is bad. Like. Horribly bad. Like, I almost started yelling at him point blank in the aisle from in front of Pastor Josh cause I honestly couldn't stand that malfunctioning selfishness ego what-have-you whatever no more. Now firstly I don't go all Armageddon on people in public. Secondly this is a brother in Christ. Thirdly this is church just before service. That's how badly he pushed me. Ugh.

Simply speaking there was no way I was going to be able to worship God/pray/etc with all that hate slash anger in my heart that I couldn't give up so I headed outside to think and pray and yeah attempt to let go.

And thank you Lord for eventually nudging me to let go of everything and to submit to the guy wholeheartedly and all that(:

I wouldn't have been able to worship otherwise, have you guys ever tried giving your whole heart to God when you desperately want to cling on to your hate and ego and all that?

That verse about not letting the sun set while angry at your brother thingy isn't just conjecture you know. Its not possible to worship God like that. Trust me I know :rolls eyes:

Flipping through the bible there are like a million verses talking about loving a brother and not sinning against a brother and all that lol. Yes Lord I get the idea(:

So anyway I managed to come to God with a clean heart, and worship was awwwweesooome mannnn XD

So I nearly broke down again. Like tears in my eyes body racked in sobs kinda nearly breaking down. BUT ITS DIFFERENT YO THIS TIME LOL.

God's presence and holiness just overwhelmed me. Like. I could do nothing but kneel before him. Just too great. I believe God touched me and allowed me to see but a tiny minuscule bit of his awesome power and glory and even that was nearly too much for me. Like. Really. I could do nothing but cry into his- Yeah. Right there I understood why Paul was quite so terrified when Jesus shone down on him. I mean, like, I know Jesus has nothing but love for me and all and still I was reduced to that childlike slackjawed state. Poor Paul like whoa. You get the idea. Overwhelming. But cool(: Thank you Lord for allowing me to touch your cloak (:


Oh to be by your side Lord(:


Outreach thing on the wayyyyyy. And cell tomorrow! With lala! Come into our midst Lord and spring fire into our hearts. Oh God. This cell has not been afire for too long already. Come(: I can't begin to express just how much -oh just come Lord we're desperate for you Oh Lord I could go on all day like this lol. Just come(:


Rawr. I MISS THE CULTURE PEOPLE. D=

Oh oh pastor josh coming for prayer group this wednesday! Cooooooool. :D

I think that's all for now. Gah I need another church camp dammit ): Church is next door and only a day away and still i'm desperately missing it.

I WANT THE BAND TO PLAY MY FUTURE DECIDED, BREAK FREE AND REVOLUTION YES PLEASE XD



And I stand
With arms high and heart abandoned
In awe of the One who gave it all
And I stand
My soul Lord for You surrendered
All I am is Yours

(:

WE WANT THE WORLD TO KNOW XD

LATA<3

I refuse to be a sap.

^

Mood: Melancholic Sombreity

..Says it all. Post not 1 minute after my last, but idk it feels better organized if I divided up the emotional rant and the rest of the stuff.

..Yeah. Not sure what to say now. Floating around in melancholy. Wanting to pick up the phone and call someone, but not wanting to burden them, and kicking myself for needing to burden someone else with my problems. I feel guilty everytime I feel like i need to do that, guys. I mean, because its obviously not a one-off-needa-hug thing. Overly frequent, and I see that as a horrible weakness. I'm a guy. I should be stronger. I'm 17. I've lived through so much. I should be stronger. I am God's child in Christ. I should be stronger(okay maybe bad phrasing there its more of I shouldn't be affected so easily). I'm Keann, Mr. always optimistic over cheery crazy spontaneous daring impulsive person that others look up to. I should be stronger. Etc.


Sigh. Emotional independence yes would be nice. Bleh


GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

WHY COULDN'T MY FLAW BE -

Okay nevermind. I should stop beating myself up. Honestly. I have all the right answers, verses have been popping into my head, but I haven't been wanting to indulge them. I'll admit to myself now that I somewhat like the drama and tragicness of my life. I'll shut up now and go humble myself before God now. Or at least after this post. Too much ego flying around.


Still, been bummed out the better part of the evening cause of this matter. I felt so...defeated. At the bus stop. Like a "this again" feeling. More of the old. "I wish someone would walk in the door now and sweep me off my feet." "I want a happily uncomplicated love life." "I wanna not be the hero, for once." "Wouldn't it be nice if-"

Sigh. I KNOWWWWW. All the answers in the Bible and the back of my head. I'll stop this now yeah.



So much for this blog not being emo. Lol.


Actually my life isn't all that bad after all(: Its just that emotional fragility isn't very attractive at all and I don't like that.

Heartshatter

It hurts like hell Lord. And it shouldn't, but it does, and i'm not sure entirely why either.
I mean, I'm pretty sure I know the cause, but I doubt its all that really. It seems inconceivable that I can be hit so hard by the giving up of a girl that i took so many precautions and failsafes precisely in order TO NOT be emotionally destroyed like this if anything untoward happened. ):

GAGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH.

Desperately clutching my mac listening to healer on the way home and I almost broke down again. Like, I literally teared midwalk. And this isn't right. I mean, I'm bloody frustrated with myself lah. How can I possibly allow something as trivial as this to crush me so badly. I'm honestly very unhappy with myself for being this way. Yes Lord I know you made me a certain way. You gave me certain flaws. And your power is made perfect in my weakness and all that. BUT I'M STILL FEELING THE PAIN KAY AND I'M NOT LIKING BEING ALL THAT WEAK ALRIGHT.

I mean yeah do not like. I hate being hit by an emotional sledgehammer that doesn't seem to hit others everytime something like this happens. I hate always having to depend on people, to get them to listen to me, call me at night, get them to cheer me up, all of that. I know that generally they don't mind, God bless them, but i HAVE to stop being so dependant on people! How am i supposed to grow this way! Its messed up!

And i'm so, so sick of it Lord):

I want to be stronger. I want not to dwell on these things. I want to be bloody more effective. I want not to constantly feel that hole in my heart that inexplicably You're supposed to fill but somehow it doesn't always work and I feel guilty that it doesn't.

I hate being vulnerable Lord. I honestly want to just go to You, forget everything, forget everything, forget everything, and praise Your name deliriously. You know I am willing. But whyyyyyy do you keep letting this happen to me):

Yes I know, perfect plan of Yours and all that and you have my back but it only makes it a little bit easier to take, Lord. I want to grow, I want to cast this thing off, I want to mature in You.

Arrrgh. I know all the right answer Lord, but I'm weak and right now all I want to do is to be held. For someone to pick up the phone and say that God told her/him I needed comfort right now. It would be awesome. But it doesn't solve anything! I desperately want to be emotionally independant Lord. On my own. Okay fine not on my own. With You. But its hard.

Everything for Your Name Lord :/

Actually that emoticon should be a "(:". I'm kinda okay with what I gave up today haha but it would be clearer to you guys the gravity of it if i put the ":/" so yup

Genesis 22

Abraham Tested

1 Some time later God tested Abraham. He said to him, "Abraham!"
"Here I am," he replied.

2 Then God said, "Take your son, your only son, Isaac, whom you love, and go to the region of Moriah. Sacrifice him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains I will tell you about."

9 When they reached the place God had told him about, Abraham built an altar there and arranged the wood on it. He bound his son Isaac and laid him on the altar, on top of the wood. 10 Then he reached out his hand and took the knife to slay his son. 11 But the angel of the LORD called out to him from heaven, "Abraham! Abraham!"
"Here I am," he replied.

12 "Do not lay a hand on the boy," he said. "Do not do anything to him. Now I know that you fear God, because you have not withheld from me your son, your only son."

13 Abraham looked up and there in a thicket he saw a ram ^[a] caught by its horns. He went over and took the ram and sacrificed it as a burnt offering instead of his son. 14 So Abraham called that place The LORD Will Provide. And to this day it is said, "On the mountain of the LORD it will be provided."

:/

Story just speaks hugely to me lah. To those of you who know, I was gonna pursue this girl but I was deathly afraid of the implications. And a whole lot of other complicated emotional stuff that always seems to jump up on me. Etc. Ironytrain. Life like a sitcom. Etc. You get the idea. So i took it to God and yeah He gave me a sign that i should pursue this girl and all that.

Then He called me to give her up. Weeeeelllll. Not directly, but there was stuff that I was dwelling on and some stuff that was happening and they preventing me from fully worshipping God. In essence they were standing in His way. I couldn't love my brother in Christ like I wanted to, I was kinda jealous, and I was this close to truthfully almost hating the guy. So yup. It came to the point where I couldn't concentrate on the worship at IGNITE! LIKE. IGNITE. Do you understand the implications of not being able to fully give yourself over to God at something as awesome as Ignite :/

So long story short God told me to go talk to the guy. And work things out. And more importantly, the past few days he's been steadily working in my heart getting me to understand that this girl isn't such a big deal after all, in the larger scheme of things. God is bigger than the air I breathe and all that. He's got a plan for me. He's on my side. He's all i need, really. So yup. I just gotta fully commit myself wholly to His Name and let nothing like that stand in the way, and he'll fix my love life for me. (:

Like the issac story. Its been one of the things drawing me to my decision to have a heart to heart talk with the guy and to tell him i'm letting her go and he can go ahead and i won't get in his way. So yeah. Besides the submit verse.

Ephesians 5:21
Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

Have i mentioned how much I love ephesians? It and the corinthians are by far my favourite books in the bible, at least right now in my life. I can't get enough of them, they give me comfort and wisdom and direction somehow. Glory be to God(:

Anyyyywayyy yup pastor Glenn when he was still around preached about this verse once and it just came back into my heart lah. Or rather, God put it there.


So yup lor. Lol. That's the lowdown, guys. I'm giving her up and all that. Hah. Won't deny I'm kinda miffed, but only a little, I'm rather surprised by that lack of indignance really lol. But I know God is pleased lah and I'm honouring Him with this so yeah.

"There's a kind of energy that comes from doing the right thing"
Pastor Derek

[weak but yeah happy smile]


Rawr. On a lighter note, prayer group has been awesome like always mannn. So much to do. So much to plan! So much to execute! So much to juggle! But yeah hey yup all for Your Name Lord. If you say 20000 heh its totally possible for you. Don't let us falter in any way Lord, let us cast off everything that entangles to run the race and all that :D


I do hope they work out. Okay not really. I will suffice to say that I will remain neutral on the subject. I won't lie to myself that way. Lol. Just kinda worried for him man. The level of devotion and fervor and i-will-chase-her-to-the-ends-of-the-earth-cause-she's-the-only-one-for-me-she's-amazing-like-no-one-i've-ever-met-before
attitude kinda worries me. Not to be sour grapes and all, but honestly...not healthy mindset at all. Trust me, I know. Been there, lived there, cried there. But y'all all know about that already don't you lol. Haha. Oh just protect his heart Lord, no matter what happens. :/

I'd talk about hockey a bit but meh i'm lazy and I don't feel like going into all the stuff I was thinking about during it. It just wouldn't fit with the rest of the post lol. You're gonna have to ask me yourself. Preferably over food. As long as it isn't 17-frigging-dollar prata. >.<

HAHA WHAT

"I miss church. Yes. Totally looking forward to it. I half feel like going on, and on and on, and on, but there’s the part of me that just doesn’t want to think about how reluctant I am to commit to actively taking a stand for Christ in school or something right now. Feeling too guilty, and really not wanting to admit it to myself. Damn afraid of making yet another promise to God tomorrow, and not keeping it again. Sigh. We’ll just see how we roll then, God put fire in my heart (:"

-->ENTRY JULY 2007 HAHA WOW SUPER COOL :D

HAHA. YAY GOD :D Hindsight is entertaining. And God works in funny ways. 20 000K FOR YOU THIS YEAR LORD :D BRING REVIVAL
































(:
<3 Josh Joanna Sharyl Yape Keenan Josh Jeremy Sinee Cerise Tim Vina Jamie Ben anyoneelsei missed who I'm going to see at prayer group later. We're gonna explode XD

And then yes I go for hockey. Which means I do some work NOW.

Rawr.

And unafraid, unashamed Lord we know who we are
WE ARE YOUR PEOPLE AND WE WILL NOT BE SILENT
Unified hear us cry at the top of our lungs
YOU ARE OUR GOD AND WE WILL NOT BE SHAKEN

XD

Revolution lyrics come out tomorrow cause I really should stop posting now(:

Oh look my blog's not emo no more :o

^What he said. Heh. Yep i've come back to this thing, i don't know why, but i think i'm kinda okay with this thing becoming public domain now(:

Its only been 2 months but soooooooo much has happened yo. God changing my life and all that :D

No, i'm not going to go into fuel-up, prayer group, ignite,t-shirt designs or %@$£@! 17 frigging 17 dollar prata ventures D=

You're just going to have to ask me yourself :D

Yup.yup. Life is good though. God is amazing, friends in God are amazing, school work is doing okay with God's blessing(i hope) and my love life is in the dumpster :D

And happily enough I don't care, okay maybe I do, but I'm horribly grateful to God for showing me just how insignificant the whole thing is in the face of His awesome Glory and plans and ALL THAT CRAZY STUFF HE'S GONNA DO XD

Story of issac Lord. I'll happily give it all up for you. Seek ye first kingdom of God and all that(:


On a more day-to-day level, Ten Commandments has officially become my favourite movie of all time and I haven't even gone an hour with it yet. Yes its 3+ hours long. And its lol. Watching it 10 years down the road from a filmmaker's perspective and all that is coooooooooolll. The music is <3

And when you say you love me do you mean it,
baby when you hold me do you feel it?
Should I believe in magic in your eyes,
I would wait until the end of time
to hear you say you love me like you mean it,
baby when you hold me make me feel it.
All i wanna do is make you mine I've been hurt way too many times.



It would be nice yes. But hey if not, I'm okay with that. God's plan and all that yoar. But yes it would still be nice(:

We aren't so different, all of us, all we want is that one person that makes us believe love can exist again.

Hello all. Lol. I've been contemplating blogging for the past few days, but just brushing it off. Hmm. Anyway. This morning I decided to get some work done, homework and stuff, so I started prepping for the practice non-assessed speech, you know, the

Legend has it that Alexander the Great* always slept with two objects under his pillow: a dagger, and a copy of The Iliad**. According to him, these two objects not only possessed practical usefulness (protection from enemies and a means to pass the time), but also defined his personality (both a soldier and a scholar).
Along these same lines, what two objects would legend record you as having under your pillow? Which two items best represent who you are and what is important to you?

So yeah. I for the life of me couldn't find something that personified me, so I started brainstorming on MS Word to get something out. The following wall of text I'm going to post is interesting, to say the least. Might as well.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

What’s important to me?

God (:
Friends
Hockey
Sports
Books
Music
Uplifting music
Cosy warm fires huddled up in a blanket lost in a book
Hot steaming foods
Peace
Wind
Sun
Sea
Water
Grassy fields

Hey. All I want is a happy ever after together with you.
Whoever you might be. But I’ll know when I meet you.


Simple needs. Just me you our own little circle of happiness.
And that’s all I could ever ask for. Doing crazy things together just for the hell of it.

So what object describes me best. Lol.

Uh. Quarterstaff? Lololol. Boat? Er. Blanket. Towel. A gauntlet.

Er. What’s my personality. ENFP. Extroverted. Intuitive. Feeling. Perceiver. Emotional. Fun. Spontaneous. Impulsive. Mad. Irresponsible. Forgetful. Explosive.
Kind. Hates being vulnerable. Crazy on the outside but really sensitive on the inside.
Reads too much into things. Cares about others’ impressions of him. Loud. Forms quick opinions. Loves going out. Likes sitting at home alone too. Gets distracted easily. Not focused. Wants to be appreciated, cared about, loved. Easily influenced to a point. Random. Disorganized. Loves new stuff. Big dreams.

Lol wow. Um. Item that describes me? Cheese maybe. Uh. Bacon? Why I have no idea. Lol. Lettuce. Chicken. ….Nevermind.

But all I have under my pillow is my phone..Er. Lol. What bloody personifies forgetfulness and silliness. Lol. Fail. A clown hat? Yeah right. Uh. A kite maybe. But it seems so..shallow. Hmm. The string. Its not just sticks cloth and string. Hardly that simple. Cool. I’m using a kite. And.

A water gun. Like the Super Soaker kind. Shoots off his mouth so often. But doesn’t really mean it. Just loves fun. Even though to the point of irritating at times. Pressured up water and everything. Cooooool.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

(lol)

What, I can't let such rare long thought out insights just fade into anonymity, can I. Putting it up here so I can go "Whoa, Keann", sometime in the future when I pop back in(:


NEED TO DO MORE WORK NOW.

But uh. After cooking myself lunch. I swear, I'm addicted to cooking, even though I have no idea how.

Like me frying myself eggs, bacon, and a toasted tuna lettuce cheese sandwich for breakfast. Mmmmm.

Note to self: Tuna sandwich good enough without mayo and cheese. Or keep the cheese but drain the tuna first. Soggy toasted big breads not nice.

[Heads back out to put water on the stove]




I mean I would if I didn't feel compelled to put down that last night I had a really interesting long conversation with __________.

Even though I'm over her and all. Uh. Really gotta watch myself there to make sure I don't start entertaining feelings for her again. Friend Zonity all way too familiar to me.

(Week Explodes)

Cheer up (:

I hardly blog anymore, lack of time or lack of motivation, but i'm just popping in to devote this short post to you.




I care and I'm always here, so hey you've at least one person on your side for forever(:

[Nudge]

*buys you a strawberry cheesecake with banana icecream on the side*

Cheer up soon (:

RUBIX CUBE. DAY ONE.

Lazy to blog. Wasn't as if I was thinking about a lot of issues anyway, which I suppose is good. Cooooool.

Sum up:

Work-
Blatant advertising of Apache Video-
Organizing outing-
Going for outing, showing up late, still having an awesome time. Movie rocked-
It was Stardust-
Sat on steps and was really comfortable doing it watching movie because only tickets left were the front row one which in movie =/= good-
Promised self to do that(the sitting on steps thing again)-
RUbix Cube D= -
Josh Bbq--> cool -
Home now-




THERE :D

Tomorrow radio hopeiwakeupontime:/

Still need shoes AHHH.

Night, me (:

ALL SO WORTH IT

THE APACHE VIDEO IS UP AND WORKING AND ROCKING MY SOCKS OFF.

:DD :D :D :D



Like, woof. Seeing the video buffering on youtube playing again and again in the public domain makes it all so worth it (:

Put it in your blogs, readers! Oh wait, I have no readers.

[double take]

*continues to spam me*

And then I remembered that I wanted to post this.

I'd screenshot it and then photoshop/cut it down to size, but its just my diary, what the hell. Will not slip into that presentation obsessed cycle again.

Anyway, lecturer's analysis of my participation grade for the msia trip:

D-/F+

Was half a day late for the 1 day workshop and fell asleep during a talk by a specialist. However, he later woke up and participated by asking sharp questions.

Has outstanding analytical ability.

Good at taking and editing photos/videos. Has a creative streak. Needs to watch the playfulness and attitude and keep that in check.

Admitted on the day of presentation that he had only seen the slides in the morning. Very irresponsible behaviour in terms of teamwork. Commitment is questionable.

Not co-operative when asked to do certain tasks related to the trip.

------------------------


Lol2that. But it WAS a really boring trip, no matter how much I tried to convince myself otherwise ):


Will see about possibly retaking the IS module instead of going for extemption when choosing next year. Will ask later.

Hmmmm. Still not prepping for school yet. You know what. Screw it. I've pinpointed that the only reason that I want to go to school so early is to possibly bump into you(mel), you(yanhong), and all those other seniors e.g. rae/sheereen/tom/liping/etc etc etc.

I really shouldn't go, if my motivations are aligned that way, huh. Like, its really..very desperate-ish and very socially popularity orientated. As opposed to doing my own thing.

Hmm.

Or maybe I will start prepping early. Who knows where my impulses will take me.

:rollseyes:

Whoa.

I just had this amazing insight that I felt compelled to put here for future reference.


The reason why I keep telling everyone else that popularity is overrated is because that's what i'm trying to convince myself to believe half the time.

Like, I know its the right attitude to have towards it and all.


I do like the attention though. :/ kfdvjavasdlkvasv.


INSIGHT OVER.

!!!!!!!

And then camp happened!

:D :D :D :D



.......


*deflates*

No really. You would expect me to hit camp and go crazy from the get go? Huh. Didn't happen. Tried to stay low-profile and such. I mean, at FOC we went mad and all and we became popular and all that, but at the same time there were people who were bloody hell yes irritated at us, so this time I think I kinda tried to fix that. You know. Don't be so assertive. Give others in my group a chance to shine. Take ideas from other people. Be low-key a bit. Don't hog the limelight.

Which I did.



Which I didn't like doing at all.

So it was rather interesting in a way, the way the camp turned out, how my closer friends like Keenan and Josh went crazy, hogged the limelight, while I just sat there and tried to stomach it.

Don't get me wrong, I had a relatively good time as well.

I mean a really good time.

And I have nothing against the people who did go crazy-ass crazy.

Just frustration with myself really. I told Josh/Keenan about it at camp night as well, and related it to school and the ______ issue, and all that. Really long self-illuminating discussion and I thank them for hearing me out and giving their take on it and all that.

In fact, I think I won't diary it in now. I will at some point, but not now, because I don't want to slip into a really reflective mood and perhaps sombre one just yet. Its only the start of the day. Hahahahhaa. Tonight, alright. Or something. Yanhong if I see you I'll tell you about it in person, alright (:


But camp did rock, yes. A whole lot. Amazing. And amazing people. And I intend to get at least some of them out for this Thursday FOR A MOVIE OR SOMETHING :D :D :D


So yeah. By the way, nothing but respect for the camp comm who planned it and especially jo, rae and sheereen. Man, the work they did for us. Will see about yes buying them a present and all that. This is idea.

_______ was a big part of the camp as well, and the camp was a huge factor in me dropping the chase-thing-process with her.

Will talk about it some other time.

Later (: There's a whole day ahead of me, a day where I'm actually free after class, no work, no training, nothing, and by golly I intend to use it well. :D

Later!

Backtrack

As to the last two days I didn't blog about, Thursday and Friday, they were really really uneventful. Yeah. I overslept hard on both those days, ended up staying at home, missed writcomm and my radio 8am class, and felt really bummed. Yeah. Partly because I couldn't get a dialogue with ______ going. I didn't talk to her Wednesday because so much stuff happened, V for Vendetta and all that--> which in hindsight was a really bad move. Trying to talk to her Thursday :

(me) "Hey supergirl. How's it going :D"
(_____) "Stressed"
(me) "What's up"
(_____) " Lots of stuff. Can I text you later?"



Which she never did. And of course which did nothing for my mood.

It seems that the less I go out, the worse I feel, and the worse I feel the less I feel like trying to go out, and so on and so forth. :o

So didn't talk to her friday at all. Didn't go to school either. Felt like a depressed social loser the whole day too. Partly because I was broke. And all that.

I seem to remember feeling sick too those 2 days. :x

No really, I had'a huge migraine and body felt weird and nose felt inflamed and all that. Whoa.

Hey when i'm low, I'm really low, alright. Lol.

So yeah I didn't feel like blogging those two days at all. Maybe I didn't want to start putting into a worded form the wave of negative emotions I was going through, y'know, not processing it and stuff.

Hmm.

:/

Clarity

I vowed never to edit any post on this blog again and so will add 'nother entry pertaining to previous one which I found rather ambiguous and lacking in explaining the gravity of the issue.



Its over between me and _________

That clears things up (:

Hi yall.

Its been ages since I last updated hrmm, and quite a lot of stuff has happened since then. Yeah. Huge ups and downs, profound camp insights, work infighting and such. Huh. I'm not going to pile everything into one big post, it'd get too messy. I'll try to break it up, people (:


This entry is devoted to the ________ issue, or rather the lack of it.


I'm dropping it, aight. (;

:/

Damn.