Gotta stop the rot.

Its 11.53 am, lesson started at 9, and i woke up at 9.30.

Fail. And only because I was up the whole night not studying not reading up not doing anything worthwhile but playing a flying tank fps game that i found that i was extremely into 4 years ago.

Not healthy. Radio report as of yet still not completed, journal not touched, and i'm sure there're 1351231235125 more assignments left to do that I can't remember at the moment. Bit jaded at the moment. Deflated. Slightly depressed.

I wanted something cool for breakfast like a bowl of boysenberries and apple juice and maybe pancakes. Yeah right. Best I could do was some milk out of the carton, a slice of plain bread, and chicken curry which ordinarily I would love but when your mind's set on a tantalizing juicy and oh-so-refreshing bite of a boysenberry and freshly made hot steaming pancakes-

You get the general idea.

I don't get why I'm so melancholic right now. I don't feel like dressing up and heading to school, I don't feel like talking to _______, I don't feel like eating and all I want to do is head somewhere on my own with a nice thick blanket and a hoodie.

I'd go swim, but that's suicide. I have 'nother class in 3 hours. Maybe I should skip that too. Then I could swim and maybe run and not have to actually meet anyone.

Except that wouldn't be a good testimony for you Lord. ): I know I should go to school. Be happy. Be a fountain of joy and blessing and all that. Draw people to you.

But all that's happening lately is that I've been getting dao-ed.

Funny how I could possibly ask anyone out to dinner and they'd say yes, anyone except the people in my semester.

I know Lord. I shouldn't care. Popularity is overrated. There's not much point chasing after it. I have You and a multitude of people that You've placed in my life that care about me, even if they're not in my immediate circles of action. And I appreciate it so much.

But there's a part of me deep down that still does care. 'Specially when you know you've attained it before. Everybody hanging on your every word, going along with the crazy spontaneous ideas you come up with, and no one can get enough of you.

I'm horrible.

Its that whole "I don't have this thing that I want" (sad) "I feel really guilty about wanting it" (sad) "snowball effect" (sad) thing again.

Sigh.

I know i'm supposed to be happy and happy in You Lord, but I have other desires too and those are just not happening right now.

I know, its just all so fragile Lord, and You're so much more than that, but it's not as if I have to choose between the two, isn't it. Sigh.



Besides that, yesterday was pretty alright. Went to school in a taxi, I don't know what for, drifted around, met my IAC group(love my IAC group), tried to get yanhong/mel to crash my movie screening :D

Went for movie screening, I frigging loved it. It threw up interesting questions for me. The portraying of the "terrorist" dude as the good guy, inevitably making Evey(and the audience) love him, even when he did things I felt were clearly parallel to real-life terrorist M.Os. The disregard for the judicial system. The zealousness of it all. Reneging on peace deals. Outright refusal to forgive even when the crime at hand had been long past.

*That's right, go ahead and murder the old lady in her bed even though you're clearly aware that she's paid for her crimes a thousand times over by the fear and regret she's being living with all her life*

Indoctrination. Brainwashing. Suicide bombing. And a thousand other things.

Don't get me wrong, I liked seeing the guy blow up Parliment as much as everyone else. It just piqued a few questions for me. When is the terrorist the good guy? When is a terrorist the noble leader for the freedom of the people and when is he just a trigger happy terrorist? Who decides?

Godammit I miss lit. I hope conissues develops into something just as fun.

I hope :/

Talked to Sherlyn for the most in my life today. Its funny how I seem to know so much about her, because I found her blog while I was still interested in her best friend, Chanel, and kept reading even after the whole Chanel thing crumbled. Hey, its a good read.

She seems like a really nice person though. God-loving, very nice, a bit blur around the edges but with a clear wit and presence of mind behind it that surfaces in her writing. And everytime we talk, even for like only five seconds, we hit it off really well. I just don't talk to her more because I'm a bit afraid she might take the attention as weird and unnerving. Considering that we're in two entirely different courses and no points of contact in our social circles at all. And no, i'm not talking so much about her because I like her :rolls eyes:

No really. She's just one of those people that I can see myself being really really good close friends with, that's all. I'd love to have lunch/dinner hang out with her someday. Talk about stuff. She's a really interesting person. (:

I think that's all relevant about my day yesterday. Couldn't find anybody to go to dinner at Holland V with, talked with genny for quite a while at the bus stop, went home.

Funny thing about that. Genny is also one of those people I wouldn't mind being really good friends with, and hanging out and such. I just worry that she might take the sudden attention as me trying to get together with her again, opening up a whole bucketload of emotional issues that I don't want her to start rummaging through :/

I worry too much.

On the topic of worrying, Marvin didn't show up for the movie screening yesterday. Neither did Amber. I'm starting to worry about him/her. Don't start skipping classes to go partying, Marv. It's not worth it ):

I'm one to talk, I did the equivalent of skipping class for a computer game *exasperation*

Fail.



So I didn't talk to _______ the whole of yesterday. Just couldn't really be bothered to. I reckon I should talk to her today? I mean, if she liked me, she'd be wondering why I didn't talk to her the whole day yesterday...which would be a good thing because she'd be thinking about me.

Then again if she didn't like me and I suddenly popped out of nowhere randomly she might get a bit weirded out. I know she's really busy though. This could be turned into an opportu- oh screw it. Just make things go my way for me, Lord. If it is Your Will (:

For some reason my mood is substantially better than my mood before at the start of this very very long rambling post. And no its not because I'm talking about ______. :rolls eyes: I'm calling it diary therapy. And now I'm in this really reflective ready-to-do-quiet-time mood, as opposed to just now when I was just pissed at mostly everything. (:


I miss church. So bad. And I need a camp. Now. Church tomorrow and saturday, camp saturday(: Its gonna be a good weekend!

It sucks that I won't be able to go for the friday mass cell segment things once sports camp gl trainings kick in ):

Ah well Lord. Show me the way(:



I wonder if I have time to go run before prepping for school? :o

Okay, later(: