I know You're only looking out for me, Lord, but it would be nice to be let out to party once in a while.

That probably is a badly comma spliced sentence. Past caring at this point. I'm going to writcomm hell, aren't i D=


So yeah. Everyone is going to halloween parties and I haven't been asked to a single one.

It shouldn't bother me, but it does. I'm been comforting myself with all these "I won't actively go looking for parties but maybe I'll go if people really want me to be there" thoughts. Like, totally assuming people think i'm this really fun guy that they really want at parties so i can do this whole diva "oh sorry, I don't party" thing.

So arrogant. Jeez.

Still not going to look for any. Why should i. So many implications come with the whole "omg i have to party give me a party i'll find a party" attitude that I really don't want to go there. Again.

I'll just sit here hoping that people remember me.





Yeah right.

Maybe they think I'm already at parties of my own--> which is the totally egoistic way of looking at it.

Or maybe they don't think I'm fun enough anymore.

Or maybe they think I'll refuse, doing the whole Christian thing and all--> I weirdly enough find this one really hard to comprehend. I don't know why. Maybe I'm in denial again.

The worst part is that I shouldn't be caring. Who cares about popularity anyway and sociability. I have God. He is my life. Church rules. There is an awesome bunch of people I love in church.

But i do care. At least a little bit. I like being relevant, I like being significant, I like being noticed and I like being loved.

):

Is that wrong? I don't know. Or maybe I do. Not thinking about it now. Just want to head to church and see how it goes from there.

And I like dancing. A lot. I don't let it show, but I do really love the whole thingashimmy. Why do you think I buy into mass dances so much. Just because I'm hyper? Yeah, right. I love dancing. I love grooving to the music. I love bidaboopbeeping to the beat, and I love the whole impulsive freestyling element of it all.

Cept I'm too shy to let it show. No, really.

Nevermind. But I wonder sometimes if its so wrong to want to club. Sherlyn is going today. Nat probably is. I'm going to head to church and then home like some social loser.

And the worst part is that I'm not supposed to feel that way. I should be over the moon about church. Don't get me wrong, I really am. It's just the whole going-home-after-that part that leaves me with a bad taste in my mouth.


Not many people to ask about this. Maybe i'll talk to josh. Or nat. Or something. Draw me close to You, Lord (:

Because I don't think there's anyone else who will.