WORKING

Alright its 1.43am at Keenan's place and I have my orders. I have stock photos to find, at Keenan's command, to animate for the video. Sweet. Lets get started.


Keenan's list for me:


1.Crayon-like backgrounds. Beige, brown, etc
2. Teepees. Also preferrably crayonlike
3. Cave paintings of animals (doesn't necessarily need to be genuine)
4. Fire drawings (like old school waves hither and thither)
5. Schoolbus
6. China flag
7. paintbucket
8. Pussy cat dolls, various poses (clothed, please)
9. Totem pole
10. Buffaloes. I have no intention of trying to create those
11. steak
12. uncle sam photo (for reference)
13. Pocohantos epic shots



Cool. Now I'm off. To google Pussycat Dolls.

Clothed.

Bummer

Shucks I was kinda looking forward to that night out on the town. I was happy with the look I had too..


Yeah's Josh's performance got cancelled. And after lunching with Charlene and Adin, Adin and I couldn't find anything remotely useful to do except wander up and down the train tracks and contemplate breaking into a weird old house by the tracks for awhile, and we just moseyed on home, where I wandered over to the library to lose myself for the past 5 hours in Captain America and Young Avengers comics. Oh yeah a couple of Fantastic Four ones. I wish there was better continuity though. Half of them I'm reading, the Civil War is over, or it hasn't started, or its over and Captain America's dead. Etc. Retarded.

Young Avengers are awesome though. I've always had a thing for the whole teen hero thing.

So I'm home plugging this in, and I'm hungry, so I shalt gtfo to dinner soon, and then its off to Keenan's to stayover, for the Red Camp vid work. Mom actually said yes. That was cool. Mmm. Not looking forward to the walk though. Sigh.


I want a sushi buffet. Those are always fun. "I have 5 more plates than yours, must..keep..going..we can hit a hundred..don't..lose..hope"

Heh.


In other news, Charlene tried professional dance busking today, making her debut with her favourite dance number, the chicken dance. To a crowd of 20 strangers in Macdonalds celebrating some random dude's birthday, throwing money at her in rapturous applause til the end of the performance.

Too bad she tried to give all of the money back. Charlene, 30 dollars for 5 minutes of chicken dance in the SAJC uniform is clearly a sustainable income. Why'd you have to give it back ):


I swear Adin and me had nothing to do with it at all. Besides taking pictures. These things..just seem to spontaneously combust around us, it seems.


Cool.


Alright. Dinner calls. Laterrr.

Mmmhmmm.

Its been an awesome weekend! Beanbag naps in the library with Sarah Nat, productive storyboarding, meeting Qiu and Jasmine from Ambass, cell, amazing worship session at church, a frigging relevant message thats going to stay with me a long time from Michael Ross, an encouraging altar call, mad 10pm pool parties at Serangoon, standing up for my faith at family church, meatball lunch with Pastor Josh and a couple of New Creation people who we bumped into over the table, calling like 40 Apache SLs, heading over to Adin's house for a F1 party with Josh, Yewjin and Addy and Adin's mom, who is insanely cool. Josh needs to not get drunk after one glass of cocktail, though.


Talking to Lara Croft as you play her on Tomb Raider is bad.


F1 was frigging awesome. I mean, shit. I might attempt to write a spoof news article on it later, to keep in practice, for the hell of it. But now imma hit the breakfast table and the newspapers and see their spin on all the crazy drama that happened last night. :D


Yes, I could have done so much better with this blog post and the content herein. But screw you. I'm lazy, and life's too good to spend 3 hours of it typing month-long entries on each individual event that happened over the weekend.


Oh yeah I saw Ernest at Coos. That was pretty awesome.


Later, I'm off to try and make Charlene's first day off promos an awesome one. Loves.

I have just sold my soul to the devil

I present to you:




Freaking ownage.








But now my little brother is back and I can't play any of these anymore. Ah well. But lol.

Hungry

KEANN~ damn. I kinda wanted the 8am class. But ah well its all good. Haha says:

hungry
i wish i had pancakes
i wish i had someone to cook me pancakes
i wish i had someone to hire someone to cook me pancakes
i wish i had someone to take hostage so i could hold someone else ransom to hire someone to cook me pancakes

Aha.

That can be arranged.



See how a little persistence and positive thinking will get you anywhere :D

I'm confused

Holy Crap.

I'm up


:o


Guess that "My God will meet all your needs in Christ Jesus" is totally true after all :D (For those not in the know, I NEEDED to be up at 8am today to pick my IS modules. Like, serious academic consequences kinda stuff)


And I figured I'd wake up early, somehow, but 6am? :blink:

Well this is cool, I've been trying to wake at 6am for ages. Now...I have no excuse not to do the whole morning run thing I've been planning.

Besides the fact that its raining.

(cough).


Actually I'm confused. I actually woke up twice. Weird dreams. I'm not sure what was a dream or reality at this point. Cause apparently, I was stoning in bed when my father came in at 4isham and turned on the light to wake my brother up, to do homework? And that of course woke me up, hurt my eyes etc, you know, the usual, but I stayed under my blanket cause 1. My eyes hurt 2. I don't want to disturb the general public.

And I endured that for awhile, until some point when my brother went out for breakfast, and I stumbled to the lights switch and turned it off. I'm not sure what time this was.

And suddenly I wake up again, and its 8.30am, and in morning foggy rage I'm like shit.


Except I'm in some semi weird dream mode and something is happening, and there's an army bunker bunk bed thing interface around Mel(The school web infrastructure), and it blocks me momentarily, and then I find out the module I wanted was picked already.

And I was like, goddammit.


And so I pick something else, something weird, but I can't remember what my options were. Its all foggy at this point. And depressed, but kinda "meh" about the whole thing, I go back to bed, and crash, and suddenly I wake up again and its dark and my brother's having breakfast and its 608 am.


And I'm like, wait what?


Not complaining, I mean, I guess I get to pick my IS mods early after all, and I guess I didn't pick wrongly after all, but the whole thing was just generally very unnerving. Like, I game resetted my life or something.


And of course I don't know if the 4am wake up thing was real or not anymore.


But it was so real :O


OKAY I'M HUNGRY. TIME FOR GROGGY BREAKFAST TIME, I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE NEAR THE BED ITS A TRAP.


BUT YAY I'M UP. (:



GOD BLESS AND GOOD LUCK FOR PROMOS PEOPLE, I'M STILL PRAYING AND WAITING [:

I implore you. If you've ever been a friend of mine. Take the usual time you take to read one of my blog posts to just listen through this whole song in its entirety. Even if you're one of those I-hate-High-School-Musical people (which you probably are).

Okay at least half. C'mon. Its a slow song. A quiet one. A love song. So just listen. Just let it sink, let it soak. Like its raining outside and you have nowhere to go for awhile, don't brush it off. Idk. It heals me. Yeah, as much as Vanessa's voice probably annoys you to no end, I like it. I like these songs. I like the innocence and naivety they brings across, no matter how you might say "its not realistic". Its a part of me I'm going to hold on to as long as I can, the naivety, the idealism,the silly romantic notions, the childish hope, the unafraidness to break past the "i'm cool" facade and just passionately, sweetly, love. I like my disney phase. And if it sickens you, deal. This is me. :/




Take my hand, take a breath
Pull me close
And take one step
Keep your eyes locked on mine
And let the music be your guide


Won't you promise me


Now won't you promise me
that you never forget


We'll keep dancing

To keep dancing

wherever we go next


Its like catching lightning
The chances of finding someone like you
Its one in a million the chances we feeling the way we do
and with every step together we just keep on getting better


so can I have this dance

can I have this dance

Can I have this dance


Take my hand, take the lead
and every turn, will be safe with me
dont be afraid
afraid to fall
you know I'll catch you through it all
you cant keep us apart


Even a thousand miles cant keep us apart

Cause my heart is wherever you are

Oh no mountains too high enough, oceans too wide
'Cause together or not, our dance won't stop
Let it rain, let it pour
What we have is worth fighting for
You know I believe, that we were meant to be

Woody Allen:

The best way to fall in love, really, is like the cure for cancer - the best cure for cancer is to be lucky and not get it.





Its true.



._.

What if.

Sometimes I secretly wonder what would life be like if people asked me out and called me for a change, instead of the other way round.


Except now its not a secret anymore. Yeah.



I hate things being one way.

Yeah well, I know its not true, and that my friends love me as much as I love them. But just poking about people's blogs and stuff, and looking at where I have appeared in their lives, and realising that every single one of those times I have generally been self-invited, or the one asking people where they are, or the one asking people if they wanna do something. I'm glad that all those times we've had fun, its pretty cool, but still, you know?


The best defense I've got so far is that since I'm usually the starter of such things, that people EXPECT me to start them, and so don't call me first, don't message me first, don't ask me out first.


But its pretty weak. Lol.


Meh. Looking back on my life, every single day of the past 18 years, I've been chasing after people.

It'd be nice for it to be the other way round, for once.



/melancholy

Monday Morning

And looking at the last post I pretty much feel like an idiot.


Well, watcha gonna do. Lol. Blaahh. Yesterday was a good day though. Family church, scrumming around at the library later, hitting the park to just stone for a while, and watch running water flow down the drain.

For like, hours.


Okay I'm exaggerating, but it was pretty cool (:



Tackled home to change, and met Josh, Adin and Yewjin (who is a pretty cool guy) to basketball, which was fun.

Except it really showed me that I NEED to start running again regularly. So bloody unfit, I need my stamina back. Hahaha.


Botak Jones indulgence with the guys and Addy later, which was freaking awesome :D

Screwing around with the PS2 afters at Adin's place, and rushing to find a last bus at 11.30 that will take me somewhere near home, being pleasantly surprised that 132 comes in 4 minutes and takes me allll the way to Crescent Girls which is walkable distance home, and I can get 111 anyway.

Was a good day. Haha.

This whole post is so grammatically screwed. Hahahaha. Whatever.

PROMOS START TODAY. CHARLENE AND CHARMAINE, WE'RE PRAYING FOR YOU. KICK GP'S/KI'S AND SUBSEQUENT PAPERS' ASS(:

Much love :D

Saturday Night

Sitting here listening to Back Here, Ultimate, and old Chinese songs, of all things. And trying pointedly not to think about girls.




Oh screw it, I badly want to believe in love again.


You know, the fairytale kind. The boy meets girl, boy likes girl, girl actually likes boy back kind. The daring kind, the impulsive kind, the one that rewards taking a heroic risky chance kind.


I’m just so tired of having to keep such a tight rein over everything, you know? Its f***ing frustrating. Yes, I’m a huge sceptic of the whole love thing.

But the biggest sceptics are only the ones that have been goddamned hurt the most.


I’m tired of having all the answers. I’m tired of always seeing the right way to tactfully tread around situations, even though I’m generally correct. I’m tired, just so tired, of being mature.



I want to let go.

Would it be so bad, to get past that principle that I never ever want to be that pathetic ever again?

Well, yeah.


And herein we have a catch-22.

This is annoying.


And I’m probably gonna go read the post two posts below this to answer my own frustrations, because it has all the right answers there already.

That’s even more annoying.

I shall stop rambling. Later. Hmmph. Back to control. Back to having all the answers. Back to praying for others, giving advice to others, and not doling out my problems left and right in really long conversations at night over the phone because I already know the answers and I have this bad guilt mental thing about burdening other people.

Back to depending on God, to handle everything for me, to depend on handling the crappy stuff for me that I can’t seem to break out of. To watch my future for me, to give me my life-mate in His own good timing.

SEE. EVEN THAT IS AN ANSWER IN ITSELF. IT IS ANNOYING.

BLAGH.


It seems that I’m suffering from a bad case of arrogance. Won’t someone come and explain/break me out of it. Pastor Josh, Pris, anyone. ):


/glum.

And one of the worst things is that I’ll probably be all cheered up by the morning.

And if I’m not, I’m prettttyyy much going to be locked in all the way til Saturday, where mebbe there’ll be an altar call or something hopefully will happen by God’s grace to heal/snap me out of it like He always does (:

Hopefully.


See, for some reason I am somewhat reluctant to go to God right now about it, because He ALWAYS seems to give me the logically right and wise answers. And right now, the problem is that I DON’T WANT the logically right and wise answers. At least, I don’t want them to “come” to me while asking God for it, and praying about it. Which to be honest yes it isn’t me, its God, and I think I am taking pride in the wrong thing, which is taking pride in the ability to “ask God” about something.


Which of course is entirely the wrong thing to do. But I’m trying to work through all the muck I have in my brain now as honestly as possible, so bear with me.


The summary: It’s a whole vicious cycle thing. Which gets very confusing, trying to follow the chain back to its source. Heck, I don’t even know what I’m talking about right now half the time here. AAAAH.


I think I am very confused right now. This is horribly annoying.


Lets try again. I am. Getting prideful in my willingness to “ask God” about logical/moral/social dilemmas, and solutions to problems, not just mine but other peoples. Which is bad because even though I know the answers are not mine, but clearly from God, and I give Him the glory out loud, and to the people I maybe give advice to, secretly in my heart it seems at least some part of me has been taking wrongful pride for it. Even though I try as much as I can, at least outwardly, to be humble and give the praise to the right Person, rightfully.

Except I’m such a screwed-up person I actually have the ability to take pride in being humble.

Goddammit.

Burn Lord, burn it away, search my heart and burn away everything that is not of you. I am sorry, and I repent, but I don’t know if it will happen again, but stop me Lord, don’t let it happen, help me to stop for a moment and take check of my heart and where it is leaning whenever, wherever. Okay? Thank You Lord, I know I have been forgiven (: And thank you for forcing me to use this blog entry to THINK about the whole thing, and fix the whole problem again. Thank you, and all the glory goes to You, both inside and out.

Help me NOT to fall into this trap/lie again. That I have the answers. That it is “smart”/ “good” of me to always go to You in prayer. To take personal glory in it, even if only secretly on the inside.

Help me to not take pride in being humble, as retarded a concept it might sound. :/


And I am sorry. Thank you Lord for being patient with me. And I don’t want to be stupid. Not really. Only in the area of love really, because I am a hopeless romantic, but lets not go there today. I see no way out of it anyway.


/exasperation.


Ohwell’


Meh. That was a huge waste of time. Wasn’t it. Hahahhahaha. I am sorry for taking you on such a winding trip around the inner workings of my mind. Bleagh. But thank you for reading, just the thought of you reading my blog inspired me and held me accountable to be as honest with you/myself as humanely possible, out of responsibility to my readers, and as so you have helped, and stood by me, and supported me already even as I type this, even long before you popped online to read this and maybe tag later. Thank you(:


I still do want to let go.

But is it even..possible?

:/

Would you believe me if i said

Would you believe me if I said
That we are the ones who can make the change in the world
today

Would you believe me if I said
That all of the dreams in your heart can come through
today, yeah

Would you believe me if I said
that life could be all that you want it to be
today, yeaaaaah yeaaaah.

And if I had wings I would fly
'cause all that I need You are
and if the world caved in around me
to You I'd still hold on
'cause Your all that I believe
and the one that created me
Jesus
because of You I'm Freeeeeeeee :D

Would you believe me if I said
that God can make miracles happen today
yeah, yeaaaah.

would you believe me if I said
that you don't need to wait
for the answer before
YOU STEP OUT IN FAITH(:

would you believe me if I said
that nothin is ever impossible.. for God
yeaaaaah, yeaaaah.


JUST LIVE YOUR LIFE
WITH GOD INSIDE
YOU WON'T REGRET
ONE MOMENT OF IT
JUST GIVE ALL THAT
YOU CAN
FOR GOD
FOOOR GOD (:



Song always cheers me up. Hahahha. Okay. Later.

Hey, morning, its a beautiful day (:

Feeling happy cause I'm actually up, showered and about at 745am!

To a nice rainy heavy showers morning, that was good, even though I slept at 2/3ish.


I love mornings, and waking up and seeing the steam rising up from the ground through the morning mist as the earth wakes up is really cool :D

Plus now I can be productive. Nice. Not gonna keep late nights anymore, I think, the Jimmy Kimmel show has been holding less fascination for me day after day. I want my mornings (:




Yesterday was cool. Visited ACJC with cell to pray for each other, and the school. Can I say how insanely cool it is that in that area, there's not just one school raised up for God, but three? And I grew up in one of them, and my siblings are in two of them right now.

Makes you wonder how it would be if I was in AC right. Hahaha. But I'm not, and will forever look on it from the outside looking in.

God's plan, not mine. I'm happy where I am, and I love how much I've grown, and how God has opened my eyes and grown me in Ngee Ann, and all the people I've met that have shaped me so much.


But I've always been a sucker for ideals, romance, and "what is meant to be", so yeah haha.


Barney and Charisia couldn't get me a uniform haha, so I just ran around the place in my private dancer shirt. Maybe not the best of ideas :/


But it was cool overall I guess. It was interesting how it turned out. Met 4 people from my past who had drastically different reactions to me.

Two didn't know me very well back in River Valley, but only one of them was genuinely happy to see me. And that was the one I didn't pay as much attention too in soccer and all, not as much as the other guy who was mostly in shock to see me and walked off after fumbling for something to say to me.

Two were classmates I had had for 2 years. One of them ignored me as I saw her and smiled, walking towards her, choosing to continue talking on her phone and back off as I stupidly stood there feeling like an idiot. I mean seriously now? Sheesh.

It was good to see the other, who saw me, hugged me, asked how I was with genuine concern, and re-exchanged numbers with me. It was good to see you again, Eileen. I've missed you, and I probably won't see you here, but I'm saying it anyway. Much love, and I'll always be by your side :D You made my day like nothing else did that day! (:



Guess who else I saw? I mean, I was only vaguely surprised this time cause God seems to like doing retarded things like that to me, but I couldn't tear my eyes away, not really, it was unmistakeable the effect it had on me.

I hate that effect.

I didn't say hi by the way. Her back was turned, and some distance away, and I didn't feel like calling out to her randomly the way I usually do to people that mean a lot to me. Or go over. I wasn't sure how'd she'd take it, at that point. What she would think of me.

I hate being caught between those points of fear and longing (to meet someone that means a lot to me as a friend)? For a person like me, who generally always goes impulsively for what I want to do and is unafraid to chase it, it really really, really really, sucks.


Blah. Its not so much that it hurts, but more of me feeling really pathetic that it hurt just a little bit. I thought I was fine, I thought I was over it, and I think largely I am and I thank God for it(:

But its scary what 10 minutes of sensing someone in the same canteen can do to me. And goodness I don't welcome being pathetic like that at all. She did nothing wrong man, its all me, and I should be stronger than that. Aye?

And you know, deep down somewhere, there's a little lie sprung up from stupidity that "the pain will only go away if you get together". And i know it to be a lie because reason,wisdom, logic, maturity and experience all go to show that that is bullshit. Haha. The kind of happiness I'm searching for isn't found in a person, or a relationship with any person, it is found in God, perfect love! (: And after that, friends. Haha.

So yeah. Haha. I have no hard feelings though. Thinking about it in the clearheadness of the morning, it stand to reason that she has none either. In fact, we cleared it up the last time we met, and I know she thinks no ill of me at all. But the fear still comes and shakes me sometimes, its easy to believe it at times. :/

If you're reading this, I'm sorry, kay? I'm sorry for bringing up the whole thing again, but I NEED to be honest with myself about my feelings, but above all I'm okay. I view the whole thing as a good thing, and if we could be good friends again, it'd be a cool thing. Haha. If anything else, I miss the good times we used to share as close friends, and in a good way, its just that sometimes the fear that you think of me negatively and don't want to see me again because its weird takes hold of me, but I KNOW that isn't true. Both of us aren't stupid people like that. (: I'm sorry if I gave you any guilt or confusion or anything, and its cool that we're past all of that now. If we could reforge the friendship without cracks, without worries in the friendship that we'd step on each others' toes in sensitive issues, that'd be insanely cool. I miss being totally honest with you about everything. Haha. See you soon. And God bless for As, knock yourself out. XD


Man. If anything, I'm going to have good stories for the BGR-messing youth when I'm older. Lol.

If anything, I'm holding on to the faith that better or worse, the emotions and sensations I'm going through now is for a reason. If God won't let me let go, He has his purposes. Whether He has some epic love story planned (which I highly doubt, and is an extremity, and if it happened it would be the ultimate in irony even considering all that has happened so far in my life), or its so I can relate, and use the experience to help some other bunch of hurting teens when I'm older, or some other purpose I cannot comprehend, He has his reasons. Its the best I could come up with in all my pondering yesterday(:

At the very least, it was a relevant reminder about how people who are going through the whole situation currently are feeling. Yeah. We'll see where that takes us.


Met Jayne and Barney, prayed, and that was cool. Sumin actually looked really good in the AC shirt! HAHA. It was funny how we could roll River Valley/NJC hates right off each other. Hahaha.


So headed to school later, and off to Keenan's place with Josh, Gerald, Ray, Sabreena and the PS2 for some good old button mashing fun til like 10 plus when Keenan's mom imperiously declared us off her property with good reason. Ha.


The trip home was pretty much spent trying to fight off the whole lie thing and emotions and all that I mentioned earlier, and asking God to take it from me. Yeah. It pretty much went like this:

Gloom

What if..

*slaps self*

No Keann, no what ifs. Don't go there, its a stupid line of thought

Yeah but what if!

*slaps self*


Etc.


Yeah blagh. God taking the whole thing from me would be cool though. Heck, I declare it gone. GTFO (:


Mmmhmmmm.

Lol. We all like to dream I think. And I had a pretty cool one last night. It was like a Red Camp reunion of sorts. The usual Ambassador/SL bunch were there. In our tribe shirts. Running around some facility that looked like the Salvation Army campus. Planning, meeting, saying hi, catching up, you know. The usual when a really bonded and motivated group of people meet again to kick butt all over again. Haha. Keenan was there in his hat when we were on the chartered bus there. And at night, we had some kind of horror movie screening, in a classroom that looked exactly like my Sec 3 classroom. And some of the people that I met today surfaced there. And their associated bunch of friends, you know, back then. Eileen was there, it was a pleasant surprise. Anna and Charlotte were there, sitting at the back messing around like they usually do.


I spent a lot of time hanging out with Charlotte in the dream, I vaguely remember. Haha. I wonder how you are, girl(:


I think, that what I want most of all is to show the people in my past how I've changed? If we had a good relationship, I want to show them the person I've become so we can be happy together, and forge an even stronger/happier/closer friendship than the one we had before, and go from strength to strength.

If we've had a bad one, or one ruined along the way, I too want to show them the person I've become, and I desperately want to make amends. If someone ever thought I was weird, irritating, a showboater, and all of that, I desperately want to make amends. And see how we'd turn out now, now that I'm a much smarter and wiser and not quite so much an idiot person.


Meh. I think I should learn to let go. I am such a horribly stubborn I-want-my-second-shot person. Haha.


Okay thats all I've got for today. Haha. Later. God bless for promos and As and Os everybody, you are being prayed for (:

YAY HAIRCUT

YAY HAIRCUT.

Meme 3. I am getting vaguely tired.

Alright. That's all I've got for today, and then I really gotta start planning the prayer thing. Haha. Uh. This one is special!


1. Next to each number, write only the name of the person who fits.
2. Answer one question with one name.
3. Don't tell the questions to anyone who isn't doing the meme.


SO IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHO I'M TALKING ABOUT, ASK ME TO SEND IT TO YOU(:

ITS A TRAP.

1. Josh Simon

2. Charlotte!
3. Charlene. I want to see whats SA like. Ha.
4. Josh.
5. HANNAH. But this was your own admission! XD
6. Josh. HAHA.
7. Josh again! Lol.
8. Charmaine.
9. Charmaine.
10. BELLEJOY HAHA.
11. Josh.
12. Melodie. Hahahah.
13. Josh Simon!
14. KEENAN/LEGOLAS
15. Josh. For the hell of it. Haha.
16. Pris!
17. Bellejoy. Haha.
18. Charmaine.
19. HANNAH.
20. Keenan?
21. Charlene
22. Kenneth
23. CHERYL, when she was still cell leader! (:
24. Keenan. Definitely.
25. Josh Simon
26. I refuse. Ha.
27. Charlene
28. SHERRY. HAHA.
29. Nope. Laalalala.
30. I love you all. Even if you're crazy dysfunctional. And I'm sorry I kept reusing your names, I don't HAVE many people to pick from. HAHA. Bleh. See Sherry, I don't have that many close friends after all(:



Meh. Hahahaha. OKAY LATER. I AM SICK OF MEMES. JEEZ. HAHA

MEME 2. BLAH.

Right I shall attempt Keenan's.


> So, what's your primary food group?

I support the cereal notion. SNOWFLAKES PLEASE. And barring that, triple chocolate cereal. :D

Otherwise, I like soup. All forms.



> Who would you like to have lunch with tomorrow.

Wednesday..Anyone who wants to come over, really. I can't afford to go out, but if anyone wants to come over so we can mess with the stove and the kitchen, I am all for it! XD.

Or maybe hit Josh's place to PS2 and lunch with him. That'd be awesome.


> What kind of food do your best friends like?

CEREAL. Spaghetti. Macdonalds. Soup. Chocolate. MOONCAKES. Subway!



> Would you rather be a zombie or a vampire?

Vampire. Least I can fly. Seriously now, a zombie? a zombie? What were you thinking, Keenan?

"I've..never felt so..ALIVE"

HAHHAHAHAHAHAHA


> Erhuh. And so would you rather be Master Chief or Serious Sam.

I'D BE TUCKER. TUCKER OWNS. BOW CHICKA BOWWOW.

BOW CHICKA BOWOW


> Favourite Pizza Topping?

Mushrooms and Pineapples. And moar meat. Meat is good. Nom nom nom. On a side note, I've finished my luncheon meat. Darn..


> Last one. Would you rather be The Joker or The Riddler.

Joker. I can live with the makeup, but I'm not getting nowhere near that green pantsuit.

NEVER.


> Music. What does it do to you.

Puts me into a zone. Lights up my eyes. Makes me laugh, makes me cry, makes me remember the exact time period when i used to listen to a favourite song a long time ago when I listen to it again. Makes me remember the person I was, the things I liked, the struggles and pain I felt and the people I loved. Brings me closer to God. Calms me, inspires me, heals me, and makes me want to dance.

Yeah, pretty much everything.



> Favourite Genre?

Christian. Barring that, old boyband stuff and you know, 90s stuff. BBmak. Good Charlotte. Busted. Backstreet, even. Ateen, A1, Daniel Bedingfield. Disney. I think the Jonas Brothers are okay..

Hiphop. But only for the beat.

Blaarrgh.


> Favourite bands from that Genre?
Christian? Hillsong, Planetshakers, Desperation. Chris Tomlin. I like the spin that Lincoln Brewster puts on some of their songs..


> What instrument do you play? Or would like to.

I wish i played the piano again. And the guitar. And drums, but thats an even farther possibility.




> Got anyone on your mind? Come now, you know what I'm talking about. Because every quiz needs some HEART right! (get the pun. Ha. Haha.)

I hate these questions. Not happening.



> Why are you be thinking about them?

Mmmhmm?



> Gonna do anything about it?

Happily no. I like being single. I really do, and really appreciate it. That kind of closeness we're all chasing can be gotten from close friends (<3) style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153); font-weight: bold;">> So what's your top 4 reasons why you like someone then (Top 3 is so overrated).

(Not in order)

1) Crazy random
2) Active, daring to do just about anything
3) Long conversations about just about anything, minds connecting, being deep.
4) God. Godgodgodgod. I've told Keenan and a couple of other people before, one of the most attractive things I appreciate in a person is her devotion to God. Like I can look at someone wholeheartedly worshipping God in the front in utter devotion and abandon and my heart melts a little inside. Even if I only ever will see that person as a friend/sister. (:

I'll add a fifth because I can.

5) The ability to keep me in line when I need to be. Hahahaha. Like, unafraid to whack me over the head, and take me down a peg and banter and exchange in funny over the top goodhearted insults. Bleh.



> i herd you liek mudkips

Notrly. I liek Jigglypuff.

JIGGLYPUFF.


> I'm in ur fridge, eatin ur foodz

Wut? Kay.



> Biting pear of salamanca

Just don't touch the oranges.



> What did you want to be when you were a kid? Astronaut, Cowboy, Lawyer (God forbid)

Fireman. Cop. Vet. You know, the usual.


> What do you want to be now? As in now, what do you want to do when you grow up.

Child of God. Forever and ever and ever.


> If you changed your mind... why?

You really want the whole story? Lol. The short of it is, God came and turned my life around, saved me, and now he's the biggest thing in my life for me, and he keeps feeding me joy and peace and healing and everything just because He loves me, and its uncomparable to anything else in this world, what He can do for me. And if He's called me, then that's where I want to be, even if I am somewhat terrified about it. Ha.

Plus its a bit late to be a vet now, innit.


> Whatcha doing tomorrow at 3 o clock?

Idk. Gonna see what Josh is doing.



> Psyched about anything at the moment?

Church on Saturday. Prayer thingy this thursday that I HAVEN'T PLANNED YET. Red Camp meeting, and all that. Mmhmm. (:



> Nearest thing to you that's plain black.

Speakers.


> What's on your Desktop now?

Splash Pool Party. The irony.But its a good poster, for what its worth.


> Can you multitask? What are you doing besides this quiz?

Notrly. I've had a cup of Ribena since the start of this meme, and I've forgotten all about it and the ice has all melted ):

Drinking the Ribena.

> What's the longest you've ever gone without sleeping?

60 hours. And O level week in 2006 comes a close second. I got like an hour a day back then, and that was at 2pm to 3pm, for a week.


> What's your catch phrase of the moment?

BOW CHICKA BOWWOW


> Do you like long hair or short hair!

I DON'T KNOW. I HAVEN'T FIGURED OUT HOW TO CUT MINE YET. AAAAH.



> Give someone a shout out!

CHARLENE. WHERE ARE YOU (:




Now tag other people so they can do this quiz instead of the other one floating around (cos this one's just awesome, ya know?)

And just because it's so cool, tag as many (or few) people as you want! Burden your friends! Etc!


CHARMAINE.
HANNAH
SHERRY
SUMIN
NATALIE

Everyone else I think has been hit already, at least everyone in school. Ha.

MEME TIME

Sherry poking me to do her meme reminds me that I owe at least Keenan and Hannah one each. So I shall do them aaallll.


(pauses to go fry luncheon meat)
(back)

[Crunch]

Nom nom nom.

Anyway. Goddammit Sherry, this meme is clearly meant for a girl's school person, seriously wtf. Blah. :/

OKAY WELL GETTING DOWN TO IT

My Always - God, for ever and ever :D
My Awesome - Keenan. Idk why. Name just flashed through my head lol. I appreciate you loads man.
My Baby - I refuse
My Bimbo - Pretty much Charmaine
My Bitch - I wouldn't know. Oh I do. Josh. Lol.
My Beautiful - Charmaine. Much love (:
My Best Friend - No idea. I don't have a best friend, but tons of close ones. You know who you are and I love you all :D
My Buddy - Everyone who I've ever talked to that has had a smile for me. You guys rock :D
My Bunny - No.
My Babe - Lol.
My Candy - Eye Candy? If we must.. KRISTEN BELL <333 style="font-weight: bold;">My Chocolate - HERSHEYS (:
My Nerd - Don't got one. Too high maintenance OH WAIT WAIT I DO. CHARLENE. HAHA.
My Partner - in crime? Keenan. Lol.
My Coolz - Charlene. Hahaha.
My Everything - God you are everything to me (:
My Noise-maker - Besides me? Uh. ADIN. HAHA.
My Family - 2 parents, a sister and a brother. Working on relationships.
My Friend - You, and thank you for reading (:
My Gradesaver - YANHONG. MELENA. WENDY. SHEEREEN. JABEZ. SENIORS (:
My Girlfriend - Lol.
My Granny - ..is dead. Christian thankfully. Which is cool. Haha.
My Twin - This one stumps me. It used to be Charr, and then someone else, but I forgot who. Not Keenan, we have too many differences. Oh yeah, Hannah. :D Love you girl(:
My Hero - Don't got one. Sides my Saviour King(:
My Boyfriend - :rolls eyes:
My Hug - Keenan. Josh. Hannah. Charr.
My Idiot - Me.
My Joker - Me .-.
My Life - God
My Lifesaver - God. Grace Kee, I suppose, if we're talking mortals. (:
My Lover - No lol.
My Monkey - I don't have one.
My Playmate - Uh? BEV. HAHA.
My Princess - Charmaine tops diva status no doubt. And after that Shereen. Ha.
My Random - Keenan. haha.
My Retard - Here's Adin again. Heh.
My Role Model - Pris. You go girl!
My Shining Amour - God. and following that. Pastor Josh and Lala, I suppose.
My Sister - Charmaine. Hannah. Sherry. Sharyl. Charlene. Pris. I love you all (:
My Sweetz - I lol'd. Sheereen I suppose. Idk why. But she is one of the sweetest people i've ever met, COME BACK SOON FROM THAILAND AND DON'T DIE PLEASE(:
My Smile - All of you. (:
My Spastic - Keenan/Bev. Lol.
My Softy - Uh? Mr Frog? OH JOSH HAHA.
My Superstar - Don't got one. haha. All of you again. I think the world of you guys!
My Teddy Bear - Wut. Mr Frog I guess. But only if he's eaten the bible or he's horrible to hug. Lol.
My Troublemaker - That'd be me. Reporting for duty sir.
My Gay - No lol.
My Loser - Don't got one.
My Romeo - Uh?
My Juliet - Lets not go there. Hahaa.
My Sexy - Or there.
My Rockstar - Keenan lol.
My Darling - Hannah. And I mean that in the most sisterly way possible. You are so dear to me haha loves.
My Weirdo - That'd be me again.
My Incredible - Josh. Is there ANYTHING you can't do? HAHA.
My Frog - MY FROG.
My Punching Bag - I don't punch bags. I drive myself against walls in full-body tackles.
My Shelter - My...ceiling?
My Shoulder - Needs to pop better.
My Support - God. And all of you after that. You guys are pretty awesome, all of you :D
My Heartbeat- Same as above(:
My Wildness - Wait for camp :/ Otherwise I keep it in a box under my bed and feed it daily.



RIGHT, 8 PEOPLE THAT I COMMAND TO DO THIS :

1) KEENAN
2) JOSH
3) ADIN
4) HANNAH
5) CHARMAINE
6) CHARLENE
7) BEV
8) PRIS

Hahahahaha. Sorry. :p But if you have to study as opposed to do this thing THEN GO STUDY. Hannah you have zero excuse. Haahha. XD.

And there's nothing in this world i can dooooooo

I freaking love this song. Ahahaha. And no I'm not sad or anything. But I love it anyway. Its awesome. (:


Cause here I am
So alone
And there's nothing in this world I can do


Yeah. I was just pondering friendships, and the number of close friends I have, and how most of them are like one or two years younger than me, and finding it funny how I disregard the age gap entirely. Like how me and Charr can cross ideals instantly. Yisin and I can discuss tongues and whatever till kingdom come, and worship, and all that, and not once do I think about "him being younger". And then there's Hannah, and Sherry, and all that. And its cool. I can't treat someone as being "younger", and be a close friend of that person, see. Equality is all i'm good for. I can't be a close friend of someone without breaking down "rank". Its impossible. If you want me, you gotta have all of me. That's how I function. Yeah.

And when minds connect and hearts answer smiles, I'm going to hang onto it as long as I can. Precious friendships happen too little in life for us to shy away from them because of age, gender, rank, or whatever. We gotta looovee.

Joy comes in the morning

In other news, today was cool. Tiring but good. LaSalle visit was fun. Shit, the big green lawn of fake grass is..

Man. Its so comfortable. And the way its laid out. Its like a big grassy rolling field that goes on for miles like the kind we read about and picture in our heads, but without the soil, ants and sticky stuff. :o

I’d hang there everyday just looking at the sky man. Haha. Meh. Going again tmr anyway, to pass Jess the Final Cut Cds. Ha.


Dinner at Ikea later with NPcell! That was really fun. And I went a little crazy and splurged on spaghetti and 6 big chicken wings. But hey, I need some self love kay. Haha.

Affirmations to Jeremy were cool too. And thank you Jeremy for everything you said to us as well, we will miss you! Pastor Josh is right, don’t lose the passion, don’t lose your strengths, don’t lose your surety and honestly and transparency in the 6 months that you’re gone. Maybe even win some souls. Heh. YOU’RE OUR VANGUARD, JEREMY.

:D


Blah. And after some really redundant jaunt to Outram that I refuse to talk about because it pisses me off, I headed over to Charr’s to pass her shirts.

That was good. I said this to you earlier Charr, but I’ll say it again.

I love my conversations with you. I love not talking half the time and we’re just randomly stoning in silence, you in your door, me outside, and when we do talk, we actually talk about intelligent heart-to-heart Christian based stuff that build each other up and its amazing, horror of horrors. And the only reason we’re well - not doing the stupid random stuff both of us are so good at finding to do with our own friends is because there’s no time to fit it in, and I do treasure those moments we have. Haha. Love you like crazy, in God, and as a brother even if God wasn’t even in the picture. See you soon friend.

Mmmhmm. Heading home, and pondering one of the things we discussed, I realised what my defence mechanism was. Confidence. I know its kinda like a “duh” thing? But it is significant for me because I realise that I throw it up almost all the time, the illusion that “I know what I’m doing and to hell with it all”, and I can project it so easily in my eyes, my grin, my walk, stance, or simply shutting down my heart.

Which I think is the reason why I break down in church so much. And ask God to break me down so much. Because between Him and me, my heart laid bare, and me knowing He will never never never ever hurt me, I need to at least make the admission to at least One Person that the truth of it is that goddammit, I really don’t know anything at all.

It means a lot to me. That at least once every week I can come before God, and everyone around me who Loves my God, and say “Hey guys, this is me”, without worrying about whether I’m going to get attacked or shot down, or whether the people I’m leading or encouraging are going to be affected by my slip in confidence. A time when I can afford to be vulnerable, and not responsible. A time to be a kid again(:

Blessed are the children, for it is they who will inherit the kingdom of God.

I think I’m getting it! Haha.Thank You God(:

Wow, I’m all profound tonight :o

Blaaahhh. Haha. Right I’m off. This was good. Later. I’m heading to bed and waiting for the morning.

Cause there may be pain in the night, but joy comes in the morning(:

Heck, its only 1am in the “morning” and I’m feeling much better already. Ha. Okay. Laterrrr. Yawn. Sleepytimes.

Belt it out

Cause here I am
So alone
And there’s nothing in this world I can do
Until you’re back here baby
Miss you want you need you so
Until you’re back here baby
There’s a feeling inside I want you to know
You are the one and I can’t let you go

And I wonder
Are you thinking of me cause I’m thinking of you
And I wonder
Are you ever coming back in my life

Cause here I am
So alone
And there’s nothing in this world I can do

Miss you want you need so

Amidst all the crazy stuff that’s been happening, all that God’s been teaching me, lessons learnt, comfort given, being disciplined, there’s just one more.

Just one more lesson, one more situation I’m going through that no one will ever really know, at least not right now, cause there’s no point telling it, and the telling of it isn’t going to help anyone, close friend or no, guy or girl, cell leader or pastor.

Yeah. I’d tell it if the telling of it, and how God is working in my life through it, would help any of you reading my blog, if it would bless, encourage, and strengthen you. I would gladly. For I know it’s a situation that a lot of us face.

But the telling of it would cause more harm than good, and now is not the time(:

Plus, I’d prefer to teach about it when I’m out of it. Heh.

Maybe a long time from now, to another generation, when the telling won’t ruin any ongoing social situations and friendships that we treasure so much now. When we’re all old and married and with kids, when we’ll laugh about it and shake our heads instead of running around trying to do damage control.

Heck, I’ll write a book. Two books.

So yeah. Till then, this one I gotta stick it out alone, I think. In wistfulness, semi-longing, responsibility and trusting God.

Here we go Lord. Hold me tight(:

Cause here I am
So alone
And there’s nothing in this world I can do

Its an interesting sensation. I’m in tears. I do want to cry. But I am in peace. I am not beset by emotional turmoil or dilemma of any kind. God has me and I trust him wholeheartedly and I’m just not saying that. I’m not overly happy, but I’m not sad either. I’m just..zen. Is this the peace that transcends all understanding? I suppose so. And I treasure it. But I still want to cry. And I will. Just because.

Gosh I hate how BBmak can just set me off just like that. :/ I mean, I asked God for a song to heal me and minister to me, and I was kinda looking for a Christian song, but funny how He works, huh. Guess all songs can heal if God wants them to, it doesn’t just have to be Hillsong or Planetshakers or whatever. He knows whats going to best cut through our hearts at that specific given time. So yeah I guess. Haha. Bleh. I mean, the lyrics aren’t even directly related to my situation. Its more an ideal that I identify with, as I belt it out in the dark of my room at half past midnight.

Are you ever coming back in my life
Cause here I am
So alone
And there’s nothing in this world I can do

I am back

Slumming around at the moment, chilling and waiting for some lights supplier guy to call me so I can shower and change and go out to meet him to sign something. He was supposed to call me at 1..

Blah. In other news, I forgot my LJ acc password again :x Time to go digging into Hannah's emails..




ANYWAY. HERE I AM TO GUSH OVER THE AWESOMENESS OF ONLINE RECORDED SERMONS(:


Coos has managed to keep a record of every single message ever given at any service (including youth service), since 2005 at least, and it is amaaaazing. The search engine is easy to use, its well categorized, and downloading a 45-1 hour message is only about 5MB and takes under 20 seconds to download.

Plus the sound quality is really good!

I mean, it is so cool. I discovered this yesterday when I was at Yisin's place, and I found a Pastor Josh message on Living A Long Life (Its about honouring your parents) on his iTunes, and we were laughing so hard. That was a good message. And its really cool, cause when you listen you really can envision you're sitting wherever you usually sit in the red plush seats, and the usual people sitting to your left and right, and people laughing, and its very easy to immerse self into a service like mode. Its like we're actually there(:

Even though that message was given in Feb 2006 or something, and I wasn't in Coos yet. But it still was amazingly cool. Haha.

Here it is! Download it! Its amazingly funny from the very start! HAHA. :D
Remember to right-click to download! Or it'll just play as an audio file!

So of course I went to find the first ever message that really impacted me like crazy, the Pastor Jen one that I talked about in my testimony(:


And the scary part is that Yisin remembers more about that day than i do. Haha. He told me that he said hi to me, and afters we went to Anchorpoint for dinner with some of the guys, and Charisia was the only girl and we were poking fun at her.

That was cool. Haha. Like, whoa. He remembers that I went up for altar call too :o


The name of that crazy message was How To Break Free and Stay Free

Download here if you want :D Remember to right-click!

In fact, please do, its really fun listening to these messages and remembering what we were doing at that time, where we were sitting at, what we were laughing at and which parts we were really touched by God(:

Yeah. Haha. I haven't listen to it fully yet, just the first part and the story, but I definitely remember! :DD


I also found the message where I was called by God.

Spent some time trying to find it, but I eventually did, Tamara Winslow, about March this year. The voice is unmistakable. That was pretty crazy. I spent some time earlier before blogging this just listening, listening to the altar call that God just hit her with, listening to it with tears in my eyes and awe, remembering how God called me to go up, and me struggling and doubting, and God proving to me that yes He had called me, and all that. Crazy good. I am so blessed. Haha.


"I just saw the Spirit of the Lord move in this room. And it was like God pointed his finger at many different ones of you. And I felt that the Spirit of the Lord said, that its time to take your destiny. Its time to take your call. I just saw this SO CLEARLY, his hand, his finger pointing at different ones of you, saying, Its Time. Its time to take that calling, to take that destiny. Make sure your heads are bowed and your eyes are closed. I had not planned on doing this, but, I- we- need to do this."

"There's some people that are called here for different things, and it doesn't matter how old or how young you are. Right now, this is the Spirit of God. Wherever you are standing, I want you, to lift your hands to God, and just reach out to Him and say 'God I'm going to take my destiny tonight. I'm going to take it. I'mma take hold of it.' You lift your hands to Him. Cause you know its his fingers pointed at your life right now. Lift them up. Lord Jesus, I'm taking it! YOU speak it out of your mouth! I'm taking my destiny tonight!"

"I very seldom do this. But there's a couple of you here, in this past week, and this is the Spirit of the Lord speaking to you. In this past week, says the Spirit of the Lord, I have been talking to you about this very thing. I've been talking to you about your destiny, your calling in Me. And the Spirit of the Lord is telling me, you are going to have to take a physical step in action. I don't know where you are in this room and this auditorium, but I need you to come right down front here because God wants to do something. There are several of you here. God's been speaking to you. IN THIS PAST WEEK. So get on down here quickly. Get on down here. In this past week He's been talking to you about your call, about your destiny, His plan for your life. I know there's a few. Okay there we go one, come on, come on, come on. God's been speaking to you. Very specifically. Several of you in your prayer time. When you've been - One of you, YOU WERE ON THE BUS. And God SPOKE TO YOU and said, I have a call, I've got a destiny for your life, and its time to GO FOR IT. "


Hannah :D


We were so blessed that day, so many of us. Its just so cool. All the memories come flowing back. All that intensity, all that fear, all that awe, all that breaking down, all that joy that comes after, every single minute of acutely feeling God's presence pressuring down on us "Go and follow my will".

Epic.

Hahahaha. Here's the link to download. Its about an hour long. That was a crazy day(:
Remember to right-click! XD




Rawr. Haha. Go check out the resource! Its whoaaaa. Hahaha. Okay I am off. Later :D

Keenan would be so proud

I actually cleared up my iTunes yesterday! :o

Like last night, I actually hunkered down and deleted all these songs that I've hated staring at on my com. Deleted artiste by artiste. Pretty cool. Gtfo Incubus, Silverstein, Avenged Sevenfold, selected songs from Akon, other angry/emo/screaming bands that I don't remember and will never see again, and...Dream Theatre.


Okay no I didn't get rid of Dream Theatre. I was gonna. I really was. I actually typed "metal" into my iTunes with the intention to get rid of every last vestige of it from my mac with extreme prejudice.

Except the only two left were Dream Theatre and...Nickelback?? Nickelback =/= metal man, what the hell. Yeah. I was stumped by Dream Theatre for awhile, but I decided in the end it wasn't worth Keenan jumping out of my closet and massacreing me on the spot.

Yeah. Well.

Still got quite a number of duplicates though, but most of them are marginally different versions of Hillsong/Planetshaker songs and I'd rather not lose something important inadvertley right now. Hey, its a start :D


Eh, yeah steamboat on thursday night was a blast. Too bad everyone wanted to leave so early, I was still going strong. $18.90 is more than worth it for unlimited dolings of beef and chicken and hot soup and vegetables and mushrooms and-

(:

Heh. Okay I r off. Got a number of things to do before I meet Sharyl at 11!

Life needs to be simpler

You're the kind of friend who always bends when I'm broken
Like remember when
You took my heart and put it back together again

I've been wasting time with clueless guys
But now it's over
Let me tell you why
I'm through
I've met someone new
Who's just like you

You're it
You're the ultimate
It's automatic.
I'm sure of it
No lie
So don't even try
To tell me that you're not the guy
Cuz I've been waiting all my life
For someone just like you
But you're it
You're the ultimate, you

You're the kind of guy who's hands in mine send shivers up and down my spine
You took my heart and put it back together again.

You're the kind of guy that blows my mind
But now it's my turn
You've been right in front of me
Everything I need
Why didn't i see

You're it
You're the ultimate, you


I freaking love this song. I mean, the lyrics don't quite cut it, but with the guitar riffs and lead vocals going crazy all over the place, it hits something. Something in my soul that answers back. I don't quite know what it is, but go check it out. Its effing badass.

Home slacking.

Okay mostly because I don't have the money to do anything else, but im pretty sure I could have spent the time more effectively than watching Red Vs Blue.


Meh. Haha off to steamboat soon. Should be hella fun. And Saturday's lined up pretty good too, so that leaves tomorrow another slack at home day. I...should probably figure out the run/dance/guitar(maybe) timetable thing I've been wanting to do for awhile now. That is if I can NOT go to the com straightaway after waking up, or breakfast..

I worry about cell worship this week ):

Also, HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO CRASH MGS, LALA :o


Meh.

Okay fine hahahaha

Yes, I'd better talk about how the day was yesterday hahahahah.

It was really fun! Like, the previous night, I was up till 5am with paper and markers and everything strewn over the living room carpet writing letters for people that I felt compelled to write to, whether I really missed them, really appreciated them, wanted to encourage, all of that, and yesterday was the giving out of those letters to the people I wrote to.


Yes I could have mailed them. But where's the fun in that. (Okay you can debate that there is absolutely no fun going around all of Singapore without a concession pass but hey the important thing is the spirit of craziness okay) Plus, I don't really trust the postman. Just an upbringing where my mom has no qualms about opening my letters for "my own good", and if anybody else's parents are like that, and not understand that a guy coming across half the world to drop off a handwritten handfolded letter of love and encouragement DOESN'T ALWAYS HAVE TO BE A COURTING LETTER.


Yeah well. Haha. So I woke up at 10am in vague pleasant fuzziness, trying to remember what I had to do on a Wednesday, cause I vaguely remembered something really important was going on, and suddenly i was like OHSHIT RED CAMP TRIAL AT 11 RUN.

Yeah. Its amazing how fast I can get out of the house when I want to. Sigh.



So Red Camp Trial was cool. Idk. I mean, I think I did well, plus okay I already knew all of the people testing us and I was concentrating more on keeping the relationship professional than anything? And I found out Deb's a dancer, not just a dancer, but a trainer :o

WHAT THE HELL DEB, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO TELL THESE THINGS TO YOUR OGL WHEN YOU MEET HIM, NOT HALF A YEAR LATER.


Aaahh. Haha. Hope I get in though. I mean anything can happen, and it IS up to God, and I'm cool if I don't. But I do love working with those people though. Its always fun and insanely productive and so nice and clean and stuff. :D

Like, I have never seen any ambassador or SL place an overly great emphasis on vulgar humour. And that means something to me, tons really.


ANYWAY. Got into interview room with Kim and Janani. It was funny. Kim started scolding me for not picking up my phone yesterday the moment I got in.

"Oh er, I was watching a movie"

"Yes i know, with Keenan and Josh, I TRIED CALLING THEM TOO AND THEN I KNEW YOU GUYS WERE TOGETHER"

[sheepish expression]


Heh. Right, so went to poke about IS filming for a little bit. Passed Pris her letter. Gerald you rock as a rocker man. You should do it more often. No serious. Effing cool! Haahahha.

And when that was wrapped up, the guys went to KAP for dinner, but I stayed behind cause I wanted to work on cell worship this week. Uh. And was trying to find out where exactly dear Charlene stayed so I could pass her the letter I had for her, BUT SHE WAS SLEEPING.

Its like once Char gets home, she becomes the Immovable Object and wont ever get out ever again nope.

But I love you anyway girl, it wouldn't be the same if you weren't like that. Haha. (:


And then I went to meet the guys again anyway cause Josh took my charger -.-

Headed to town with Adin so I could pass Bev her letter, and met up with Adelyn, which was cool cause I haven't seen her in years but she's always so funny. Haahha. Hit Bishan on the train so I could go find Hannah's place!


Cause you know, Hannah's place is at Bishan and all.



.......



Sigh. I got my ass to Bishan. Hannah didn't pick up. I called Yisin. Yisin...

tells me Hannah stays at Serangoon.


Me: $£!@£@!^$@$%£@%$£!!!!!£%@!!!!


Blah. Haha. Hannah woke up and started panicking cause she had no idea how to direct people to her house, and the way she was saying it was like so complicated I really thought it was really hard to get there. So I got on 13, and got off one stop too early by mistake cause I was deathly afraid of overshooting, started plodding down the road,


And suddenly I realise the surrounding area looks awfully familiar.




Me to Hannah: If you stay next door to my grandmother, I'm spazzing out.



Yeah. I've only been going to that area my whole life...

Lol. So yeah. I head over to Serangoon still in shock, on my way to Charr's place now, and I decide that the worst possible thing that can top what just happened is Charr getting on the same train to go home and me not noticing til we reach Chinese Gardens.

Uh. Lol. This was about...830pm?


Right. It was a rather uneventful trip though. Up til about when I took the westbound train from Outram and suddenly I realise that I know the person sitting in front of me.

No it wasn't Charr.

Mathias. Haha. One of the DHs from FOC camp, he went to Mongolia for 6 months for attachment and apparently came back a week ago. That was cool, haha. Guy's hair looked so different. And he was talking to a dude that I also knew, Red Camp SL with me last year too for the Centurion tribe.

Freaky. Haha. Good to catch up though. Mathias is always so levelheaded and its cool, cause I had a chance to talk to someone from that whole SU family about the whole thing? Like quitting and everything? And air my concerns about the possible backlash I've been worrying about?

Catching up was cool man. Haha.

And I found Charr's place eventually, and hauled my ass home.

And Charr finds her letter about when the time I reach Queenstown and manages to bless me so much with a thankyou that melted my heart so much it made everything all worth it and beyond(:


I'm ALWAYS here for you girl, okay? I love you(:




:D Okay I am off. Later. (:

Let us build one another up

Because the greatest of these is love (:


I frigging love all of you right now. All of you people who matter to me in my life. All you people that God has placed in my life, Christian or non-Christian, who have been blessing me so much and so much over the years. Everyone in church. And I know I'm never ever alone(:


Aaaaahhh. That fullness of joy is sweeping over me right now as I type this. I hardly know what i'm typing, and I apologize for the messiness, but i'm crazy happy and I am so blessed, and I don't regret writing those letters at all last night, and maybe all it cost me was a little sleep? And that outpouring of love was sparked by an outpouring of love from the church towards me on Saturday, and now I understand why God made me like all emo and stuff in the couple of days building up to last week's service. I'm growing, and He's just teaching me stuff, its amazing, and its coooooooooll.

I realise the post makes hardly any sense at it. I don't care. HAHA. Love makes no sense, and I'm going to waste less time making sense of it, and spending more time trying to love everyone around me, and encouraging and building up because oh God you loved me first, and I am starting to understand why you do, because when I love someone and they love back, its an unparelled feeling that I cannot express and I'm starting to understand what You're looking for in a relationship with us. Heh.



Blaaaaah. Less time on theology we should spend. Less time on nitpicking what blessings we can or cannot get as according to the bible we should spend. Does speaking in tongues make me younger? Do I agree? Do I not? (Okay I don't, but that's besides the point). I just want to love.

Jesus Prays for All Believers

My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one. I in them and you in me. May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me.

Father I want those you have given me to be with me where I am and to see my glory, the glory you have given me because you loved me before the creation of the world.

Righteous Father, thought the world does not know you, I know you, and they know that you have sent me. I have made you known to them, and will continue to make you known in order that the love you have for me maybe in them and that I myself may be in them.

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John 17:20-26

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I am happy like crazy. And the crazy thing is that I didn't set out to make myself happy when I chose to put effort into loving other people, into making them happy. But the aftermath of that somehow is that I am crazy happy anyway.
HAHAHA WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO



I love you, all of you(:

Update

Right I only have 5 minutes left on this thing, so a quick rundown is about good so i can move on in my life and blog the new stuff as it hits me :D


1) Service was awesome beyond awesome. I was still feeling very down at the start of it, but my life is funny in the sense that whenever I ask God to show me His Presence, and break me down and heal me at service, He does so. He comes through, and every time in an entirely new way that I never see coming, but is so perfect. :D Okay I shall stop talking now. :D

2) Hannah (: Shoutout! :D

3) Family church was alright. Meeting NPcell for dinner at east coast after their outing was pretty cool too. Went about queensway with YJ and got a book from him when i tagged along to his place. Awesome

4) Hanging out with Adin, Keenan and Josh has been awesome.

5) Sarah Marshall freaking effing rules. Period.


OKAY GOING NOW BYEBYE

Thank you so much

This is a shoutout to Hannah, Keenan, and Sonia.


Thank you for being there for me over last night, this morning/afternoon, just having people that bother to be there for me and ask how i'm doing when i'm sitting wounded, depressed, and in silent fear over whether i'm appreciated or not cheers me up immensely.

It got better yes, but then it got worse, so thank you(:

And thank you God for sending them to me, church later Lord, heal me please? I Need this, I need You.

Love unfailing
Overtaking my heart
Take me there

That’s right Lord. We’ll worship you even when its hard as hell. Cause we’re not always happy when we walk in to worship you. We don’t always sing Hosanna with smiles. We don’t always jump in joy when we sing you praises. The healing’s not always instant. Hurt doesn’t vanish the moment the drums go and the guitars start playing. But are we still going to worship you anyway? Yes, to the ends of the earth.

Cause sometimes tears are running down my face
And not because I’m in awe of You
And not because You’ve showed me something new
Sometimes its just simple sorrow, grief and hurt
Rejection, fear, loneliness in places that should never be
We bring all these things to the altar too.
I’m growing up today
As I start to realise the meaning of “To the ends of the earth”
And that “I will follow you in the good and the bad” can be so real.
But I will hold on
Somewhere along the line you’ll make it right
So as I sing a song of praise in a whole new way
Desperate, grim, with passion from pain.
I’m trusting in you in this dark place tonight.




Hold me Dad, You’re the only real one I have. And I’m going to keep sobbing into You again and again cause that’s what dads are there for. ..right?

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I'm good now (:

Lets just summarise everything yesterday into two songs

No internet the whole of yesterday. But I WILL post what I had on my mind haha. So if you usually come here expecting a long entry to waste time mulling over with, that's not going to happen today, but if you could just turn off the itunes and the youtube for a moment and press "play" on these two songs in their entirety, that would be awesome :D






Remember when life was a lot simpler? Haha okay whatever. I'm off to buy stuff for cell bbq, i'm already running a little late. Later (: