Joy comes in the morning

In other news, today was cool. Tiring but good. LaSalle visit was fun. Shit, the big green lawn of fake grass is..

Man. Its so comfortable. And the way its laid out. Its like a big grassy rolling field that goes on for miles like the kind we read about and picture in our heads, but without the soil, ants and sticky stuff. :o

I’d hang there everyday just looking at the sky man. Haha. Meh. Going again tmr anyway, to pass Jess the Final Cut Cds. Ha.


Dinner at Ikea later with NPcell! That was really fun. And I went a little crazy and splurged on spaghetti and 6 big chicken wings. But hey, I need some self love kay. Haha.

Affirmations to Jeremy were cool too. And thank you Jeremy for everything you said to us as well, we will miss you! Pastor Josh is right, don’t lose the passion, don’t lose your strengths, don’t lose your surety and honestly and transparency in the 6 months that you’re gone. Maybe even win some souls. Heh. YOU’RE OUR VANGUARD, JEREMY.

:D


Blah. And after some really redundant jaunt to Outram that I refuse to talk about because it pisses me off, I headed over to Charr’s to pass her shirts.

That was good. I said this to you earlier Charr, but I’ll say it again.

I love my conversations with you. I love not talking half the time and we’re just randomly stoning in silence, you in your door, me outside, and when we do talk, we actually talk about intelligent heart-to-heart Christian based stuff that build each other up and its amazing, horror of horrors. And the only reason we’re well - not doing the stupid random stuff both of us are so good at finding to do with our own friends is because there’s no time to fit it in, and I do treasure those moments we have. Haha. Love you like crazy, in God, and as a brother even if God wasn’t even in the picture. See you soon friend.

Mmmhmm. Heading home, and pondering one of the things we discussed, I realised what my defence mechanism was. Confidence. I know its kinda like a “duh” thing? But it is significant for me because I realise that I throw it up almost all the time, the illusion that “I know what I’m doing and to hell with it all”, and I can project it so easily in my eyes, my grin, my walk, stance, or simply shutting down my heart.

Which I think is the reason why I break down in church so much. And ask God to break me down so much. Because between Him and me, my heart laid bare, and me knowing He will never never never ever hurt me, I need to at least make the admission to at least One Person that the truth of it is that goddammit, I really don’t know anything at all.

It means a lot to me. That at least once every week I can come before God, and everyone around me who Loves my God, and say “Hey guys, this is me”, without worrying about whether I’m going to get attacked or shot down, or whether the people I’m leading or encouraging are going to be affected by my slip in confidence. A time when I can afford to be vulnerable, and not responsible. A time to be a kid again(:

Blessed are the children, for it is they who will inherit the kingdom of God.

I think I’m getting it! Haha.Thank You God(:

Wow, I’m all profound tonight :o

Blaaahhh. Haha. Right I’m off. This was good. Later. I’m heading to bed and waiting for the morning.

Cause there may be pain in the night, but joy comes in the morning(:

Heck, its only 1am in the “morning” and I’m feeling much better already. Ha. Okay. Laterrrr. Yawn. Sleepytimes.