Sherry poking me to do her meme reminds me that I owe at least Keenan and Hannah one each. So I shall do them aaallll.
(pauses to go fry luncheon meat)
(back)
[Crunch]
Nom nom nom.
Anyway. Goddammit Sherry, this meme is clearly meant for a girl's school person, seriously wtf. Blah. :/
OKAY WELL GETTING DOWN TO IT
My Always - God, for ever and ever :D
My Awesome - Keenan. Idk why. Name just flashed through my head lol. I appreciate you loads man.
My Baby - I refuse
My Bimbo - Pretty much Charmaine
My Bitch - I wouldn't know. Oh I do. Josh. Lol.
My Beautiful - Charmaine. Much love (:
My Best Friend - No idea. I don't have a best friend, but tons of close ones. You know who you are and I love you all :D
My Buddy - Everyone who I've ever talked to that has had a smile for me. You guys rock :D
My Bunny - No.
My Babe - Lol.
My Candy - Eye Candy? If we must.. KRISTEN BELL <333 style="font-weight: bold;">My Chocolate - HERSHEYS (:
My Nerd - Don't got one. Too high maintenance OH WAIT WAIT I DO. CHARLENE. HAHA.
My Partner - in crime? Keenan. Lol.
My Coolz - Charlene. Hahaha.
My Everything - God you are everything to me (:
My Noise-maker - Besides me? Uh. ADIN. HAHA.
My Family - 2 parents, a sister and a brother. Working on relationships.
My Friend - You, and thank you for reading (:
My Gradesaver - YANHONG. MELENA. WENDY. SHEEREEN. JABEZ. SENIORS (:
My Girlfriend - Lol.
My Granny - ..is dead. Christian thankfully. Which is cool. Haha.
My Twin - This one stumps me. It used to be Charr, and then someone else, but I forgot who. Not Keenan, we have too many differences. Oh yeah, Hannah. :D Love you girl(:
My Hero - Don't got one. Sides my Saviour King(:
My Boyfriend - :rolls eyes:
My Hug - Keenan. Josh. Hannah. Charr.
My Idiot - Me.
My Joker - Me .-.
My Life - God
My Lifesaver - God. Grace Kee, I suppose, if we're talking mortals. (:
My Lover - No lol.
My Monkey - I don't have one.
My Playmate - Uh? BEV. HAHA.
My Princess - Charmaine tops diva status no doubt. And after that Shereen. Ha.
My Random - Keenan. haha.
My Retard - Here's Adin again. Heh.
My Role Model - Pris. You go girl!
My Shining Amour - God. and following that. Pastor Josh and Lala, I suppose.
My Sister - Charmaine. Hannah. Sherry. Sharyl. Charlene. Pris. I love you all (:
My Sweetz - I lol'd. Sheereen I suppose. Idk why. But she is one of the sweetest people i've ever met, COME BACK SOON FROM THAILAND AND DON'T DIE PLEASE(:
My Smile - All of you. (:
My Spastic - Keenan/Bev. Lol.
My Softy - Uh? Mr Frog? OH JOSH HAHA.
My Superstar - Don't got one. haha. All of you again. I think the world of you guys!
My Teddy Bear - Wut. Mr Frog I guess. But only if he's eaten the bible or he's horrible to hug. Lol.
My Troublemaker - That'd be me. Reporting for duty sir.
My Gay - No lol.
My Loser - Don't got one.
My Romeo - Uh?
My Juliet - Lets not go there. Hahaa.
My Sexy - Or there.
My Rockstar - Keenan lol.
My Darling - Hannah. And I mean that in the most sisterly way possible. You are so dear to me haha loves.
My Weirdo - That'd be me again.
My Incredible - Josh. Is there ANYTHING you can't do? HAHA.
My Frog - MY FROG.
My Punching Bag - I don't punch bags. I drive myself against walls in full-body tackles.
My Shelter - My...ceiling?
My Shoulder - Needs to pop better.
My Support - God. And all of you after that. You guys are pretty awesome, all of you :D
My Heartbeat- Same as above(:
My Wildness - Wait for camp :/ Otherwise I keep it in a box under my bed and feed it daily.
RIGHT, 8 PEOPLE THAT I COMMAND TO DO THIS :
1) KEENAN
2) JOSH
3) ADIN
4) HANNAH
5) CHARMAINE
6) CHARLENE
7) BEV
8) PRIS
Hahahahaha. Sorry. :p But if you have to study as opposed to do this thing THEN GO STUDY. Hannah you have zero excuse. Haahha. XD.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
And there's nothing in this world i can dooooooo
I freaking love this song. Ahahaha. And no I'm not sad or anything. But I love it anyway. Its awesome. (:
Cause here I am
So alone
And there's nothing in this world I can do
Yeah. I was just pondering friendships, and the number of close friends I have, and how most of them are like one or two years younger than me, and finding it funny how I disregard the age gap entirely. Like how me and Charr can cross ideals instantly. Yisin and I can discuss tongues and whatever till kingdom come, and worship, and all that, and not once do I think about "him being younger". And then there's Hannah, and Sherry, and all that. And its cool. I can't treat someone as being "younger", and be a close friend of that person, see. Equality is all i'm good for. I can't be a close friend of someone without breaking down "rank". Its impossible. If you want me, you gotta have all of me. That's how I function. Yeah.
And when minds connect and hearts answer smiles, I'm going to hang onto it as long as I can. Precious friendships happen too little in life for us to shy away from them because of age, gender, rank, or whatever. We gotta looovee.
Cause here I am
So alone
And there's nothing in this world I can do
Yeah. I was just pondering friendships, and the number of close friends I have, and how most of them are like one or two years younger than me, and finding it funny how I disregard the age gap entirely. Like how me and Charr can cross ideals instantly. Yisin and I can discuss tongues and whatever till kingdom come, and worship, and all that, and not once do I think about "him being younger". And then there's Hannah, and Sherry, and all that. And its cool. I can't treat someone as being "younger", and be a close friend of that person, see. Equality is all i'm good for. I can't be a close friend of someone without breaking down "rank". Its impossible. If you want me, you gotta have all of me. That's how I function. Yeah.
And when minds connect and hearts answer smiles, I'm going to hang onto it as long as I can. Precious friendships happen too little in life for us to shy away from them because of age, gender, rank, or whatever. We gotta looovee.
Joy comes in the morning
In other news, today was cool. Tiring but good. LaSalle visit was fun. Shit, the big green lawn of fake grass is..
Man. Its so comfortable. And the way its laid out. Its like a big grassy rolling field that goes on for miles like the kind we read about and picture in our heads, but without the soil, ants and sticky stuff. :o
I’d hang there everyday just looking at the sky man. Haha. Meh. Going again tmr anyway, to pass Jess the Final Cut Cds. Ha.
Dinner at Ikea later with NPcell! That was really fun. And I went a little crazy and splurged on spaghetti and 6 big chicken wings. But hey, I need some self love kay. Haha.
Affirmations to Jeremy were cool too. And thank you Jeremy for everything you said to us as well, we will miss you! Pastor Josh is right, don’t lose the passion, don’t lose your strengths, don’t lose your surety and honestly and transparency in the 6 months that you’re gone. Maybe even win some souls. Heh. YOU’RE OUR VANGUARD, JEREMY.
:D
Blah. And after some really redundant jaunt to Outram that I refuse to talk about because it pisses me off, I headed over to Charr’s to pass her shirts.
That was good. I said this to you earlier Charr, but I’ll say it again.
I love my conversations with you. I love not talking half the time and we’re just randomly stoning in silence, you in your door, me outside, and when we do talk, we actually talk about intelligent heart-to-heart Christian based stuff that build each other up and its amazing, horror of horrors. And the only reason we’re well - not doing the stupid random stuff both of us are so good at finding to do with our own friends is because there’s no time to fit it in, and I do treasure those moments we have. Haha. Love you like crazy, in God, and as a brother even if God wasn’t even in the picture. See you soon friend.
Mmmhmm. Heading home, and pondering one of the things we discussed, I realised what my defence mechanism was. Confidence. I know its kinda like a “duh” thing? But it is significant for me because I realise that I throw it up almost all the time, the illusion that “I know what I’m doing and to hell with it all”, and I can project it so easily in my eyes, my grin, my walk, stance, or simply shutting down my heart.
Which I think is the reason why I break down in church so much. And ask God to break me down so much. Because between Him and me, my heart laid bare, and me knowing He will never never never ever hurt me, I need to at least make the admission to at least One Person that the truth of it is that goddammit, I really don’t know anything at all.
It means a lot to me. That at least once every week I can come before God, and everyone around me who Loves my God, and say “Hey guys, this is me”, without worrying about whether I’m going to get attacked or shot down, or whether the people I’m leading or encouraging are going to be affected by my slip in confidence. A time when I can afford to be vulnerable, and not responsible. A time to be a kid again(:
Blessed are the children, for it is they who will inherit the kingdom of God.
I think I’m getting it! Haha.Thank You God(:
Wow, I’m all profound tonight :o
Blaaahhh. Haha. Right I’m off. This was good. Later. I’m heading to bed and waiting for the morning.
Cause there may be pain in the night, but joy comes in the morning(:
Heck, its only 1am in the “morning” and I’m feeling much better already. Ha. Okay. Laterrrr. Yawn. Sleepytimes.
Man. Its so comfortable. And the way its laid out. Its like a big grassy rolling field that goes on for miles like the kind we read about and picture in our heads, but without the soil, ants and sticky stuff. :o
I’d hang there everyday just looking at the sky man. Haha. Meh. Going again tmr anyway, to pass Jess the Final Cut Cds. Ha.
Dinner at Ikea later with NPcell! That was really fun. And I went a little crazy and splurged on spaghetti and 6 big chicken wings. But hey, I need some self love kay. Haha.
Affirmations to Jeremy were cool too. And thank you Jeremy for everything you said to us as well, we will miss you! Pastor Josh is right, don’t lose the passion, don’t lose your strengths, don’t lose your surety and honestly and transparency in the 6 months that you’re gone. Maybe even win some souls. Heh. YOU’RE OUR VANGUARD, JEREMY.
:D
Blah. And after some really redundant jaunt to Outram that I refuse to talk about because it pisses me off, I headed over to Charr’s to pass her shirts.
That was good. I said this to you earlier Charr, but I’ll say it again.
I love my conversations with you. I love not talking half the time and we’re just randomly stoning in silence, you in your door, me outside, and when we do talk, we actually talk about intelligent heart-to-heart Christian based stuff that build each other up and its amazing, horror of horrors. And the only reason we’re well - not doing the stupid random stuff both of us are so good at finding to do with our own friends is because there’s no time to fit it in, and I do treasure those moments we have. Haha. Love you like crazy, in God, and as a brother even if God wasn’t even in the picture. See you soon friend.
Mmmhmm. Heading home, and pondering one of the things we discussed, I realised what my defence mechanism was. Confidence. I know its kinda like a “duh” thing? But it is significant for me because I realise that I throw it up almost all the time, the illusion that “I know what I’m doing and to hell with it all”, and I can project it so easily in my eyes, my grin, my walk, stance, or simply shutting down my heart.
Which I think is the reason why I break down in church so much. And ask God to break me down so much. Because between Him and me, my heart laid bare, and me knowing He will never never never ever hurt me, I need to at least make the admission to at least One Person that the truth of it is that goddammit, I really don’t know anything at all.
It means a lot to me. That at least once every week I can come before God, and everyone around me who Loves my God, and say “Hey guys, this is me”, without worrying about whether I’m going to get attacked or shot down, or whether the people I’m leading or encouraging are going to be affected by my slip in confidence. A time when I can afford to be vulnerable, and not responsible. A time to be a kid again(:
Blessed are the children, for it is they who will inherit the kingdom of God.
I think I’m getting it! Haha.Thank You God(:
Wow, I’m all profound tonight :o
Blaaahhh. Haha. Right I’m off. This was good. Later. I’m heading to bed and waiting for the morning.
Cause there may be pain in the night, but joy comes in the morning(:
Heck, its only 1am in the “morning” and I’m feeling much better already. Ha. Okay. Laterrrr. Yawn. Sleepytimes.
Belt it out
Cause here I am
So alone
And there’s nothing in this world I can do
Until you’re back here baby
Miss you want you need you so
Until you’re back here baby
There’s a feeling inside I want you to know
You are the one and I can’t let you go
And I wonder
Are you thinking of me cause I’m thinking of you
And I wonder
Are you ever coming back in my life
Cause here I am
So alone
And there’s nothing in this world I can do
Miss you want you need so
Amidst all the crazy stuff that’s been happening, all that God’s been teaching me, lessons learnt, comfort given, being disciplined, there’s just one more.
Just one more lesson, one more situation I’m going through that no one will ever really know, at least not right now, cause there’s no point telling it, and the telling of it isn’t going to help anyone, close friend or no, guy or girl, cell leader or pastor.
Yeah. I’d tell it if the telling of it, and how God is working in my life through it, would help any of you reading my blog, if it would bless, encourage, and strengthen you. I would gladly. For I know it’s a situation that a lot of us face.
But the telling of it would cause more harm than good, and now is not the time(:
Plus, I’d prefer to teach about it when I’m out of it. Heh.
Maybe a long time from now, to another generation, when the telling won’t ruin any ongoing social situations and friendships that we treasure so much now. When we’re all old and married and with kids, when we’ll laugh about it and shake our heads instead of running around trying to do damage control.
Heck, I’ll write a book. Two books.
So yeah. Till then, this one I gotta stick it out alone, I think. In wistfulness, semi-longing, responsibility and trusting God.
Here we go Lord. Hold me tight(:
Cause here I am
So alone
And there’s nothing in this world I can do
Its an interesting sensation. I’m in tears. I do want to cry. But I am in peace. I am not beset by emotional turmoil or dilemma of any kind. God has me and I trust him wholeheartedly and I’m just not saying that. I’m not overly happy, but I’m not sad either. I’m just..zen. Is this the peace that transcends all understanding? I suppose so. And I treasure it. But I still want to cry. And I will. Just because.
Gosh I hate how BBmak can just set me off just like that. :/ I mean, I asked God for a song to heal me and minister to me, and I was kinda looking for a Christian song, but funny how He works, huh. Guess all songs can heal if God wants them to, it doesn’t just have to be Hillsong or Planetshakers or whatever. He knows whats going to best cut through our hearts at that specific given time. So yeah I guess. Haha. Bleh. I mean, the lyrics aren’t even directly related to my situation. Its more an ideal that I identify with, as I belt it out in the dark of my room at half past midnight.
Are you ever coming back in my life
Cause here I am
So alone
And there’s nothing in this world I can do
So alone
And there’s nothing in this world I can do
Until you’re back here baby
Miss you want you need you so
Until you’re back here baby
There’s a feeling inside I want you to know
You are the one and I can’t let you go
And I wonder
Are you thinking of me cause I’m thinking of you
And I wonder
Are you ever coming back in my life
Cause here I am
So alone
And there’s nothing in this world I can do
Miss you want you need so
Amidst all the crazy stuff that’s been happening, all that God’s been teaching me, lessons learnt, comfort given, being disciplined, there’s just one more.
Just one more lesson, one more situation I’m going through that no one will ever really know, at least not right now, cause there’s no point telling it, and the telling of it isn’t going to help anyone, close friend or no, guy or girl, cell leader or pastor.
Yeah. I’d tell it if the telling of it, and how God is working in my life through it, would help any of you reading my blog, if it would bless, encourage, and strengthen you. I would gladly. For I know it’s a situation that a lot of us face.
But the telling of it would cause more harm than good, and now is not the time(:
Plus, I’d prefer to teach about it when I’m out of it. Heh.
Maybe a long time from now, to another generation, when the telling won’t ruin any ongoing social situations and friendships that we treasure so much now. When we’re all old and married and with kids, when we’ll laugh about it and shake our heads instead of running around trying to do damage control.
Heck, I’ll write a book. Two books.
So yeah. Till then, this one I gotta stick it out alone, I think. In wistfulness, semi-longing, responsibility and trusting God.
Here we go Lord. Hold me tight(:
Cause here I am
So alone
And there’s nothing in this world I can do
Its an interesting sensation. I’m in tears. I do want to cry. But I am in peace. I am not beset by emotional turmoil or dilemma of any kind. God has me and I trust him wholeheartedly and I’m just not saying that. I’m not overly happy, but I’m not sad either. I’m just..zen. Is this the peace that transcends all understanding? I suppose so. And I treasure it. But I still want to cry. And I will. Just because.
Gosh I hate how BBmak can just set me off just like that. :/ I mean, I asked God for a song to heal me and minister to me, and I was kinda looking for a Christian song, but funny how He works, huh. Guess all songs can heal if God wants them to, it doesn’t just have to be Hillsong or Planetshakers or whatever. He knows whats going to best cut through our hearts at that specific given time. So yeah I guess. Haha. Bleh. I mean, the lyrics aren’t even directly related to my situation. Its more an ideal that I identify with, as I belt it out in the dark of my room at half past midnight.
Are you ever coming back in my life
Cause here I am
So alone
And there’s nothing in this world I can do
Monday, September 15, 2008
I am back
Slumming around at the moment, chilling and waiting for some lights supplier guy to call me so I can shower and change and go out to meet him to sign something. He was supposed to call me at 1..
Blah. In other news, I forgot my LJ acc password again :x Time to go digging into Hannah's emails..
ANYWAY. HERE I AM TO GUSH OVER THE AWESOMENESS OF ONLINE RECORDED SERMONS(:
Coos has managed to keep a record of every single message ever given at any service (including youth service), since 2005 at least, and it is amaaaazing. The search engine is easy to use, its well categorized, and downloading a 45-1 hour message is only about 5MB and takes under 20 seconds to download.
Plus the sound quality is really good!
I mean, it is so cool. I discovered this yesterday when I was at Yisin's place, and I found a Pastor Josh message on Living A Long Life (Its about honouring your parents) on his iTunes, and we were laughing so hard. That was a good message. And its really cool, cause when you listen you really can envision you're sitting wherever you usually sit in the red plush seats, and the usual people sitting to your left and right, and people laughing, and its very easy to immerse self into a service like mode. Its like we're actually there(:
Even though that message was given in Feb 2006 or something, and I wasn't in Coos yet. But it still was amazingly cool. Haha.
Here it is! Download it! Its amazingly funny from the very start! HAHA. :D
Remember to right-click to download! Or it'll just play as an audio file!
So of course I went to find the first ever message that really impacted me like crazy, the Pastor Jen one that I talked about in my testimony(:
And the scary part is that Yisin remembers more about that day than i do. Haha. He told me that he said hi to me, and afters we went to Anchorpoint for dinner with some of the guys, and Charisia was the only girl and we were poking fun at her.
That was cool. Haha. Like, whoa. He remembers that I went up for altar call too :o
The name of that crazy message was How To Break Free and Stay Free
Download here if you want :D Remember to right-click!
In fact, please do, its really fun listening to these messages and remembering what we were doing at that time, where we were sitting at, what we were laughing at and which parts we were really touched by God(:
Yeah. Haha. I haven't listen to it fully yet, just the first part and the story, but I definitely remember! :DD
I also found the message where I was called by God.
Spent some time trying to find it, but I eventually did, Tamara Winslow, about March this year. The voice is unmistakable. That was pretty crazy. I spent some time earlier before blogging this just listening, listening to the altar call that God just hit her with, listening to it with tears in my eyes and awe, remembering how God called me to go up, and me struggling and doubting, and God proving to me that yes He had called me, and all that. Crazy good. I am so blessed. Haha.
"I just saw the Spirit of the Lord move in this room. And it was like God pointed his finger at many different ones of you. And I felt that the Spirit of the Lord said, that its time to take your destiny. Its time to take your call. I just saw this SO CLEARLY, his hand, his finger pointing at different ones of you, saying, Its Time. Its time to take that calling, to take that destiny. Make sure your heads are bowed and your eyes are closed. I had not planned on doing this, but, I- we- need to do this."
"There's some people that are called here for different things, and it doesn't matter how old or how young you are. Right now, this is the Spirit of God. Wherever you are standing, I want you, to lift your hands to God, and just reach out to Him and say 'God I'm going to take my destiny tonight. I'm going to take it. I'mma take hold of it.' You lift your hands to Him. Cause you know its his fingers pointed at your life right now. Lift them up. Lord Jesus, I'm taking it! YOU speak it out of your mouth! I'm taking my destiny tonight!"
"I very seldom do this. But there's a couple of you here, in this past week, and this is the Spirit of the Lord speaking to you. In this past week, says the Spirit of the Lord, I have been talking to you about this very thing. I've been talking to you about your destiny, your calling in Me. And the Spirit of the Lord is telling me, you are going to have to take a physical step in action. I don't know where you are in this room and this auditorium, but I need you to come right down front here because God wants to do something. There are several of you here. God's been speaking to you. IN THIS PAST WEEK. So get on down here quickly. Get on down here. In this past week He's been talking to you about your call, about your destiny, His plan for your life. I know there's a few. Okay there we go one, come on, come on, come on. God's been speaking to you. Very specifically. Several of you in your prayer time. When you've been - One of you, YOU WERE ON THE BUS. And God SPOKE TO YOU and said, I have a call, I've got a destiny for your life, and its time to GO FOR IT. "
Hannah :D
We were so blessed that day, so many of us. Its just so cool. All the memories come flowing back. All that intensity, all that fear, all that awe, all that breaking down, all that joy that comes after, every single minute of acutely feeling God's presence pressuring down on us "Go and follow my will".
Epic.
Hahahaha. Here's the link to download. Its about an hour long. That was a crazy day(:
Remember to right-click! XD
Rawr. Haha. Go check out the resource! Its whoaaaa. Hahaha. Okay I am off. Later :D
Blah. In other news, I forgot my LJ acc password again :x Time to go digging into Hannah's emails..
ANYWAY. HERE I AM TO GUSH OVER THE AWESOMENESS OF ONLINE RECORDED SERMONS(:
Coos has managed to keep a record of every single message ever given at any service (including youth service), since 2005 at least, and it is amaaaazing. The search engine is easy to use, its well categorized, and downloading a 45-1 hour message is only about 5MB and takes under 20 seconds to download.
Plus the sound quality is really good!
I mean, it is so cool. I discovered this yesterday when I was at Yisin's place, and I found a Pastor Josh message on Living A Long Life (Its about honouring your parents) on his iTunes, and we were laughing so hard. That was a good message. And its really cool, cause when you listen you really can envision you're sitting wherever you usually sit in the red plush seats, and the usual people sitting to your left and right, and people laughing, and its very easy to immerse self into a service like mode. Its like we're actually there(:
Even though that message was given in Feb 2006 or something, and I wasn't in Coos yet. But it still was amazingly cool. Haha.
Here it is! Download it! Its amazingly funny from the very start! HAHA. :D
Remember to right-click to download! Or it'll just play as an audio file!
So of course I went to find the first ever message that really impacted me like crazy, the Pastor Jen one that I talked about in my testimony(:
And the scary part is that Yisin remembers more about that day than i do. Haha. He told me that he said hi to me, and afters we went to Anchorpoint for dinner with some of the guys, and Charisia was the only girl and we were poking fun at her.
That was cool. Haha. Like, whoa. He remembers that I went up for altar call too :o
The name of that crazy message was How To Break Free and Stay Free
Download here if you want :D Remember to right-click!
In fact, please do, its really fun listening to these messages and remembering what we were doing at that time, where we were sitting at, what we were laughing at and which parts we were really touched by God(:
Yeah. Haha. I haven't listen to it fully yet, just the first part and the story, but I definitely remember! :DD
I also found the message where I was called by God.
Spent some time trying to find it, but I eventually did, Tamara Winslow, about March this year. The voice is unmistakable. That was pretty crazy. I spent some time earlier before blogging this just listening, listening to the altar call that God just hit her with, listening to it with tears in my eyes and awe, remembering how God called me to go up, and me struggling and doubting, and God proving to me that yes He had called me, and all that. Crazy good. I am so blessed. Haha.
"I just saw the Spirit of the Lord move in this room. And it was like God pointed his finger at many different ones of you. And I felt that the Spirit of the Lord said, that its time to take your destiny. Its time to take your call. I just saw this SO CLEARLY, his hand, his finger pointing at different ones of you, saying, Its Time. Its time to take that calling, to take that destiny. Make sure your heads are bowed and your eyes are closed. I had not planned on doing this, but, I- we- need to do this."
"There's some people that are called here for different things, and it doesn't matter how old or how young you are. Right now, this is the Spirit of God. Wherever you are standing, I want you, to lift your hands to God, and just reach out to Him and say 'God I'm going to take my destiny tonight. I'm going to take it. I'mma take hold of it.' You lift your hands to Him. Cause you know its his fingers pointed at your life right now. Lift them up. Lord Jesus, I'm taking it! YOU speak it out of your mouth! I'm taking my destiny tonight!"
"I very seldom do this. But there's a couple of you here, in this past week, and this is the Spirit of the Lord speaking to you. In this past week, says the Spirit of the Lord, I have been talking to you about this very thing. I've been talking to you about your destiny, your calling in Me. And the Spirit of the Lord is telling me, you are going to have to take a physical step in action. I don't know where you are in this room and this auditorium, but I need you to come right down front here because God wants to do something. There are several of you here. God's been speaking to you. IN THIS PAST WEEK. So get on down here quickly. Get on down here. In this past week He's been talking to you about your call, about your destiny, His plan for your life. I know there's a few. Okay there we go one, come on, come on, come on. God's been speaking to you. Very specifically. Several of you in your prayer time. When you've been - One of you, YOU WERE ON THE BUS. And God SPOKE TO YOU and said, I have a call, I've got a destiny for your life, and its time to GO FOR IT. "
Hannah :D
We were so blessed that day, so many of us. Its just so cool. All the memories come flowing back. All that intensity, all that fear, all that awe, all that breaking down, all that joy that comes after, every single minute of acutely feeling God's presence pressuring down on us "Go and follow my will".
Epic.
Hahahaha. Here's the link to download. Its about an hour long. That was a crazy day(:
Remember to right-click! XD
Rawr. Haha. Go check out the resource! Its whoaaaa. Hahaha. Okay I am off. Later :D
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Keenan would be so proud
I actually cleared up my iTunes yesterday! :o
Like last night, I actually hunkered down and deleted all these songs that I've hated staring at on my com. Deleted artiste by artiste. Pretty cool. Gtfo Incubus, Silverstein, Avenged Sevenfold, selected songs from Akon, other angry/emo/screaming bands that I don't remember and will never see again, and...Dream Theatre.
Okay no I didn't get rid of Dream Theatre. I was gonna. I really was. I actually typed "metal" into my iTunes with the intention to get rid of every last vestige of it from my mac with extreme prejudice.
Except the only two left were Dream Theatre and...Nickelback?? Nickelback =/= metal man, what the hell. Yeah. I was stumped by Dream Theatre for awhile, but I decided in the end it wasn't worth Keenan jumping out of my closet and massacreing me on the spot.
Yeah. Well.
Still got quite a number of duplicates though, but most of them are marginally different versions of Hillsong/Planetshaker songs and I'd rather not lose something important inadvertley right now. Hey, its a start :D
Eh, yeah steamboat on thursday night was a blast. Too bad everyone wanted to leave so early, I was still going strong. $18.90 is more than worth it for unlimited dolings of beef and chicken and hot soup and vegetables and mushrooms and-
(:
Heh. Okay I r off. Got a number of things to do before I meet Sharyl at 11!
Like last night, I actually hunkered down and deleted all these songs that I've hated staring at on my com. Deleted artiste by artiste. Pretty cool. Gtfo Incubus, Silverstein, Avenged Sevenfold, selected songs from Akon, other angry/emo/screaming bands that I don't remember and will never see again, and...Dream Theatre.
Okay no I didn't get rid of Dream Theatre. I was gonna. I really was. I actually typed "metal" into my iTunes with the intention to get rid of every last vestige of it from my mac with extreme prejudice.
Except the only two left were Dream Theatre and...Nickelback?? Nickelback =/= metal man, what the hell. Yeah. I was stumped by Dream Theatre for awhile, but I decided in the end it wasn't worth Keenan jumping out of my closet and massacreing me on the spot.
Yeah. Well.
Still got quite a number of duplicates though, but most of them are marginally different versions of Hillsong/Planetshaker songs and I'd rather not lose something important inadvertley right now. Hey, its a start :D
Eh, yeah steamboat on thursday night was a blast. Too bad everyone wanted to leave so early, I was still going strong. $18.90 is more than worth it for unlimited dolings of beef and chicken and hot soup and vegetables and mushrooms and-
(:
Heh. Okay I r off. Got a number of things to do before I meet Sharyl at 11!
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Life needs to be simpler
You're the kind of friend who always bends when I'm broken
Like remember when
You took my heart and put it back together again
I've been wasting time with clueless guys
But now it's over
Let me tell you why
I'm through
I've met someone new
Who's just like you
You're it
You're the ultimate
It's automatic.
I'm sure of it
No lie
So don't even try
To tell me that you're not the guy
Cuz I've been waiting all my life
For someone just like you
But you're it
You're the ultimate, you
You're the kind of guy who's hands in mine send shivers up and down my spine
You took my heart and put it back together again.
You're the kind of guy that blows my mind
But now it's my turn
You've been right in front of me
Everything I need
Why didn't i see
You're it
You're the ultimate, you
I freaking love this song. I mean, the lyrics don't quite cut it, but with the guitar riffs and lead vocals going crazy all over the place, it hits something. Something in my soul that answers back. I don't quite know what it is, but go check it out. Its effing badass.
Like remember when
You took my heart and put it back together again
I've been wasting time with clueless guys
But now it's over
Let me tell you why
I'm through
I've met someone new
Who's just like you
You're it
You're the ultimate
It's automatic.
I'm sure of it
No lie
So don't even try
To tell me that you're not the guy
Cuz I've been waiting all my life
For someone just like you
But you're it
You're the ultimate, you
You're the kind of guy who's hands in mine send shivers up and down my spine
You took my heart and put it back together again.
You're the kind of guy that blows my mind
But now it's my turn
You've been right in front of me
Everything I need
Why didn't i see
You're it
You're the ultimate, you
I freaking love this song. I mean, the lyrics don't quite cut it, but with the guitar riffs and lead vocals going crazy all over the place, it hits something. Something in my soul that answers back. I don't quite know what it is, but go check it out. Its effing badass.
Home slacking.
Okay mostly because I don't have the money to do anything else, but im pretty sure I could have spent the time more effectively than watching Red Vs Blue.
Meh. Haha off to steamboat soon. Should be hella fun. And Saturday's lined up pretty good too, so that leaves tomorrow another slack at home day. I...should probably figure out the run/dance/guitar(maybe) timetable thing I've been wanting to do for awhile now. That is if I can NOT go to the com straightaway after waking up, or breakfast..
I worry about cell worship this week ):
Also, HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO CRASH MGS, LALA :o
Meh.
Meh. Haha off to steamboat soon. Should be hella fun. And Saturday's lined up pretty good too, so that leaves tomorrow another slack at home day. I...should probably figure out the run/dance/guitar(maybe) timetable thing I've been wanting to do for awhile now. That is if I can NOT go to the com straightaway after waking up, or breakfast..
I worry about cell worship this week ):
Also, HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO CRASH MGS, LALA :o
Meh.
Okay fine hahahaha
Yes, I'd better talk about how the day was yesterday hahahahah.
It was really fun! Like, the previous night, I was up till 5am with paper and markers and everything strewn over the living room carpet writing letters for people that I felt compelled to write to, whether I really missed them, really appreciated them, wanted to encourage, all of that, and yesterday was the giving out of those letters to the people I wrote to.
Yes I could have mailed them. But where's the fun in that. (Okay you can debate that there is absolutely no fun going around all of Singapore without a concession pass but hey the important thing is the spirit of craziness okay) Plus, I don't really trust the postman. Just an upbringing where my mom has no qualms about opening my letters for "my own good", and if anybody else's parents are like that, and not understand that a guy coming across half the world to drop off a handwritten handfolded letter of love and encouragement DOESN'T ALWAYS HAVE TO BE A COURTING LETTER.
Yeah well. Haha. So I woke up at 10am in vague pleasant fuzziness, trying to remember what I had to do on a Wednesday, cause I vaguely remembered something really important was going on, and suddenly i was like OHSHIT RED CAMP TRIAL AT 11 RUN.
Yeah. Its amazing how fast I can get out of the house when I want to. Sigh.
So Red Camp Trial was cool. Idk. I mean, I think I did well, plus okay I already knew all of the people testing us and I was concentrating more on keeping the relationship professional than anything? And I found out Deb's a dancer, not just a dancer, but a trainer :o
WHAT THE HELL DEB, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO TELL THESE THINGS TO YOUR OGL WHEN YOU MEET HIM, NOT HALF A YEAR LATER.
Aaahh. Haha. Hope I get in though. I mean anything can happen, and it IS up to God, and I'm cool if I don't. But I do love working with those people though. Its always fun and insanely productive and so nice and clean and stuff. :D
Like, I have never seen any ambassador or SL place an overly great emphasis on vulgar humour. And that means something to me, tons really.
ANYWAY. Got into interview room with Kim and Janani. It was funny. Kim started scolding me for not picking up my phone yesterday the moment I got in.
"Oh er, I was watching a movie"
"Yes i know, with Keenan and Josh, I TRIED CALLING THEM TOO AND THEN I KNEW YOU GUYS WERE TOGETHER"
[sheepish expression]
Heh. Right, so went to poke about IS filming for a little bit. Passed Pris her letter. Gerald you rock as a rocker man. You should do it more often. No serious. Effing cool! Haahahha.
And when that was wrapped up, the guys went to KAP for dinner, but I stayed behind cause I wanted to work on cell worship this week. Uh. And was trying to find out where exactly dear Charlene stayed so I could pass her the letter I had for her, BUT SHE WAS SLEEPING.
Its like once Char gets home, she becomes the Immovable Object and wont ever get out ever again nope.
But I love you anyway girl, it wouldn't be the same if you weren't like that. Haha. (:
And then I went to meet the guys again anyway cause Josh took my charger -.-
Headed to town with Adin so I could pass Bev her letter, and met up with Adelyn, which was cool cause I haven't seen her in years but she's always so funny. Haahha. Hit Bishan on the train so I could go find Hannah's place!
Cause you know, Hannah's place is at Bishan and all.
.......
Sigh. I got my ass to Bishan. Hannah didn't pick up. I called Yisin. Yisin...
tells me Hannah stays at Serangoon.
Me: $£!@£@!^$@$%£@%$£!!!!!£%@!!!!
Blah. Haha. Hannah woke up and started panicking cause she had no idea how to direct people to her house, and the way she was saying it was like so complicated I really thought it was really hard to get there. So I got on 13, and got off one stop too early by mistake cause I was deathly afraid of overshooting, started plodding down the road,
And suddenly I realise the surrounding area looks awfully familiar.
Me to Hannah: If you stay next door to my grandmother, I'm spazzing out.
Yeah. I've only been going to that area my whole life...
Lol. So yeah. I head over to Serangoon still in shock, on my way to Charr's place now, and I decide that the worst possible thing that can top what just happened is Charr getting on the same train to go home and me not noticing til we reach Chinese Gardens.
Uh. Lol. This was about...830pm?
Right. It was a rather uneventful trip though. Up til about when I took the westbound train from Outram and suddenly I realise that I know the person sitting in front of me.
No it wasn't Charr.
Mathias. Haha. One of the DHs from FOC camp, he went to Mongolia for 6 months for attachment and apparently came back a week ago. That was cool, haha. Guy's hair looked so different. And he was talking to a dude that I also knew, Red Camp SL with me last year too for the Centurion tribe.
Freaky. Haha. Good to catch up though. Mathias is always so levelheaded and its cool, cause I had a chance to talk to someone from that whole SU family about the whole thing? Like quitting and everything? And air my concerns about the possible backlash I've been worrying about?
Catching up was cool man. Haha.
And I found Charr's place eventually, and hauled my ass home.
And Charr finds her letter about when the time I reach Queenstown and manages to bless me so much with a thankyou that melted my heart so much it made everything all worth it and beyond(:
I'm ALWAYS here for you girl, okay? I love you(:
:D Okay I am off. Later. (:
It was really fun! Like, the previous night, I was up till 5am with paper and markers and everything strewn over the living room carpet writing letters for people that I felt compelled to write to, whether I really missed them, really appreciated them, wanted to encourage, all of that, and yesterday was the giving out of those letters to the people I wrote to.
Yes I could have mailed them. But where's the fun in that. (Okay you can debate that there is absolutely no fun going around all of Singapore without a concession pass but hey the important thing is the spirit of craziness okay) Plus, I don't really trust the postman. Just an upbringing where my mom has no qualms about opening my letters for "my own good", and if anybody else's parents are like that, and not understand that a guy coming across half the world to drop off a handwritten handfolded letter of love and encouragement DOESN'T ALWAYS HAVE TO BE A COURTING LETTER.
Yeah well. Haha. So I woke up at 10am in vague pleasant fuzziness, trying to remember what I had to do on a Wednesday, cause I vaguely remembered something really important was going on, and suddenly i was like OHSHIT RED CAMP TRIAL AT 11 RUN.
Yeah. Its amazing how fast I can get out of the house when I want to. Sigh.
So Red Camp Trial was cool. Idk. I mean, I think I did well, plus okay I already knew all of the people testing us and I was concentrating more on keeping the relationship professional than anything? And I found out Deb's a dancer, not just a dancer, but a trainer :o
WHAT THE HELL DEB, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO TELL THESE THINGS TO YOUR OGL WHEN YOU MEET HIM, NOT HALF A YEAR LATER.
Aaahh. Haha. Hope I get in though. I mean anything can happen, and it IS up to God, and I'm cool if I don't. But I do love working with those people though. Its always fun and insanely productive and so nice and clean and stuff. :D
Like, I have never seen any ambassador or SL place an overly great emphasis on vulgar humour. And that means something to me, tons really.
ANYWAY. Got into interview room with Kim and Janani. It was funny. Kim started scolding me for not picking up my phone yesterday the moment I got in.
"Oh er, I was watching a movie"
"Yes i know, with Keenan and Josh, I TRIED CALLING THEM TOO AND THEN I KNEW YOU GUYS WERE TOGETHER"
[sheepish expression]
Heh. Right, so went to poke about IS filming for a little bit. Passed Pris her letter. Gerald you rock as a rocker man. You should do it more often. No serious. Effing cool! Haahahha.
And when that was wrapped up, the guys went to KAP for dinner, but I stayed behind cause I wanted to work on cell worship this week. Uh. And was trying to find out where exactly dear Charlene stayed so I could pass her the letter I had for her, BUT SHE WAS SLEEPING.
Its like once Char gets home, she becomes the Immovable Object and wont ever get out ever again nope.
But I love you anyway girl, it wouldn't be the same if you weren't like that. Haha. (:
And then I went to meet the guys again anyway cause Josh took my charger -.-
Headed to town with Adin so I could pass Bev her letter, and met up with Adelyn, which was cool cause I haven't seen her in years but she's always so funny. Haahha. Hit Bishan on the train so I could go find Hannah's place!
Cause you know, Hannah's place is at Bishan and all.
.......
Sigh. I got my ass to Bishan. Hannah didn't pick up. I called Yisin. Yisin...
tells me Hannah stays at Serangoon.
Me: $£!@£@!^$@$%£@%$£!!!!!£%@!!!!
Blah. Haha. Hannah woke up and started panicking cause she had no idea how to direct people to her house, and the way she was saying it was like so complicated I really thought it was really hard to get there. So I got on 13, and got off one stop too early by mistake cause I was deathly afraid of overshooting, started plodding down the road,
And suddenly I realise the surrounding area looks awfully familiar.
Me to Hannah: If you stay next door to my grandmother, I'm spazzing out.
Yeah. I've only been going to that area my whole life...
Lol. So yeah. I head over to Serangoon still in shock, on my way to Charr's place now, and I decide that the worst possible thing that can top what just happened is Charr getting on the same train to go home and me not noticing til we reach Chinese Gardens.
Uh. Lol. This was about...830pm?
Right. It was a rather uneventful trip though. Up til about when I took the westbound train from Outram and suddenly I realise that I know the person sitting in front of me.
No it wasn't Charr.
Mathias. Haha. One of the DHs from FOC camp, he went to Mongolia for 6 months for attachment and apparently came back a week ago. That was cool, haha. Guy's hair looked so different. And he was talking to a dude that I also knew, Red Camp SL with me last year too for the Centurion tribe.
Freaky. Haha. Good to catch up though. Mathias is always so levelheaded and its cool, cause I had a chance to talk to someone from that whole SU family about the whole thing? Like quitting and everything? And air my concerns about the possible backlash I've been worrying about?
Catching up was cool man. Haha.
And I found Charr's place eventually, and hauled my ass home.
And Charr finds her letter about when the time I reach Queenstown and manages to bless me so much with a thankyou that melted my heart so much it made everything all worth it and beyond(:
I'm ALWAYS here for you girl, okay? I love you(:
:D Okay I am off. Later. (:
Let us build one another up
Because the greatest of these is love (:
I frigging love all of you right now. All of you people who matter to me in my life. All you people that God has placed in my life, Christian or non-Christian, who have been blessing me so much and so much over the years. Everyone in church. And I know I'm never ever alone(:
Aaaaahhh. That fullness of joy is sweeping over me right now as I type this. I hardly know what i'm typing, and I apologize for the messiness, but i'm crazy happy and I am so blessed, and I don't regret writing those letters at all last night, and maybe all it cost me was a little sleep? And that outpouring of love was sparked by an outpouring of love from the church towards me on Saturday, and now I understand why God made me like all emo and stuff in the couple of days building up to last week's service. I'm growing, and He's just teaching me stuff, its amazing, and its coooooooooll.
I realise the post makes hardly any sense at it. I don't care. HAHA. Love makes no sense, and I'm going to waste less time making sense of it, and spending more time trying to love everyone around me, and encouraging and building up because oh God you loved me first, and I am starting to understand why you do, because when I love someone and they love back, its an unparelled feeling that I cannot express and I'm starting to understand what You're looking for in a relationship with us. Heh.
Blaaaaah. Less time on theology we should spend. Less time on nitpicking what blessings we can or cannot get as according to the bible we should spend. Does speaking in tongues make me younger? Do I agree? Do I not? (Okay I don't, but that's besides the point). I just want to love.
Jesus Prays for All Believers
My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one. I in them and you in me. May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me.
Father I want those you have given me to be with me where I am and to see my glory, the glory you have given me because you loved me before the creation of the world.
Righteous Father, thought the world does not know you, I know you, and they know that you have sent me. I have made you known to them, and will continue to make you known in order that the love you have for me maybe in them and that I myself may be in them.
-----------------------------------------------
John 17:20-26
-----------------------------------------------
I am happy like crazy. And the crazy thing is that I didn't set out to make myself happy when I chose to put effort into loving other people, into making them happy. But the aftermath of that somehow is that I am crazy happy anyway.
HAHAHA WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
I love you, all of you(:
I frigging love all of you right now. All of you people who matter to me in my life. All you people that God has placed in my life, Christian or non-Christian, who have been blessing me so much and so much over the years. Everyone in church. And I know I'm never ever alone(:
Aaaaahhh. That fullness of joy is sweeping over me right now as I type this. I hardly know what i'm typing, and I apologize for the messiness, but i'm crazy happy and I am so blessed, and I don't regret writing those letters at all last night, and maybe all it cost me was a little sleep? And that outpouring of love was sparked by an outpouring of love from the church towards me on Saturday, and now I understand why God made me like all emo and stuff in the couple of days building up to last week's service. I'm growing, and He's just teaching me stuff, its amazing, and its coooooooooll.
I realise the post makes hardly any sense at it. I don't care. HAHA. Love makes no sense, and I'm going to waste less time making sense of it, and spending more time trying to love everyone around me, and encouraging and building up because oh God you loved me first, and I am starting to understand why you do, because when I love someone and they love back, its an unparelled feeling that I cannot express and I'm starting to understand what You're looking for in a relationship with us. Heh.
Blaaaaah. Less time on theology we should spend. Less time on nitpicking what blessings we can or cannot get as according to the bible we should spend. Does speaking in tongues make me younger? Do I agree? Do I not? (Okay I don't, but that's besides the point). I just want to love.
Jesus Prays for All Believers
My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one. I in them and you in me. May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me.
Father I want those you have given me to be with me where I am and to see my glory, the glory you have given me because you loved me before the creation of the world.
Righteous Father, thought the world does not know you, I know you, and they know that you have sent me. I have made you known to them, and will continue to make you known in order that the love you have for me maybe in them and that I myself may be in them.
-----------------------------------------------
John 17:20-26
-----------------------------------------------
I am happy like crazy. And the crazy thing is that I didn't set out to make myself happy when I chose to put effort into loving other people, into making them happy. But the aftermath of that somehow is that I am crazy happy anyway.
HAHAHA WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
I love you, all of you(:
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Update
Right I only have 5 minutes left on this thing, so a quick rundown is about good so i can move on in my life and blog the new stuff as it hits me :D
1) Service was awesome beyond awesome. I was still feeling very down at the start of it, but my life is funny in the sense that whenever I ask God to show me His Presence, and break me down and heal me at service, He does so. He comes through, and every time in an entirely new way that I never see coming, but is so perfect. :D Okay I shall stop talking now. :D
2) Hannah (: Shoutout! :D
3) Family church was alright. Meeting NPcell for dinner at east coast after their outing was pretty cool too. Went about queensway with YJ and got a book from him when i tagged along to his place. Awesome
4) Hanging out with Adin, Keenan and Josh has been awesome.
5) Sarah Marshall freaking effing rules. Period.
OKAY GOING NOW BYEBYE
1) Service was awesome beyond awesome. I was still feeling very down at the start of it, but my life is funny in the sense that whenever I ask God to show me His Presence, and break me down and heal me at service, He does so. He comes through, and every time in an entirely new way that I never see coming, but is so perfect. :D Okay I shall stop talking now. :D
2) Hannah (: Shoutout! :D
3) Family church was alright. Meeting NPcell for dinner at east coast after their outing was pretty cool too. Went about queensway with YJ and got a book from him when i tagged along to his place. Awesome
4) Hanging out with Adin, Keenan and Josh has been awesome.
5) Sarah Marshall freaking effing rules. Period.
OKAY GOING NOW BYEBYE
Saturday, September 6, 2008
Thank you so much
This is a shoutout to Hannah, Keenan, and Sonia.
Thank you for being there for me over last night, this morning/afternoon, just having people that bother to be there for me and ask how i'm doing when i'm sitting wounded, depressed, and in silent fear over whether i'm appreciated or not cheers me up immensely.
It got better yes, but then it got worse, so thank you(:
And thank you God for sending them to me, church later Lord, heal me please? I Need this, I need You.
Love unfailing
Overtaking my heart
Take me there
Thank you for being there for me over last night, this morning/afternoon, just having people that bother to be there for me and ask how i'm doing when i'm sitting wounded, depressed, and in silent fear over whether i'm appreciated or not cheers me up immensely.
It got better yes, but then it got worse, so thank you(:
And thank you God for sending them to me, church later Lord, heal me please? I Need this, I need You.
Love unfailing
Overtaking my heart
Take me there
Friday, September 5, 2008
That’s right Lord. We’ll worship you even when its hard as hell. Cause we’re not always happy when we walk in to worship you. We don’t always sing Hosanna with smiles. We don’t always jump in joy when we sing you praises. The healing’s not always instant. Hurt doesn’t vanish the moment the drums go and the guitars start playing. But are we still going to worship you anyway? Yes, to the ends of the earth.
Cause sometimes tears are running down my face
And not because I’m in awe of You
And not because You’ve showed me something new
Sometimes its just simple sorrow, grief and hurt
Rejection, fear, loneliness in places that should never be
We bring all these things to the altar too.
I’m growing up today
As I start to realise the meaning of “To the ends of the earth”
And that “I will follow you in the good and the bad” can be so real.
But I will hold on
Somewhere along the line you’ll make it right
So as I sing a song of praise in a whole new way
Desperate, grim, with passion from pain.
I’m trusting in you in this dark place tonight.
Hold me Dad, You’re the only real one I have. And I’m going to keep sobbing into You again and again cause that’s what dads are there for. ..right?
---------------------------------------------
I'm good now (:
Cause sometimes tears are running down my face
And not because I’m in awe of You
And not because You’ve showed me something new
Sometimes its just simple sorrow, grief and hurt
Rejection, fear, loneliness in places that should never be
We bring all these things to the altar too.
I’m growing up today
As I start to realise the meaning of “To the ends of the earth”
And that “I will follow you in the good and the bad” can be so real.
But I will hold on
Somewhere along the line you’ll make it right
So as I sing a song of praise in a whole new way
Desperate, grim, with passion from pain.
I’m trusting in you in this dark place tonight.
Hold me Dad, You’re the only real one I have. And I’m going to keep sobbing into You again and again cause that’s what dads are there for. ..right?
---------------------------------------------
I'm good now (:
Monday, September 1, 2008
Lets just summarise everything yesterday into two songs
No internet the whole of yesterday. But I WILL post what I had on my mind haha. So if you usually come here expecting a long entry to waste time mulling over with, that's not going to happen today, but if you could just turn off the itunes and the youtube for a moment and press "play" on these two songs in their entirety, that would be awesome :D
Remember when life was a lot simpler? Haha okay whatever. I'm off to buy stuff for cell bbq, i'm already running a little late. Later (:
Remember when life was a lot simpler? Haha okay whatever. I'm off to buy stuff for cell bbq, i'm already running a little late. Later (:
Friday, August 29, 2008
Reading my old posts
..is interesting, to say the least.
E.g. I present to you this post from Feb 2008:
----------------------------------------
HEY SORRY CHARLENE AND FELICIA FOR NOT GOING OUT TO DINNER WITH YOU TWO D=
Sorry): I wanted to go y'know! But like yeah I'm trying to stop going out with girls so often, like no offense and all, but yeah D=
AND NO ITS NOT BEING SEXIST. IM TRYING TO BUILD MEANINGFUL SAME SEX RELATIONSHIPS.
----------------------------------------
Um.
E.g. I present to you this post from Feb 2008:
----------------------------------------
HEY SORRY CHARLENE AND FELICIA FOR NOT GOING OUT TO DINNER WITH YOU TWO D=
Sorry): I wanted to go y'know! But like yeah I'm trying to stop going out with girls so often, like no offense and all, but yeah D=
AND NO ITS NOT BEING SEXIST. IM TRYING TO BUILD MEANINGFUL SAME SEX RELATIONSHIPS.
----------------------------------------
Um.
JUST BACK FROM CORPORATE PRAYER (:
YAY IT WAS GOOD :D
And I feel productive. Ahahahah. Even though the majority of the day was kinda suck because I was reaaaaally unproductive and just lazed around doing nothing good and I was feeling grumpy about it, and also bad that I didn't use the time to read God's Word or worship or something constructive like that.
Plus I fought with my mom like 20 minutes before coming down to church. Like, I just lost it and blew up when my mom came back and instantly started yelling at me and I did the whole "you're not a good mother" line.
Sigh. Yes, it was not good. Yes, I do regret it. But I am determined to put it down here because I just don't want to write down the good things that happen in my life..
):
So yeah like 5 minutes before I came down I was feeling quite bad. And all. And I was rather..sombre because cellmates all weren't coming down for Corporate Prayer, not even Keenan, and I was pretty much alone.
Actually I wasn't really? Like I saw Hannah around, and Rachel and Yisin and Chonghao and all, but they like already had their own groups of people to sit with/dinner and stuff, and so i really didn't want to bother anyone.
Yes, it is a problem I have. I seem to be near-unable to ask "Hey can I join you guys?", or something. Its a combination of pride, plus fear of people saying "Yes you can join us", but thinking secretly "What a loser he doesn't have his own friends have to come and bother us".
I KNOW, PEOPLE IN CHURCH AREN'T LIKE THAT, but its trauma I guess. Left over from secondary school. Don't ask. :/
Just something I have to work through, I guess. Bah. But yeah, I don't like crashing already defined social circles much):
ANYWAY. So I'm sitting there alone in my pew when in front and behind of me there are rows of youth that I know, but they like are sitting in cells and all and I'm like "meh", but I decide that hey its a good blessing too, and a humbling for me socially wise, and I cheer up a little and start focusing on God as the worship starts :D
Alone, but hey. Church isn't about friends anyway, its about God, and it'd be nice to have friends but its not the end of the world I suppose.
And I'm still a bit wistful.
But then as the worship team breaks into "Forever", Charlene suddenly pokes me and shuffles into the seat beside me and I cheer up considerably. :DDDD
I mean, I knew she was coming, but she's supposed to be with Leader's Cell right, with Chonghao and Yisin and all, and I tell her where they are sitting because you know, she's supposed to be with them and all.
BUT SHE STAYS :DDD
(:
/happy. Thank You God for small miracles and showing You're always looking out for me :D
And thank you Char (:
(: (: (:
Hahaha. My God will meet all my needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus. ITS TRUE (:
So the worship team carries on into Hosanna, the Paul Baloche one, and I am reminded of this monday when we had our attempted worship session in school and I'm like :D
Hahaha. We were trying to sing that song a lot. And you know, me feeling grumpy at myself for not being useful the whole day, God just healed me of that as I worshipped Him. Like I could feel a tangible lifting of my somewhat heavy heart as He just well - simply healed me :D
Thank You God. Haha :D
Prayer was really really good! Haha. The church tried this new thing where they didn't give us any prescribed prayer pointers regarding the topics we're praying for, but chose to let us listen to God's voice and pray for what He was impressing on our hearts to pray for.
And it was cool cause it really put us in a spirit of really trying to be attentive to what God wanted us to declare over the people/things we were praying for, even if we don't really know anything about that situation or the struggles the people are going through. And we have freedom to go where God leads. Haha.
And for myself, God really showed me this little thing, and that little thing, to pray for haha. So its really an exercise of stepping out in faith to obey God's nudgings? And it was good :D
And then!! Cause I was praying with Zhi Jie (Visitor, Shermaine's classmate and Anabel's schoolmate) and Anabel cause Charlene wanted to watch over her Psixers, God impressed on me as the whole thing was winding down to pray for Zhi Jie and bless and affirm him in the Lord haha and so I did after Corporate Prayer ended.
And then I prayed for Charlene's Psixers cause God impressed on me to pray for them too!
I mean, its really cool man, dude, they're 12 and their parents let them come to church on a Friday night till 10+, it really is a super huge blessing. Especially as they really do come. And there's so much potential to grow there in God and in hunger and passion for Him so I felt that that needed to be prayed for (:
And then I met Hannah, and she had a really really really bad headache and was looking quite down because of it, and I had this flash thought "Hey we can pray for the headache to go away" -
But then I wimped out ):
Still a long way to go Lord. Haha. Ah well. But still a good day and thank You for training me today it definitely cheered me up at least haha. (:
YAY GOOD NEWS CHARISIA CAN BRING THE FRIED RICE FOR THE BBQ!! (:
:DDD
Okay church tmrrr. I still am not sure who's going and who I'm going to sit with, but I think today has taught me that God will handle my company for me. Heh.
I mean, its His house man. I think He's got His own seating arrangement covered. Lol :D
(:
And I feel productive. Ahahahah. Even though the majority of the day was kinda suck because I was reaaaaally unproductive and just lazed around doing nothing good and I was feeling grumpy about it, and also bad that I didn't use the time to read God's Word or worship or something constructive like that.
Plus I fought with my mom like 20 minutes before coming down to church. Like, I just lost it and blew up when my mom came back and instantly started yelling at me and I did the whole "you're not a good mother" line.
Sigh. Yes, it was not good. Yes, I do regret it. But I am determined to put it down here because I just don't want to write down the good things that happen in my life..
):
So yeah like 5 minutes before I came down I was feeling quite bad. And all. And I was rather..sombre because cellmates all weren't coming down for Corporate Prayer, not even Keenan, and I was pretty much alone.
Actually I wasn't really? Like I saw Hannah around, and Rachel and Yisin and Chonghao and all, but they like already had their own groups of people to sit with/dinner and stuff, and so i really didn't want to bother anyone.
Yes, it is a problem I have. I seem to be near-unable to ask "Hey can I join you guys?", or something. Its a combination of pride, plus fear of people saying "Yes you can join us", but thinking secretly "What a loser he doesn't have his own friends have to come and bother us".
I KNOW, PEOPLE IN CHURCH AREN'T LIKE THAT, but its trauma I guess. Left over from secondary school. Don't ask. :/
Just something I have to work through, I guess. Bah. But yeah, I don't like crashing already defined social circles much):
ANYWAY. So I'm sitting there alone in my pew when in front and behind of me there are rows of youth that I know, but they like are sitting in cells and all and I'm like "meh", but I decide that hey its a good blessing too, and a humbling for me socially wise, and I cheer up a little and start focusing on God as the worship starts :D
Alone, but hey. Church isn't about friends anyway, its about God, and it'd be nice to have friends but its not the end of the world I suppose.
And I'm still a bit wistful.
But then as the worship team breaks into "Forever", Charlene suddenly pokes me and shuffles into the seat beside me and I cheer up considerably. :DDDD
I mean, I knew she was coming, but she's supposed to be with Leader's Cell right, with Chonghao and Yisin and all, and I tell her where they are sitting because you know, she's supposed to be with them and all.
BUT SHE STAYS :DDD
(:
/happy. Thank You God for small miracles and showing You're always looking out for me :D
And thank you Char (:
(: (: (:
Hahaha. My God will meet all my needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus. ITS TRUE (:
So the worship team carries on into Hosanna, the Paul Baloche one, and I am reminded of this monday when we had our attempted worship session in school and I'm like :D
Hahaha. We were trying to sing that song a lot. And you know, me feeling grumpy at myself for not being useful the whole day, God just healed me of that as I worshipped Him. Like I could feel a tangible lifting of my somewhat heavy heart as He just well - simply healed me :D
Thank You God. Haha :D
Prayer was really really good! Haha. The church tried this new thing where they didn't give us any prescribed prayer pointers regarding the topics we're praying for, but chose to let us listen to God's voice and pray for what He was impressing on our hearts to pray for.
And it was cool cause it really put us in a spirit of really trying to be attentive to what God wanted us to declare over the people/things we were praying for, even if we don't really know anything about that situation or the struggles the people are going through. And we have freedom to go where God leads. Haha.
And for myself, God really showed me this little thing, and that little thing, to pray for haha. So its really an exercise of stepping out in faith to obey God's nudgings? And it was good :D
And then!! Cause I was praying with Zhi Jie (Visitor, Shermaine's classmate and Anabel's schoolmate) and Anabel cause Charlene wanted to watch over her Psixers, God impressed on me as the whole thing was winding down to pray for Zhi Jie and bless and affirm him in the Lord haha and so I did after Corporate Prayer ended.
And then I prayed for Charlene's Psixers cause God impressed on me to pray for them too!
I mean, its really cool man, dude, they're 12 and their parents let them come to church on a Friday night till 10+, it really is a super huge blessing. Especially as they really do come. And there's so much potential to grow there in God and in hunger and passion for Him so I felt that that needed to be prayed for (:
And then I met Hannah, and she had a really really really bad headache and was looking quite down because of it, and I had this flash thought "Hey we can pray for the headache to go away" -
But then I wimped out ):
Still a long way to go Lord. Haha. Ah well. But still a good day and thank You for training me today it definitely cheered me up at least haha. (:
YAY GOOD NEWS CHARISIA CAN BRING THE FRIED RICE FOR THE BBQ!! (:
:DDD
Okay church tmrrr. I still am not sure who's going and who I'm going to sit with, but I think today has taught me that God will handle my company for me. Heh.
I mean, its His house man. I think He's got His own seating arrangement covered. Lol :D
(:
Thursday, August 28, 2008
We can dream, for a bit.
You want thingamabobs?
I've got twenty!
But who cares?
No big deal
I want more
Up where they walk, up where they run
Up where they stay all day in the sun
Wanderin' free - wish I could be
Part of that world
What would I give if I could live out of these waters?
What would I pay to spend a day warm on the sand?
When's it my turn?
Wouldn't I love, love to explore that world up above?
Out of the sea
Wish I could be
Part of that world
Mmhmmmm.
And now the deep thoughts.
Something Charmaine and I were talking about in the long train journey back home really struck a chord with me.
We were discussing like our future and where we want to go/do/be and stuff, and I realised that:
For us writer/speaker gifted science/math failure types, there really isn't much of a place in the working world for us once we leave school.
Shocking.
I mean, you know how JC/secondary school is. Lets say you're a Lit pro. And you absolutely fail at Science/Math. And the thing about Science/Math? You know that all those geniuses in the top classes acing them are acing them mostly because of all the hard work and practice they're putting into it day after day after day mugging TYS, so you're like "wow these people are smart, but they're also super disciplined and hardworking mannn".
As for those few Lit students that ARE topping Lit, they are the ones who well- generally don't study, and don't really do much work, skive around dodging teachers, and still walk in on the day of the final Lit paper and pull some crazy ass deep perspective shit out of their ass and walk out with an A.
And those hardworking dudes earlier, no matter how hard they work, they're never going to really "get" Lit, cause its very hit/miss either you see it or you don't.
Which only really serves to create an aura of mystery and awe and "I can do magic" and "I'm a crazy random genius" around the Lit topping students.
See, you can tutor Science/Math. You can get the top students to teach you the concepts you don't understand. But with Lit? I've tried man. I've tried teaching my friends what I see, but they'll only understand what I see in that certain passage in the book, but they won't know how to "see" for themselves, whether for other passages in that book or other books. It is frustrating. You can't teach somebody to "see" like you "see". But then it also feels kinda good, because well, you feel...special.
And then you turn around and realise that in real life there is no future for the Lit students of the world, as opposed to the Science/Math/Accounting/Econs students of the world.
Don't get me wrong. I love Lit. I crazy do. I miss it like crazy. But where can Lit take me in the world, really? Besides teaching Lit and that really is a never ending cycle, really. Lol. I always envisioned myself, delving deeply into Lit and Philo and discussing fervently with other like-minded people the theories and inclinations and motivations of the great thinkers and writers of our past with a nice cup of cocoa in hand in a nice cosy room with lots of shelves of books and a good fire roaring, but seriously now.
Not that there is much to discuss anyway. We're so far along in our advancement since the advent of great "classic" writers and thinkers that pretty much any epic philosophy or school of thought has been beaten to death already by countless discussers before us? My view, anyway. There'd be only so much we could do before it all becomes redundant, and we'd be pretending that these issues exist just so we could argue some more.
And I don't think we'd get paid for it, anyway. Blah.
we COULD become script writers and playwrights and actors in the Arts Scene, but again exceedingly-high risk/reward, plus very small sustainable market, and to be good, you have to be REALLY good. Like world-applauding legendary. Still, it is an option. There you go Charmaine. Go Broadway. Gogogo.
Same goes for writing a book or whatever too.
Not saying you shouldn't go ahead and try, but it is no lie to say that for us dreamer/thinker/word-crafter types, the world is a much bigger and scarier and unreliable place to try and ply our craft.
Yes we have the potential to be truly great, but only a few can be truly great, and a lot fall by the wayside..
Plus, the problem with creative literary genius, is that we don't know how we have it, we just have it and don't complain, but what if it goes away? And we're left stranded like a mudfin that's sitting pretty on a beach rock oblivious to the receding tide assuming its going to come back, but not knowing that its all drying up and sinking into a hole on the desert floor.
Yeah well. Haha. And don't say Mass Comm. Really. People think that the automatic choice for us outspoken literary unconvential types is Mass Communication and the media, but it really isn't. It helps, sure, the command of the language, but other than that we don't really have an edge. Its more like a perverse twisting of the convention of Lit than anything else..
In Lit, in scriptwriting, in book-writing, in storytelling and wordsmithing, you're writing for yourself. You're writing to explore the vast potentials of something that is close to your heart, something that interests you, something that you see goes unpunished in the world and you are beset by a undying passion to call attention to it. Your dreams, your interpretation of the world, your laughter, your crying, your nightmares and greatest fears.
You're essentially saying to your reader "Hey, this is what I can do drawing upon all my life experiences and the heart I have in me. I really hope you like it. (:"
You're writing for You. In Mass Comm? You're not writing for any of that. You're writing and designing and coming up with ideas that will pander to the world today so you can make money.
It really is as stark and bleak as that. Oh, I'm sure some people live for that. And I'm sure it gives some of us here on this earth great joy when they manage to pinpoint what exactly the world wants and happily gives it to them, in the simplest most dumbed down form so the most number of people possible can enjoy and entertain and most importantly pay for their content. There's nothing wrong with that. The media is a business, after all. And businesses ARE to make money with.
But that's not what I signed up for. Did you know a newspaper is not to spread the news to the public? A newspaper is created to make money through advertising. The news fits in between all the advertisments put out that day to the public. The news is to reel in consumers so the paper can charge more to advertisers based on subscription numbers. And thats the way it works for all media vehicles.
But I really think if I started focusing on writing just to appeal to as many members of the public as possible, as opposed to writing for me, and the people out there in the world who'd relate to me and the fears and struggles and loves I'd be going through, I might die a little inside.
Which is why I'm so hesitant to jump into the big world of advertising, for one. A newspaper isn't so bad, so long as I'm not the one handling the advertising function.
I am sure there is a greater purpose to things. A greater ideal, a greater passion, a greater love.
I guess that's why I'm a dreamer. Haha.
I'm not worried about my life though, I've pretty much had at least most of my life mapped out by God for me, a calling I'm happy to answer, and I AM grateful.
But talking to Charmaine today made me realise that if I didn't have that destiny and understanding between me and God, I'd really be left out in the wash now, and what about all those people that are like me that haven't had their lives mapped out by God?
Here's a little piece that I found on dreaming and whether to go for it or not that I think we can all very nicely identify with. Check it out haha, won't take two minutes.
(:
Hang in there all you literary/drama/writer/dreamer types. We still do have a destiny out there for us. I for one am going to see if any Uni will have me after I graduate from Mass Comm, I still do want to delve deeply into Lit and Philo at some point. Maybe do a degree on the side while serving in church. I still intend to have that huge room with stacks and stacks of books and a hot cup of cocoa and the roaring fire. And we can sit around there and talk and dream till we're all old and dry(:
And maybe at some point in my life, I'll end up writing, myself. That'd be funny. :D
See you guys tomorrow! :D
We were discussing like our future and where we want to go/do/be and stuff, and I realised that:
For us writer/speaker gifted science/math failure types, there really isn't much of a place in the working world for us once we leave school.
Shocking.
I mean, you know how JC/secondary school is. Lets say you're a Lit pro. And you absolutely fail at Science/Math. And the thing about Science/Math? You know that all those geniuses in the top classes acing them are acing them mostly because of all the hard work and practice they're putting into it day after day after day mugging TYS, so you're like "wow these people are smart, but they're also super disciplined and hardworking mannn".
As for those few Lit students that ARE topping Lit, they are the ones who well- generally don't study, and don't really do much work, skive around dodging teachers, and still walk in on the day of the final Lit paper and pull some crazy ass deep perspective shit out of their ass and walk out with an A.
And those hardworking dudes earlier, no matter how hard they work, they're never going to really "get" Lit, cause its very hit/miss either you see it or you don't.
Which only really serves to create an aura of mystery and awe and "I can do magic" and "I'm a crazy random genius" around the Lit topping students.
See, you can tutor Science/Math. You can get the top students to teach you the concepts you don't understand. But with Lit? I've tried man. I've tried teaching my friends what I see, but they'll only understand what I see in that certain passage in the book, but they won't know how to "see" for themselves, whether for other passages in that book or other books. It is frustrating. You can't teach somebody to "see" like you "see". But then it also feels kinda good, because well, you feel...special.
And then you turn around and realise that in real life there is no future for the Lit students of the world, as opposed to the Science/Math/Accounting/Econs students of the world.
Don't get me wrong. I love Lit. I crazy do. I miss it like crazy. But where can Lit take me in the world, really? Besides teaching Lit and that really is a never ending cycle, really. Lol. I always envisioned myself, delving deeply into Lit and Philo and discussing fervently with other like-minded people the theories and inclinations and motivations of the great thinkers and writers of our past with a nice cup of cocoa in hand in a nice cosy room with lots of shelves of books and a good fire roaring, but seriously now.
Not that there is much to discuss anyway. We're so far along in our advancement since the advent of great "classic" writers and thinkers that pretty much any epic philosophy or school of thought has been beaten to death already by countless discussers before us? My view, anyway. There'd be only so much we could do before it all becomes redundant, and we'd be pretending that these issues exist just so we could argue some more.
And I don't think we'd get paid for it, anyway. Blah.
we COULD become script writers and playwrights and actors in the Arts Scene, but again exceedingly-high risk/reward, plus very small sustainable market, and to be good, you have to be REALLY good. Like world-applauding legendary. Still, it is an option. There you go Charmaine. Go Broadway. Gogogo.
Same goes for writing a book or whatever too.
Not saying you shouldn't go ahead and try, but it is no lie to say that for us dreamer/thinker/word-crafter types, the world is a much bigger and scarier and unreliable place to try and ply our craft.
Yes we have the potential to be truly great, but only a few can be truly great, and a lot fall by the wayside..
Plus, the problem with creative literary genius, is that we don't know how we have it, we just have it and don't complain, but what if it goes away? And we're left stranded like a mudfin that's sitting pretty on a beach rock oblivious to the receding tide assuming its going to come back, but not knowing that its all drying up and sinking into a hole on the desert floor.
Yeah well. Haha. And don't say Mass Comm. Really. People think that the automatic choice for us outspoken literary unconvential types is Mass Communication and the media, but it really isn't. It helps, sure, the command of the language, but other than that we don't really have an edge. Its more like a perverse twisting of the convention of Lit than anything else..
In Lit, in scriptwriting, in book-writing, in storytelling and wordsmithing, you're writing for yourself. You're writing to explore the vast potentials of something that is close to your heart, something that interests you, something that you see goes unpunished in the world and you are beset by a undying passion to call attention to it. Your dreams, your interpretation of the world, your laughter, your crying, your nightmares and greatest fears.
You're essentially saying to your reader "Hey, this is what I can do drawing upon all my life experiences and the heart I have in me. I really hope you like it. (:"
You're writing for You. In Mass Comm? You're not writing for any of that. You're writing and designing and coming up with ideas that will pander to the world today so you can make money.
It really is as stark and bleak as that. Oh, I'm sure some people live for that. And I'm sure it gives some of us here on this earth great joy when they manage to pinpoint what exactly the world wants and happily gives it to them, in the simplest most dumbed down form so the most number of people possible can enjoy and entertain and most importantly pay for their content. There's nothing wrong with that. The media is a business, after all. And businesses ARE to make money with.
But that's not what I signed up for. Did you know a newspaper is not to spread the news to the public? A newspaper is created to make money through advertising. The news fits in between all the advertisments put out that day to the public. The news is to reel in consumers so the paper can charge more to advertisers based on subscription numbers. And thats the way it works for all media vehicles.
But I really think if I started focusing on writing just to appeal to as many members of the public as possible, as opposed to writing for me, and the people out there in the world who'd relate to me and the fears and struggles and loves I'd be going through, I might die a little inside.
Which is why I'm so hesitant to jump into the big world of advertising, for one. A newspaper isn't so bad, so long as I'm not the one handling the advertising function.
I am sure there is a greater purpose to things. A greater ideal, a greater passion, a greater love.
I guess that's why I'm a dreamer. Haha.
I'm not worried about my life though, I've pretty much had at least most of my life mapped out by God for me, a calling I'm happy to answer, and I AM grateful.
But talking to Charmaine today made me realise that if I didn't have that destiny and understanding between me and God, I'd really be left out in the wash now, and what about all those people that are like me that haven't had their lives mapped out by God?
I want to be a famous writer—and a good one. I want to write intelligent, literate science fiction and fantasy stories (and in other genres as the mood strikes me), with good characterization, stories that will reach deep into people's psyches and tear their guts out (to mix metaphors rather unpleasantly). I want people to laugh and cry at my work. I want them to say, "It was better than Cats."
But I don't know whether I'm capable of that. And if I rush off half-cocked, trying to be the best, and I fail, what will I be left with?
Here's a little piece that I found on dreaming and whether to go for it or not that I think we can all very nicely identify with. Check it out haha, won't take two minutes.
(:
Hang in there all you literary/drama/writer/dreamer types. We still do have a destiny out there for us. I for one am going to see if any Uni will have me after I graduate from Mass Comm, I still do want to delve deeply into Lit and Philo at some point. Maybe do a degree on the side while serving in church. I still intend to have that huge room with stacks and stacks of books and a hot cup of cocoa and the roaring fire. And we can sit around there and talk and dream till we're all old and dry(:
And maybe at some point in my life, I'll end up writing, myself. That'd be funny. :D
See you guys tomorrow! :D
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Today was a good day :D
Hmm hhmm. I kinda have a couple of introspective thoughts I want to punch in, but I think I'll save that till next post. This post is devoted to how today went. Haha.
Damn, it was a good day. This is how holidays should be man, even though it was so frustrating at first. Lol.
So. I woke up at the time I was supposed to be at school, 9, and slacked around till 11 which is when I was supposed to meet Keenan to buy Charlene's cake and stuff._. Which culminated in me having to take a cab to school to try and make up for time lost.
7 Bucks out the window. Sigh. Btw, you know now that taxi fares go up by 20 cents instead of 10 cents, the drivers ALWAYS try to find a way to keep on driving just that little bit further when you want to get off, stalling for time so the meter ticks another 20? And they always manage to ground to a halt right after. Very irritating. Gah.
But hey, family to feed. But if they wanted the extra 20 they could just ask, really.. ):
So, got in and out of school surprisingly quickly, hit the bus stop where I still have school internet so I could bug Keenan to get moving etc, and then hit Holland V once he moved off.
Except I was stoning and forgot that 75 doesn't go one stop further down HV so I ended up having to walk all the way back from Keenan's old house._.
And then it started raining :blink:
Like, hailstorm kinda heavy. And here I am in the middle of nowhere going uphill and thanking God that at least my bag is waterproof..
I reach Party City at about 1245. Sopping wet. Thinking that with my white shoes and school socks and general shorts and all and general drenched state this is rather like secondary school..
Its a wonder I didn't die of pneumonia as a kid man.
About this time Mel messages me and tells me its raining like crazy etc and she has to pass on coming with us today and I'm like I know, I'm sitting in it.
....
Keenan finds out about the rain five minutes later when he reaches and realises that he has to make a mad dash across the overhead bridge with speakers over his back.
Anyhowww. I'm at Party City looking at big helium balloons and I see a nice cute Elmo one and I point and ask and the lady cheerily tells me its 40 bucks.
DUDE ITS A FREAKING BALLOOON. 40 BUCKS.
Okay it can sing, fine, but still!
So I saw this other High School Musical Balloon that sings We're All In This Together when you tap it :o
I'd get it just so I could piss Keenan off with it..
Lol.
ANYHOW. We get our stuff, go find a cake, get ourselves drenched a few million more times running between cake shops, get a cake and then I start spazzing out because Charmaine tells me we HAVE to meet her at 245 to get the SAJC clothes and its like 2pm where we are which is at HV and we still have to meet Shereen :o
But we get there on time somehow :D, give or take a cab from the MRT station to SAJC...
Lol what. I told you it was a good idea. Cost like 2.80 flat lol.
Except the driver did the whole nudge out that extra 20 cents thing again so + the 0.30 cents surcharge thing they have going on I had to paid 3.30 -.-
Bloody taxi drivers.
Security guard is cool though, like the one I met last week when I visited Charlene. :D
Mmmhmm. Find Charr, I lead Keenan and Shereen to the rock wall which I've been hearing so much about from everyone, we plonk ourselves there and I bring Sher to go find a toilet so she can pretend to be J1 for a day.
It is to be noted that from the time we entered SAJC till I brought Sher to the toilet our dear girl was freaking out and spazzing out about how we were going to get in trouble and bring disgrace to her school and everything etc you know, Shereen style. Panicky. The usual. Lol.
But wow she really fits in with the uniform. I was so stunned when I first saw her :o
Just goto SA already Sher, you already live next door. Screw AC, its not all its cracked up to be lol.
Moving on, apparently the dancers (this includes Charmaine) have their dance practice at the grandstand near the rock wall. That one I did not see coming :o Vaguely entertaining lol. Too bad its ACES day stuff ):
AND THEN ITS CHAR'S BIRTHDAY! (:
Oh you know the usual. Cake, candle lighting, walking down ritual, blindfold, blow out cake, gorge down cake, run around, heh. I'd do pictures but nobody bought me a camera for my birthday so..
I'll post what Charmaine has when I get them. But I'm not too excited about the pictures. 110% of pictures of me taken using Charmaine's cam are really really bad. We're just not meant to be man. I've given up on that already. Sigh.
So cake is done, and I head home with Charmaine, and the moment I get off the train Keenan messages me telling me I essentially have free dinner because his mom gave him money to go treat friends or something and do I want to go hang out :o
Well okay. Haha.
And i'm just back from that random hanging out session and sitting here typing this. Lots to do tonight though. BBQ to plan, trying to figure out what to say to Peibao at lunch tmr, praying for everyone on my list that I'm determined to do before I fall asleep, sigh.
It was good to see Suren again though. :D
I am still in the SAJC shirt I procured from Charmaine. :o Its growing on me. No really! I really like it, its a reaaally nice school tee, it feels good, and it makes me want to be a productive person.
No really, you know earlier when hanging out at Vivo with Keenan, Joanna and Suren, I was all like "eh dudes I can't hang out so late I gotta go home and do homework, I have school early tomorrow" :blink:
SERIOUS. I REALLY LIKE FELT LIKE I WAS A JC STUDENT.
/wistful
CHARR CAN I KEEP IT okay no ):
HAHA OKAY. LATER. TODAY WAS FUN AND STUFF.
Hmm lunch with Peibao tomorrow at 12, and then I have nothing to do till 6 and dance :D
Between trying to dance/flip, and figure out BBQ, and figure out worship for next weeks cell, I should be pretty busy. Haha. I hope so. I really need to fix that discipline problem. I need to get myself a timetable man. Something along the lines of wake up at 6, go run at 630, come back at 7 shower and dance for 2 hours, Dota, Lunch, Basketball, etc.
Except I don't have a court nearby that won't be infested by secondary school kids finishing school at 1.
Blah.
I need someone to teach me flips. Plus I still need a mat. Will practice handstands. I should become best friends with that Ming Yu or something, he's amazingly cool..
RIGHT LATER. HAHA. SEE Y'ALL (:
ONCE AGAIN HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHARLENE KEENAN ENNA. :D
Damn, it was a good day. This is how holidays should be man, even though it was so frustrating at first. Lol.
So. I woke up at the time I was supposed to be at school, 9, and slacked around till 11 which is when I was supposed to meet Keenan to buy Charlene's cake and stuff._. Which culminated in me having to take a cab to school to try and make up for time lost.
7 Bucks out the window. Sigh. Btw, you know now that taxi fares go up by 20 cents instead of 10 cents, the drivers ALWAYS try to find a way to keep on driving just that little bit further when you want to get off, stalling for time so the meter ticks another 20? And they always manage to ground to a halt right after. Very irritating. Gah.
But hey, family to feed. But if they wanted the extra 20 they could just ask, really.. ):
So, got in and out of school surprisingly quickly, hit the bus stop where I still have school internet so I could bug Keenan to get moving etc, and then hit Holland V once he moved off.
Except I was stoning and forgot that 75 doesn't go one stop further down HV so I ended up having to walk all the way back from Keenan's old house._.
And then it started raining :blink:
Like, hailstorm kinda heavy. And here I am in the middle of nowhere going uphill and thanking God that at least my bag is waterproof..
I reach Party City at about 1245. Sopping wet. Thinking that with my white shoes and school socks and general shorts and all and general drenched state this is rather like secondary school..
Its a wonder I didn't die of pneumonia as a kid man.
About this time Mel messages me and tells me its raining like crazy etc and she has to pass on coming with us today and I'm like I know, I'm sitting in it.
....
Keenan finds out about the rain five minutes later when he reaches and realises that he has to make a mad dash across the overhead bridge with speakers over his back.
Anyhowww. I'm at Party City looking at big helium balloons and I see a nice cute Elmo one and I point and ask and the lady cheerily tells me its 40 bucks.
DUDE ITS A FREAKING BALLOOON. 40 BUCKS.
Okay it can sing, fine, but still!
So I saw this other High School Musical Balloon that sings We're All In This Together when you tap it :o
I'd get it just so I could piss Keenan off with it..
Lol.
ANYHOW. We get our stuff, go find a cake, get ourselves drenched a few million more times running between cake shops, get a cake and then I start spazzing out because Charmaine tells me we HAVE to meet her at 245 to get the SAJC clothes and its like 2pm where we are which is at HV and we still have to meet Shereen :o
But we get there on time somehow :D, give or take a cab from the MRT station to SAJC...
Lol what. I told you it was a good idea. Cost like 2.80 flat lol.
Except the driver did the whole nudge out that extra 20 cents thing again so + the 0.30 cents surcharge thing they have going on I had to paid 3.30 -.-
Bloody taxi drivers.
Security guard is cool though, like the one I met last week when I visited Charlene. :D
Mmmhmm. Find Charr, I lead Keenan and Shereen to the rock wall which I've been hearing so much about from everyone, we plonk ourselves there and I bring Sher to go find a toilet so she can pretend to be J1 for a day.
It is to be noted that from the time we entered SAJC till I brought Sher to the toilet our dear girl was freaking out and spazzing out about how we were going to get in trouble and bring disgrace to her school and everything etc you know, Shereen style. Panicky. The usual. Lol.
But wow she really fits in with the uniform. I was so stunned when I first saw her :o
Just goto SA already Sher, you already live next door. Screw AC, its not all its cracked up to be lol.
Moving on, apparently the dancers (this includes Charmaine) have their dance practice at the grandstand near the rock wall. That one I did not see coming :o Vaguely entertaining lol. Too bad its ACES day stuff ):
AND THEN ITS CHAR'S BIRTHDAY! (:
Oh you know the usual. Cake, candle lighting, walking down ritual, blindfold, blow out cake, gorge down cake, run around, heh. I'd do pictures but nobody bought me a camera for my birthday so..
I'll post what Charmaine has when I get them. But I'm not too excited about the pictures. 110% of pictures of me taken using Charmaine's cam are really really bad. We're just not meant to be man. I've given up on that already. Sigh.
So cake is done, and I head home with Charmaine, and the moment I get off the train Keenan messages me telling me I essentially have free dinner because his mom gave him money to go treat friends or something and do I want to go hang out :o
Well okay. Haha.
And i'm just back from that random hanging out session and sitting here typing this. Lots to do tonight though. BBQ to plan, trying to figure out what to say to Peibao at lunch tmr, praying for everyone on my list that I'm determined to do before I fall asleep, sigh.
It was good to see Suren again though. :D
I am still in the SAJC shirt I procured from Charmaine. :o Its growing on me. No really! I really like it, its a reaaally nice school tee, it feels good, and it makes me want to be a productive person.
No really, you know earlier when hanging out at Vivo with Keenan, Joanna and Suren, I was all like "eh dudes I can't hang out so late I gotta go home and do homework, I have school early tomorrow" :blink:
SERIOUS. I REALLY LIKE FELT LIKE I WAS A JC STUDENT.
/wistful
CHARR CAN I KEEP IT okay no ):
HAHA OKAY. LATER. TODAY WAS FUN AND STUFF.
Hmm lunch with Peibao tomorrow at 12, and then I have nothing to do till 6 and dance :D
Between trying to dance/flip, and figure out BBQ, and figure out worship for next weeks cell, I should be pretty busy. Haha. I hope so. I really need to fix that discipline problem. I need to get myself a timetable man. Something along the lines of wake up at 6, go run at 630, come back at 7 shower and dance for 2 hours, Dota, Lunch, Basketball, etc.
Except I don't have a court nearby that won't be infested by secondary school kids finishing school at 1.
Blah.
I need someone to teach me flips. Plus I still need a mat. Will practice handstands. I should become best friends with that Ming Yu or something, he's amazingly cool..
RIGHT LATER. HAHA. SEE Y'ALL (:
ONCE AGAIN HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHARLENE KEENAN ENNA. :D
DEDICATION 3
ALSO HAPPY BIRTHDAY ENNA EVEN THOUGH YOU WILL PROBABLY NEVER READ THIS BUT HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANYWAY :D
(:
(:
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
DEDICATION 2
HAPPY BIRTHDAY KEENAN
Yes you heard me right. Its Keenan's birthday. The birthday of the half-aus long hair guy you see around school. The crazy one. The one laughing like crazy in church. The one laughing like crazy, anywhere, heck. One of the free-est spirits i've ever met, and yet still grounded enough to be socially responsible..unlike lets say well, me. Haha.
And not only is it your birthday, its your 18th birthday.
Sir, you are officially a man today and the government is watching you and you're only protected from them now because Poly keeps you away from them for another year.
But you are still being watched.
HAHA. Right. Happy birthday man. Interestingly enough, I think you and Charlene are the two people in my life that know the most about me. Like, pretty much everything. With Josh a close third. Haha. But yeah. You didn't like me at first, but its been a crazy time since then, and I would like you to know i really really appreciate having someone that appreciates being mad and random and whatnot and backing me up when I want to be. ...Most of the time. Haha. And even though we disagree on music tastes and uh well girl tastes etc, we're still great friends. Haha. Thank you, for everything you have been in my life, and happy birthday! Have a great one! Haha.
Now that that's over, gtfo. Dota time. Lol. LIKE NOW.
Yes you heard me right. Its Keenan's birthday. The birthday of the half-aus long hair guy you see around school. The crazy one. The one laughing like crazy in church. The one laughing like crazy, anywhere, heck. One of the free-est spirits i've ever met, and yet still grounded enough to be socially responsible..unlike lets say well, me. Haha.
And not only is it your birthday, its your 18th birthday.
Sir, you are officially a man today and the government is watching you and you're only protected from them now because Poly keeps you away from them for another year.
But you are still being watched.
HAHA. Right. Happy birthday man. Interestingly enough, I think you and Charlene are the two people in my life that know the most about me. Like, pretty much everything. With Josh a close third. Haha. But yeah. You didn't like me at first, but its been a crazy time since then, and I would like you to know i really really appreciate having someone that appreciates being mad and random and whatnot and backing me up when I want to be. ...Most of the time. Haha. And even though we disagree on music tastes and uh well girl tastes etc, we're still great friends. Haha. Thank you, for everything you have been in my life, and happy birthday! Have a great one! Haha.
Now that that's over, gtfo. Dota time. Lol. LIKE NOW.
DEDICATION
HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHARLENE. :DDDDDD
(:
Goodness girl, haha, the light you've been in my life since we met almost a year ago at Fuel-Up.
Its been crazyyyy. Everything you've been there for me for, every little bit of everything that you know you've been there for me for when you don't have to be. Heh. You're huge in my life char, and I smile everytime I think of you one of the people I trust entirely to have my back.
:D
I remember exactly how we met at Fuel-Up. The icebreaker thing. Um. Lets not talk about it. I think I was embarrasing :D
ANYHOW. YOU ARE 17 TODAY, AND A HUGE BLESSING TO EVERYONE AROUND YOU. LOVE YOU AND SEE YOU SOON. :D
(:
Goodness girl, haha, the light you've been in my life since we met almost a year ago at Fuel-Up.
Its been crazyyyy. Everything you've been there for me for, every little bit of everything that you know you've been there for me for when you don't have to be. Heh. You're huge in my life char, and I smile everytime I think of you one of the people I trust entirely to have my back.
:D
I remember exactly how we met at Fuel-Up. The icebreaker thing. Um. Lets not talk about it. I think I was embarrasing :D
ANYHOW. YOU ARE 17 TODAY, AND A HUGE BLESSING TO EVERYONE AROUND YOU. LOVE YOU AND SEE YOU SOON. :D
I reject in Capital-size font
IrejectIrejectIrejectIrejectIrejectIrejectIrejectIrejectIrejectIrejectIrejectIrejectIreject.
I am, obviously fighting a losing battle.
):
Gah.
I am, obviously fighting a losing battle.
):
Gah.
I refuse
I refuse to get drawn into any BGR nonsense. I reject.
I reject!
WHAT. You can't expect every post to be an epic post!
I'm allowed to be simple and retarded too aren't i. (:
I reject!
WHAT. You can't expect every post to be an epic post!
I'm allowed to be simple and retarded too aren't i. (:
Monday, August 25, 2008
On the way home
I’m typing this while sitting in the bus listening to The Heart Of Worship.
Why wait right, haha. Overactive mind hitting the insights again!
Today was interesting. God told me today to make a worship session happen. To since I was honouring God in another matter, I should use the time well- Honouring Him and Worshipping Him and serve Him by focusing on Him!
That I should grab a couple more friends on fire on God, and get them to bring guitars, and do something.
So I called Josh, Sharyl and Keenan. Kept it small cause idk, I didn’t really know what we were gonna do, and its easier in a small group with people I really love and know and trust and understand that, and are on the same page passion for God wise, who all know and love and trust each other? :D
And I called Josh, and even though he had a bbq he was supposed to go for, he turned that down so we could worship in school. And he brought the guitar! Thank you Josh, it really really encouraged me to have me pick up the phone, and the first person to reply sacrifice so much to agree to what I was proposing. Haha.
And Sharyl said yes, and Keenan came online and said yes too :D
It was an interesting experience. Haha. Like, we showed up, Josh and Sharyl (who know the guitar) hadn’t prepped any songs or anything, we didn’t plan anything, any structure, any Word, we just vaguely knew we were gonna worship God to the best of our ability!
And it showed. Haha. No smooth transitions, stumbling over songs we know how to sing, but don’t really know how to play, and relying muchly on chords and lyrics downloaded from the net straight at that point.
Josh I must say how grateful I am that you helped so much tonight, leading as God led and as you led with that creative mind of yours, and arranging medleys, and learning songs on the spot with the chords from the net :D
I today suddenly appreciated a lot of things that worship leaders and P&W min people do a lot that I have always taken for granted up til now.
Like, preplanning songs beforehand, and transitions, and everything, so theres no awkward pauses in between songs. Working out with whoever’s leading prayer or whatever and whatnot, so the mood and tone of the prayer fits the next song coming in and whatnot?
Let me give you an example. I pray, and towards the end of the prayer, I would generally gravitate towards a passionate declaring of something? And you just know that right after it a kickass guitar solo is going to start playing leading into a really on fire song.
Except we don’t know any kickass guitar solos.
Hahahaha. And because there are so little of us, 4 of us, half the time we’re concentrating on whether our voices are doing fine, whether we’re keeping in time to the thing, the beat, whatever, to sing something that is pleasing to God?
Cause with only 4 of us, any mistakes really do affect every one else worshipping and can throw someone else off or something. And of course there’s less freedom to sink into spontaneous worship with God, something we (or at least I) often take for granted so much at service.
And I realised just what such a huge blessing, and what a huge serving the worship min and the band each week is doing, as they worry and concentrate on what they’re playing and singing just so to facilitate an environment where the rest of us can wholeheartedly worship God and worry about nothing else? Even at the expense of their own time of sinking deep into God and spontaneous worship.
I never really thought about it that way before. Never really thought that every single member of the band is concentrating very hard on keeping in sync with each other and all that, and the sacrifice they of course are making when they go up.
I always kinda knew it I guess, but not underlined and shown to me flat out today?
Thank You God, and thank you so much, our worship ministry for all the effort and practice and so so so much you put in to serve God and serve us (:
Hmm. Haha.
So. Because we’re not actually a worship min, just 4 people trying to praise God, we figure the next time we’ll bring speakers. Haha. So we can line up a good flow of music/songs that fit together, and so all of us can devote our attention wholeheartedly to worshipping/listening to God and nothing else :D
We’ll still do the guitar thing though, its good to practice haha :D And there’s no doubt of the power of a live instrument really helping to facilitate worship, its just that…we’re not very good at it yet. Haha.
Of course, I actually HAVE to pick up the guitar, for one <_<
Something the SWAA dude said on Friday really resonated with me, that any of us who are worship leaders, singing, or players of a musical instrument, that we carry around the power to cause a breakthrough. Not just in ourselves, but in other people. Like if we’re carrying a guitar around, we carry the power, just to be sitting at Macdonalds and go “Hey guys, lets try something”, and break into a worship song, and create a worship session right there. :D
Right there, anywhere :D
And to play/sing beautiful music and have other people around sit up and listen and take note, and that can be considered a form of outreach as well! (:
Mmmhmm! So yes I do want to pick up the guitar, and stuff, and hopefully I will be able to do so this holidays? But in my priorities it is after dance. Like this, 1) God, 2) Dance, 3) Guitar, 4) Everything else. Haha.
Yup(: We might have another worship session Thursday…Josh suggested we try some Word or something, like insert something in there in between the two hours of praise and worship. Haha. And of course suggested that I lead it. It be good training, after all..
Uuhhhh. Haha. We’ll see. See how it goes I guess. Give me something then God (:
It occurred to me, today, in the midst of our impromptu worship session, more than once, that if any of our pastors or leaders or anyone who has ever mentored us spiritually or anything, saw the 4 of us today meeting to create a worship session for God with no pushing or whatever, they would be so proud?
And right on the heels of that it occurred to me: Even more so is God proud :DDDDD
:D
Wheeeeeeeeee. Hahahaha.Oh btw, the spot we were at had swarms of ravenous red ants, but we prayed to God for an understanding between us, Him and the red ants, that they would not bite us or whatever? XD
AND THEY ALL WENT AWAY! :DDD Okay except for a couple that stayed to scurry around, but they were quite harmless :D
We’re all your creations after all, Lord (:
It’s a really big thing kay, cause the last time we were there for dance, the ants like swarmed all our bags and really bit a couple of us unlucky ones like crazy.
Heh.
It occurs to me that in/after all of that, we forgot to pray for the school <_< Prayer day too…AH WELL HAHA :x
I will add school to regular list of prayer items for this whole week then. Heh. Haha. Because prayer DOES work! (:
"Sir," the woman said, "I can see that you are a prophet. Our fathers worshiped on this mountain, but you Jews claim that the place where we must worship is in Jerusalem."
A time is coming and now has come :D
This is that time maannnn. Lets stand up to be counted. :D
Why wait right, haha. Overactive mind hitting the insights again!
Today was interesting. God told me today to make a worship session happen. To since I was honouring God in another matter, I should use the time well- Honouring Him and Worshipping Him and serve Him by focusing on Him!
That I should grab a couple more friends on fire on God, and get them to bring guitars, and do something.
So I called Josh, Sharyl and Keenan. Kept it small cause idk, I didn’t really know what we were gonna do, and its easier in a small group with people I really love and know and trust and understand that, and are on the same page passion for God wise, who all know and love and trust each other? :D
And I called Josh, and even though he had a bbq he was supposed to go for, he turned that down so we could worship in school. And he brought the guitar! Thank you Josh, it really really encouraged me to have me pick up the phone, and the first person to reply sacrifice so much to agree to what I was proposing. Haha.
And Sharyl said yes, and Keenan came online and said yes too :D
It was an interesting experience. Haha. Like, we showed up, Josh and Sharyl (who know the guitar) hadn’t prepped any songs or anything, we didn’t plan anything, any structure, any Word, we just vaguely knew we were gonna worship God to the best of our ability!
And it showed. Haha. No smooth transitions, stumbling over songs we know how to sing, but don’t really know how to play, and relying muchly on chords and lyrics downloaded from the net straight at that point.
Josh I must say how grateful I am that you helped so much tonight, leading as God led and as you led with that creative mind of yours, and arranging medleys, and learning songs on the spot with the chords from the net :D
I today suddenly appreciated a lot of things that worship leaders and P&W min people do a lot that I have always taken for granted up til now.
Like, preplanning songs beforehand, and transitions, and everything, so theres no awkward pauses in between songs. Working out with whoever’s leading prayer or whatever and whatnot, so the mood and tone of the prayer fits the next song coming in and whatnot?
Let me give you an example. I pray, and towards the end of the prayer, I would generally gravitate towards a passionate declaring of something? And you just know that right after it a kickass guitar solo is going to start playing leading into a really on fire song.
Except we don’t know any kickass guitar solos.
Hahahaha. And because there are so little of us, 4 of us, half the time we’re concentrating on whether our voices are doing fine, whether we’re keeping in time to the thing, the beat, whatever, to sing something that is pleasing to God?
Cause with only 4 of us, any mistakes really do affect every one else worshipping and can throw someone else off or something. And of course there’s less freedom to sink into spontaneous worship with God, something we (or at least I) often take for granted so much at service.
And I realised just what such a huge blessing, and what a huge serving the worship min and the band each week is doing, as they worry and concentrate on what they’re playing and singing just so to facilitate an environment where the rest of us can wholeheartedly worship God and worry about nothing else? Even at the expense of their own time of sinking deep into God and spontaneous worship.
I never really thought about it that way before. Never really thought that every single member of the band is concentrating very hard on keeping in sync with each other and all that, and the sacrifice they of course are making when they go up.
I always kinda knew it I guess, but not underlined and shown to me flat out today?
Thank You God, and thank you so much, our worship ministry for all the effort and practice and so so so much you put in to serve God and serve us (:
Hmm. Haha.
So. Because we’re not actually a worship min, just 4 people trying to praise God, we figure the next time we’ll bring speakers. Haha. So we can line up a good flow of music/songs that fit together, and so all of us can devote our attention wholeheartedly to worshipping/listening to God and nothing else :D
We’ll still do the guitar thing though, its good to practice haha :D And there’s no doubt of the power of a live instrument really helping to facilitate worship, its just that…we’re not very good at it yet. Haha.
Of course, I actually HAVE to pick up the guitar, for one <_<
Something the SWAA dude said on Friday really resonated with me, that any of us who are worship leaders, singing, or players of a musical instrument, that we carry around the power to cause a breakthrough. Not just in ourselves, but in other people. Like if we’re carrying a guitar around, we carry the power, just to be sitting at Macdonalds and go “Hey guys, lets try something”, and break into a worship song, and create a worship session right there. :D
Right there, anywhere :D
And to play/sing beautiful music and have other people around sit up and listen and take note, and that can be considered a form of outreach as well! (:
Mmmhmm! So yes I do want to pick up the guitar, and stuff, and hopefully I will be able to do so this holidays? But in my priorities it is after dance. Like this, 1) God, 2) Dance, 3) Guitar, 4) Everything else. Haha.
Yup(: We might have another worship session Thursday…Josh suggested we try some Word or something, like insert something in there in between the two hours of praise and worship. Haha. And of course suggested that I lead it. It be good training, after all..
Uuhhhh. Haha. We’ll see. See how it goes I guess. Give me something then God (:
It occurred to me, today, in the midst of our impromptu worship session, more than once, that if any of our pastors or leaders or anyone who has ever mentored us spiritually or anything, saw the 4 of us today meeting to create a worship session for God with no pushing or whatever, they would be so proud?
And right on the heels of that it occurred to me: Even more so is God proud :DDDDD
:D
Wheeeeeeeeee. Hahahaha.Oh btw, the spot we were at had swarms of ravenous red ants, but we prayed to God for an understanding between us, Him and the red ants, that they would not bite us or whatever? XD
AND THEY ALL WENT AWAY! :DDD Okay except for a couple that stayed to scurry around, but they were quite harmless :D
We’re all your creations after all, Lord (:
It’s a really big thing kay, cause the last time we were there for dance, the ants like swarmed all our bags and really bit a couple of us unlucky ones like crazy.
Heh.
It occurs to me that in/after all of that, we forgot to pray for the school <_< Prayer day too…AH WELL HAHA :x
I will add school to regular list of prayer items for this whole week then. Heh. Haha. Because prayer DOES work! (:
"Sir," the woman said, "I can see that you are a prophet. Our fathers worshiped on this mountain, but you Jews claim that the place where we must worship is in Jerusalem."
Jesus declared, "Believe me, woman, a time is coming when you will worship the Father neither on this mountain nor in Jerusalem. You Samaritans worship what you do not know; we worship what we do know, for salvation is from the Jews. Yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks. God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in spirit and in truth."
John 4: 19-24
A time is coming and now has come :D
This is that time maannnn. Lets stand up to be counted. :D
Saturday, August 23, 2008
And today was Different
Today was a special day, I think. Like, worship was special, different, and everyone could see it and hear it.
Cause we were raring to go from the get-go :D
Its not like we're usually not excited for youth service. We are. Haha. But we're mostly also chilling, saying hi, slowly filing in and all, and yeah haha.
There was none of that today. More people are early than usual, we are saying hi as usual, but it's different. There's a certain sense of urgency in the air, we look at each other and grin because we know "something is going to happen today", and the air is so charged with excitement its practically visibly humming away with an audible crackle.
And when the worship leader gets up and calls us to the front to worship God, there is a loud answering roar, and there's none of that "eh I don't want to go first see who go up first then i go" slow trickle, but we surge forward in one body and in one spirit to stand up for what we believe in.
And we look at each other, standing side by side as if ready for battle, and we grin, because there is a gleam in all our eyes that we can see in each other, and we nod, because we've been waiting for this the whole day since last night, we've been praying and waiting for this very moment.
The moment we stand up and give EVERYTHING we have to God, all our voices, all our lungs, all our hearts and our souls to glorify Him, and to worship Him with every ounce of our being :D
It is different. We've learnt something the previous night. We've learnt something over the past week with the SWAA folks. The pastors, the worship team, the band, the youth, we've all learnt something. And those who haven't, pick it up quickly, because since the previous night the excitment has been spreading, the fire has been passing, people have been sharing miraculous stories of what they've learnt at SWAA and the wonderous ways that God has been moving to those who weren't there, and its different today.
We're learnt that worship is EVERYTHING we've been created to be.
We are made to worship. We are made to sing songs to God. We ARE songs created by God. And that when we worship, we break apart the veil between heaven and earth and God himself, and his heavenly host, come down to worship with us because they simply cannot resist, and we're making our church a little piece of heaven at that moment when we worship.
And we're raring to go.
And the worship leader can see this. As we gather before him he notices something is different too, and he grins, and kicks off the pedal and breaks into his guitar-
AND YELLS TO GOD, AND WE YELL WITH HIM.
AND WE SING. WE DANCE. WE CRY OUT, AND THIS IS ONLY THE INTRO SONG.
We don't need to be led! There's none of that "oh im worried I don't want to seem overly excited, I don't want to overstep the worship leader, better see what he does". OUR LEADER IS GOD. AND EVERYTHING IS THROWN AT HIM, EVERY ESSENCE OF OUR BEINGS.
I look to my left, and see Yisin and Gab dancing and laughing away like they've never done so before. This is the time, this is where it all matters, this is what it all comes down to.
This is the final 9 yards.
And I look behind them, and I see Keenan, I catch his eye, he catches mine, and we grin, we are both in awe and in rapture and we can both see that. And then I pay him no further thought, and he pays me none either, cause this is about God, about our King and Almighty Saviour, the only One that matters to any of us, and I'm damn well going to focus every ounce of my being on HIM AND ONLY HIM.
Rachel and Polly next to me are lost in rapture too, singing a beautiful song to God with their beautiful voices with all the passion that God has granted them with, nothing held back at all. I pay them no further attention either.
And my world sinks into just me and God. Just me and my God. Just me and the One Being that matters the most to me now and forevermore because He first loved me and I tremble in awe at His Glory and Power and Unending Love.
Just me and God(:
10 minutes into worship, I nuke my voice. I'm holding nothing back. Yisin nukes his towards the last song. We're screaming. We're yelling. We're hoarsely yelling at the top of our lungs, Hosanna, Hosanna, Hosanna in the Highest!, and we never ever want this to end.
Cause this is all it boils down to. Its crunch time. Everything we exist for comes down to this. Its the frontline of spiritual warfare.
And we don't need anyone to tell us that, not the worship leader, not Pastor Jen, not anybody. Not today, today is different.
And as the song breaks into I see a generation, rising up to take their place, we look around and we revel in joy, because that generation? Is our generation. And this generation is giving a damn good account of itself, dammit. Hahahaha.
AND WE SING. BECAUSE YOU ARE WORTH IT LORD. AND ITS ALL FOR YOU. AND THERE CAN BE NO WAITING. ITS ALL FOR YOU TODAY.
Pastor Jen is amazed. You can see that. So is Pastor Josh. Marcus, the worship leader, is taken aback by the fervor he is seeing, but no one is complaining.
AND WE BREAK INTO THE STAND. And with arms high and hearts abandoned! We praise God with all that is left with our limited voices! Pastor Jen's voice is already shot from crying out to God this whole week hahahaha. She dances instead :D Cause nothing is going to stop us from worshipping God man. We lose our voices? WE'LL DANCE. There's no space to dance? WE'LL YELL AT THE TOP OF OUR LUNGS AND SING WITH OUR HEARTS.
NOTHING IS KEEPING US FROM YOU LORD. NOTHING.
It is a scene that is repeated all across the church. Hundreds of young people from P6 to university undergraduates, face down on the floor, heads up high fixed on heaven, hands raised, hearts flying, God speaking and ministering to each and every one of us in that perfect way only He knows how, as we offer up all of the days we have lived, all the tears we have wept, all the laughter, all the love, all the sin, all the passion, both individually and as a congregation.
It is amazing to behold. But no one is paying attention to beholding it. We don't have the time man. God's here, I don't have time to listen to other people worship God, I'M GONNA WORSHIP GOD LORD HERE I AM PICK ME LOVE ME HEAL ME SEND ME.
I still tremble when I think about it. This is going to stay with me a loonng looong time ahahah.
(:
Today was different :D
Not because the band was spectacularly good or anything. It was okay. Not because of any newfangled special effects, we didn't have any. But because we stood up to be counted, with urgency and with unbridled passion and with nothing held back AT ALL and that makes all the difference.
Damn, we did, didn't we. XD.
You know what, I don't think this post has does justice to the experience at all. Its either impossible, or takes a far better writer than I am, to describe how fantastically wonderful and amazing touching God today was to you, if you weren't there. But those who were there know exactly what I mean :D
Something broke today, in our hearts. A resistance shattered and pushed through on earth and in heaven and in all the spiritual realms. There was a battle today and WE WON.
And I know the devil is running scared ahahaha.
Lets keep it that way :D
KEEP THE FIRE GOING GUYS, WE'LL MEET NEXT WEEK AND DAMN RIGHT WE'RE GOING TO DO IT AGAIN. WE'RE GOING TO STAND. FOR. GOD.
: DDDD
Man I haven't even gone into cell or the message yet. But I don't think I will. Hahah. Just keep those in my heart for now. But suffice to say, both were pretty awesome, and we're definitely growing as a cell and as sons and daughters of God. Woohooo! :D
Gosh I'm so hyped up now. Aaaahhhh. Hahahaha. Goshness WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.
Cause we were raring to go from the get-go :D
Its not like we're usually not excited for youth service. We are. Haha. But we're mostly also chilling, saying hi, slowly filing in and all, and yeah haha.
There was none of that today. More people are early than usual, we are saying hi as usual, but it's different. There's a certain sense of urgency in the air, we look at each other and grin because we know "something is going to happen today", and the air is so charged with excitement its practically visibly humming away with an audible crackle.
And when the worship leader gets up and calls us to the front to worship God, there is a loud answering roar, and there's none of that "eh I don't want to go first see who go up first then i go" slow trickle, but we surge forward in one body and in one spirit to stand up for what we believe in.
And we look at each other, standing side by side as if ready for battle, and we grin, because there is a gleam in all our eyes that we can see in each other, and we nod, because we've been waiting for this the whole day since last night, we've been praying and waiting for this very moment.
The moment we stand up and give EVERYTHING we have to God, all our voices, all our lungs, all our hearts and our souls to glorify Him, and to worship Him with every ounce of our being :D
It is different. We've learnt something the previous night. We've learnt something over the past week with the SWAA folks. The pastors, the worship team, the band, the youth, we've all learnt something. And those who haven't, pick it up quickly, because since the previous night the excitment has been spreading, the fire has been passing, people have been sharing miraculous stories of what they've learnt at SWAA and the wonderous ways that God has been moving to those who weren't there, and its different today.
We're learnt that worship is EVERYTHING we've been created to be.
We are made to worship. We are made to sing songs to God. We ARE songs created by God. And that when we worship, we break apart the veil between heaven and earth and God himself, and his heavenly host, come down to worship with us because they simply cannot resist, and we're making our church a little piece of heaven at that moment when we worship.
And we're raring to go.
And the worship leader can see this. As we gather before him he notices something is different too, and he grins, and kicks off the pedal and breaks into his guitar-
AND YELLS TO GOD, AND WE YELL WITH HIM.
AND WE SING. WE DANCE. WE CRY OUT, AND THIS IS ONLY THE INTRO SONG.
We don't need to be led! There's none of that "oh im worried I don't want to seem overly excited, I don't want to overstep the worship leader, better see what he does". OUR LEADER IS GOD. AND EVERYTHING IS THROWN AT HIM, EVERY ESSENCE OF OUR BEINGS.
I look to my left, and see Yisin and Gab dancing and laughing away like they've never done so before. This is the time, this is where it all matters, this is what it all comes down to.
This is the final 9 yards.
And I look behind them, and I see Keenan, I catch his eye, he catches mine, and we grin, we are both in awe and in rapture and we can both see that. And then I pay him no further thought, and he pays me none either, cause this is about God, about our King and Almighty Saviour, the only One that matters to any of us, and I'm damn well going to focus every ounce of my being on HIM AND ONLY HIM.
Rachel and Polly next to me are lost in rapture too, singing a beautiful song to God with their beautiful voices with all the passion that God has granted them with, nothing held back at all. I pay them no further attention either.
And my world sinks into just me and God. Just me and my God. Just me and the One Being that matters the most to me now and forevermore because He first loved me and I tremble in awe at His Glory and Power and Unending Love.
Just me and God(:
10 minutes into worship, I nuke my voice. I'm holding nothing back. Yisin nukes his towards the last song. We're screaming. We're yelling. We're hoarsely yelling at the top of our lungs, Hosanna, Hosanna, Hosanna in the Highest!, and we never ever want this to end.
Cause this is all it boils down to. Its crunch time. Everything we exist for comes down to this. Its the frontline of spiritual warfare.
And we don't need anyone to tell us that, not the worship leader, not Pastor Jen, not anybody. Not today, today is different.
And as the song breaks into I see a generation, rising up to take their place, we look around and we revel in joy, because that generation? Is our generation. And this generation is giving a damn good account of itself, dammit. Hahahaha.
AND WE SING. BECAUSE YOU ARE WORTH IT LORD. AND ITS ALL FOR YOU. AND THERE CAN BE NO WAITING. ITS ALL FOR YOU TODAY.
Pastor Jen is amazed. You can see that. So is Pastor Josh. Marcus, the worship leader, is taken aback by the fervor he is seeing, but no one is complaining.
AND WE BREAK INTO THE STAND. And with arms high and hearts abandoned! We praise God with all that is left with our limited voices! Pastor Jen's voice is already shot from crying out to God this whole week hahahaha. She dances instead :D Cause nothing is going to stop us from worshipping God man. We lose our voices? WE'LL DANCE. There's no space to dance? WE'LL YELL AT THE TOP OF OUR LUNGS AND SING WITH OUR HEARTS.
NOTHING IS KEEPING US FROM YOU LORD. NOTHING.
It is a scene that is repeated all across the church. Hundreds of young people from P6 to university undergraduates, face down on the floor, heads up high fixed on heaven, hands raised, hearts flying, God speaking and ministering to each and every one of us in that perfect way only He knows how, as we offer up all of the days we have lived, all the tears we have wept, all the laughter, all the love, all the sin, all the passion, both individually and as a congregation.
It is amazing to behold. But no one is paying attention to beholding it. We don't have the time man. God's here, I don't have time to listen to other people worship God, I'M GONNA WORSHIP GOD LORD HERE I AM PICK ME LOVE ME HEAL ME SEND ME.
I still tremble when I think about it. This is going to stay with me a loonng looong time ahahah.
(:
Today was different :D
Not because the band was spectacularly good or anything. It was okay. Not because of any newfangled special effects, we didn't have any. But because we stood up to be counted, with urgency and with unbridled passion and with nothing held back AT ALL and that makes all the difference.
Damn, we did, didn't we. XD.
You know what, I don't think this post has does justice to the experience at all. Its either impossible, or takes a far better writer than I am, to describe how fantastically wonderful and amazing touching God today was to you, if you weren't there. But those who were there know exactly what I mean :D
Something broke today, in our hearts. A resistance shattered and pushed through on earth and in heaven and in all the spiritual realms. There was a battle today and WE WON.
And I know the devil is running scared ahahaha.
Lets keep it that way :D
KEEP THE FIRE GOING GUYS, WE'LL MEET NEXT WEEK AND DAMN RIGHT WE'RE GOING TO DO IT AGAIN. WE'RE GOING TO STAND. FOR. GOD.
: DDDD
Man I haven't even gone into cell or the message yet. But I don't think I will. Hahah. Just keep those in my heart for now. But suffice to say, both were pretty awesome, and we're definitely growing as a cell and as sons and daughters of God. Woohooo! :D
Gosh I'm so hyped up now. Aaaahhhh. Hahahaha. Goshness WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.
We're going to rush in avoiding getting hit by the lightning and scare people using computers?
Weird dream. Ahahaha. And Keenan was in it, and about 5 other people, except I can't remember who they were. Lol.
I was Peck Hwang's boyfriend though. That bit was funny on its own. Lol.
I was Peck Hwang's boyfriend though. That bit was funny on its own. Lol.
Arrrgh
See la. After posting that last post I feel gloomy enough already. Lol. No wonder God didn't want me to talk about it. Sigh.
I'm not in a mood to talk about all the great things that happened today...
BUT I WILL BE. HAHA. Ima go cheer myself up worshipping God, and making a little piece of my house into heaven. Haha. :D
Watch this space (:
...darn I ran out of cold milk again and have too little milk in my bowl of cereal.
I hate it when I do that.
I'm not in a mood to talk about all the great things that happened today...
BUT I WILL BE. HAHA. Ima go cheer myself up worshipping God, and making a little piece of my house into heaven. Haha. :D
Watch this space (:
...darn I ran out of cold milk again and have too little milk in my bowl of cereal.
I hate it when I do that.
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