JUST BACK FROM CORPORATE PRAYER (:

YAY IT WAS GOOD :D


And I feel productive. Ahahahah. Even though the majority of the day was kinda suck because I was reaaaaally unproductive and just lazed around doing nothing good and I was feeling grumpy about it, and also bad that I didn't use the time to read God's Word or worship or something constructive like that.

Plus I fought with my mom like 20 minutes before coming down to church. Like, I just lost it and blew up when my mom came back and instantly started yelling at me and I did the whole "you're not a good mother" line.

Sigh. Yes, it was not good. Yes, I do regret it. But I am determined to put it down here because I just don't want to write down the good things that happen in my life..

):


So yeah like 5 minutes before I came down I was feeling quite bad. And all. And I was rather..sombre because cellmates all weren't coming down for Corporate Prayer, not even Keenan, and I was pretty much alone.


Actually I wasn't really? Like I saw Hannah around, and Rachel and Yisin and Chonghao and all, but they like already had their own groups of people to sit with/dinner and stuff, and so i really didn't want to bother anyone.


Yes, it is a problem I have. I seem to be near-unable to ask "Hey can I join you guys?", or something. Its a combination of pride, plus fear of people saying "Yes you can join us", but thinking secretly "What a loser he doesn't have his own friends have to come and bother us".


I KNOW, PEOPLE IN CHURCH AREN'T LIKE THAT, but its trauma I guess. Left over from secondary school. Don't ask. :/

Just something I have to work through, I guess. Bah. But yeah, I don't like crashing already defined social circles much):


ANYWAY. So I'm sitting there alone in my pew when in front and behind of me there are rows of youth that I know, but they like are sitting in cells and all and I'm like "meh", but I decide that hey its a good blessing too, and a humbling for me socially wise, and I cheer up a little and start focusing on God as the worship starts :D

Alone, but hey. Church isn't about friends anyway, its about God, and it'd be nice to have friends but its not the end of the world I suppose.

And I'm still a bit wistful.


But then as the worship team breaks into "Forever", Charlene suddenly pokes me and shuffles into the seat beside me and I cheer up considerably. :DDDD


I mean, I knew she was coming, but she's supposed to be with Leader's Cell right, with Chonghao and Yisin and all, and I tell her where they are sitting because you know, she's supposed to be with them and all.


BUT SHE STAYS :DDD


(:


/happy. Thank You God for small miracles and showing You're always looking out for me :D


And thank you Char (:

(: (: (:

Hahaha. My God will meet all my needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus. ITS TRUE (:



So the worship team carries on into Hosanna, the Paul Baloche one, and I am reminded of this monday when we had our attempted worship session in school and I'm like :D

Hahaha. We were trying to sing that song a lot. And you know, me feeling grumpy at myself for not being useful the whole day, God just healed me of that as I worshipped Him. Like I could feel a tangible lifting of my somewhat heavy heart as He just well - simply healed me :D

Thank You God. Haha :D


Prayer was really really good! Haha. The church tried this new thing where they didn't give us any prescribed prayer pointers regarding the topics we're praying for, but chose to let us listen to God's voice and pray for what He was impressing on our hearts to pray for.


And it was cool cause it really put us in a spirit of really trying to be attentive to what God wanted us to declare over the people/things we were praying for, even if we don't really know anything about that situation or the struggles the people are going through. And we have freedom to go where God leads. Haha.

And for myself, God really showed me this little thing, and that little thing, to pray for haha. So its really an exercise of stepping out in faith to obey God's nudgings? And it was good :D


And then!! Cause I was praying with Zhi Jie (Visitor, Shermaine's classmate and Anabel's schoolmate) and Anabel cause Charlene wanted to watch over her Psixers, God impressed on me as the whole thing was winding down to pray for Zhi Jie and bless and affirm him in the Lord haha and so I did after Corporate Prayer ended.

And then I prayed for Charlene's Psixers cause God impressed on me to pray for them too!

I mean, its really cool man, dude, they're 12 and their parents let them come to church on a Friday night till 10+, it really is a super huge blessing. Especially as they really do come. And there's so much potential to grow there in God and in hunger and passion for Him so I felt that that needed to be prayed for (:


And then I met Hannah, and she had a really really really bad headache and was looking quite down because of it, and I had this flash thought "Hey we can pray for the headache to go away" -


But then I wimped out ):


Still a long way to go Lord. Haha. Ah well. But still a good day and thank You for training me today it definitely cheered me up at least haha. (:


YAY GOOD NEWS CHARISIA CAN BRING THE FRIED RICE FOR THE BBQ!! (:



:DDD


Okay church tmrrr. I still am not sure who's going and who I'm going to sit with, but I think today has taught me that God will handle my company for me. Heh.


I mean, its His house man. I think He's got His own seating arrangement covered. Lol :D


(: