AND I AM BACK, AFTER EDITING THAT PREVIOUS POST TIL IM HAPPY WITH IT. HAHA.
:D
So yeah. This post isn't going to be very like, helpfulish-geared though, so if you happen to be on this blog because you like the random points of wisdom that God occasionally chooses to gurgle out of me that don't seem to be from me at all, then you might want to skip this post. Haha.
On the other hand, if you want to hear about the scary shit spiritual attack that happened to me last night, this is definitely the post you want to read then. Ahahahah.
Man.
Sheesh.
How do I know it was a spiritual attack? Well, quite simply, I don't. But I am firmly in the belief camp that anything bad comes from Satan, any bad thought, negative feeling of doubt, whatever, it comes from the devil and is like malicious and shit. Yeah.
Its like, lets say you get hit by a car crashing into you at the speed of a billion deranged terrorist-driven trains.
Sure, it was the driver that decided to make you into roadkill. And it was you not looking out enough. But I would believe that it was Satan that conspired to arrange those circumstances and actions whatever to make the bad thing happen to you. Yeah. And as such it would be considered as an attack. If only for the reason that he'd be laughing hilariously about it afterwards.
And why spiritual? Well, I suppose it could have been physical. I was like paralysed and shit. And I guess it could have been emotional, I definitely was feeling a crapload of fear and terror and distress and whatever. But to me, it was spiritual i guess because I feel it attacked me where my faith lay, trying to make me feel like God didn't exist and I was entirely at Satan's mercy.
And I know about sleep paralysis, and the hallucinations and whatever and emotions that come along with it, but I've never heard of a hallucination that stands in the corner of your room and yells all sorts of negative things about areas of your life that you don't tell anybody about except God.
Okay okay I will stop torturing you with suspense and random eye-glaring highlights of red and blue. Hahahahah.
So here's what happened in a coherent order:
- Uh. You know what? I'm not going to talk about it. Haha. God is like, telling me that I shouldn't. Like lay it all out in detail and stuff. Because its not really going to help anyone? And like my objective for doing so, would be the simple shallow reason of telling people, to entertain, and you know, "life is so exciting" and all that. And we really shouldn't be doing that for things like spiritual attacks...
Like i'll save it till a time when telling it will have a positive impact on someone elses life? Like how I did for that other Coming to Coos testimonial thing, slipping out at the table when Abby Hannah and their cell leader and I were discussing stuff..
HAHA I AM SORRY. I BUILT IT UP SO MUCH AND NOW .-.
But yeah if you see me around school or church or something and you ask me, I'll probably tell you lah. Haha. Maybe, if i'm not too lazy. Heh. And maybe if I don't feel like talking about negative stuff.. lol. Hahahahah. WHAT :D
Joanna don't you feel special now that you're the only person I've told it too thus far then-.-
Lololol.
OKAY. I SHALL GO ONLINE TO POST THIS, AND THEN MAYBE MOVE ON TO THIRD THING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT TONIGHT :D
Saturday, August 23, 2008
What God told me on Thursday Night
Hello world!
Ahahahah and finally I am getting down to blogging about something that I’ve wanted to blog about since last night, some epic lessons God has been showing me and I am determined to put them down so that 1. I will remember them, and 2. hopefully you will be blessed by them too :D
I have no idea I’m going to go about doing this though, so God You’re going to have to lead me, okay? (:
Okay where to begin haahaha. I went to SAJC yesterday, to pick Charlene up from school so we could head to church, and we were kinda late, but bleh haha. We came in when worship was already going on, and let me say that its quite interesting to be standing in the pews while worshipping for once, when usually I prefer to be in front cause I have space to kneel. Heh.
As in like, I kneel because He’s the only one worthy of my kneeling, and also, I can concentrate so much more on glorifying Him when I kneel? Its like, I’m no longer looking to the left or the right, I’m no longer worrying about whether my voice sounds so bad I’m inflicting pain and horror on the people beside me trying to worship, nothing else matters, except me, singing my heart out to God tucked in on the floor.
Haha. So its like win-win. :D
And God told me a few things last night, when I was striving towards Him.
1. To call as many people I can to come for the next night’s session, and to always do so for church and anything church-related.
Which was interesting, because earlier in the day I asked Keenan to come and he wanted to go home to sleep, and I was quite lost for words after that, and didn’t quite know what to say.
Because I worry so much about being overly pushy, especially with my friends over these things? Yeeaaah..
But what God told me, is that don’t worry about that, He is control of that, and my responsibility is to get people to come. And come and come. Even though when they don’t feel there is a particular need to, and they feel they can worship and honour and pray just fine at home, because God is everywhere.
Which is a perfectly valid point, really.
But honestly, how much time when we spend at home are we using to just do NOTHING but have our faces on the floor and heart on our Saviour worshipping Him, and paying attention to Him?
15, maybe 20 minutes? With distractions in the way, the Internet, MSN, family, everything?
And if the church has decided to open up on any particular day apart from its usual services, to serve, to have people practising and praying and to spend exorbitant amounts of money and time to operate the lights, air-conditioning, audio, and band, for the sole reason of creating an environment where their flock can do absolutely nothing but focus on God:
Damn, we should be RUNNING and banging the doors down to take advantage of the opportunity.
Yeah? As in, worshipping God at home is good and great and all, but when you think about pastors praying much, and reading much, and drafting out messages and everything that is going on just so God’s word can be brought through to you – damn, even if its not a message that is specifically relevant to you, God’s going to use that time to do something special in your heart, if only to honour the effort that his people have put in out of love to bring services to the congregation.
And I don’t think any of us can deny the effect that God can have on us, speaking to us and comforting and healing us emotionally, breaking us down, when we’re entirely focused on Him and nothing but Him, for hours and hours on end?
Yep, when we’re paying attention.
And really, how much time do we pay attention, and I mean REALLY pay attention to God outside of service, and outside of QT? Listening to worship songs doesn’t count, and discussing church issues with other people on msn doesn’t count. It doesn’t. I’m talking about those times when we’re deep face down and swept away with the Glory of His Spirit, and striving harder and harder just to hear something.
If you do that lots outside of normal services, then awesome :D
But I know that I don’t, I’m trying, but theres no denying that church, and going to church more to worship DOES help me and motivate me more to create an atmosphere of undivided attention and worship at home, and wherever whenever else I am.
Because the whole place is just geared purposefully to create a conducive environment to come to God in? And we should be trying to take advantage of that, whenever its open, if nothing else.
Yup(: Keenan says it really depends on how you look at it, but I am firmly in this corner lah. Its like, if we were so good with listening to God already, whats the point of heading to church, even. Whats the point of using a piano, or guitar, or songs to worship, if we’re already so good at coming so close to God that we can simply just collapse into silent contemplation of God?
These things, are meant to facilitate, and help us draw us in, because we are finite creatures and bound to the limitations to our flesh that we’re striving to get past. But yeah, when heaven comes, we won’t have any of those limitations anymore. (:
Until then, whenever theres a chance to take advantage of the stuff people called by God have been working so hard to create to bless people with, I’m damn right going to stand up and take in faith and gladness what has been offered!
Just my thoughts on the issue. Haha (:
Eh, and all those people that have tuition and what not, I know its a perfectly good reason, but is there possibly another way? Like tuition on another day? Or somebody else giving tuition? I am firmly in the camp of "If I honour God with this time and sacrifice, He will honour me in turn and pay me back tenfold".
Even in the area of studies. Yep. How do I know? Because I have been through times where I go for a Christian conference and I come back so tired and I want to study and I just drop dead unknowingly, but God comes through the next morning and suddenly I ace a test that I haven't studied for anytime except on the bus on the way to school. Like, God just opened my mind and I was understanding concepts miraculously fast, and everything just worked. Nothing is impossible with our God (:
And I KNOW you believe that. Heh.
Anyway, God told me another thing too:
1. I have to go back to my family church.
Quite frankly, it came as a shocker to me. I was just kneeling, and praying, and exalting God, and suddenly God told me gently that now is the time, I have to go, and attend the Sunday services, and try to bring back everything He has given me at Coos there.
No, I’m not leaving Coos. -.-
Lol. But I AM going to go back, and just..well love. He doesn’t want me to like start any big confrontations or anything, in fact, He wants me to try and avoid the issue of the tongues and the healings and everything.
And it makes sense, because I’m realizing more and more that disagreements like this can’t be settled with fiery sermons from the pulpit, or logical reasoning? Theres just so much judgement and hate that can possibly be thrown around on both sides, and its not going to go anywhere because seriously now, who is going to back down on an issue like this?
But what I can do, is build relationships. To show everyone that we don’t go to COOS because its about fun. Cause it isn’t. And that our hearts are simply focused on worshipping God. That is all. I want to be a testimony.
Because God has asked me to. And that’s the answer I’m going to give to every single person that asks me why I’m suddenly back.
“God told me to. And I want to obey Him.”
If that isn’t crazy powerful on itself already, I don’t know what is. Hahaha.
Who knows, maybe I might learn something too :D
But I’m only going cause I want to honour You, my King, and I love You, so watch over me okay? Hahahahah (:
Okay to be honest, I’m rather terrified, but hey..
:rolls eyes:
:/
Ahahahah and finally I am getting down to blogging about something that I’ve wanted to blog about since last night, some epic lessons God has been showing me and I am determined to put them down so that 1. I will remember them, and 2. hopefully you will be blessed by them too :D
I have no idea I’m going to go about doing this though, so God You’re going to have to lead me, okay? (:
Okay where to begin haahaha. I went to SAJC yesterday, to pick Charlene up from school so we could head to church, and we were kinda late, but bleh haha. We came in when worship was already going on, and let me say that its quite interesting to be standing in the pews while worshipping for once, when usually I prefer to be in front cause I have space to kneel. Heh.
As in like, I kneel because He’s the only one worthy of my kneeling, and also, I can concentrate so much more on glorifying Him when I kneel? Its like, I’m no longer looking to the left or the right, I’m no longer worrying about whether my voice sounds so bad I’m inflicting pain and horror on the people beside me trying to worship, nothing else matters, except me, singing my heart out to God tucked in on the floor.
Haha. So its like win-win. :D
And God told me a few things last night, when I was striving towards Him.
1. To call as many people I can to come for the next night’s session, and to always do so for church and anything church-related.
Which was interesting, because earlier in the day I asked Keenan to come and he wanted to go home to sleep, and I was quite lost for words after that, and didn’t quite know what to say.
Because I worry so much about being overly pushy, especially with my friends over these things? Yeeaaah..
But what God told me, is that don’t worry about that, He is control of that, and my responsibility is to get people to come. And come and come. Even though when they don’t feel there is a particular need to, and they feel they can worship and honour and pray just fine at home, because God is everywhere.
Which is a perfectly valid point, really.
But honestly, how much time when we spend at home are we using to just do NOTHING but have our faces on the floor and heart on our Saviour worshipping Him, and paying attention to Him?
15, maybe 20 minutes? With distractions in the way, the Internet, MSN, family, everything?
And if the church has decided to open up on any particular day apart from its usual services, to serve, to have people practising and praying and to spend exorbitant amounts of money and time to operate the lights, air-conditioning, audio, and band, for the sole reason of creating an environment where their flock can do absolutely nothing but focus on God:
Damn, we should be RUNNING and banging the doors down to take advantage of the opportunity.
Yeah? As in, worshipping God at home is good and great and all, but when you think about pastors praying much, and reading much, and drafting out messages and everything that is going on just so God’s word can be brought through to you – damn, even if its not a message that is specifically relevant to you, God’s going to use that time to do something special in your heart, if only to honour the effort that his people have put in out of love to bring services to the congregation.
And I don’t think any of us can deny the effect that God can have on us, speaking to us and comforting and healing us emotionally, breaking us down, when we’re entirely focused on Him and nothing but Him, for hours and hours on end?
Yep, when we’re paying attention.
And really, how much time do we pay attention, and I mean REALLY pay attention to God outside of service, and outside of QT? Listening to worship songs doesn’t count, and discussing church issues with other people on msn doesn’t count. It doesn’t. I’m talking about those times when we’re deep face down and swept away with the Glory of His Spirit, and striving harder and harder just to hear something.
If you do that lots outside of normal services, then awesome :D
But I know that I don’t, I’m trying, but theres no denying that church, and going to church more to worship DOES help me and motivate me more to create an atmosphere of undivided attention and worship at home, and wherever whenever else I am.
Because the whole place is just geared purposefully to create a conducive environment to come to God in? And we should be trying to take advantage of that, whenever its open, if nothing else.
Yup(: Keenan says it really depends on how you look at it, but I am firmly in this corner lah. Its like, if we were so good with listening to God already, whats the point of heading to church, even. Whats the point of using a piano, or guitar, or songs to worship, if we’re already so good at coming so close to God that we can simply just collapse into silent contemplation of God?
These things, are meant to facilitate, and help us draw us in, because we are finite creatures and bound to the limitations to our flesh that we’re striving to get past. But yeah, when heaven comes, we won’t have any of those limitations anymore. (:
Until then, whenever theres a chance to take advantage of the stuff people called by God have been working so hard to create to bless people with, I’m damn right going to stand up and take in faith and gladness what has been offered!
Just my thoughts on the issue. Haha (:
Eh, and all those people that have tuition and what not, I know its a perfectly good reason, but is there possibly another way? Like tuition on another day? Or somebody else giving tuition? I am firmly in the camp of "If I honour God with this time and sacrifice, He will honour me in turn and pay me back tenfold".
Even in the area of studies. Yep. How do I know? Because I have been through times where I go for a Christian conference and I come back so tired and I want to study and I just drop dead unknowingly, but God comes through the next morning and suddenly I ace a test that I haven't studied for anytime except on the bus on the way to school. Like, God just opened my mind and I was understanding concepts miraculously fast, and everything just worked. Nothing is impossible with our God (:
And I KNOW you believe that. Heh.
Anyway, God told me another thing too:
1. I have to go back to my family church.
Quite frankly, it came as a shocker to me. I was just kneeling, and praying, and exalting God, and suddenly God told me gently that now is the time, I have to go, and attend the Sunday services, and try to bring back everything He has given me at Coos there.
No, I’m not leaving Coos. -.-
Lol. But I AM going to go back, and just..well love. He doesn’t want me to like start any big confrontations or anything, in fact, He wants me to try and avoid the issue of the tongues and the healings and everything.
And it makes sense, because I’m realizing more and more that disagreements like this can’t be settled with fiery sermons from the pulpit, or logical reasoning? Theres just so much judgement and hate that can possibly be thrown around on both sides, and its not going to go anywhere because seriously now, who is going to back down on an issue like this?
But what I can do, is build relationships. To show everyone that we don’t go to COOS because its about fun. Cause it isn’t. And that our hearts are simply focused on worshipping God. That is all. I want to be a testimony.
Because God has asked me to. And that’s the answer I’m going to give to every single person that asks me why I’m suddenly back.
“God told me to. And I want to obey Him.”
If that isn’t crazy powerful on itself already, I don’t know what is. Hahaha.
Who knows, maybe I might learn something too :D
But I’m only going cause I want to honour You, my King, and I love You, so watch over me okay? Hahahahah (:
Okay to be honest, I’m rather terrified, but hey..
:rolls eyes:
:/
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
I've never looked at this song this way before
A thousand times I’ve failed, still your mercy remains
And should I stumble again, I’m caught in your grace
-----------------------------
This line just strikes me deeply just right now, just as I’m winding up my impromptu P&W and am about to embark on Advert.
Sweet sweet lines.
I mean, over today, yesterday, and the past few days, for studies alone, I’ve been playing games, wasting time, and everything instead of doing work when I’m supposed to, and regretting it too late afterwards. And still every single time, He pulls through and steps in to save me just because, and to give me half-decent results, and to bring me to ultimately where He wants me to be even though I’m hardly the best mugger/student/child of God because I just lack discipline so so much.
Aren’t you tired of me now Lord? Any other one else would have thrown me out the door by now, goodness knows my parents are on the verge of doing so, but you just keep coming and coming and coming and pouring(:
A thousand times I’ve failed, still your mercy remains
And should I stumble again, I’m caught in your grace
Lord I’m amazed by and am in total awe of you (:
Heh. I guess one more song can’t hurt. :D
Saviour of my soul
Lover of my life
I love you endlessly
Passion of my heart
Everything you are
I love you endlessly
I’ll leave you to guess the rest (:
Just sink into worshipping God guys(:
Its so so so worth it :D
Hee.
And should I stumble again, I’m caught in your grace
-----------------------------
This line just strikes me deeply just right now, just as I’m winding up my impromptu P&W and am about to embark on Advert.
Sweet sweet lines.
I mean, over today, yesterday, and the past few days, for studies alone, I’ve been playing games, wasting time, and everything instead of doing work when I’m supposed to, and regretting it too late afterwards. And still every single time, He pulls through and steps in to save me just because, and to give me half-decent results, and to bring me to ultimately where He wants me to be even though I’m hardly the best mugger/student/child of God because I just lack discipline so so much.
Aren’t you tired of me now Lord? Any other one else would have thrown me out the door by now, goodness knows my parents are on the verge of doing so, but you just keep coming and coming and coming and pouring(:
A thousand times I’ve failed, still your mercy remains
And should I stumble again, I’m caught in your grace
Lord I’m amazed by and am in total awe of you (:
Heh. I guess one more song can’t hurt. :D
Saviour of my soul
Lover of my life
I love you endlessly
Passion of my heart
Everything you are
I love you endlessly
I’ll leave you to guess the rest (:
Just sink into worshipping God guys(:
Its so so so worth it :D
Hee.
The joy that transcends all understanding
I think I’m mad ahaahahah.
I haven’t slept yet, it’s the second night in the row I’m planning on pulling yet another all-nighter, final big big big big final of finals Advertising Paper is tomorrow, vaunted to be the toughest paper in the toughest of modules in the whole year, under 12 hours away, I understand the concepts but I haven’t done any real mugging yet, I’m kinda tired, and theres no respite in sight for the next half-day
And here I am hopping around like an energetic bunny infused with joy in my living room cheering and singing Open Up The Gates and Hosanna (the hyper one by Paul Baloche) and laughing and giggling to God in pure unbridled joy.
Okay not really unbridled, but that’s only because I’m trying not to wake the whole house up. Singing and top of lungs at 2am to grumpy parents = bad.
Yes, yes, I’m all ready to go, notes up on the table and ready for the biggest epic studying night of the semester.
But first, comes God and praising Him cause I JUST KNOW that He’s with me and He will give me strength and daaaaaammnn is he giving me that perfect joy right now that transcends all understanding. Hahahahaha.
As Sherry has been drilling into me over the past weeks, just look to God and IT WILL ALL GO AWAY. AND LIFE BECOMES A LOT HAPPIER AND EASIER TO HANDLE CAUSE HE’S RIGHT THERE (:
-->There’s never too little time, or being too busy to pray. God ALWAYS honours the time you give up for him, no matter the ramifications (: <---
:DDD
Watch this Advert Paper get blown through the roof, watch this space ahahaha. Not because it’s a guaranteed thing or like God is some magic press button pray and boom, but becomes I just KNOW that He will meet all my needs (:
Rawr. 10 MORE MINUTES OF PRAISE TO YOU GOD. AND THEN WILL YOU HONOUR ME IN TURN. AHAHAHHA I AM SO IN LOVE WITH YOUUU (: (:
------------------------------------------
Need blessing/prayer? Ask me :] says:
All the best Keann
02:22 AM
KEANN~ breaktime says:
aye
02:22 AM
Need blessing/prayer? Ask me :] says:
May the grace of God be upon you :]
02:22 AM
KEANN~ breaktime says:
(:
02:22 AM
Need blessing/prayer? Ask me :] says:
And remember my favourite verse
02:22 AM
KEANN~ breaktime says:
i know, im thinking it
haha
02:22 AM
Need blessing/prayer? Ask me :] says:
Night night keann my eyeballs are freezing up
02:22 AM
KEANN~ breaktime says:
alright goodnight seeya love ya (:
02:23 AM
Need blessing/prayer? Ask me :] says:
Study hard pray harder!
02:23 AM
KEANN~ breaktime says:
you too!
later haha
02:23 AM
Need blessing/prayer? Ask me :] says:
Night bye lubdubsxz!
-----------------------------------
Damned right Charmaine is (: Oh the verse we’re being all psychic about:
“Come to me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
Matt 11:28-30 (:
I’m always going to remember that verse, just back out of Fuel-up, when I was spazzing about some crazy workload and staying up to do so much work, and Charmaine and I were like bickering and driving each other up the wall, as usual, being new friends. And suddenly the dear girl just shifts personas and drops this verse on me EXACTLY when I need it, except I’ve fallen asleep depressed, and the first thing I see in the morning is God speaking to me and reassuring me through it that its all gonna be fine (:
(:
Yes, Hannah, its one of the verses you gave me on my birthday too! Haha :D I’m staring at the yellow speech bubble now as I type this (:
2 very very special people in my life, bringing me comfort from the Biggest Greatest Person in my effing universe :D
How can I not be overflowing with joy even in the face of Advert, you tell me. Ahahaha.
:D Alright, more prayer and then MUGGING TIME. BYE Y’ALL MUCH LOVE :D
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HAPPY BIRTHDAY ADIN HAHA WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
ROCK ON MATE. HAHA.
Crazy bugger. Alright I AM OFF FOR REAL NOW. :DDD
I haven’t slept yet, it’s the second night in the row I’m planning on pulling yet another all-nighter, final big big big big final of finals Advertising Paper is tomorrow, vaunted to be the toughest paper in the toughest of modules in the whole year, under 12 hours away, I understand the concepts but I haven’t done any real mugging yet, I’m kinda tired, and theres no respite in sight for the next half-day
And here I am hopping around like an energetic bunny infused with joy in my living room cheering and singing Open Up The Gates and Hosanna (the hyper one by Paul Baloche) and laughing and giggling to God in pure unbridled joy.
Okay not really unbridled, but that’s only because I’m trying not to wake the whole house up. Singing and top of lungs at 2am to grumpy parents = bad.
Yes, yes, I’m all ready to go, notes up on the table and ready for the biggest epic studying night of the semester.
But first, comes God and praising Him cause I JUST KNOW that He’s with me and He will give me strength and daaaaaammnn is he giving me that perfect joy right now that transcends all understanding. Hahahahaha.
As Sherry has been drilling into me over the past weeks, just look to God and IT WILL ALL GO AWAY. AND LIFE BECOMES A LOT HAPPIER AND EASIER TO HANDLE CAUSE HE’S RIGHT THERE (:
-->There’s never too little time, or being too busy to pray. God ALWAYS honours the time you give up for him, no matter the ramifications (: <---
:DDD
Watch this Advert Paper get blown through the roof, watch this space ahahaha. Not because it’s a guaranteed thing or like God is some magic press button pray and boom, but becomes I just KNOW that He will meet all my needs (:
Rawr. 10 MORE MINUTES OF PRAISE TO YOU GOD. AND THEN WILL YOU HONOUR ME IN TURN. AHAHAHHA I AM SO IN LOVE WITH YOUUU (: (:
------------------------------------------
Need blessing/prayer? Ask me :] says:
All the best Keann
02:22 AM
KEANN~ breaktime says:
aye
02:22 AM
Need blessing/prayer? Ask me :] says:
May the grace of God be upon you :]
02:22 AM
KEANN~ breaktime says:
(:
02:22 AM
Need blessing/prayer? Ask me :] says:
And remember my favourite verse
02:22 AM
KEANN~ breaktime says:
i know, im thinking it
haha
02:22 AM
Need blessing/prayer? Ask me :] says:
Night night keann my eyeballs are freezing up
02:22 AM
KEANN~ breaktime says:
alright goodnight seeya love ya (:
02:23 AM
Need blessing/prayer? Ask me :] says:
Study hard pray harder!
02:23 AM
KEANN~ breaktime says:
you too!
later haha
02:23 AM
Need blessing/prayer? Ask me :] says:
Night bye lubdubsxz!
-----------------------------------
Damned right Charmaine is (: Oh the verse we’re being all psychic about:
“Come to me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
Matt 11:28-30 (:
I’m always going to remember that verse, just back out of Fuel-up, when I was spazzing about some crazy workload and staying up to do so much work, and Charmaine and I were like bickering and driving each other up the wall, as usual, being new friends. And suddenly the dear girl just shifts personas and drops this verse on me EXACTLY when I need it, except I’ve fallen asleep depressed, and the first thing I see in the morning is God speaking to me and reassuring me through it that its all gonna be fine (:
(:
Yes, Hannah, its one of the verses you gave me on my birthday too! Haha :D I’m staring at the yellow speech bubble now as I type this (:
2 very very special people in my life, bringing me comfort from the Biggest Greatest Person in my effing universe :D
How can I not be overflowing with joy even in the face of Advert, you tell me. Ahahaha.
:D Alright, more prayer and then MUGGING TIME. BYE Y’ALL MUCH LOVE :D
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HAPPY BIRTHDAY ADIN HAHA WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
ROCK ON MATE. HAHA.
Crazy bugger. Alright I AM OFF FOR REAL NOW. :DDD
Monday, August 18, 2008
Boo
Camwhore bug hits and I've decided I'm going to document how I look this morning while I'm still decent before the red-rimmed puffy eyes and bleary everything overtakes me later due to total lack of sleep. Blagh.
Yes I know I have absolutely no creativity in posing whatsoever at all. BUT I JUST LOOK SO GOOD IN THAT ONE POSITION I CAN'T HELP IT.
Okay no. ):
Lololol. Don't you just hate how photobooth's flash makes there be a slight reflection in the specs lens in the photo i look slightly cock-eyed.
Blagggh. I swear, my brain comes up with the most creative ways to make me not study..
OKAY BYE. SLEEPTIEM. GOD BLESS RACHEL MEL AND WHOEVER ELSE FOR THEIR PAPERS TODAY (:
Yes I know I have absolutely no creativity in posing whatsoever at all. BUT I JUST LOOK SO GOOD IN THAT ONE POSITION I CAN'T HELP IT.
Okay no. ):
Lololol. Don't you just hate how photobooth's flash makes there be a slight reflection in the specs lens in the photo i look slightly cock-eyed.
Blagggh. I swear, my brain comes up with the most creative ways to make me not study..
OKAY BYE. SLEEPTIEM. GOD BLESS RACHEL MEL AND WHOEVER ELSE FOR THEIR PAPERS TODAY (:
MORNING
So, I'm sitting at KAP macs at 6.45 am watching a short excerpt of the previous SA VS AC rugby final on the big mac LCD.
:s
Interesting pondering how I'd root for the school that has 2/3 people that matter to me loads over the school i always dreamed i was going to as a kid.
Haha. Uh. Idk lah w/e.
SO. I JUST SENT A MASS MESSAGE TO EVERYONE ON MY CONTACT LIST AHA.
Manually too, i haven't figured out how to send mass, if a way even exists, on this phone ):
Also, I refuse to reply to any "who is this" messages. Lol. Rachel was like the exception i think. Just cause I happened to be walking past MGS cause I got off the bus one stop too early.
Oh god theres an advert blaring at Macs about how "I want to be a radio DJ".
GO AWAYYYY.
So waking up in the morning when the sky is still dark to go to school is like, fun. I actually miss the sensation, there is a certain bond you form even with people you hate when you see them every day before the sun goes up :/
Blaagh. Okay I must get some sleep or I will be incoherent when I need to study later. GOODNIGHT.
Uh.
The frog thing really comforts me. This disturbs me somewhat:
KEANN~ arrgh God give me discipline says:
is it wrong
if i like to hug my frogthing
12:06 AM
Keenan ♫ Spoonful - Cream ♫ † My momma makes a damn good salad says:
Lol
Uh
What?
Oh
THAT
HAHA
HAHAHA
No
It isn't
I have a Leopard
So
Yeah
Nat has a Shark and Woodstock the bird
So
It's fine
12:06 AM
KEANN~ arrgh God give me discipline says:
but its a leopard
and thats a shark
not um
12:06 AM
Keenan ♫ Spoonful - Cream ♫ † My momma makes a damn good salad says:
But
Yeah
12:06 AM
KEANN~ arrgh God give me discipline says:
a fat cutesy
frogprince
12:07 AM
Keenan ♫ Spoonful - Cream ♫ † My momma makes a damn good salad says:
I saw.
Kiss it
12:07 AM
KEANN~ arrgh God give me discipline says:
...
12:07 AM
Keenan ♫ Spoonful - Cream ♫ † My momma makes a damn good salad says:
Mebbe he'll turn ghey
Hot ghey frogprince
-------------------------
KEANN~ arrgh God give me discipline says:
is it wrong
if i like to hug my frogthing
11:55 PM
the little jamaican makes me smile says:
errrr.
well it depends what you're thinking of.
haha.
11:55 PM
KEANN~ arrgh God give me discipline says:
like what
11:55 PM
the little jamaican makes me smile says:
and even if you're thinking of that thing it's not wrong actually.
11:56 PM
KEANN~ arrgh God give me discipline says:
WHAT MADE YOU THINK I WAS THINKING THAT
HUH
11:56 PM
the little jamaican makes me smile says:
erm.
because you are.
HAHA.
11:56 PM
KEANN~ arrgh God give me discipline says:
WHAT GIVES YOU THE RIGHT TO JUDGE
(cough)
):
HAHA
<_<
D=
):
lol
-----------------------------------
HAHAHAHA. I think I might bring it to school tomorrow...
We'll see. Haha. Later
KEANN~ arrgh God give me discipline says:
is it wrong
if i like to hug my frogthing
12:06 AM
Keenan ♫ Spoonful - Cream ♫ † My momma makes a damn good salad says:
Lol
Uh
What?
Oh
THAT
HAHA
HAHAHA
No
It isn't
I have a Leopard
So
Yeah
Nat has a Shark and Woodstock the bird
So
It's fine
12:06 AM
KEANN~ arrgh God give me discipline says:
but its a leopard
and thats a shark
not um
12:06 AM
Keenan ♫ Spoonful - Cream ♫ † My momma makes a damn good salad says:
But
Yeah
12:06 AM
KEANN~ arrgh God give me discipline says:
a fat cutesy
frogprince
12:07 AM
Keenan ♫ Spoonful - Cream ♫ † My momma makes a damn good salad says:
I saw.
Kiss it
12:07 AM
KEANN~ arrgh God give me discipline says:
...
12:07 AM
Keenan ♫ Spoonful - Cream ♫ † My momma makes a damn good salad says:
Mebbe he'll turn ghey
Hot ghey frogprince
-------------------------
KEANN~ arrgh God give me discipline says:
is it wrong
if i like to hug my frogthing
11:55 PM
the little jamaican makes me smile says:
errrr.
well it depends what you're thinking of.
haha.
11:55 PM
KEANN~ arrgh God give me discipline says:
like what
11:55 PM
the little jamaican makes me smile says:
and even if you're thinking of that thing it's not wrong actually.
11:56 PM
KEANN~ arrgh God give me discipline says:
WHAT MADE YOU THINK I WAS THINKING THAT
HUH
11:56 PM
the little jamaican makes me smile says:
erm.
because you are.
HAHA.
11:56 PM
KEANN~ arrgh God give me discipline says:
WHAT GIVES YOU THE RIGHT TO JUDGE
(cough)
):
HAHA
<_<
D=
):
lol
-----------------------------------
HAHAHAHA. I think I might bring it to school tomorrow...
We'll see. Haha. Later
Sunday, August 17, 2008
And yes Crusade Camp Publicity
† About Camp † • What to Expect? • A time of fun filled activities awaits you as you discover the Life you were meant to Live... Come and be RESTORED through a series of interesting theme talks, fellowship, games and more!!! What are you waiting for? Sign up today!!!! Everyone is Welcomed to Join Us! • Verse • "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!" 2 Corinthians 5:17 • Camp Details • Date: 6th to 9th October 2008 (Mon - Thurs) Venue: To be confirmed Price: Earlybird Special $45 (13/08/08 to 5/09/08) Usual Camp Fee $55 (6/09/08 to 20/09/08) *camp fee includes a camp shirt |
-------------------------------------
Registration closes on Saturday, 20th September 2008
*we will not guarantee a camp shirt after online registration closes
• What do I have to do? •
1) Copy and fill up your particulars as follows and email us at restored08@gmail.com
Subject line
"Registration for Camp"
Content
Name in Full:
*we will not guarantee a camp shirt after online registration closes
• What do I have to do? •
1) Copy and fill up your particulars as follows and email us at restored08@gmail.com
Subject line
"Registration for Camp"
Content
Name in Full:
Sex: Male/Female
Date of Birth:
NRIC Number:
Address:
Hand Phone Number:
Home Phone Number:
Email Address:
School:
Course/Year:
Student Number(NP):
Church:
Crusader: Yes/No
Invited By(Optional):
Shirt Size(eg. 34, 36...):
Blood Type:
Health Considerations:
Food Allergy/Special Diet:
Emergency Contact Person:
Emergency Contact Number:
2) Upon submission of your registration, you should receive a confirmation email within 48hours which will include your Particulars, total Camp Fee, Indemnity Form and Parent Consent Form. Please print out both the forms attached to the email, complete it, and bring it to the camp on 6th Oct'08.
If there are any errors in your particulars, please reply to the confirmation email. Thanks!
3) Next, you can check that your name appears in the campers list as seen below.
4) One week before the actual camp, you should receive an email with the "to bring" list and the confirmed meeting venue and time for the first day of camp.
5) On the day of the camp, do remember to bring the Camp Fee ($45 or $55), Indemnity Form and Parents Consent Form. Campers without these forms will not be allowed to stay over at the camp.
--------------------------------------
Plus! You can also include the camp details at your msn personal message/nickname. Here are some suggestions:
a) "Are you ready to be restored? [6-9 Oct 2008] Check it out at npcampuscrusade.blogspot.com"
b) "Do you want to be restored? 6-9 October 2008, ask me more!"
c) "RESTORED 2008 [6-9th Oct] Sign Up NOW! npcampuscrusade.blogspot.com"
2) Your blog can be a great advertising tool too!
All you have to do is put this image link at your blog which will bring them here when clicked! Simply copy and paste the code below the image into your blog.
-----------------------------------------------------
Yup. I will be going, because its God related stuff, and I was pondering about it when Cerise asked me to go to keep her company and that was the final reason that sent me over the edge. Ahahah.
Everyone who is in NP and a Christian, I strongly encourage you to come for this camp okay! I mean, no matter what church you're in, i'm sure that they've been calling you again and again and again to REACH OUT to the people in your schools, cause that's where the most opportunity to save takes place, and if you're having difficulty doing so because you're like the only one in your church that is in your particular course/class whatever and its hard to gain a foothold, this will really really really really help. That big thing we talk about where THE CHRISTIANS OF THE SCHOOL UNITE? This has super opportunity to turn into that, if only you come down. We're not just going to sing and pray about near-revival that we see as we're on our kness blahblahblah, we're GOING TO DO IT. And there are more Christians than you think there are, all around you, struggling with exactly the same issues and hoping for someone else beside them. And this is where you're going to find out who they are! THIS. IS. THE. TIME.
So if you're free, or are convicted by God to come, do sign up okay? And even if you're not coming, don't worry about it, but pray that God WILL turn it into something great. Camps are..a logistical horror. I know. Pray for everyone sacrificing their time to run this thing, because sheesh its not walk in the park. And I'm not just saying that <_< href="http://npcampuscrusade.blogspot.com/">http://npcampuscrusade.blogspot.com/
(:
5.45 am. Hoooooboyyy. But I'm not goign to be retarded and blame lack of study on doing stuff like Godblogposts haha when its obvious that I've been wasting time over games and such. Ah well.
*buggers off to pray, and then something constructive*
Date of Birth:
NRIC Number:
Address:
Hand Phone Number:
Home Phone Number:
Email Address:
School:
Course/Year:
Student Number(NP):
Church:
Crusader: Yes/No
Invited By(Optional):
Shirt Size(eg. 34, 36...):
Blood Type:
Health Considerations:
Food Allergy/Special Diet:
Emergency Contact Person:
Emergency Contact Number:
2) Upon submission of your registration, you should receive a confirmation email within 48hours which will include your Particulars, total Camp Fee, Indemnity Form and Parent Consent Form. Please print out both the forms attached to the email, complete it, and bring it to the camp on 6th Oct'08.
If there are any errors in your particulars, please reply to the confirmation email. Thanks!
3) Next, you can check that your name appears in the campers list as seen below.
4) One week before the actual camp, you should receive an email with the "to bring" list and the confirmed meeting venue and time for the first day of camp.
5) On the day of the camp, do remember to bring the Camp Fee ($45 or $55), Indemnity Form and Parents Consent Form. Campers without these forms will not be allowed to stay over at the camp.
--------------------------------------
† Publicity †
You can aid us in publicizing this camp too. Good things should be shared, so tell your friends about it now!
• How can I help? •
1) Upload any of these images and use it as your msn display picture =D
Plus! You can also include the camp details at your msn personal message/nickname. Here are some suggestions:
a) "Are you ready to be restored? [6-9 Oct 2008] Check it out at npcampuscrusade.blogspot.com"
b) "Do you want to be restored? 6-9 October 2008, ask me more!"
c) "RESTORED 2008 [6-9th Oct] Sign Up NOW! npcampuscrusade.blogspot.com"
2) Your blog can be a great advertising tool too!
All you have to do is put this image link at your blog which will bring them here when clicked! Simply copy and paste the code below the image into your blog.
-----------------------------------------------------
Yup. I will be going, because its God related stuff, and I was pondering about it when Cerise asked me to go to keep her company and that was the final reason that sent me over the edge. Ahahah.
Everyone who is in NP and a Christian, I strongly encourage you to come for this camp okay! I mean, no matter what church you're in, i'm sure that they've been calling you again and again and again to REACH OUT to the people in your schools, cause that's where the most opportunity to save takes place, and if you're having difficulty doing so because you're like the only one in your church that is in your particular course/class whatever and its hard to gain a foothold, this will really really really really help. That big thing we talk about where THE CHRISTIANS OF THE SCHOOL UNITE? This has super opportunity to turn into that, if only you come down. We're not just going to sing and pray about near-revival that we see as we're on our kness blahblahblah, we're GOING TO DO IT. And there are more Christians than you think there are, all around you, struggling with exactly the same issues and hoping for someone else beside them. And this is where you're going to find out who they are! THIS. IS. THE. TIME.
So if you're free, or are convicted by God to come, do sign up okay? And even if you're not coming, don't worry about it, but pray that God WILL turn it into something great. Camps are..a logistical horror. I know. Pray for everyone sacrificing their time to run this thing, because sheesh its not walk in the park. And I'm not just saying that <_< href="http://npcampuscrusade.blogspot.com/">http://npcampuscrusade.blogspot.com/
(:
5.45 am. Hoooooboyyy. But I'm not goign to be retarded and blame lack of study on doing stuff like Godblogposts haha when its obvious that I've been wasting time over games and such. Ah well.
*buggers off to pray, and then something constructive*
Or..
I could try to keep going. Haha. Momentary surge of brief energy. I think it came from pressing "Publish Post" heh. I know right, such a mass commer.
:rolls eyes:
But yeah, you know about the testimony, I was kindaaa stressed? Because like I'm a mass commer and all. I should KNOW this stuff. Like standing and delivering in front of a crowd. If I can't do that what the hell am I doing in my course man :/
Then again, so much so much so much I long for serving God wholeheartedly cause I crave the whole He will give me the strength to do His work because its HIS work and my focus is right kinda thing, and it'll come into place(:
And it was that time, heck, the first time really, i've done any tangible kind of serving in the church whatsoever, and yeah I guess it was good, I think (:
I WAS terrified, that I'd break into all the problems i know I have with speeches? Taking too long and too short over the wrong parts, forgetting to say something that is a really important hearttouching part whatever?
See, the difference when you do something for God, you KNOW that no matter how you think you are going to screw up, God is NOT going to let his message screw up for the people He intends to hear it. Haha. So like the whole put words into your mouth thing? And maybe even taking out words? Hahahahaha He's got it covered. Its part of His plan. If you can't even trust God with doing His work in His own temple to His own people, what can you trust him for! Haha.
I missed out a couple of not-very-vital-but-quite-cool things that I could have said, but its not about me, is it(:
And if God thought it wasn't that important, so be it ahahahah.
With speeches, it DOESN'T MATTER how good or brilliant your drafts are, the only thing your audience ever will know is what they heard, Heck, I entirely forgot I had notes in my hand, I was wondering what that flapping piece of thing in my hand was :s
Which only goes to show my state of mind in that point..
Lol. Not good maaannn. As in, people and lots of people! have come up and told me it was a very good testimony, and people have been encouraged, and God has really used it to move them in whatever way haha, and everyone I thank you for that, its encouraging to me too, but I must say that that had absolutely nothing to do with me, and everything to do with God(:
Like how He does for me and Hannah so often,unknowingly telling each other EXACTLY what we're semi-dwelling on, so we're growing and stuff. :D
its like I type this now. And I have time, to think and pause about what I want to tell you, my reader. And I am in control of the situation. But in the end, I know that its just shooting into the wind, and whether you got the effect that I was trying to achieve or not, it was something else, but God blessed you greatly anyway, is something I cannot tell until after I've pressed "Publish". Right, and Glory to God if anything I have ever written has ever been useful to anyone(:
Except with public speaking, I don't have time on the spot, to stop, to go back and forth and stuff. So its like shooting into the wind, half-blindly. You know like how when you play a sport? And maybe you're like me, you are running intelligently, and seeing passes and strategies and stuff, and suddenly you get the ball and your world degenerates into feet, ball, stick, floor. And you're running on instinct. And everything is a blur and you forget you have teammates?
Yah. Blank slate of auto-pilot. Haha. The thing to beat that, as anyone who's been in a team territorial sport, is training. Training to become comfortable so you're more aware, and when you're more aware and relaxed you can adapt greatly to surroundings if need be. Like for instance just now I entirely forgot there was a clock that I could look at, I was firmly locked on crowd? Yeah. Lol. So trainnniiing.
As in, I know how I was up there lah. And I know I need to get better at this thing. I mean, if God blessed you greatly today, I'm glad(: But there's so much more I can do. I want to reach that level of where I not just seem comfortable, I really am, like Pastor Jen and Michael Ross Watson and stuff, where I'm at ease and aware enough to adapt to something, to bring God's Word over with a joke, with the members of the congregation, taking my time internally on the spot to make sure God's Word comes out as well as I can possibly strive for(:
So yeah. But the verdict? I liked it up there.
Or somethinnggg. See where God leads I guess. But its a stepping stone Lord. To Your work, the work You have called me to do :D
But yeah(: You are in control(:
Birthday gifts! :DDD
Mostly notes, aha, but hey, i mentioned earlier before that I love notes. Tangible notes. The rough, but heartfelt, scribbled on notebook paper kinda ones. The ones that no matter how the years change, will ALWAYS reflect on the people you two were, sender and receiver, and the relationship that you had (:
Yeah. Haha. So Sherry, thank you(: You're a huge blessing you know? It boggles the mind how we're barely met, and randomly, and our worlds are so far apart, but we're good friends simply because God had a sit-down and decided that He'd like us to be near the best of friends(:
Hahaaahahahaa. And you've been huge to me. :D So smilleeee, and wait for your own birthday XD
Nat: Hey you! AHahahahah. I can't wait to see how you're gonna turn out when you're our age. Heh. I mean it. We're all waiting. Me, Keenan, whoever. Lololol. Thankkk youuuu !(:
Charlene: Girl. You're amazing. Nothing else I need to say already. Aahahahha. : D
Charmaine: Hello you. I'm still not quite sure how 1 hug plus 2 hugs cancels each other out and becomes 1 hug, but hey. You give good hugs. Hahhahaha. Its like I almost live to say goodbye to you...Thank you for remembering and just you watch out for your own birthday. :D
Everybody else who wished me happy birthday, mostly in a semi-state of shock that it was, thank you so much and don't worry about it ahahahah. I was trying to keep it low-key. Strange aversion to calling attention to myself for some reason, i think i'm not quite sure how to handle it..
No really. Persecution and torment and bickering I can take, but straight up compliments I honestly have no idea how to react other than a simple shy "thank you" :s. I'm not a josh haha. Idk. Lol. Someone could teach me maybe...
And finally: Hannah (:
Do you know how much I love you girl, right now, in Christ? :D I love the frog. I love that the present you gave me is from, about, and lives and breathes God :D I love that how they're notes that are going to be near-timeless, that I will look on again and again, and still something that I can apply EVERY DAY :D And I love the note. And I love how you know EXACTLY what i'm going through with the whole not every-day thinking about God :s thing and putting it in exactly the way that I've been thinking it, and identifying with it in a way that can ONLY be put in your heart by God? (: (: (: (: (:
People, this is someone you have to watch out for okay. Look out! Before she sweeps into your life and turns it whirlwind-upside-down with all the love God has given her :D
(: (: (: (: (:
:D :D :D :D
See now i'm all cheered up again. Ahahahaha.
Alright. I think I managed to put up everything that needed to be put up. :D
Rah. We'll see how the day plays out I guess. I haven't been that great, but what matters is now and the future, and grades aren't EVERYTHING. Hee. Not that I shouldn't try to do well anyway to honour God...
Heh. Latery'all. :D
:rolls eyes:
But yeah, you know about the testimony, I was kindaaa stressed? Because like I'm a mass commer and all. I should KNOW this stuff. Like standing and delivering in front of a crowd. If I can't do that what the hell am I doing in my course man :/
Then again, so much so much so much I long for serving God wholeheartedly cause I crave the whole He will give me the strength to do His work because its HIS work and my focus is right kinda thing, and it'll come into place(:
And it was that time, heck, the first time really, i've done any tangible kind of serving in the church whatsoever, and yeah I guess it was good, I think (:
I WAS terrified, that I'd break into all the problems i know I have with speeches? Taking too long and too short over the wrong parts, forgetting to say something that is a really important hearttouching part whatever?
See, the difference when you do something for God, you KNOW that no matter how you think you are going to screw up, God is NOT going to let his message screw up for the people He intends to hear it. Haha. So like the whole put words into your mouth thing? And maybe even taking out words? Hahahahaha He's got it covered. Its part of His plan. If you can't even trust God with doing His work in His own temple to His own people, what can you trust him for! Haha.
I missed out a couple of not-very-vital-but-quite-cool things that I could have said, but its not about me, is it(:
And if God thought it wasn't that important, so be it ahahahah.
With speeches, it DOESN'T MATTER how good or brilliant your drafts are, the only thing your audience ever will know is what they heard, Heck, I entirely forgot I had notes in my hand, I was wondering what that flapping piece of thing in my hand was :s
Which only goes to show my state of mind in that point..
Lol. Not good maaannn. As in, people and lots of people! have come up and told me it was a very good testimony, and people have been encouraged, and God has really used it to move them in whatever way haha, and everyone I thank you for that, its encouraging to me too, but I must say that that had absolutely nothing to do with me, and everything to do with God(:
Like how He does for me and Hannah so often,unknowingly telling each other EXACTLY what we're semi-dwelling on, so we're growing and stuff. :D
its like I type this now. And I have time, to think and pause about what I want to tell you, my reader. And I am in control of the situation. But in the end, I know that its just shooting into the wind, and whether you got the effect that I was trying to achieve or not, it was something else, but God blessed you greatly anyway, is something I cannot tell until after I've pressed "Publish". Right, and Glory to God if anything I have ever written has ever been useful to anyone(:
Except with public speaking, I don't have time on the spot, to stop, to go back and forth and stuff. So its like shooting into the wind, half-blindly. You know like how when you play a sport? And maybe you're like me, you are running intelligently, and seeing passes and strategies and stuff, and suddenly you get the ball and your world degenerates into feet, ball, stick, floor. And you're running on instinct. And everything is a blur and you forget you have teammates?
Yah. Blank slate of auto-pilot. Haha. The thing to beat that, as anyone who's been in a team territorial sport, is training. Training to become comfortable so you're more aware, and when you're more aware and relaxed you can adapt greatly to surroundings if need be. Like for instance just now I entirely forgot there was a clock that I could look at, I was firmly locked on crowd? Yeah. Lol. So trainnniiing.
As in, I know how I was up there lah. And I know I need to get better at this thing. I mean, if God blessed you greatly today, I'm glad(: But there's so much more I can do. I want to reach that level of where I not just seem comfortable, I really am, like Pastor Jen and Michael Ross Watson and stuff, where I'm at ease and aware enough to adapt to something, to bring God's Word over with a joke, with the members of the congregation, taking my time internally on the spot to make sure God's Word comes out as well as I can possibly strive for(:
So yeah. But the verdict? I liked it up there.
Or somethinnggg. See where God leads I guess. But its a stepping stone Lord. To Your work, the work You have called me to do :D
But yeah(: You are in control(:
Birthday gifts! :DDD
Mostly notes, aha, but hey, i mentioned earlier before that I love notes. Tangible notes. The rough, but heartfelt, scribbled on notebook paper kinda ones. The ones that no matter how the years change, will ALWAYS reflect on the people you two were, sender and receiver, and the relationship that you had (:
Yeah. Haha. So Sherry, thank you(: You're a huge blessing you know? It boggles the mind how we're barely met, and randomly, and our worlds are so far apart, but we're good friends simply because God had a sit-down and decided that He'd like us to be near the best of friends(:
Hahaaahahahaa. And you've been huge to me. :D So smilleeee, and wait for your own birthday XD
Nat: Hey you! AHahahahah. I can't wait to see how you're gonna turn out when you're our age. Heh. I mean it. We're all waiting. Me, Keenan, whoever. Lololol. Thankkk youuuu !(:
Charlene: Girl. You're amazing. Nothing else I need to say already. Aahahahha. : D
Charmaine: Hello you. I'm still not quite sure how 1 hug plus 2 hugs cancels each other out and becomes 1 hug, but hey. You give good hugs. Hahhahaha. Its like I almost live to say goodbye to you...Thank you for remembering and just you watch out for your own birthday. :D
Everybody else who wished me happy birthday, mostly in a semi-state of shock that it was, thank you so much and don't worry about it ahahahah. I was trying to keep it low-key. Strange aversion to calling attention to myself for some reason, i think i'm not quite sure how to handle it..
No really. Persecution and torment and bickering I can take, but straight up compliments I honestly have no idea how to react other than a simple shy "thank you" :s. I'm not a josh haha. Idk. Lol. Someone could teach me maybe...
And finally: Hannah (:
Do you know how much I love you girl, right now, in Christ? :D I love the frog. I love that the present you gave me is from, about, and lives and breathes God :D I love that how they're notes that are going to be near-timeless, that I will look on again and again, and still something that I can apply EVERY DAY :D And I love the note. And I love how you know EXACTLY what i'm going through with the whole not every-day thinking about God :s thing and putting it in exactly the way that I've been thinking it, and identifying with it in a way that can ONLY be put in your heart by God? (: (: (: (: (:
People, this is someone you have to watch out for okay. Look out! Before she sweeps into your life and turns it whirlwind-upside-down with all the love God has given her :D
(: (: (: (: (:
:D :D :D :D
See now i'm all cheered up again. Ahahahaha.
Alright. I think I managed to put up everything that needed to be put up. :D
Rah. We'll see how the day plays out I guess. I haven't been that great, but what matters is now and the future, and grades aren't EVERYTHING. Hee. Not that I shouldn't try to do well anyway to honour God...
Heh. Latery'all. :D
God you are Amazing(:
*moves to sofa cause hopefully it will put me in a better frame of mood*
Ahhahaha. Okay yes last post rants. This post is about allll the good things :D
Thank you God (: Thank you EVERYONE who has popped by to wish me happy birthday. And like :D
So. Went to school to get all my notes for mrm on friday, spent the whole day trying to study. Yarr. Ah well :/ And then laters at 7.15 theres church! :DDD
And i'm kind stoned cause I haven't slept the previous night, again for no good reason, but hey (:
On the bus to church, I'm pondering whether said testimony that all you guys know about by now should be pushed to next week. Cause I have papers and all, and if im thinking about how i present testimony, I have less time to focus on already tight study schedule?
And I ask God, and He laughs and tells me "No Keann. Tomorrow. This can't wait. I'll hold onto your other stuff for you."
So I'm like "Oh well".
Hahahahaahah.
And I bugger around to church and i'm kinda lost, because leaders cell or something is happening too, and i have no phone? So I wander about the hawker and church for awhile until someone points me upstairs to 40A finally. Heh.
And it was good! I mean, it wasn't ubergood, but it was reallygood :D
Cause there was this blackout as we entered worship, but we kept going on, it was dark and hot, but the darkness I think actually helped us to draw closer to God? Like even after the lights came back on we switched them off just because : D
And then prayer for schools. Yup Yup. Like Fuel-up! And there was this girl from SAJC, but I don't know her so ah well lol. It was good and stuff. Like, people we want to be saved and stuff. It was interesting how for Ngee Ann, we didn't have to think hard about names of people we wanted to be saved? Showed that all of us there had people on our minds already haha.
Or something. Sooo. Why do we pray? And why do we pray again? I mean, God is in control ANYWAY, right? And how does praying more than once have any effect anyway? I mean, its like oh you told God already, God knows, you're good to go.
And the answer I want to give that that we learnt at Poly Day of Prayer is that Prayer Works. Because God wants to work THROUGH us, it glorifies Him and it pleases Him. And when we pray, what happens is that we're throwing fuel? And pouring and splashing it out? And God's work on it is like Him simply lighting a match before the whole thing bursts into flames. When we PRAY, we're laying out, we're laying down fuel so God can make the whole thing catch fire with one spark. And that's why if we're praying for someone, or not praying for someone as much as we should. we SHOULD do it. Everyday. Because they DO help. Its not just a "maybe y'know, it'd be nice" kinda thing. It has a tangible effect that God is just waiting to use :D
I have lots to work on in that aspect too. I need to remember to pray for people, for things. Its so easy to become apathetic you know? Whether its because "I don't care," or because "I can't do anything to help that," its the same thing. Except we CAN help that. Simply by prayer (:
Ahhhh my head hurts.
So. On a personal level, I'm growing in the prayer thing:D I remember at Fuel-up, I was scared to you know, pray out loud and stuff, and to pray out first? Like yeah. Yesterday, same setting, and being given the courage by God to just hit it out loud, and first, and all, was like yay(:
Plus I recognize the blessing the first step the first person takes that everybody is already thinking about doing, but not wanting to be the first can be. Whether its prayer or going to the front or whatever heh.
And I thank God for allowing us to be one of the more retarded ah well why not people that can give those blessings(:
Or something. Haha.
Sleeepy. ):
Today was more church. (: (: And everyone was there! Haha. Okay like most of my friends didn't know they were going to end up seeing me on stage inexplicably but yeah..
I for some reason am somewhat adverse to talking about myself. Idk. Partly because I vaguely want it to be a surprise. Vaguely because I don't want to come close to that thin line of attention-seeking, because..
Past accusations, I think, and actualy being like that in the past. Not that i'm saying telling people about your birthday or whatever is attention-seeking, its just something..I don't really want to think about much. Haha.Its just me(:
So yes testimony. Now I have a confession to make. I honestly didn't think I was as good up there as- OKAY GOSH. MIND. INCOHERENT. MUST SLEEP. CONTINUE AFTER WAKING UP ):
Mom is going to kill me for sleeping on sofa again. But I must! I don't want to wake up at 11 or something..
Okayfine it is my own fault that I'm so behind on schedule, but still :/
Methinks I can be a much much better son.
Okay brb snooze
Ahhahaha. Okay yes last post rants. This post is about allll the good things :D
Thank you God (: Thank you EVERYONE who has popped by to wish me happy birthday. And like :D
So. Went to school to get all my notes for mrm on friday, spent the whole day trying to study. Yarr. Ah well :/ And then laters at 7.15 theres church! :DDD
And i'm kind stoned cause I haven't slept the previous night, again for no good reason, but hey (:
On the bus to church, I'm pondering whether said testimony that all you guys know about by now should be pushed to next week. Cause I have papers and all, and if im thinking about how i present testimony, I have less time to focus on already tight study schedule?
And I ask God, and He laughs and tells me "No Keann. Tomorrow. This can't wait. I'll hold onto your other stuff for you."
So I'm like "Oh well".
Hahahahaahah.
And I bugger around to church and i'm kinda lost, because leaders cell or something is happening too, and i have no phone? So I wander about the hawker and church for awhile until someone points me upstairs to 40A finally. Heh.
And it was good! I mean, it wasn't ubergood, but it was reallygood :D
Cause there was this blackout as we entered worship, but we kept going on, it was dark and hot, but the darkness I think actually helped us to draw closer to God? Like even after the lights came back on we switched them off just because : D
And then prayer for schools. Yup Yup. Like Fuel-up! And there was this girl from SAJC, but I don't know her so ah well lol. It was good and stuff. Like, people we want to be saved and stuff. It was interesting how for Ngee Ann, we didn't have to think hard about names of people we wanted to be saved? Showed that all of us there had people on our minds already haha.
Or something. Sooo. Why do we pray? And why do we pray again? I mean, God is in control ANYWAY, right? And how does praying more than once have any effect anyway? I mean, its like oh you told God already, God knows, you're good to go.
And the answer I want to give that that we learnt at Poly Day of Prayer is that Prayer Works. Because God wants to work THROUGH us, it glorifies Him and it pleases Him. And when we pray, what happens is that we're throwing fuel? And pouring and splashing it out? And God's work on it is like Him simply lighting a match before the whole thing bursts into flames. When we PRAY, we're laying out, we're laying down fuel so God can make the whole thing catch fire with one spark. And that's why if we're praying for someone, or not praying for someone as much as we should. we SHOULD do it. Everyday. Because they DO help. Its not just a "maybe y'know, it'd be nice" kinda thing. It has a tangible effect that God is just waiting to use :D
I have lots to work on in that aspect too. I need to remember to pray for people, for things. Its so easy to become apathetic you know? Whether its because "I don't care," or because "I can't do anything to help that," its the same thing. Except we CAN help that. Simply by prayer (:
Ahhhh my head hurts.
So. On a personal level, I'm growing in the prayer thing:D I remember at Fuel-up, I was scared to you know, pray out loud and stuff, and to pray out first? Like yeah. Yesterday, same setting, and being given the courage by God to just hit it out loud, and first, and all, was like yay(:
Plus I recognize the blessing the first step the first person takes that everybody is already thinking about doing, but not wanting to be the first can be. Whether its prayer or going to the front or whatever heh.
And I thank God for allowing us to be one of the more retarded ah well why not people that can give those blessings(:
Or something. Haha.
Sleeepy. ):
Today was more church. (: (: And everyone was there! Haha. Okay like most of my friends didn't know they were going to end up seeing me on stage inexplicably but yeah..
I for some reason am somewhat adverse to talking about myself. Idk. Partly because I vaguely want it to be a surprise. Vaguely because I don't want to come close to that thin line of attention-seeking, because..
Past accusations, I think, and actualy being like that in the past. Not that i'm saying telling people about your birthday or whatever is attention-seeking, its just something..I don't really want to think about much. Haha.Its just me(:
So yes testimony. Now I have a confession to make. I honestly didn't think I was as good up there as- OKAY GOSH. MIND. INCOHERENT. MUST SLEEP. CONTINUE AFTER WAKING UP ):
Mom is going to kill me for sleeping on sofa again. But I must! I don't want to wake up at 11 or something..
Okayfine it is my own fault that I'm so behind on schedule, but still :/
Methinks I can be a much much better son.
Okay brb snooze
Gaggh Screw-up
Lots of things on my mind.
1) GODDAMMIT I HATE CRUSHES
PRIS WHERE ARE YOU I NEED YOU TO SIT ME DOWN AND LOOK ME IN THE EYE AND MOTIVATE ME TO GET PAST THIS.
Gah. And no, i'm not crushing on Pris, that would just be weird..
Jeez.
But yeah. I hate crushes, mostly because they're so absolutely effffffffffing useless. Serious. Think about it. Has there ever been a time in your life where a crush has been something good? Ugh. Gah.
So i'm sitting here, trying not to think about someone that appeals to me for all the wrong reasons, and nothing really constructive is really coming of it apart from me yelling at myself going KEANNN. NO NO NO STOP DON'T GO THERE.
Or something. Yeah. 21 21 21. Exploring friendships first, theres the rest of my life to get attached to whoever God plans for me to get attached to. No. Bad Keann. Bad bad bad keann. You do NOT want to fall in love. Okay you do. But you don't want to screw ANYTHING up with anyone mmkay?
I can spend the whole night drilling this into myself and its all going to pot the next morning..
Sigh. But it will pass. It will :/ Crushes always do lol, even if they momentarily feel like they won't ever omg i must wait for you forever kind of crushes. So my currently grumpy deceived into thinking i need that special someone NOW mind feebly rationalises.
But it would be nice.
Okay no it wouldn't.
Okay it-
*bangs head against keyboard*
Okay no I didn't actually do that. Precious keyboard.
I suppose I should stop torturing you now and tell you that no, i'm not going to tell you who lol.
Disengage disengage disengage.
PRIS. NEED KINDRED SPIRIT. NOWWWW. ):
-------------------------------------
That's point number one. Meh. Point number 2:
I feel quite screwed because its 4am and i've been up the whole night...doing nothing constructive. And I only blame myself. You'd think that sharing a testimony and crying my heart out to God, and getting blessed so many ways by so many wonderful people would have an effect. Or maybe exams in 3 days. But noooo.
I'm sorry Keenan. Yes I am an idiot. I'm sorrryyy Jo ):
And I'm sorry God, for letting You downnn. Again bah):
Ahh. So now I'm left with only 1 full day to study, and I've hardly touched MRM. And yes God will honour me when I honour him with it, and do my best, but the fact remains that I haven't done my best, not the best that I can do.
Yes, I am being harsh on myself. If I don't who will ahahaha.
Anyway the conclusion of that is that after these blog posts because I refuse to postpone - will drag it on forever and I will lose some really valuable things that can be shared with other people that NEED to come down here tonight, regarding service and birthdays and people that I love(: - , I will TRY to go through the most important chapters of MRM. The biggest 3. Ya. Hopefully I can get some sleep afters, because I think I need the alertness for Advert, which tmr is supposed to be the day for. According to schedule anyway.
According to schedule today was supposed to be MRM day...
And I have only myself to blame lol. I mean, the parts where God took over were good, but everything else...
Baggh. So that ends the negatives I think. I shall throw my tired mind into what I hope will come through correctly. in the next post (:
1) GODDAMMIT I HATE CRUSHES
PRIS WHERE ARE YOU I NEED YOU TO SIT ME DOWN AND LOOK ME IN THE EYE AND MOTIVATE ME TO GET PAST THIS.
Gah. And no, i'm not crushing on Pris, that would just be weird..
Jeez.
But yeah. I hate crushes, mostly because they're so absolutely effffffffffing useless. Serious. Think about it. Has there ever been a time in your life where a crush has been something good? Ugh. Gah.
So i'm sitting here, trying not to think about someone that appeals to me for all the wrong reasons, and nothing really constructive is really coming of it apart from me yelling at myself going KEANNN. NO NO NO STOP DON'T GO THERE.
Or something. Yeah. 21 21 21. Exploring friendships first, theres the rest of my life to get attached to whoever God plans for me to get attached to. No. Bad Keann. Bad bad bad keann. You do NOT want to fall in love. Okay you do. But you don't want to screw ANYTHING up with anyone mmkay?
I can spend the whole night drilling this into myself and its all going to pot the next morning..
Sigh. But it will pass. It will :/ Crushes always do lol, even if they momentarily feel like they won't ever omg i must wait for you forever kind of crushes. So my currently grumpy deceived into thinking i need that special someone NOW mind feebly rationalises.
But it would be nice.
Okay no it wouldn't.
Okay it-
*bangs head against keyboard*
Okay no I didn't actually do that. Precious keyboard.
I suppose I should stop torturing you now and tell you that no, i'm not going to tell you who lol.
Disengage disengage disengage.
PRIS. NEED KINDRED SPIRIT. NOWWWW. ):
-------------------------------------
That's point number one. Meh. Point number 2:
I feel quite screwed because its 4am and i've been up the whole night...doing nothing constructive. And I only blame myself. You'd think that sharing a testimony and crying my heart out to God, and getting blessed so many ways by so many wonderful people would have an effect. Or maybe exams in 3 days. But noooo.
I'm sorry Keenan. Yes I am an idiot. I'm sorrryyy Jo ):
And I'm sorry God, for letting You downnn. Again bah):
Ahh. So now I'm left with only 1 full day to study, and I've hardly touched MRM. And yes God will honour me when I honour him with it, and do my best, but the fact remains that I haven't done my best, not the best that I can do.
Yes, I am being harsh on myself. If I don't who will ahahaha.
Anyway the conclusion of that is that after these blog posts because I refuse to postpone - will drag it on forever and I will lose some really valuable things that can be shared with other people that NEED to come down here tonight, regarding service and birthdays and people that I love(: - , I will TRY to go through the most important chapters of MRM. The biggest 3. Ya. Hopefully I can get some sleep afters, because I think I need the alertness for Advert, which tmr is supposed to be the day for. According to schedule anyway.
According to schedule today was supposed to be MRM day...
And I have only myself to blame lol. I mean, the parts where God took over were good, but everything else...
Baggh. So that ends the negatives I think. I shall throw my tired mind into what I hope will come through correctly. in the next post (:
Friday, August 15, 2008
I cannot BELIEVE i did not post this sooner!
GUYS. RED CAMP STUDENT LEADER SIGNUP YO.
--------------------------------------------------
Good day,
I would first like to wish you all the best in your examinations.
As to the purpose of this email, we are opening the online sign-up for those of you who are interested in helping out as Student Leaders of the RED Camp. The camp will be held from 19-21 Nov 08.
There will be a shortlist process whereby we will select suitable students to take on the role of Student Leaders. Students will be required to go for a games trial in the second week of Sep 08 to help us guage the suitability of each student.
If selected, you will be required to attend a complusory Student Leaders Camp tentatively to be held on 8-10 Oct 08. Subsequently, you may have to meet up with your other tribe members once a week to prepare for the RED Camp.
You will then need to accompany the RED Campers for the entire 3-days of the camp. We will inform your schools via excuse letters of your participation in the RED Camp.
CCA points will be offered for time spent prior to the camp, while an allowance will be given for the the 3-days of RED Camp.
------------------------------------------------------------------
Please visit http://www.np.edu.sg/redcamp/SL.html to register your interest to join us as a Student Leader. Registration closes on 1 Sep 08. Thanks.
Best regards
Adrian Phuah | Manager | Corporate Communications Office
T: (65) 6460 8908 | F: (65) 6468 3207
Ngee Ann Polytechnic, 535 Clementi Road, Singapore 599489
-------------------------------------
HURRY! THE LINK IS LIKE JUST ABOVE ME.
This is especially directed at the usual crazy bunch man, Adin, Yixin, Li, Bev, JOSHUA, etc!
We ex-student leaders for red camp got the email, and ambassadors HAVE to do this lol, so that means Pris, Brandon, are already in.
And its going to be super fun. Me and Keenan have already sent in our registration things.
Come on. Don't waste this man. Haha.
Okay. Back to workkk.
--------------------------------------------------
Good day,
I would first like to wish you all the best in your examinations.
As to the purpose of this email, we are opening the online sign-up for those of you who are interested in helping out as Student Leaders of the RED Camp. The camp will be held from 19-21 Nov 08.
There will be a shortlist process whereby we will select suitable students to take on the role of Student Leaders. Students will be required to go for a games trial in the second week of Sep 08 to help us guage the suitability of each student.
If selected, you will be required to attend a complusory Student Leaders Camp tentatively to be held on 8-10 Oct 08. Subsequently, you may have to meet up with your other tribe members once a week to prepare for the RED Camp.
You will then need to accompany the RED Campers for the entire 3-days of the camp. We will inform your schools via excuse letters of your participation in the RED Camp.
CCA points will be offered for time spent prior to the camp, while an allowance will be given for the the 3-days of RED Camp.
------------------------------------------------------------------
Please visit http://www.np.edu.sg/redcamp/SL.html to register your interest to join us as a Student Leader. Registration closes on 1 Sep 08. Thanks.
Best regards
Adrian Phuah | Manager | Corporate Communications Office
T: (65) 6460 8908 | F: (65) 6468 3207
Ngee Ann Polytechnic, 535 Clementi Road, Singapore 599489
-------------------------------------
HURRY! THE LINK IS LIKE JUST ABOVE ME.
This is especially directed at the usual crazy bunch man, Adin, Yixin, Li, Bev, JOSHUA, etc!
We ex-student leaders for red camp got the email, and ambassadors HAVE to do this lol, so that means Pris, Brandon, are already in.
And its going to be super fun. Me and Keenan have already sent in our registration things.
Come on. Don't waste this man. Haha.
Okay. Back to workkk.
Sigh.
What is it about me that I only become productive after I pull an all-nighter for no apparent reason at all, and having a cup of double concentrated coffee?
Bagggh. Trying to organise everything. I started out so well at the start of the semester...
then i just started chucking things into every which where and now I have piles of.
Well, piles.
Anyway, my horrible resolve breaking led me to dota at about 4am, where I was fascinated by the machinations of playing Syllabear as well - a big fat bear.
I blame WoW for clearly feral druid influences <_<
No matter what game it was, I COULD NOT break out of the "Must buy life steal, then must buy life and armor, and basher, and someone else can dps, i'll tank and lock down"
<_<
It would have worked well too, if I had a healer in any of those games...
<_<
I AM DOOMED.
Anyhow: Gosh thank you God for Vanessa and Eunice and Mel and Genny just popping up randomly with all the notes I need. Now...
I was gonna go to school earlier to pray or something, but I think I need the time to organize what I have in my drawers.
I...was pondering if I should try to bless people today. People studying in the library. Instead of studying myself lol. I mean, i'd have less time?
Uhhhhh. I shall try. To hit at least 5 todayyy. Of random people. God, be with me! :D
Or something. Haha. Arrgh baack to work.
Bagggh. Trying to organise everything. I started out so well at the start of the semester...
then i just started chucking things into every which where and now I have piles of.
Well, piles.
Anyway, my horrible resolve breaking led me to dota at about 4am, where I was fascinated by the machinations of playing Syllabear as well - a big fat bear.
I blame WoW for clearly feral druid influences <_<
No matter what game it was, I COULD NOT break out of the "Must buy life steal, then must buy life and armor, and basher, and someone else can dps, i'll tank and lock down"
<_<
It would have worked well too, if I had a healer in any of those games...
<_<
I AM DOOMED.
Anyhow: Gosh thank you God for Vanessa and Eunice and Mel and Genny just popping up randomly with all the notes I need. Now...
I was gonna go to school earlier to pray or something, but I think I need the time to organize what I have in my drawers.
I...was pondering if I should try to bless people today. People studying in the library. Instead of studying myself lol. I mean, i'd have less time?
Uhhhhh. I shall try. To hit at least 5 todayyy. Of random people. God, be with me! :D
Or something. Haha. Arrgh baack to work.
Eh.
I'm going to try and remember birthdays. Lol.
--------------------------------------------------------
15th Birthday. Sec..3?
Oh I remember this one. I was in the middle of that whole Anna misery thing, which started about March 11, and ended about November..22? Idk, someplace, Phase 1, anyway. Lol.
And we were the best of friends, or at least I thought so, but she never really had time for me anymore, and whatever role I used to fill had been taken over by her boyfriend. And only being a friend, I had no claim to her time, at least I thought so, and so I just suffered in silence. And every day it cut deeper and deeper.
She forgot my birthday, that year.
Hey. I was stupid once. Get over it. I have. Lol.
But there was this other girl who had remembered my birthday. June! It was after the Marion Raven concert which I snagged two tickets at some radio thing and went with her for. We were kinda close. But when we went out, I was hitting myself all the time for comparing her to Anna and how we used to function, and pretty much thinking i was a horrible bastard. So yeah. Lol. June gave me a cd, filled with some of her favourite songs, which most turned into my favourite songs for awhile. Emo songs. Very emo rock songs. But they got me through a very very bad period of time in my life. A time in my life where I would go to church(family church) camp in September, and suddenly sink into depression and stay upstairs during Service so I could cry my heart out, blasting that favourite song of mine into my ears.
That CD lasted me 2 years man. And I would literally listen to some of of the tracks and be overcome with emotion and start tearing, whenever, whereever. That's how shot my nerves were..
(Charmaine i'm not helping things am i *wince*)
Hey. No laughing. Lol. Anyway, I kinda ruined that friendship. June still hates me now, I think. :/
Edit: Wow. I found another note. From an amazing friend. Singling! Where have you gone! Haha i vaguely know you're in SIM, and modelling now, but gosh, look what I found:
"
yo! merry xmas :) haha retarded ddd :|
hahas. eh next year got o levels hor must study!
ha. eh..wait or are yu in IP? :| ddd. :x
yups btw, thanks for being such a gr8 friend all these years
and standing up for me at times! eg the chanx thingy.
ya. haha. but hors sometimes tolerate awhile lah.
mothers are naggy haha. okay?
alrights, take care! trust in the lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding! :)
nothing i can boast in
my life is scarred with sin
my works are filthy rags
no merit can i bring
yet mercy filled Christ's heart
love took Him to the tree
its grace alone, which saves me
Christ's blood that sets me free :)
:DDDD Gosh. We were like 15. And "all these years" meant like 13-15 :s
Guess I wasn't THAT bad a person. Heh. You know, the two of us were seen as the "bad kids" of our level, in church? :s Now you tell me how ^that can be written by someone who's -
Nevermind. Haha. Good times(:
------------------------------------------------------------------
16th birthday, sec 4 lol
I have very little idea about what happened this year, except that I had just started coming to Coos( !!! : D) about 3 weeks ago, so something good had to have happened :D
But I can't for the life of me remember what it was :/
I think Charlotte and Sophia were the only ones who cared about me, then, lol. And one of them is in Canada, and the other one...yeah hates me now. And this one I have absolutely no idea what happened. Big blowup out of nowhere. Jeez. Hands-off man. But :/
I remember Grace and Maria though. Both of them were huge in my life at the time, having been the ones who brought me to Coos and all :D
Hey. I never pretended I was an awesomely popular person in secondary school. I wasn't. I don't think I was well liked. Anything that has happened since Poly happened has been purely the grace of God. Aye. Haha. (:
-------------------------------------------
Oh gosh I remember being 14 and being sec 2 gosh.
Here's a note I found:
Dearest Qien (:/),
Knowing you has certainly made our lives more colourful.
Just like you never fail to get in trouble, you never fail to make a gloomy day bright! 2j will forever open her doors to their sunshine!
May you receive many hugs and kisses from THAT someone!
<3,
Huiyi; Maria; Tiffany; Grace. 15.8.04
Lol. Okay background information: 2J wasn't my class. 2K was my class. But I didn't like 2K very much, and thought people in 2J were so much cooler, so I hung out with them a lot (not something i'm very proud of). Yeah. And in their class, I was always running around getting in trouble for pulling tricks on people. Dumping cake in water bottles. Lizards, once-alive-now-dead ones, itching powder, whatever. And Huiyi Maria Tiff and Grace got me this..well I can't remember, but more prank stuff. Heh.
I think the gesture meant more to me than anything, since I wasn't part of their class, and I think secretly was always very scared that I didn't have acceptance.
Yeah well! So that was Sec 2! And no, i'm not telling you who the girl was. I can't remember anyway. Honest.
OH I DO REMEMBER. DAMN. BUT STILL NOT TELLING. HAHA.
--------------------------------------------------
If you haven't noticed by now, notes make the greatest impressions on me. I have this messy drawer with scraps of paper inside, and when I find them I laugh so hard, and smile so much, because yeah haha. Ah well. Like for instance, I have Charmaine's and Lala's notes from Fuel-up there. And notes from Prisca, my angel, etc. And Shereen's valentine's day thing..
Eh. Okay. I think I am boring you. I will retreat. Ahahaha. K. Later.
--------------------------------------------------------
15th Birthday. Sec..3?
Oh I remember this one. I was in the middle of that whole Anna misery thing, which started about March 11, and ended about November..22? Idk, someplace, Phase 1, anyway. Lol.
And we were the best of friends, or at least I thought so, but she never really had time for me anymore, and whatever role I used to fill had been taken over by her boyfriend. And only being a friend, I had no claim to her time, at least I thought so, and so I just suffered in silence. And every day it cut deeper and deeper.
She forgot my birthday, that year.
Hey. I was stupid once. Get over it. I have. Lol.
But there was this other girl who had remembered my birthday. June! It was after the Marion Raven concert which I snagged two tickets at some radio thing and went with her for. We were kinda close. But when we went out, I was hitting myself all the time for comparing her to Anna and how we used to function, and pretty much thinking i was a horrible bastard. So yeah. Lol. June gave me a cd, filled with some of her favourite songs, which most turned into my favourite songs for awhile. Emo songs. Very emo rock songs. But they got me through a very very bad period of time in my life. A time in my life where I would go to church(family church) camp in September, and suddenly sink into depression and stay upstairs during Service so I could cry my heart out, blasting that favourite song of mine into my ears.
That CD lasted me 2 years man. And I would literally listen to some of of the tracks and be overcome with emotion and start tearing, whenever, whereever. That's how shot my nerves were..
(Charmaine i'm not helping things am i *wince*)
Hey. No laughing. Lol. Anyway, I kinda ruined that friendship. June still hates me now, I think. :/
Edit: Wow. I found another note. From an amazing friend. Singling! Where have you gone! Haha i vaguely know you're in SIM, and modelling now, but gosh, look what I found:
"
yo! merry xmas :) haha retarded ddd :|
hahas. eh next year got o levels hor must study!
ha. eh..wait or are yu in IP? :| ddd. :x
yups btw, thanks for being such a gr8 friend all these years
and standing up for me at times! eg the chanx thingy.
ya. haha. but hors sometimes tolerate awhile lah.
mothers are naggy haha. okay?
alrights, take care! trust in the lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding! :)
nothing i can boast in
my life is scarred with sin
my works are filthy rags
no merit can i bring
yet mercy filled Christ's heart
love took Him to the tree
its grace alone, which saves me
Christ's blood that sets me free :)
:DDDD Gosh. We were like 15. And "all these years" meant like 13-15 :s
Guess I wasn't THAT bad a person. Heh. You know, the two of us were seen as the "bad kids" of our level, in church? :s Now you tell me how ^that can be written by someone who's -
Nevermind. Haha. Good times(:
------------------------------------------------------------------
16th birthday, sec 4 lol
I have very little idea about what happened this year, except that I had just started coming to Coos( !!! : D) about 3 weeks ago, so something good had to have happened :D
But I can't for the life of me remember what it was :/
I think Charlotte and Sophia were the only ones who cared about me, then, lol. And one of them is in Canada, and the other one...yeah hates me now. And this one I have absolutely no idea what happened. Big blowup out of nowhere. Jeez. Hands-off man. But :/
I remember Grace and Maria though. Both of them were huge in my life at the time, having been the ones who brought me to Coos and all :D
Hey. I never pretended I was an awesomely popular person in secondary school. I wasn't. I don't think I was well liked. Anything that has happened since Poly happened has been purely the grace of God. Aye. Haha. (:
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Oh gosh I remember being 14 and being sec 2 gosh.
Here's a note I found:
Dearest Qien (:/),
Knowing you has certainly made our lives more colourful.
Just like you never fail to get in trouble, you never fail to make a gloomy day bright! 2j will forever open her doors to their sunshine!
May you receive many hugs and kisses from THAT someone!
<3,
Huiyi; Maria; Tiffany; Grace. 15.8.04
Lol. Okay background information: 2J wasn't my class. 2K was my class. But I didn't like 2K very much, and thought people in 2J were so much cooler, so I hung out with them a lot (not something i'm very proud of). Yeah. And in their class, I was always running around getting in trouble for pulling tricks on people. Dumping cake in water bottles. Lizards, once-alive-now-dead ones, itching powder, whatever. And Huiyi Maria Tiff and Grace got me this..well I can't remember, but more prank stuff. Heh.
I think the gesture meant more to me than anything, since I wasn't part of their class, and I think secretly was always very scared that I didn't have acceptance.
Yeah well! So that was Sec 2! And no, i'm not telling you who the girl was. I can't remember anyway. Honest.
OH I DO REMEMBER. DAMN. BUT STILL NOT TELLING. HAHA.
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If you haven't noticed by now, notes make the greatest impressions on me. I have this messy drawer with scraps of paper inside, and when I find them I laugh so hard, and smile so much, because yeah haha. Ah well. Like for instance, I have Charmaine's and Lala's notes from Fuel-up there. And notes from Prisca, my angel, etc. And Shereen's valentine's day thing..
Eh. Okay. I think I am boring you. I will retreat. Ahahaha. K. Later.
BAAAAGH
Okay. Lets be honest here. I think my last post was mostly full of crap loololoolool. Trying to do some weird obligaatory birthday post which seems to be rather forced, so screw it lol.
*Muses*
I think, in the end, 18....I don't think I ever saw myself here at this point in any point in my life. Not in Kindergarten when i wanted to become a fireman, like every other boy. Not in Primary School, when I took for a given that I was going to go to ACJC. Not in Secondary school, when I was all angsty and heavily emotional, and with a chip on my shoulder thinking I was the best thing to happen to the future of Singapore radio.
Not here, crazily in love with God, mad about dance, actually playing WoW, and laying down a commitment to not look into the whole BGR thing till 21. Trying to hold everything together, trying to let everything go, so I can just be where I want to be, which is in church every single day.
Gaggh final exams. And then other random PPP and I think Challengers Camp, and other things. I hear there's crusade camp lol. Life's not over by a long shot..
But if the past few years have anything to show, its just that I don't know anything at all. Heh.
It scares me that last year, at this time, two idiots were off at Cold Rock on their first day of the job, and Josh came down to give me two books and a wristband thingy for my birthday..
Hahahahah. We've come a long way, all of us. Changing, fighting, laughing, messing about, us crazy few. Haha.
I wonder where we'll be 4 years down the road, after NS takes us?
Lol. alright, back to real life time. Later. Haha.
*Muses*
I think, in the end, 18....I don't think I ever saw myself here at this point in any point in my life. Not in Kindergarten when i wanted to become a fireman, like every other boy. Not in Primary School, when I took for a given that I was going to go to ACJC. Not in Secondary school, when I was all angsty and heavily emotional, and with a chip on my shoulder thinking I was the best thing to happen to the future of Singapore radio.
Not here, crazily in love with God, mad about dance, actually playing WoW, and laying down a commitment to not look into the whole BGR thing till 21. Trying to hold everything together, trying to let everything go, so I can just be where I want to be, which is in church every single day.
Gaggh final exams. And then other random PPP and I think Challengers Camp, and other things. I hear there's crusade camp lol. Life's not over by a long shot..
But if the past few years have anything to show, its just that I don't know anything at all. Heh.
It scares me that last year, at this time, two idiots were off at Cold Rock on their first day of the job, and Josh came down to give me two books and a wristband thingy for my birthday..
Hahahahah. We've come a long way, all of us. Changing, fighting, laughing, messing about, us crazy few. Haha.
I wonder where we'll be 4 years down the road, after NS takes us?
Lol. alright, back to real life time. Later. Haha.
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Ooo
It occurs to me that it is 10 minutes before I'm 18.
Jeez, that's old.
Anyway i figure i'll probably stop playing pokemon, and come here to do some vague musing about the past years of my life lol.
I mean, 18's a special age right. Or so our culture has made it out to be. Coming of age, being an adult, all that jazz.
Except I'm not particularly fascinated with becoming an adult. Lol.
:blink:
I've always felt younger than my age anyway lol, just look at the people I hang out with the most, heh.
Baaaggh.
And the perks that come with being this age, being of-age to club, drink, whatever -
Dude, like even when we're 16/17, people who want to drink, manage to get stuff to drink. Get real, lol. Not that alcohol has particularly fascinated me either. Its...okay, I can hold my own with it, but its more of a social thing for me than anything. A can of beer effing costs triple a can of soft drink kthanks, i'll stick with the coke. Let alone the heavier stuff..
Clubbing? I think we've established that I'd much rather be someplace else every Friday and Saturday night, which is with God in church. Plus, I don't need to prove that I'm not afraid to dance or anything :rolls eyes:
HAHA.
Save it for the stage, man(:
3 minutes to 18. O.o
Looking back on my life...I don't think I've been the best person I could have been. Crazy screw-ups, here and there, everywhere, home, parents, school, etc.
And I really could have been so much more aware when I was younger, haha. Like thinking dance and singing were for girls [sheepish]
One minute till 18. :blink:
Bev is skyping me. Maybe I should run and hide. Lol. Or not. Haha. Love you too Bev, you're awesome(:
AND thank you all you people who have been asking me weird stuff like whats my favourite colour, where am i going to be on Friday, and whether I'm going to church, on Friday, and whatnot.
Haha. Josh, Keenan, Pris, Char, Charr, Hannah, Adin, Mark, Gerald, Suren, Maria, Grace, Sheereen, seniors, everyone that has seen me through the past years and kept me sane, thank you, and i love you. Don't die on me or something kay(:
And here pops in Charmaine with the birthday greeting. :D
Loves(:
Alright.
Need blessing/prayer? Ask me :] says: I'll give you two huge hugs on Saturday :] 12:05 AM
KEANN~ YAY MY NOTES PROBLEMS ARE SOLVED THANK YOU GOD : DDD says: now can we go back to pretending im seventeen 12:05 AM
Need blessing/prayer? Ask me :] says: HAHA! No problem
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THAT'S SETTLED THEN. HAHA.
._.
Bah. Haha. Arrrrgh I really have to get some studying going. I'll set a target to start at 2. :x
HEY, JUST BECAUSE I'M AN HOUR OLDER DOESN'T MEAN I'M ANY SMARTER.
:p
Hey God(: Its been what, 2 years since you opened my eyes to you, and set me on the right course? And I'm sorry that I haven't always been the person you've wanted me to be, and I haven't always listened, and I haven't always loved, and I've often ignored you and your breaking heart. But I want to promise you that I'm trying, and that someday I will get there, to where you want me to be, and I promise that so hard because that's what I want. You're who I want, and where I want to be. And I will go to the ends of the earth to find you, and you're the biggest thing that matters to me. Soon Lord. But there are all these things in the way, fears, flaws, past commitments, insecurities, bad relationships, and all Lord. And I ask this year, I ask for strength to jump past all of that, to walk WITH you, even thought I don't know very much at all. And maybe exactly because I don't know very much at all. Words cannot begin to express how grateful and how in love and in awe of you I am, Lord. Dad. Will you give me wisdom and revelation, the kind you gave Solomon and Daniel, this year? Don't ever let me go Lord. And thank you for loving me(: :D
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Oh enough melodrama already. This day isn't about me, its about the day Japan got owned by the British and left Singapore!
I'm entirely serious, it was today.
*seriousface*
HAHA WHATEVER. I HAVE RUN OUT OF INTELLIGENT THINGS TO SAY. LATER.
HAHA WTF
High School Musical 3: Senior Year will be the third installment in Disney's popular High School Musical franchise. It is scheduled for a theatrical release on October 24, 2008. Kenny Ortega returns as director and choreographer and so do all six primary actors.[2][3]
HAHA WTF. HOW DID I MISS THIS.
Today is shaping up to be a hilariously funny day. lol/
The first single from the soundtrack, "Now or Never", debuted on Radio Disney on July 11, 2008.[5] The "Now or Never" music video, debuted on Disney Channel on July 30, 2008. The second single from the soundtrack, I Want It All, will debut on Radio Disney on August 15, 2008.[6]
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HAHA WTF. HOW DID I MISS THIS.
Today is shaping up to be a hilariously funny day. lol/
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
I am going to hell
I am turning into one of those birthday wishlist people. Aaaaaaa.
- I would really like speakers. For dance. Bass. I like bass. Bass is awesome :D
- Caps. Don't laugh <_<
- Shoeessss
- I'd like a hoodie :D
- I'dz likez sweatshirtz
- A bike. Okay near impossible, but hey just saying ._.
- Gloves! Like the no fingers kind.
- If you buy a shirt, i'll wear it. S'long as its big, and not emo :D
- A mat. You know, one of those big blue gym mat things. So I can practice flips without killing myself. My bed just doesn't cut it..
- An iPod. Having speakers, without an iPod, is just sad D=
- A band to keep my glasses attached to my face when attempting to dance or run would be nice. Lol.
-Heck, buy me a haircut, and i'll be happy. :D
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There. I did it. Lol. Er. But you don't have to get me anything! Hahaaha. Me and God and my friends and I'm good to go, really(:
Now I'm going to pretend its my 17th birthday coming up. Yeah.
Rah.
- I would really like speakers. For dance. Bass. I like bass. Bass is awesome :D
- Caps. Don't laugh <_<
- Shoeessss
- I'd like a hoodie :D
- I'dz likez sweatshirtz
- A bike. Okay near impossible, but hey just saying ._.
- Gloves! Like the no fingers kind.
- If you buy a shirt, i'll wear it. S'long as its big, and not emo :D
- A mat. You know, one of those big blue gym mat things. So I can practice flips without killing myself. My bed just doesn't cut it..
- An iPod. Having speakers, without an iPod, is just sad D=
- A band to keep my glasses attached to my face when attempting to dance or run would be nice. Lol.
-Heck, buy me a haircut, and i'll be happy. :D
------------
There. I did it. Lol. Er. But you don't have to get me anything! Hahaaha. Me and God and my friends and I'm good to go, really(:
Now I'm going to pretend its my 17th birthday coming up. Yeah.
Rah.
Blah
So I will stop pretending my birthday isn't this friday, just so I can post something interesting.
ANYWAY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHARYL, EVEN THOUGH I DON'T THINK YOU EVEN KNOW I HAVE A BLOG :D
Anyhow, I was just pondering that I would like my birthday to be a tour. Like I'd go visit my primary school, and the hawker centre with the amazing curry chicken and the <3333 pineapple juice, and then actually go step into my secondary school. Yes. For real. My secondary school. What. Its as good a day as any.
But then again, wisdom dictates that I stay at home to study. I musstttt. I already didn't study all of today, and two very big papers, so yah. The tour can wait till next year or something. Plus, I want a good haircut before I go lol.
Sides, I have church that night for some reason, so I think that's exactly where I want to spend my birthday. With God :D
Anyhow. Entertainment for you people today takes the form of our resident incorrigible dancer/bimbo/KI freak/i love her so much :rolls eyes:/ Charmaine, who's apparently too good to talk to me:
KEANN~ right okay today i resolve everytime i want to play a com game i will substitute it with youtube dance vids says:
so besides that, how has life been?
[Really long silence of no reply over here]
09:37 PM
KEANN~ right okay today i resolve everytime i want to play a com game i will substitute it with youtube dance vids says:
if i were to talk about cooking, i'm sure you'd reply...
09:39 PM
Need blessing/prayer? Ask me :] says:
-.-
Ive to do this report
09:39 PM
KEANN~ right okay today i resolve everytime i want to play a com game i will substitute it with youtube dance vids says:
I Knew It
09:39 PM
Need blessing/prayer? Ask me :] says:
TTYL
09:39 PM
KEANN~ right okay today i resolve everytime i want to play a com game i will substitute it with youtube dance vids says:
BUT I HAVE THIS CAKE
AND I DON'T KNOW IF I SHOULD PUT MORE EGG IN IT
WILL IT MESS WITH THE SUGAR
09:41 PM
Need blessing/prayer? Ask me :] says:
Youre baking?
09:41 PM
KEANN~ right okay today i resolve everytime i want to play a com game i will substitute it with youtube dance vids says:
*stares*
Charmaine
You're not helping yourself here
.
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Lol. Seriously. I don't know why we're such good friends. Haahahha. Okay I'm shutting up :D
Laterrr
ANYWAY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHARYL, EVEN THOUGH I DON'T THINK YOU EVEN KNOW I HAVE A BLOG :D
Anyhow, I was just pondering that I would like my birthday to be a tour. Like I'd go visit my primary school, and the hawker centre with the amazing curry chicken and the <3333 pineapple juice, and then actually go step into my secondary school. Yes. For real. My secondary school. What. Its as good a day as any.
But then again, wisdom dictates that I stay at home to study. I musstttt. I already didn't study all of today, and two very big papers, so yah. The tour can wait till next year or something. Plus, I want a good haircut before I go lol.
Sides, I have church that night for some reason, so I think that's exactly where I want to spend my birthday. With God :D
Anyhow. Entertainment for you people today takes the form of our resident incorrigible dancer/bimbo/KI freak/i love her so much :rolls eyes:/ Charmaine, who's apparently too good to talk to me:
KEANN~ right okay today i resolve everytime i want to play a com game i will substitute it with youtube dance vids says:
so besides that, how has life been?
[Really long silence of no reply over here]
09:37 PM
KEANN~ right okay today i resolve everytime i want to play a com game i will substitute it with youtube dance vids says:
if i were to talk about cooking, i'm sure you'd reply...
09:39 PM
Need blessing/prayer? Ask me :] says:
-.-
Ive to do this report
09:39 PM
KEANN~ right okay today i resolve everytime i want to play a com game i will substitute it with youtube dance vids says:
I Knew It
09:39 PM
Need blessing/prayer? Ask me :] says:
TTYL
09:39 PM
KEANN~ right okay today i resolve everytime i want to play a com game i will substitute it with youtube dance vids says:
BUT I HAVE THIS CAKE
AND I DON'T KNOW IF I SHOULD PUT MORE EGG IN IT
WILL IT MESS WITH THE SUGAR
09:41 PM
Need blessing/prayer? Ask me :] says:
Youre baking?
09:41 PM
KEANN~ right okay today i resolve everytime i want to play a com game i will substitute it with youtube dance vids says:
*stares*
Charmaine
You're not helping yourself here
.
----------------------------------------------
Lol. Seriously. I don't know why we're such good friends. Haahahha. Okay I'm shutting up :D
Laterrr
Actually no
Its more like :
I love people who force me to be intelligent, without making it seem like its going to be hard work.
Lol.
I love people who force me to be intelligent, without making it seem like its going to be hard work.
Lol.
Huh
I think the entire last post can be summarised as such:
I love people who force me to be intelligent.
:D
I love people who force me to be intelligent.
:D
Vague distress
So I really should have used this day productively.
I won't go into sordid details, but its been reaaaaaallllyy not at all. :s
Well besides this morning anyway, where I woke up and was compelled to post like this 5000+ word long comment on Hannah's blog regarding all the Bible content that I was going through yesterday night on a topic she raised.
And yes I know its 5000 because apparently the comment post limit is 2000 and it banhammered me.
Blah. But it was a good morning, up till the point I opened Wc3...
Actually it was still okay when I did. Problem began when I never really closed it.
I think, things like these, are the things that show me I am far from a completed work, or any kind of good Christian at all. :s And I hope that these memories and points do stay with me, so I never get any kind of swelled head when I have moved somewhat significantly in the direction of a good Christian.
I just get deceived so often. Do I want to spend the whole day doing com games? No. Do I want to spend more time on God? Yes. But that's now, and two 10 hours ago my motivations just got distracted away. Gaaaa.
Which is why I need to come around and get my head straightened on the right wayyy.
And right now, the thing doing that is Hannah and her blog. Haha.
It scares me that she is like what 2 years younger. What have I been doing with my life man. Haha.
See Hannah, this is what I was referring to when I vaguely mentioned that "it goes both ways" haha. What I think I NEED at this given point, is to stay mature, not have momentary fits of it, and to like LOOK at God, not stay on the outskirts skirting the boundary, cause once I do look at Him, y'know, all the right answers and things just fall into place and start working.
Otherwise, I'm mostly an idiot. The one who tries to lead people into national day songs at the hawker after church because he knows full well everyone is horrified at the notion.
Do I ever want to give up the craziness though? Not really no I really don't and not at all :s
What I DO want to give up though, is the unreliability. And I won't promise it, because if i go back on it it all goes to hell, but i AM working on it. Somewhat.
Er.
Oh mannnn. Gotta studyy. I am banhammering myself from Warcraft. And Pokemon. And yes WoW. Keenan please keep me accountable when you see this lol.
Will. Stay. Focused. On. God.
I think the best way to do that now is to stop talking about it, and start praying about it..
Gogogoogogo.
I won't go into sordid details, but its been reaaaaaallllyy not at all. :s
Well besides this morning anyway, where I woke up and was compelled to post like this 5000+ word long comment on Hannah's blog regarding all the Bible content that I was going through yesterday night on a topic she raised.
And yes I know its 5000 because apparently the comment post limit is 2000 and it banhammered me.
Blah. But it was a good morning, up till the point I opened Wc3...
Actually it was still okay when I did. Problem began when I never really closed it.
I think, things like these, are the things that show me I am far from a completed work, or any kind of good Christian at all. :s And I hope that these memories and points do stay with me, so I never get any kind of swelled head when I have moved somewhat significantly in the direction of a good Christian.
I just get deceived so often. Do I want to spend the whole day doing com games? No. Do I want to spend more time on God? Yes. But that's now, and two 10 hours ago my motivations just got distracted away. Gaaaa.
Which is why I need to come around and get my head straightened on the right wayyy.
And right now, the thing doing that is Hannah and her blog. Haha.
It scares me that she is like what 2 years younger. What have I been doing with my life man. Haha.
See Hannah, this is what I was referring to when I vaguely mentioned that "it goes both ways" haha. What I think I NEED at this given point, is to stay mature, not have momentary fits of it, and to like LOOK at God, not stay on the outskirts skirting the boundary, cause once I do look at Him, y'know, all the right answers and things just fall into place and start working.
Otherwise, I'm mostly an idiot. The one who tries to lead people into national day songs at the hawker after church because he knows full well everyone is horrified at the notion.
Do I ever want to give up the craziness though? Not really no I really don't and not at all :s
What I DO want to give up though, is the unreliability. And I won't promise it, because if i go back on it it all goes to hell, but i AM working on it. Somewhat.
Er.
Oh mannnn. Gotta studyy. I am banhammering myself from Warcraft. And Pokemon. And yes WoW. Keenan please keep me accountable when you see this lol.
Will. Stay. Focused. On. God.
I think the best way to do that now is to stop talking about it, and start praying about it..
Gogogoogogo.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
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