Or..

I could try to keep going. Haha. Momentary surge of brief energy. I think it came from pressing "Publish Post" heh. I know right, such a mass commer.

:rolls eyes:

But yeah, you know about the testimony, I was kindaaa stressed? Because like I'm a mass commer and all. I should KNOW this stuff. Like standing and delivering in front of a crowd. If I can't do that what the hell am I doing in my course man :/

Then again, so much so much so much I long for serving God wholeheartedly cause I crave the whole He will give me the strength to do His work because its HIS work and my focus is right kinda thing, and it'll come into place(:

And it was that time, heck, the first time really, i've done any tangible kind of serving in the church whatsoever, and yeah I guess it was good, I think (:


I WAS terrified, that I'd break into all the problems i know I have with speeches? Taking too long and too short over the wrong parts, forgetting to say something that is a really important hearttouching part whatever?

See, the difference when you do something for God, you KNOW that no matter how you think you are going to screw up, God is NOT going to let his message screw up for the people He intends to hear it. Haha. So like the whole put words into your mouth thing? And maybe even taking out words? Hahahahaha He's got it covered. Its part of His plan. If you can't even trust God with doing His work in His own temple to His own people, what can you trust him for! Haha.


I missed out a couple of not-very-vital-but-quite-cool things that I could have said, but its not about me, is it(:

And if God thought it wasn't that important, so be it ahahahah.

With speeches, it DOESN'T MATTER how good or brilliant your drafts are, the only thing your audience ever will know is what they heard, Heck, I entirely forgot I had notes in my hand, I was wondering what that flapping piece of thing in my hand was :s


Which only goes to show my state of mind in that point..


Lol. Not good maaannn. As in, people and lots of people! have come up and told me it was a very good testimony, and people have been encouraged, and God has really used it to move them in whatever way haha, and everyone I thank you for that, its encouraging to me too, but I must say that that had absolutely nothing to do with me, and everything to do with God(:

Like how He does for me and Hannah so often,unknowingly telling each other EXACTLY what we're semi-dwelling on, so we're growing and stuff. :D

its like I type this now. And I have time, to think and pause about what I want to tell you, my reader. And I am in control of the situation. But in the end, I know that its just shooting into the wind, and whether you got the effect that I was trying to achieve or not, it was something else, but God blessed you greatly anyway, is something I cannot tell until after I've pressed "Publish". Right, and Glory to God if anything I have ever written has ever been useful to anyone(:

Except with public speaking, I don't have time on the spot, to stop, to go back and forth and stuff. So its like shooting into the wind, half-blindly. You know like how when you play a sport? And maybe you're like me, you are running intelligently, and seeing passes and strategies and stuff, and suddenly you get the ball and your world degenerates into feet, ball, stick, floor. And you're running on instinct. And everything is a blur and you forget you have teammates?


Yah. Blank slate of auto-pilot. Haha. The thing to beat that, as anyone who's been in a team territorial sport, is training. Training to become comfortable so you're more aware, and when you're more aware and relaxed you can adapt greatly to surroundings if need be. Like for instance just now I entirely forgot there was a clock that I could look at, I was firmly locked on crowd? Yeah. Lol. So trainnniiing.

As in, I know how I was up there lah. And I know I need to get better at this thing. I mean, if God blessed you greatly today, I'm glad(: But there's so much more I can do. I want to reach that level of where I not just seem comfortable, I really am, like Pastor Jen and Michael Ross Watson and stuff, where I'm at ease and aware enough to adapt to something, to bring God's Word over with a joke, with the members of the congregation, taking my time internally on the spot to make sure God's Word comes out as well as I can possibly strive for(:


So yeah. But the verdict? I liked it up there.

Or somethinnggg. See where God leads I guess. But its a stepping stone Lord. To Your work, the work You have called me to do :D



But yeah(: You are in control(:



Birthday gifts! :DDD


Mostly notes, aha, but hey, i mentioned earlier before that I love notes. Tangible notes. The rough, but heartfelt, scribbled on notebook paper kinda ones. The ones that no matter how the years change, will ALWAYS reflect on the people you two were, sender and receiver, and the relationship that you had (:


Yeah. Haha. So Sherry, thank you(: You're a huge blessing you know? It boggles the mind how we're barely met, and randomly, and our worlds are so far apart, but we're good friends simply because God had a sit-down and decided that He'd like us to be near the best of friends(:

Hahaaahahahaa. And you've been huge to me. :D So smilleeee, and wait for your own birthday XD

Nat: Hey you! AHahahahah. I can't wait to see how you're gonna turn out when you're our age. Heh. I mean it. We're all waiting. Me, Keenan, whoever. Lololol. Thankkk youuuu !(:

Charlene: Girl. You're amazing. Nothing else I need to say already. Aahahahha. : D

Charmaine: Hello you. I'm still not quite sure how 1 hug plus 2 hugs cancels each other out and becomes 1 hug, but hey. You give good hugs. Hahhahaha. Its like I almost live to say goodbye to you...Thank you for remembering and just you watch out for your own birthday. :D

Everybody else who wished me happy birthday, mostly in a semi-state of shock that it was, thank you so much and don't worry about it ahahahah. I was trying to keep it low-key. Strange aversion to calling attention to myself for some reason, i think i'm not quite sure how to handle it..

No really. Persecution and torment and bickering I can take, but straight up compliments I honestly have no idea how to react other than a simple shy "thank you" :s. I'm not a josh haha. Idk. Lol. Someone could teach me maybe...


And finally: Hannah (:


Do you know how much I love you girl, right now, in Christ? :D I love the frog. I love that the present you gave me is from, about, and lives and breathes God :D I love that how they're notes that are going to be near-timeless, that I will look on again and again, and still something that I can apply EVERY DAY :D And I love the note. And I love how you know EXACTLY what i'm going through with the whole not every-day thinking about God :s thing and putting it in exactly the way that I've been thinking it, and identifying with it in a way that can ONLY be put in your heart by God? (: (: (: (: (:

People, this is someone you have to watch out for okay. Look out! Before she sweeps into your life and turns it whirlwind-upside-down with all the love God has given her :D



(: (: (: (: (:


:D :D :D :D


See now i'm all cheered up again. Ahahahaha.

Alright. I think I managed to put up everything that needed to be put up. :D


Rah. We'll see how the day plays out I guess. I haven't been that great, but what matters is now and the future, and grades aren't EVERYTHING. Hee. Not that I shouldn't try to do well anyway to honour God...


Heh. Latery'all. :D