Gaggh Screw-up

Lots of things on my mind.


1) GODDAMMIT I HATE CRUSHES


PRIS WHERE ARE YOU I NEED YOU TO SIT ME DOWN AND LOOK ME IN THE EYE AND MOTIVATE ME TO GET PAST THIS.



Gah. And no, i'm not crushing on Pris, that would just be weird..

Jeez.

But yeah. I hate crushes, mostly because they're so absolutely effffffffffing useless. Serious. Think about it. Has there ever been a time in your life where a crush has been something good? Ugh. Gah.


So i'm sitting here, trying not to think about someone that appeals to me for all the wrong reasons, and nothing really constructive is really coming of it apart from me yelling at myself going KEANNN. NO NO NO STOP DON'T GO THERE.

Or something. Yeah. 21 21 21. Exploring friendships first, theres the rest of my life to get attached to whoever God plans for me to get attached to. No. Bad Keann. Bad bad bad keann. You do NOT want to fall in love. Okay you do. But you don't want to screw ANYTHING up with anyone mmkay?


I can spend the whole night drilling this into myself and its all going to pot the next morning..

Sigh. But it will pass. It will :/ Crushes always do lol, even if they momentarily feel like they won't ever omg i must wait for you forever kind of crushes. So my currently grumpy deceived into thinking i need that special someone NOW mind feebly rationalises.

But it would be nice.

Okay no it wouldn't.

Okay it-

*bangs head against keyboard*


Okay no I didn't actually do that. Precious keyboard.


I suppose I should stop torturing you now and tell you that no, i'm not going to tell you who lol.


Disengage disengage disengage.

PRIS. NEED KINDRED SPIRIT. NOWWWW. ):



-------------------------------------


That's point number one. Meh. Point number 2:


I feel quite screwed because its 4am and i've been up the whole night...doing nothing constructive. And I only blame myself. You'd think that sharing a testimony and crying my heart out to God, and getting blessed so many ways by so many wonderful people would have an effect. Or maybe exams in 3 days. But noooo.

I'm sorry Keenan. Yes I am an idiot. I'm sorrryyy Jo ):

And I'm sorry God, for letting You downnn. Again bah):



Ahh. So now I'm left with only 1 full day to study, and I've hardly touched MRM. And yes God will honour me when I honour him with it, and do my best, but the fact remains that I haven't done my best, not the best that I can do.


Yes, I am being harsh on myself. If I don't who will ahahaha.

Anyway the conclusion of that is that after these blog posts because I refuse to postpone - will drag it on forever and I will lose some really valuable things that can be shared with other people that NEED to come down here tonight, regarding service and birthdays and people that I love(: - , I will TRY to go through the most important chapters of MRM. The biggest 3. Ya. Hopefully I can get some sleep afters, because I think I need the alertness for Advert, which tmr is supposed to be the day for. According to schedule anyway.

According to schedule today was supposed to be MRM day...



And I have only myself to blame lol. I mean, the parts where God took over were good, but everything else...

Baggh. So that ends the negatives I think. I shall throw my tired mind into what I hope will come through correctly. in the next post (: