Vague distress

So I really should have used this day productively.

I won't go into sordid details, but its been reaaaaaallllyy not at all. :s


Well besides this morning anyway, where I woke up and was compelled to post like this 5000+ word long comment on Hannah's blog regarding all the Bible content that I was going through yesterday night on a topic she raised.

And yes I know its 5000 because apparently the comment post limit is 2000 and it banhammered me.

Blah. But it was a good morning, up till the point I opened Wc3...

Actually it was still okay when I did. Problem began when I never really closed it.

I think, things like these, are the things that show me I am far from a completed work, or any kind of good Christian at all. :s And I hope that these memories and points do stay with me, so I never get any kind of swelled head when I have moved somewhat significantly in the direction of a good Christian.

I just get deceived so often. Do I want to spend the whole day doing com games? No. Do I want to spend more time on God? Yes. But that's now, and two 10 hours ago my motivations just got distracted away. Gaaaa.

Which is why I need to come around and get my head straightened on the right wayyy.

And right now, the thing doing that is Hannah and her blog. Haha.

It scares me that she is like what 2 years younger. What have I been doing with my life man. Haha.


See Hannah, this is what I was referring to when I vaguely mentioned that "it goes both ways" haha. What I think I NEED at this given point, is to stay mature, not have momentary fits of it, and to like LOOK at God, not stay on the outskirts skirting the boundary, cause once I do look at Him, y'know, all the right answers and things just fall into place and start working.


Otherwise, I'm mostly an idiot. The one who tries to lead people into national day songs at the hawker after church because he knows full well everyone is horrified at the notion.


Do I ever want to give up the craziness though? Not really no I really don't and not at all :s


What I DO want to give up though, is the unreliability. And I won't promise it, because if i go back on it it all goes to hell, but i AM working on it. Somewhat.

Er.

Oh mannnn. Gotta studyy. I am banhammering myself from Warcraft. And Pokemon. And yes WoW. Keenan please keep me accountable when you see this lol.

Will. Stay. Focused. On. God.

I think the best way to do that now is to stop talking about it, and start praying about it..


Gogogoogogo.