Sometimes I wonder if pastor josh reads my blog..
Its entirely too coincidental that I'm moping around watching Mean Girls at home bummed at lack of same-sex friend social activity and he suddenly goes "wana frag"
Then again this is my life we're talking about.
I could write a really deep entry here but I'm off to camp soon AND I HAVEN'T PACKED YET SO JUST PRETEND I DID AND TAG ACCORDINGLY KAY.
Yesterday in nutshell
- went to lan with Pjosh, Kegan, Ryan and Samuel at Orchard.
- Damn that place is good lol.
- I'm still bad at cs.
- I can still techie carry and kotl carry with the rest of em. SUCK ON IT.
- WTF EUL DOESN'T TURN INTO GUINSOO NO MORE?
- ???????????? WTF?
- Father still hates me and mom refuses to discuss anything related to my church, or say hi to any of my friends here.
- I quote "I don't need to discuss anything, I know I'm right"
- *cries*
- Took a bible to my mom's room and asked her to use it to explain to me why my faith and my church was wrong.
- Then my father came in and yelled at me to get out, I threatened to tell all his sunday school students and other people in his church how he treated his own son..
- Imagine how that turned out.
- Lol. What. I really didn't want to go there, but i'm desperate.
- For the first time in my life, I'm not eager to go to camp.
- I am a bit, but in the end I prayed about it but I wasn't sure about the answer so I called Sharyl to reconfirm
- And the answer was, "Go"
- "But make sure you use the opportunity to reach out when I call you to, and don't lose focus of me"
- : D
- OKAY THEN LORD : D
- Then afters I was asking God how come Sharyl could get such clear answers from Him and then He started giving me clear answers to everything :o
- :o
- It was amazing, talking to God like that
- Except after like 2 seconds I had no idea what to talk to him about...
- Really. Think about it -__-
- But yes please Lord more and more of You : D
So now I'm sitting here after having procrastinated the whole night about packing, drifting in and out of sleep every hour..
AND OKAY YES TIME TO GO. WILL BE GONE FOR 3 DAYS MIA IN SCHOOL BYE LOVE YOU DON'T FORGET ME.
Rawr.
Monday, February 25, 2008
Saturday, February 23, 2008
Hey what :D
Hey Ho Wai,
hey whattt.
Introduce yourself!
No wayyy.
Introduce yourself!
Okay!
1,
2,
3,
4,
5,
My name is Ho Wait and I say hi
6,
7,
8,
9,
10,
Back it up and meet my friend, Hey Keann!
HEY WHAT.
WHY WON'T ANYBODY ELSE DO THE BIMBO CHEER WIMME. KEENAN. D= D=
):
Eh. Church today was pretty good! GO PASTOR JOSH. HAHA.
Its a huge testament to God that I could stand there and not feel my heart calling me to go for altar call about 1. Feeling lost and running away from God 2. Being stuck in a horrible emotional situation that I couldn't see a way out of.
God knows those two things have plagued me so intensely, and that I could stand there in my seat appreciating His Grace for saving me out of all of that, that i've finally gotten through all of that, is awesome beyond measure [:
HEY SORRY CHARLENE AND FELICIA FOR NOT GOING OUT TO DINNER WITH YOU TWO D=
Sorry): I wanted to go y'know! But like yeah I'm trying to stop going out with girls so often, like no offense and all, but yeah D=
AND NO ITS NOT BEING SEXIST. IM TRYING TO BUILD MEANINGFUL SAME SEX RELATIONSHIPS.
Like yeahhhhhh.
Except that its kinda hard somehow. Idk.
Owell.
RIGHT SO. Eh. I managed to run and swim today!
I also managed to get myself a horrible headache and stomachache later, and vomited out my morning cup of milk after 2 hours of misery on the bed..
Followed by a miserable shower in torment and pissed that the hot water wasn't working..
But by God's grace I managed to go to sleep later and woke up feeling wonderful :D
Eh.
I think the world and have utmost respect of tons of you people y'know, I'm just not quite sure how to say hi, and can i join you guys?
I never seem to have the same problem with y'know...
OKAY NEVERMIND.
Also, my cell bullies me. Hmmmph. LIKE. THIS MEANS YOU BELLEJOY AND SUMIN.
MY NAME IS KEANN. KEEEAANNNNNNN.
*cries*
mmmmmmm Bible study (:
D=D=D=D=D=D=D=D= haircut):
KAY NIGHT IF IM GONNA WAKE UP AND RUN AND SWIM AND PUKE TMR.
hey whattt.
Introduce yourself!
No wayyy.
Introduce yourself!
Okay!
1,
2,
3,
4,
5,
My name is Ho Wait and I say hi
6,
7,
8,
9,
10,
Back it up and meet my friend, Hey Keann!
HEY WHAT.
WHY WON'T ANYBODY ELSE DO THE BIMBO CHEER WIMME. KEENAN. D= D=
):
Eh. Church today was pretty good! GO PASTOR JOSH. HAHA.
Its a huge testament to God that I could stand there and not feel my heart calling me to go for altar call about 1. Feeling lost and running away from God 2. Being stuck in a horrible emotional situation that I couldn't see a way out of.
God knows those two things have plagued me so intensely, and that I could stand there in my seat appreciating His Grace for saving me out of all of that, that i've finally gotten through all of that, is awesome beyond measure [:
HEY SORRY CHARLENE AND FELICIA FOR NOT GOING OUT TO DINNER WITH YOU TWO D=
Sorry): I wanted to go y'know! But like yeah I'm trying to stop going out with girls so often, like no offense and all, but yeah D=
AND NO ITS NOT BEING SEXIST. IM TRYING TO BUILD MEANINGFUL SAME SEX RELATIONSHIPS.
Like yeahhhhhh.
Except that its kinda hard somehow. Idk.
Owell.
RIGHT SO. Eh. I managed to run and swim today!
I also managed to get myself a horrible headache and stomachache later, and vomited out my morning cup of milk after 2 hours of misery on the bed..
Followed by a miserable shower in torment and pissed that the hot water wasn't working..
But by God's grace I managed to go to sleep later and woke up feeling wonderful :D
Eh.
I think the world and have utmost respect of tons of you people y'know, I'm just not quite sure how to say hi, and can i join you guys?
I never seem to have the same problem with y'know...
OKAY NEVERMIND.
Also, my cell bullies me. Hmmmph. LIKE. THIS MEANS YOU BELLEJOY AND SUMIN.
MY NAME IS KEANN. KEEEAANNNNNNN.
*cries*
mmmmmmm Bible study (:
D=D=D=D=D=D=D=D= haircut):
KAY NIGHT IF IM GONNA WAKE UP AND RUN AND SWIM AND PUKE TMR.
Friday, February 22, 2008
You gotta be kidding me
It was well after midnight when Kat called Kenny, suggesting it was too late to visit.
"Are you kidding? I've been waiting. I need to hear everything"
"You are just like a girlfriend," she said, obviously delighted. But she must have been able to tell from his silence that that was the last thing he wanted to hear.
"Oops," she said. "Sorry"
"Just come over," he said. "Unless you don't want to."
"I want to."
Later at Kenny's place.
3 pages of girltalk about Kat's date with some random dude called Qasim later.
Kenny sat again, picking a handful of grapes from the bunch and swirling them in his palm.
"I need to tell you about Qasim, but I don't want you to take it the wrong way."
"What would be the wrong way to take it?"
"I don't know. Maybe that instead of giving you a brotherly warning about a guy, I was just being jealous."
"Jealous of what?"
"Your attention"
That seemed to stop her. She looked genuinely surprised.
"Don't tease me, Kenny."
"Tease you?"
"You needn't be jealous of anyone seeming to have my attention. I've wanted your attention since the day we met."
"Seriously? I've been afraid to-"
"I just figured you saw me as too young, too new in the faith, a little flaky because it took me so long to become a believer. I don't know; maybe you thought I was too immature, hadn't had enough real ministry experience. Or maybe you just didn't think of me, in you know, those terms. Attention terms."
Kenny tried to put the grapes in his mouth, but one missed and rolled down his front, bouncing off his belt buckle and rolling across the floor. Ekaterina made a move to retrieve it, which embarrassed him. He said, "I'll get it," but with his mouth full, his words sounded mushy, which made him laugh, and another grape came shooting out.
Now Ekaterina was laughing, and they were on their hands and knees, gathering the errant grapes. "At least let me get the one that's been in my mouth," Kenny said, and she howled all the more.
Once they were both seated again and Kenny felt the color receding from his face, Ekaterina reached for his hand. He wiped it on his pants to be sure it wasn't sticky with grape juice and extended it. No one but his parents had ever held his hand.
"Now , you're going to tell me about Qasim. And then I'm going to tell you how innocently I view him regardless. And then we're going to tell each other why we're so interested in each other's attention."
--------------------------------------------
In the next chapter Kat is meeting Kenny's parents at breakfast, the very next morning.
OH COME ON SERIOUSLY NOW. IT NEVER HAPPENS THAT WAY IN REAL LIFE. WTF.
like dude seriously now. I have great respect for Lahaye as a pastor and Scripture expert and all, but he's obviously never - aaarrrrrgggghhhh/
*Headbangs wall*
Thursday, February 21, 2008
I'm sleeeepppyyy.
Even though I didn't really do much today but go to get my hair cut? LIKE FINALLY MAN.
Woke up at 7, which is like whoa and entirely cool. Now I have to achieve that for the rest of my holidays so I can go run and swim and all...
Which I would have done today if I didn't have to be at Toni & Guy KATONG EFFING KATONG at like 10am. Madness.
Also, 32 in the morning is the scariest bus I have ever taken. It smells of chinese medicated oil.
You'll understand if you ever deign to get yourself on that bus.
So yes haircut that I was actually punctual for and the guy did something weird with my hair but I'm getting used to it, AND HEY ITS TONI & GUY. ITS ART.
Screw you all.
It ended abouts 1pm, anyway. Yes, 3 hour haircut np.
So I was left with absolutely nothing to do in the middle of east coast with limited funds, and everyone I would hang out with had their own plans.
Excuse me if I feel a little left out here
So being the intrepidly creative person I am, I went...
to the library.
BUT TODAY WAS A GOLDMINE SO LIKE WHOA YAY.
Buggered off home to talk to Abby, because everyone's favourite Hannah Montana-wannabe-except-she's-asian is the only person who bothered talking to me
today.
Seriously guys. She's 14. Can't y'all do any better?
So you have Abby on hair today:
4:37:20 PM abbs,: HAHAHAHAA 14 year old girls don't go obsess over their hair
4:37:25 PM abbs,: Cept' maybe me.
4:37:36 PM abbs,: FOR A GOOD REASON
4:37:45 PM KEANN~ will someone teach me how to play We Fall Down on the piano pretty pretty please: *snort*
4:37:48 PM KEANN~ will someone teach me how to play We Fall Down on the piano pretty pretty please: i have got to hear this one
4:39:33 PM abbs,: Bleahpfffft. Okay it isn't a good or practical or cheap reason at all, but C'ON IT'S HAIR.
4:39:51 PM KEANN~ will someone teach me how to play We Fall Down on the piano pretty pretty please: OHYEAH
4:40:21 PM abbs,: YOU'VE GOTTA UNDERSTAND
..
..
..
4:40:31 PM abbs,: Hair is like, !!!!!
REMEMBER GUYS. HAIR IS LIKE, !!!!!
gnite(:
Woke up at 7, which is like whoa and entirely cool. Now I have to achieve that for the rest of my holidays so I can go run and swim and all...
Which I would have done today if I didn't have to be at Toni & Guy KATONG EFFING KATONG at like 10am. Madness.
Also, 32 in the morning is the scariest bus I have ever taken. It smells of chinese medicated oil.
You'll understand if you ever deign to get yourself on that bus.
So yes haircut that I was actually punctual for and the guy did something weird with my hair but I'm getting used to it, AND HEY ITS TONI & GUY. ITS ART.
Screw you all.
It ended abouts 1pm, anyway. Yes, 3 hour haircut np.
So I was left with absolutely nothing to do in the middle of east coast with limited funds, and everyone I would hang out with had their own plans.
Excuse me if I feel a little left out here
So being the intrepidly creative person I am, I went...
to the library.
BUT TODAY WAS A GOLDMINE SO LIKE WHOA YAY.
Buggered off home to talk to Abby, because everyone's favourite Hannah Montana-wannabe-except-she's-asian is the only person who bothered talking to me
today.
Seriously guys. She's 14. Can't y'all do any better?
So you have Abby on hair today:
4:37:20 PM abbs,: HAHAHAHAA 14 year old girls don't go obsess over their hair
4:37:25 PM abbs,: Cept' maybe me.
4:37:36 PM abbs,: FOR A GOOD REASON
4:37:45 PM KEANN~ will someone teach me how to play We Fall Down on the piano pretty pretty please: *snort*
4:37:48 PM KEANN~ will someone teach me how to play We Fall Down on the piano pretty pretty please: i have got to hear this one
4:39:33 PM abbs,: Bleahpfffft. Okay it isn't a good or practical or cheap reason at all, but C'ON IT'S HAIR.
4:39:51 PM KEANN~ will someone teach me how to play We Fall Down on the piano pretty pretty please: OHYEAH
4:40:21 PM abbs,: YOU'VE GOTTA UNDERSTAND
..
..
..
4:40:31 PM abbs,: Hair is like, !!!!!
REMEMBER GUYS. HAIR IS LIKE, !!!!!
gnite(:
Brb
I'm aware i'm spamming entries but I thought it important to say this:
I'm not doing dance anymore
Because Lord nothing is worth getting in the way of loving You and serving You because oh I love You so for loving me.
[:
Also, I intend to use my singleness to glorify God. There. I've said it. I'm coming right out and saying now, screw romantic relationships. I'm not in the market anymore.
Wholly to You Lord, I don't want to let anything possibly get in the way(:
Breakfast time!
I'm not doing dance anymore
Because Lord nothing is worth getting in the way of loving You and serving You because oh I love You so for loving me.
[:
Also, I intend to use my singleness to glorify God. There. I've said it. I'm coming right out and saying now, screw romantic relationships. I'm not in the market anymore.
Wholly to You Lord, I don't want to let anything possibly get in the way(:
Breakfast time!
Good Morning World
Last night's QT was whacked out man, and its a testament to God's faith and glory that I can sit here at 7.15 typing this having the best sleep I've had in ages even after taking so long
Thank you Lord for using me to intercede, and don't let the fire die. In any of us. Keep us strong.
Later. I have a haircut to go to [:
Thank you Lord for using me to intercede, and don't let the fire die. In any of us. Keep us strong.
Later. I have a haircut to go to [:
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Whazzed
Days never are conventional for me
But that can wait. This is more important.
Guys cheer up please, we love you all and it hurts to see you people in pain.
Smile soon [:
Night.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
I'm sad. And i'm tired. Poooopppped.
Going for hiphop dance classes at Jitterbug is going to clean out ALL my angbao money. 121 bucks for 8 week course + year membership. If i don't get the membership i'm looking at a hundred and forty-four bucks fee.
And I have to sign up this week or i'm looking at a 145 dollar fee instead due to March increased rates.
And Keenan might not be able to come cause he's half cleaned out due to paying for bass lessons already, and Andrew something or other too. It very much depends on whether their parents will sponsor them.
CAN ANYONE ELSE COME WITH ME I DON'T WANT TO BE ALONE. ITS OKAY IF WE'VE ONLY MET LIKE HI BYE WE CAN GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER BETTER
AT CLASS.
Sigh.
Oh this means I also won't be able to afford paying for track shoes. I'm just going to have to run daily in my crappy 20 dollar imitation tracks that I bought for emergency usage.
Bloody china products.
SO THAT'S ISSUE NUMBER ONE. ISSUE NUMBER TWO:
I forgot. Uh. wait. OH YEAH. I'M REALLY TIRED.
I can't quite understand why. I was holding up pretty good on the train home. Then when I headed back and josh+sharyl finally managed to find my place I curled up and slept in a sofa while they watched whatever they were watching. I was really out of it. Like whoa. And i think i know the reason.
Girl sensory overload.
NO SERIOUSLY. I DON'T HAVE THE ENERGY ANYMORE TO RUN AROUND MESSING AROUND WITH GIRLS. I MEAN I LIKE IT AND ALL, BUT I NEED SOME GUY TIME.
(this is a cry for help, a voice calling out in the wilderness, make straight the paths for-)
Oh wait.
Bible study is getting to me.
Heehee.
BUT YES I NEED GUY TIME. I just want to sit around, do stupid guy stuff without worrying about gah i can't quite put my finger on it, but i blame it on girls. Y'all men in the house are going to agree with me. Yes?
My inner jock is calling me.
ISSUE NUMBA THREE:
O-Level posting results.
Now I'm not quite sure how many O-level people exactly read my blog, but if you've happened to stumble upon this monstrosity in disorganization, I have this to say to you:
Its okay(:
I know some of you who are happy with your posting results, and great! I'm happy for you! God Bless(:
But for the majority of you who I seem to know who've been thrown into places you're not so eager to go into:
And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.
Romans 8:28
You guys know this verse.
The "God has it covered, God knows best, don't worry about it, God has his perfect plans for you" verse.
But it doesn't make it easier to bear, does it.
I know(: I've been through a number of these situations, and it feels like crap doesn't it. Well I've got news for you.
That feeling-like-crap sensation comes from Satan
Think about it. If every week in church, in the house of God we always worship so joyously and freely about the love of the Father which we know has been burned into us, how is it possible that 3 days later we can be doubting the destiny that God has for us, essentially doubting God himself?
Gee, let me think now, who would want us to do that?
So yeah. Resist the bugger, and think of all the times God has been so apparent in our lives, speaking to us at altar call, making miraculously works happen before our eyes, confirmations in group prayer and powerful testimonies of pastors and people who have been healed!
How can one doubt that God exists, seeing the good works that he has done for us powerfully and personally.
I'll tell you how.
When we're wallowing in self-pity and we don't want to think about the good things that He has done.
Yeah. Who has never wanted to indulge that feeling of self-pity and self-sorrow?
I know I certainly have, I'm as much guilty of it as you are. I know full well how it works. We brush away all form of comfort and positive thought because we want to feel sorry for ourselves a little longer.
And that comes from Satan too. Don't entertain the thought any longer! Go to God. Go to God. Go. to. God. Even though we don't quite want to while we're wallowing in self pity.
How does this picture seem wrong to you guys? Not wanting to go to God, but doing something else?
In any other context, we would cast the notion out straightaway, wouldn't we.
Well a book I'm reading touches on the topic a bit. Because I'm so nice I'm gonna type it out nicely all secretary-like :D
:
Self-pity.
In a sense, self-pity is the worship of our circumstances. When we indulge in feeling sorry for ourselves, we turn our focus away from God - His goodness, His justice and His ability to save in any circumstance. And as we turn away from God, we cut ourselves off from our only source of hope.
We can so easily allow self-pity to seep into our hearts. When we [insert bad situation here], it seems we have every reason in the world to complain, to sulk angrily because we received a bum deal.
But do we really have reason to complain when we consider the Cross?
Self-pity is a sinful response to feelings of [whatever crap you're feeling right now]. We don't sin when we feel [well, like that crap], but we do sin when we use these feelings as an excuse to turn from God and exalt our own needs.
Harris, J. (2003). I Kissed Dating Goodbye (2nd ed.). United States of America: Multnomah Publishers Incorporated.
HEY. GOTTA PRACTICE THE WRITCOM.
So yes anyway the point I'm trying to get across is that self-pity is badbadbadbadbad. And also, frankly quite arrogant. God has brought us this far, healed us this much, and we dare to question his perfect plans for us?
I'm not denying its hard to do. But go to prayer. Trust me. Trust Him. Take as long as you need. Let it go. And let His peace minister to you(:
1 Corinthians 2:9
No eye has seen,
No ear has heard,
No mind has conceived
what God has prepared for those who love him
Dwell on that(:
Oh and if hello you're a reader that is absolutely befuddled as to what I'm talking about, but is touched at least a little by the absolute peace in our circumstances and security that is hinted in this entry, hit me on msn and we'll talk about it[:
Or tag me (:
AND FOR UH SORRY THOSE PEOPLE THAT HAVE INDULGED MY PRATTERING THIS LONG JUST TO READ ABOUT MY DAILY LIFE FOR THE PAST TWO DAYS THAT I HAVEN'T GONE INTO.
HERE WE GO:
Yesterday, Monday:
First day of sweet sweet holidays! 1) Ran to school to give Keenan book, 2) Ran to library to grab movies from Josh, 3) Ran to Upper Thomson to grab ps2 and games from Wendy, 4)Ran home reaching at 1.30 to find
None of the girls were ready yet.
I'd present to you pictures of the guilty parties but I'm lazy to go a-friendstering so I'm just going to name them with about as much fanfare as I can possibly muster. *Drum roll*
(Yeah, that's it)
Charmaine-Ann Thio and godsis Melodi Ghui
It was okay, watched Sweeny Todd which I honestly thought was meh and watched Bring It On 3, which oh yeah I thought was utter bullcrap I was sobbing in my seat and not from emotion. I also managed to burn popcorn and mess up my sister's brownies.
I would like to point out to all concerned that Melodi Ghui should never be allowed to have a maid.
THE FREAKING WOMAN WAS BARKING AT ME ALL THE TIME K. I MEAN YAY SERVING GUEST COOL BUT ARRRGH.
It's okay I still love you Mel. For now.
:D
And then Mel had to go for dinner and me and Charmaine discovered A SKATEPARK.
FIVE MINUTES FROM MY PLACE.
Now I just have to make friends with those guys so they'll teach me tricks :D
But I'm horribly shy so will you pray for me pretty please.
[:
TUESDAY:
Er. Was going to go running, found out I had no shoes, was going to go swim instead, but I'm still working off the trauma from getting hit on by a gay guy at the pool.
Let's not go there. And to make up for it I did push-ups and crunches instead.
SO.
Josh said he couldn't come over yet, Keenan could only come over in the afternoon, and Charmaine had to go do her appeal thingy. Chonghao who I keep hearing about but haven't actually met yet had to go shopping or something. Gah.
So somehow I got myself into accompanying Charr along on her long trip around Singapore appealing shit, I actually asked Keenan to come along but we couldn't figure out how he was supposed to get to Nan Hua from school, so we decided he'd go to my place first and I'd leave the key outside in a shoe for him.
Yes, I do that. Bugger off and get over it.
Eh. So I managed to find my way to Nan Hua, bored out of my mind, except for the part where I was convincing the security guard at the back gate that I was an ex-student coming to take testimonials from teachers for appeal, convincing random PE teacher that I was a 4-5 year ago student accompanying my friend around, convincing crummy old admin man that I had been through National Service.
Old man "You were an ex-student here?"
Me "Yeah, 4-5 years ago."
Old man "So you've been through the army lah."
Me (Oshit)"Mhhmm yeah"
Old man "So which unit were you in?"
ME (OSHIT WHAT DOIDONOW PANIC PANIC)
Then my mind flashed back to reading dota friend slashblast@hotmail.com's blog about army life and Ninja unit flashed into my head.
Me "Er, Ninjas"
Crisis over. Whew.
We decided after that that I'd be Charmaine's brother from now on.
It disturbs me at how easily the lying comes. And how well I am still able to pull it off.
AHH I'M SORRY LORD GUH AHHHHHH D=
Let's not do that ever again. Er. I hope. D=
"See lah Keann, guilt now lah"
*wince*
ANYWAY. We managed to get out of Nan Hua alive and ooh made our way down to ACS(I) for dear sister-in-Christ's appeal.
Oh and er we'd decided to walk.
Its so convenient hanging out with past trackers, isn't it, they do every crazy thing I do :D
Yes, from Clementi down past SP past Dover down to ASC(I) then down to ACJC and down to Buona Vista Station for good measure.
No wonder I'm semi-pooped.
Inanutshell because my internet time is runningout er forced Charmaine to shamelessly sell herself on the appeal form gosh girl whatever would you do without me, met Charlene, *hugs girl cheer up k! [:* , went down to ACJC, didn't see anyone, funnily, thought I saw Anna, stupidly mentioend it to Charr and our dear girl promptly displayed her inner stalking tendencies.
OKAY INTERNET OUT AHH BYE.
And I have to sign up this week or i'm looking at a 145 dollar fee instead due to March increased rates.
And Keenan might not be able to come cause he's half cleaned out due to paying for bass lessons already, and Andrew something or other too. It very much depends on whether their parents will sponsor them.
CAN ANYONE ELSE COME WITH ME I DON'T WANT TO BE ALONE. ITS OKAY IF WE'VE ONLY MET LIKE HI BYE WE CAN GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER BETTER
AT CLASS.
Sigh.
Oh this means I also won't be able to afford paying for track shoes. I'm just going to have to run daily in my crappy 20 dollar imitation tracks that I bought for emergency usage.
Bloody china products.
SO THAT'S ISSUE NUMBER ONE. ISSUE NUMBER TWO:
I forgot. Uh. wait. OH YEAH. I'M REALLY TIRED.
I can't quite understand why. I was holding up pretty good on the train home. Then when I headed back and josh+sharyl finally managed to find my place I curled up and slept in a sofa while they watched whatever they were watching. I was really out of it. Like whoa. And i think i know the reason.
Girl sensory overload.
NO SERIOUSLY. I DON'T HAVE THE ENERGY ANYMORE TO RUN AROUND MESSING AROUND WITH GIRLS. I MEAN I LIKE IT AND ALL, BUT I NEED SOME GUY TIME.
(this is a cry for help, a voice calling out in the wilderness, make straight the paths for-)
Oh wait.
Bible study is getting to me.
Heehee.
BUT YES I NEED GUY TIME. I just want to sit around, do stupid guy stuff without worrying about gah i can't quite put my finger on it, but i blame it on girls. Y'all men in the house are going to agree with me. Yes?
My inner jock is calling me.
ISSUE NUMBA THREE:
O-Level posting results.
Now I'm not quite sure how many O-level people exactly read my blog, but if you've happened to stumble upon this monstrosity in disorganization, I have this to say to you:
Its okay(:
I know some of you who are happy with your posting results, and great! I'm happy for you! God Bless(:
But for the majority of you who I seem to know who've been thrown into places you're not so eager to go into:
And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.
Romans 8:28
You guys know this verse.
The "God has it covered, God knows best, don't worry about it, God has his perfect plans for you" verse.
But it doesn't make it easier to bear, does it.
I know(: I've been through a number of these situations, and it feels like crap doesn't it. Well I've got news for you.
That feeling-like-crap sensation comes from Satan
Think about it. If every week in church, in the house of God we always worship so joyously and freely about the love of the Father which we know has been burned into us, how is it possible that 3 days later we can be doubting the destiny that God has for us, essentially doubting God himself?
Gee, let me think now, who would want us to do that?
So yeah. Resist the bugger, and think of all the times God has been so apparent in our lives, speaking to us at altar call, making miraculously works happen before our eyes, confirmations in group prayer and powerful testimonies of pastors and people who have been healed!
How can one doubt that God exists, seeing the good works that he has done for us powerfully and personally.
I'll tell you how.
When we're wallowing in self-pity and we don't want to think about the good things that He has done.
Yeah. Who has never wanted to indulge that feeling of self-pity and self-sorrow?
I know I certainly have, I'm as much guilty of it as you are. I know full well how it works. We brush away all form of comfort and positive thought because we want to feel sorry for ourselves a little longer.
And that comes from Satan too. Don't entertain the thought any longer! Go to God. Go to God. Go. to. God. Even though we don't quite want to while we're wallowing in self pity.
How does this picture seem wrong to you guys? Not wanting to go to God, but doing something else?
In any other context, we would cast the notion out straightaway, wouldn't we.
Well a book I'm reading touches on the topic a bit. Because I'm so nice I'm gonna type it out nicely all secretary-like :D
:
Self-pity.
In a sense, self-pity is the worship of our circumstances. When we indulge in feeling sorry for ourselves, we turn our focus away from God - His goodness, His justice and His ability to save in any circumstance. And as we turn away from God, we cut ourselves off from our only source of hope.
We can so easily allow self-pity to seep into our hearts. When we [insert bad situation here], it seems we have every reason in the world to complain, to sulk angrily because we received a bum deal.
But do we really have reason to complain when we consider the Cross?
Self-pity is a sinful response to feelings of [whatever crap you're feeling right now]. We don't sin when we feel [well, like that crap], but we do sin when we use these feelings as an excuse to turn from God and exalt our own needs.
Harris, J. (2003). I Kissed Dating Goodbye (2nd ed.). United States of America: Multnomah Publishers Incorporated.
HEY. GOTTA PRACTICE THE WRITCOM.
So yes anyway the point I'm trying to get across is that self-pity is badbadbadbadbad. And also, frankly quite arrogant. God has brought us this far, healed us this much, and we dare to question his perfect plans for us?
I'm not denying its hard to do. But go to prayer. Trust me. Trust Him. Take as long as you need. Let it go. And let His peace minister to you(:
1 Corinthians 2:9
No eye has seen,
No ear has heard,
No mind has conceived
what God has prepared for those who love him
Dwell on that(:
Oh and if hello you're a reader that is absolutely befuddled as to what I'm talking about, but is touched at least a little by the absolute peace in our circumstances and security that is hinted in this entry, hit me on msn and we'll talk about it[:
Or tag me (:
AND FOR UH SORRY THOSE PEOPLE THAT HAVE INDULGED MY PRATTERING THIS LONG JUST TO READ ABOUT MY DAILY LIFE FOR THE PAST TWO DAYS THAT I HAVEN'T GONE INTO.
HERE WE GO:
Yesterday, Monday:
First day of sweet sweet holidays! 1) Ran to school to give Keenan book, 2) Ran to library to grab movies from Josh, 3) Ran to Upper Thomson to grab ps2 and games from Wendy, 4)Ran home reaching at 1.30 to find
None of the girls were ready yet.
I'd present to you pictures of the guilty parties but I'm lazy to go a-friendstering so I'm just going to name them with about as much fanfare as I can possibly muster. *Drum roll*
(Yeah, that's it)
Charmaine-Ann Thio and godsis Melodi Ghui
It was okay, watched Sweeny Todd which I honestly thought was meh and watched Bring It On 3, which oh yeah I thought was utter bullcrap I was sobbing in my seat and not from emotion. I also managed to burn popcorn and mess up my sister's brownies.
I would like to point out to all concerned that Melodi Ghui should never be allowed to have a maid.
THE FREAKING WOMAN WAS BARKING AT ME ALL THE TIME K. I MEAN YAY SERVING GUEST COOL BUT ARRRGH.
It's okay I still love you Mel. For now.
:D
And then Mel had to go for dinner and me and Charmaine discovered A SKATEPARK.
FIVE MINUTES FROM MY PLACE.
Now I just have to make friends with those guys so they'll teach me tricks :D
But I'm horribly shy so will you pray for me pretty please.
[:
TUESDAY:
Er. Was going to go running, found out I had no shoes, was going to go swim instead, but I'm still working off the trauma from getting hit on by a gay guy at the pool.
Let's not go there. And to make up for it I did push-ups and crunches instead.
SO.
Josh said he couldn't come over yet, Keenan could only come over in the afternoon, and Charmaine had to go do her appeal thingy. Chonghao who I keep hearing about but haven't actually met yet had to go shopping or something. Gah.
So somehow I got myself into accompanying Charr along on her long trip around Singapore appealing shit, I actually asked Keenan to come along but we couldn't figure out how he was supposed to get to Nan Hua from school, so we decided he'd go to my place first and I'd leave the key outside in a shoe for him.
Yes, I do that. Bugger off and get over it.
Eh. So I managed to find my way to Nan Hua, bored out of my mind, except for the part where I was convincing the security guard at the back gate that I was an ex-student coming to take testimonials from teachers for appeal, convincing random PE teacher that I was a 4-5 year ago student accompanying my friend around, convincing crummy old admin man that I had been through National Service.
Old man "You were an ex-student here?"
Me "Yeah, 4-5 years ago."
Old man "So you've been through the army lah."
Me (Oshit)"Mhhmm yeah"
Old man "So which unit were you in?"
ME (OSHIT WHAT DOIDONOW PANIC PANIC)
Then my mind flashed back to reading dota friend slashblast@hotmail.com's blog about army life and Ninja unit flashed into my head.
Me "Er, Ninjas"
Crisis over. Whew.
We decided after that that I'd be Charmaine's brother from now on.
It disturbs me at how easily the lying comes. And how well I am still able to pull it off.
AHH I'M SORRY LORD GUH AHHHHHH D=
Let's not do that ever again. Er. I hope. D=
"See lah Keann, guilt now lah"
*wince*
ANYWAY. We managed to get out of Nan Hua alive and ooh made our way down to ACS(I) for dear sister-in-Christ's appeal.
Oh and er we'd decided to walk.
Its so convenient hanging out with past trackers, isn't it, they do every crazy thing I do :D
Yes, from Clementi down past SP past Dover down to ASC(I) then down to ACJC and down to Buona Vista Station for good measure.
No wonder I'm semi-pooped.
Inanutshell because my internet time is runningout er forced Charmaine to shamelessly sell herself on the appeal form gosh girl whatever would you do without me, met Charlene, *hugs girl cheer up k! [:* , went down to ACJC, didn't see anyone, funnily, thought I saw Anna, stupidly mentioend it to Charr and our dear girl promptly displayed her inner stalking tendencies.
OKAY INTERNET OUT AHH BYE.
Monday, February 18, 2008
SHEREEN'S BIRTHDAY
Okay long overdue post there k and if i put this off any longer im probably not going to do it ever haha.
So IT WAS SHEREEN'S BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION DINNER YESTERDAY.
Whatever the girls did for her before service was none of my business lol but its kinda mindboggling that even as they were doing all that gross icky food torture stuff, i was next door bible studying and writing shereen her birthday card [:
So cool right.
Yes, so anyway after service we actually managed to get a group of people together to go!
Gosh finally lol, after much running around since thursday planning and coordinating and desperately trying to get marcus cell guys to go cause i was deathly afraid there'd be no guys but it turned out okay cause keenan/keenan's bro josh/yisin could come :D
Ahhh hannah couldn't come! And alison! But hey next time kay, Alison's birthday coming up soon in a month and we'll go crazy dinner again :D
Just keep on honouring your parents [: [: [:
SO. PICTURES.
The picture doesn't do justice to the food really. Everything was so good. And service was crazy superb? That's Manhattan Fish Market for you @ Plaza Sing, guys. Do check it out. That huge meal you see there? Its a 2 person shared course with HUGE FISH and TONS of calamari plus FRIES and oysters and funny tomatoes and fried prawns and COPIOUS AMOUNTS of ginger rice. For only 30 bucks :D
That works out to about 15 per person! Its reasonable! Specially since plain water which they keep serving goes really well with fish, so you don't feel obliged to buy expensive beverages :D
And guys that's charmaine's half-eaten Catch of the Day. Interesting concept. Keenan got it too :D
Oh by the way, if your food gets cold they take it in hand and the waiter produces a flamethrower and proceeds to obliterate your fish with it in front of you
:D
But I still crave Fish n Co's super frigging huge ice freezers. Those things are love, even though i only had it once :D
Random soup picture I don't know whatfor. Meh.
So I present to you the birthday girls:
The bimbo club! I swear, its unnerving. And it makes a grown man want to cry into his pillow like a baby. Even if it is somewhat charming. The stupidity far outstrips anything else.
Really. You have to get to know these people.
So that's Nat for you. Scary fiery bimbotic person. And she's only 14. Like just turned 14. I shudder in fear at the thought of her at 16 D=
AND THERE'S GOLDFISH EYES SHEREEN FOR YOU. With only one E, and turning 16. And no SheEreen didn't get a facelift and a body crush, just to dispel your confusions, FMS people [:
Sweet person :D
And the kids show off just why they're going to grow into male-heart-breaking monsters.
Eh, the shamelessness here is nothing compared to the Shenanigans Shereen and Charlene were up to. But we don't have a picture for you, you horrible perverts. Scgs people *shakes head*
AND NO POLY PEOPLE YOU STAY AWAY FROM THESE GIRLS YOU HEAR ME. YOU PEDOPHILES.
And of course I'm only going to show the photos that flatter me.
The ladies
(Minus Nat cause she's too FAT for the photo)
And the guys
WHAT. I HONESTLY THOUGHT THE REST WERE GOING TO COME INTO THE PICTURE. I SWEAR.
So yes.
:D The rest have to come for the next party okay! [:
Final photo :D (group shot)
LOOK. ITS GOD IN THE PICTURE BACK THERE ON THE WALL. AHHHH.
:D
I love you guys (:
LATER.
So IT WAS SHEREEN'S BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION DINNER YESTERDAY.
Whatever the girls did for her before service was none of my business lol but its kinda mindboggling that even as they were doing all that gross icky food torture stuff, i was next door bible studying and writing shereen her birthday card [:
So cool right.
Yes, so anyway after service we actually managed to get a group of people together to go!
Gosh finally lol, after much running around since thursday planning and coordinating and desperately trying to get marcus cell guys to go cause i was deathly afraid there'd be no guys but it turned out okay cause keenan/keenan's bro josh/yisin could come :D
Ahhh hannah couldn't come! And alison! But hey next time kay, Alison's birthday coming up soon in a month and we'll go crazy dinner again :D
Just keep on honouring your parents [: [: [:
SO. PICTURES.
The picture doesn't do justice to the food really. Everything was so good. And service was crazy superb? That's Manhattan Fish Market for you @ Plaza Sing, guys. Do check it out. That huge meal you see there? Its a 2 person shared course with HUGE FISH and TONS of calamari plus FRIES and oysters and funny tomatoes and fried prawns and COPIOUS AMOUNTS of ginger rice. For only 30 bucks :D
That works out to about 15 per person! Its reasonable! Specially since plain water which they keep serving goes really well with fish, so you don't feel obliged to buy expensive beverages :D
And guys that's charmaine's half-eaten Catch of the Day. Interesting concept. Keenan got it too :D
Oh by the way, if your food gets cold they take it in hand and the waiter produces a flamethrower and proceeds to obliterate your fish with it in front of you
:D
But I still crave Fish n Co's super frigging huge ice freezers. Those things are love, even though i only had it once :D
Random soup picture I don't know whatfor. Meh.
So I present to you the birthday girls:
The bimbo club! I swear, its unnerving. And it makes a grown man want to cry into his pillow like a baby. Even if it is somewhat charming. The stupidity far outstrips anything else.
Really. You have to get to know these people.
So that's Nat for you. Scary fiery bimbotic person. And she's only 14. Like just turned 14. I shudder in fear at the thought of her at 16 D=
AND THERE'S GOLDFISH EYES SHEREEN FOR YOU. With only one E, and turning 16. And no SheEreen didn't get a facelift and a body crush, just to dispel your confusions, FMS people [:
Sweet person :D
And the kids show off just why they're going to grow into male-heart-breaking monsters.
Eh, the shamelessness here is nothing compared to the Shenanigans Shereen and Charlene were up to. But we don't have a picture for you, you horrible perverts. Scgs people *shakes head*
AND NO POLY PEOPLE YOU STAY AWAY FROM THESE GIRLS YOU HEAR ME. YOU PEDOPHILES.
And of course I'm only going to show the photos that flatter me.
The ladies
(Minus Nat cause she's too FAT for the photo)
And the guys
WHAT. I HONESTLY THOUGHT THE REST WERE GOING TO COME INTO THE PICTURE. I SWEAR.
So yes.
:D The rest have to come for the next party okay! [:
Final photo :D (group shot)
LOOK. ITS GOD IN THE PICTURE BACK THERE ON THE WALL. AHHHH.
:D
I love you guys (:
LATER.
Sunday, February 17, 2008
WHAT THE HECK
14 Year Old Abby on poly stalkers that still haunt her:
abbs,
9:37
yeah, well at least they were, rich.
WHAT THE HELL ABBY GUYS STAY AWAY HYDRA IN THE HOUSE.
D=
So yes today was fun. Bible study was heavyyyyyy mannnnn. But super fun. And very very enlightening. And we discussed some super heavy issues, like the salvation concept, for O.o
Isabel for next week's leader :D :D :D
AND IM HOME NOW AND LIKE I JUST FOUND OUT SHOCKING NEWS AND IM LIKE SAD CAUSE I FEEL LEFT OUT.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY NAT.
GUYS COME TOMORROW PLEASE
abbs,
9:37
yeah, well at least they were, rich.
WHAT THE HELL ABBY GUYS STAY AWAY HYDRA IN THE HOUSE.
D=
So yes today was fun. Bible study was heavyyyyyy mannnnn. But super fun. And very very enlightening. And we discussed some super heavy issues, like the salvation concept, for O.o
Isabel for next week's leader :D :D :D
AND IM HOME NOW AND LIKE I JUST FOUND OUT SHOCKING NEWS AND IM LIKE SAD CAUSE I FEEL LEFT OUT.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY NAT.
GUYS COME TOMORROW PLEASE
Crazy Saturday Part 2
Hello I'm back ETA 12am and er my eyes feel like they've been sandpapered shut.
I'm scared to throw my sweatshirt in the wash. I'm not going to. My washing machine rapes clothes D=
So er yes. Where was i?
Oh right. We went down to the plaza at 5 for josh (Keenan's brother) to hang out and do the icebreakers, and it was lol. Watched Ho Wai try his hand at Djing XD. And okay guys I fail at being a bouncer. Ho Wai got me with much reluctance to guard the funny red line thing and to not let the kids cross over but no the kids ignored me, the adults ignored me, and the pastors ignored me D= D= D=
ITS NOT FAIR KAY. IM TALKING TO 2 TRYING TO TELL THEM THEY CAN'T CROSS AND BEHIND ME ANOTHER ONE SLIPS THROUGH.
I CAN'T DO THIS.
D=
Oh oh so we went up to do the balloon thing thing and I believe y'all know how that turned out :D
Being on top is interesting actually. I felt...powerful for some reason :o
You can take that with the sexual connotation or you can not.
.......
I saw my cell sitting downstairs and I was so sad I couldn't join them! But hey I still love you guys we need to hang out more :D
Rawr. Worship was awesome, except like for the umpteenth time I was at the back when I wanted to be in the front with Yisin/other high people. I have to stop doing things just before service that tie me up D=
Looks like Keenan enjoyed his first jumping for God in front session :D
Rawrwr. Went back and found a seat with Keenan Josh Yisin. Eh. Not that NPcell and my cell isn't fun or anything, but its a lot easier getting high with those dudes in tow XD. And I like doing stupid stuff...as long as I have people to back me up :D
Yisin's starbursts crazy babies are like the best sweets I have ever tasted :O
That reminds me, I really have to get around to linking all of these new people o.O
Right right, where were we? Ohhhh service XD. Was amazing mannn, the basic course. Had me wishing I had tried harder to get Marvin/Patrick/others to come because there is no way someone could ignore a service like that. Too good. I was identifying with it every step of the way, Praise You God for your undying love (:
(:
Its interesting about this song really. I knew they were gonna play this from the moment Pastor Josh started talking about wide/deep/great love :D, and this song..was one of the monumental songs that changed my life for me two years back when I ventured in Coos, hurting, confused, vulnerable and very afraid. I remember Grace Kee the girl who brought me to Coos along with Maria trying to sing this to me on the phone lol XD girl I miss you where have you been!
Two years ago July, actually. Two years ago Feburary...Anna still had no idea that I had liked her for a year. March 11 was the day I came clean, and I'm glad I did, even though it opened me up to a whole new world of hurt and pain at least it started the healing process. Before that the friend zone phase had sucked to the max.
But I digress mwahahahah. You want my life stories, ask me out for dinner[:
So it was interesting, the flashback, and I welcomed it. (:
Don't songs do that to you? They do to me, anyway. When I hit a song I used to really like/play/hear, my mind and emotions shift back to that period like that snap. Like a certain song was when I was incessantly grinding Maple to it on repeat, a certain time I was furtively getting up to speed and beyond on Dota at night without my parents notice, that time this girl..
You get the picture :D
I know,"what girl", right XD
LALALALLALA.
Oh yeah. So where were we? OH YEAH JUMPING TO FREE FOR SPONTANEOUS AFTER SERVICE WORSHIP SESSION :D
I love it when the band indulges us like that, and I love having peeps like Keenan/Yisin around that are willing to drop everything and dash to the front not caring what other people think so we can go crazy and motivate the rest to go up :D
All it takes is the first one, guys.
My dream is for the church body to be able to do that every single service, going back after for another high song and EVERYBODY surging to the front because frankly we only get to praise God in an unrestrained fashion once a week and shouldn't we take every chance we get huh(:
Sho yes. Uh. And we figured out dinner! Ah well Kenneth's cell people couldn't come along but make it for the next one kay Alison's dinner [:
In other news, I judo-ed Yisin to the floor and I still insist I'm unmmovable. Hmmmph.
WILL PUT DINNER DETAILS HERE ONCE I GET THE PHOTOS FROM A CERTAIN STILL SLEEPING SOMEONE HI (HINT)
We went to manhattan fish market for uber food and uber service @ plaza sing, just so you know :D
And lol at train conversation.
The first day of holidays and oooh are they turning out well :D
BIBLE STUDY LATER YAY I HOPE CHRYSTELLA HAS AN XBOX OR SOMETHING
Now to find something crazy to do tonight that doesn't entail spending money cuz I'm flat out broke thanks.
GO EVERYONE WHO STILL IS CHIONGING WRITCOM
Later :D
I'm scared to throw my sweatshirt in the wash. I'm not going to. My washing machine rapes clothes D=
So er yes. Where was i?
Oh right. We went down to the plaza at 5 for josh (Keenan's brother) to hang out and do the icebreakers, and it was lol. Watched Ho Wai try his hand at Djing XD. And okay guys I fail at being a bouncer. Ho Wai got me with much reluctance to guard the funny red line thing and to not let the kids cross over but no the kids ignored me, the adults ignored me, and the pastors ignored me D= D= D=
ITS NOT FAIR KAY. IM TALKING TO 2 TRYING TO TELL THEM THEY CAN'T CROSS AND BEHIND ME ANOTHER ONE SLIPS THROUGH.
I CAN'T DO THIS.
D=
Oh oh so we went up to do the balloon thing thing and I believe y'all know how that turned out :D
Being on top is interesting actually. I felt...powerful for some reason :o
You can take that with the sexual connotation or you can not.
.......
I saw my cell sitting downstairs and I was so sad I couldn't join them! But hey I still love you guys we need to hang out more :D
Rawr. Worship was awesome, except like for the umpteenth time I was at the back when I wanted to be in the front with Yisin/other high people. I have to stop doing things just before service that tie me up D=
Looks like Keenan enjoyed his first jumping for God in front session :D
Rawrwr. Went back and found a seat with Keenan Josh Yisin. Eh. Not that NPcell and my cell isn't fun or anything, but its a lot easier getting high with those dudes in tow XD. And I like doing stupid stuff...as long as I have people to back me up :D
Yisin's starbursts crazy babies are like the best sweets I have ever tasted :O
That reminds me, I really have to get around to linking all of these new people o.O
Right right, where were we? Ohhhh service XD. Was amazing mannn, the basic course. Had me wishing I had tried harder to get Marvin/Patrick/others to come because there is no way someone could ignore a service like that. Too good. I was identifying with it every step of the way, Praise You God for your undying love (:
Lord I’m amazed by You
Lord I’m amazed by You
Lord I’m amazed by You
How You love me
How wide
How deep
How great
Is Your love for me
(:
Its interesting about this song really. I knew they were gonna play this from the moment Pastor Josh started talking about wide/deep/great love :D, and this song..was one of the monumental songs that changed my life for me two years back when I ventured in Coos, hurting, confused, vulnerable and very afraid. I remember Grace Kee the girl who brought me to Coos along with Maria trying to sing this to me on the phone lol XD girl I miss you where have you been!
Two years ago July, actually. Two years ago Feburary...Anna still had no idea that I had liked her for a year. March 11 was the day I came clean, and I'm glad I did, even though it opened me up to a whole new world of hurt and pain at least it started the healing process. Before that the friend zone phase had sucked to the max.
But I digress mwahahahah. You want my life stories, ask me out for dinner[:
So it was interesting, the flashback, and I welcomed it. (:
Don't songs do that to you? They do to me, anyway. When I hit a song I used to really like/play/hear, my mind and emotions shift back to that period like that snap. Like a certain song was when I was incessantly grinding Maple to it on repeat, a certain time I was furtively getting up to speed and beyond on Dota at night without my parents notice, that time this girl..
You get the picture :D
I know,"what girl", right XD
LALALALLALA.
Oh yeah. So where were we? OH YEAH JUMPING TO FREE FOR SPONTANEOUS AFTER SERVICE WORSHIP SESSION :D
I love it when the band indulges us like that, and I love having peeps like Keenan/Yisin around that are willing to drop everything and dash to the front not caring what other people think so we can go crazy and motivate the rest to go up :D
All it takes is the first one, guys.
My dream is for the church body to be able to do that every single service, going back after for another high song and EVERYBODY surging to the front because frankly we only get to praise God in an unrestrained fashion once a week and shouldn't we take every chance we get huh(:
Sho yes. Uh. And we figured out dinner! Ah well Kenneth's cell people couldn't come along but make it for the next one kay Alison's dinner [:
In other news, I judo-ed Yisin to the floor and I still insist I'm unmmovable. Hmmmph.
WILL PUT DINNER DETAILS HERE ONCE I GET THE PHOTOS FROM A CERTAIN STILL SLEEPING SOMEONE HI (HINT)
We went to manhattan fish market for uber food and uber service @ plaza sing, just so you know :D
And lol at train conversation.
The first day of holidays and oooh are they turning out well :D
BIBLE STUDY LATER YAY I HOPE CHRYSTELLA HAS AN XBOX OR SOMETHING
Now to find something crazy to do tonight that doesn't entail spending money cuz I'm flat out broke thanks.
GO EVERYONE WHO STILL IS CHIONGING WRITCOM
Later :D
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
FORMATTING IS SCREWED IN PREVIOUS POST AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO AHHH SCREW IT. You're just going to have to fix your own browser text size. Hmmmph.
Right, today doesn't come under the previous post cuz today was too good :D
Okay fine I woke at 12 <_<, brought two caps because I didn't know which one to wear, got buggered by Alison to at least make Shereen a card lol.
Which was interesting because thanks to Vday outreach I have all this retarded paper and I've become an expert on envelope folding and I made it yellow cause I remember all the retarded things about people;s lives and their favourite things. Its my curse D=
Mhmmm. Rushed down to church, almost went right round the corner into Pastor Jen which was lol. Its weird. Like. Obviously I know her cause she's always on stage sharing her stories and stuff but she doesn't know my name even though I'm pretty sure she's seen me around so I never know whether to say hi or not <_<
Yes I'm an extremely shy person. Didn't you know. Kthanks.
Yahuh. SO BALOON PUMPING TIME. Omigosh. My pump was like totally useless and my cheeks still hurt now, stupid purple fingers from stupid purple balloons and tieing is annoying. Thanks to all the people who came down to help, especially Howai and the Shan Yu gang I say the Shan Yu gang cause I don't really know the rest of them cept for Cheryl lol and I'm extremely shy remember so I don't make friends so easily(:
PICTURES :D
The ladies
The picture doesn't do justice to it. HE FREAKING BURROWED THROUGH THE BALLOONS LIKE A GOPHER GOING THROUGH SOIL IT WAS DAMN SCARY K HAHA.
Cerise is in bliss lol. "I'm a smurf! :D"
KEENAN'S IN THERE. REALLY. WATCH OUT. LOOK
Knockout. But seriously Howai was like our most efficient balloon blowing he's like damn fast can lol.
I cannot explain this photo.
Nope, not this either.
Er.
Sinee perfecting her displaced China Samsui woman look
There is a picture here but i'm not putting it until I photoshop my face kthanks love.
ITS THE CLOVERFIELD MONSTER
:D
Thanks Sinee for being super nice and uploading Facebook photos to a Facebook hater :D
Okay yeah. Lol. So this is like 2.30 or something and we load the balloons up up up XD
Rawr. Headed to 208 cellroom, Chrystella told me there was no cell. Blehhhh. I miss you guys man we have to hang out more often ):
Oh bumped into the Marcus cell peeps Gerald and Kenneth and Jerome and Moses lol got to know them a bit better awesome haha invited them to dinnnneeerr. Guh. The poor guys. You know, they combined cell with this sweet girl's cell for outreach, invited them into their cell room, and the next week after outreach the girls stole the room and kicked them out.
Gee let me think now whose cell was it hmm.
OKAY PARENTS COMING OUT NOW AHHH LONG STORY SHORT.
Got some bible study done, stole Keenan's headphones for a bit someone please buy my my own pair, wrote Shereen her birthday note, headed downstairs for Yes4 and got royally owned by kids entirely disregarding my orders
Life sucks.
Okay uh. Will blog about service and birthday dinner latterrrrrrr. Send me photos already!
Right, today doesn't come under the previous post cuz today was too good :D
Okay fine I woke at 12 <_<, brought two caps because I didn't know which one to wear, got buggered by Alison to at least make Shereen a card lol.
Which was interesting because thanks to Vday outreach I have all this retarded paper and I've become an expert on envelope folding and I made it yellow cause I remember all the retarded things about people;s lives and their favourite things. Its my curse D=
Mhmmm. Rushed down to church, almost went right round the corner into Pastor Jen which was lol. Its weird. Like. Obviously I know her cause she's always on stage sharing her stories and stuff but she doesn't know my name even though I'm pretty sure she's seen me around so I never know whether to say hi or not <_<
Yes I'm an extremely shy person. Didn't you know. Kthanks.
Yahuh. SO BALOON PUMPING TIME. Omigosh. My pump was like totally useless and my cheeks still hurt now, stupid purple fingers from stupid purple balloons and tieing is annoying. Thanks to all the people who came down to help, especially Howai and the Shan Yu gang I say the Shan Yu gang cause I don't really know the rest of them cept for Cheryl lol and I'm extremely shy remember so I don't make friends so easily(:
PICTURES :D
The ladies
The picture doesn't do justice to it. HE FREAKING BURROWED THROUGH THE BALLOONS LIKE A GOPHER GOING THROUGH SOIL IT WAS DAMN SCARY K HAHA.
Cerise is in bliss lol. "I'm a smurf! :D"
KEENAN'S IN THERE. REALLY. WATCH OUT. LOOK
Knockout. But seriously Howai was like our most efficient balloon blowing he's like damn fast can lol.
I cannot explain this photo.
Nope, not this either.
Er.
Sinee perfecting her displaced China Samsui woman look
There is a picture here but i'm not putting it until I photoshop my face kthanks love.
ITS THE CLOVERFIELD MONSTER
:D
Thanks Sinee for being super nice and uploading Facebook photos to a Facebook hater :D
Okay yeah. Lol. So this is like 2.30 or something and we load the balloons up up up XD
Rawr. Headed to 208 cellroom, Chrystella told me there was no cell. Blehhhh. I miss you guys man we have to hang out more often ):
Oh bumped into the Marcus cell peeps Gerald and Kenneth and Jerome and Moses lol got to know them a bit better awesome haha invited them to dinnnneeerr. Guh. The poor guys. You know, they combined cell with this sweet girl's cell for outreach, invited them into their cell room, and the next week after outreach the girls stole the room and kicked them out.
Gee let me think now whose cell was it hmm.
OKAY PARENTS COMING OUT NOW AHHH LONG STORY SHORT.
Got some bible study done, stole Keenan's headphones for a bit someone please buy my my own pair, wrote Shereen her birthday note, headed downstairs for Yes4 and got royally owned by kids entirely disregarding my orders
Life sucks.
Okay uh. Will blog about service and birthday dinner latterrrrrrr. Send me photos already!
Saturday, February 16, 2008
In a Nutshell
Go Pastor Josh :D
Sooooo people have been bugging me to blog yawn meh so i'm going to go through the past..3 days? i've been mia lazzzyyy in real quick insincere fashion heh.
Shoutout at 5am: My eyes hurt and my head throbs so appreciate this people gah
WEDNESDAY
Uh. Cool day. Didn't do a bit of radio, devoted whole day to prayer group. Few people came at the start, flo popped in, josh brought speakers, we went crazy with them, Josh/Keenan/me debated music tastes. Figured out how to fold an envelope thanks to Vina : D Went to Keenan's place to stayover to fold vday letters, ended up not doing till uh 1am? Sigh. And the rest comes under thursday already.
- I REFUSE TO CARRY AROUND ANGBAOS ANYMORE
- Prayer group proper attendence: Keenan, WeeLeong, Ben, Me, Florence, Sinee. Interesting how we went back to small group after having a large group for so long. I think we all appreciated the closeness.
- Josh Kwan mia, Sharyl not allowed out of house, Josh Simon came with speakers. Joanna and Vina came and studied stuff :D
- We abused speakers, lots of Hillsongs and Planetshakers from big bass speakers was <3>- Josh needs to get over Janet Jackson already.
- Ooooo Canteen 3 and talking with Keenan. Missed talking to him and hearing his insights. Brought him up to speed on general drama. I asked aunty for fishball noodles and she gave me prawn :/ Ah well.
- I just realised now that Vina still owes me for buying her pasta :o
- SOULJA BOY DANCE HAHA. YOUTUBE IT PEOPLE.
- SOULJA BOY BARNEY DANCE HAHAHAHHAHAHHA. Outright hilarious. I would post it, but you guys wouldn't click on it anyway yes cause I know I wouldn't. I never click on youtube vids in blogs. <3>Keenan has good beef stew. Even if the microwave wasn't working and I ate it all frozen :/
- That mat thing. Is cursed. I always end up sleeping on it when I'm supposed to be doing work.
THURSDAY
Er. Woke up at nineish. Tried to finish up vday letters. Went down and raided Keenan's cereal, got banana :D
Radio miracle, Xin Mun(groupmate) tried recording on her own and it rocked :D
So we just re-recorded some bits, and she wanted to take mbox home again to record even though I wanted to edit! So I just ended up doing paperwork.
Josh almost dragged me out for a vday outing with Mark Gerald Sharyl Abby. Interesting drama. Had very bad feeling about outing. Felt it wouldn't be centered around God and if I went I would backslide. God told me, "Don't Go". Talked a lot to Sharyl about it, she felt disturbed too, didn't want to go, prayed, God told her, "Go, Watch over them". Etc.
Soz I hit home, pokemoned around yes I do competitive pokemon screw you its actually hard, yes, spent night yes Vday night at home for the first time in my life ever but funnily I was happy. Honoured God. Rode that wave all night. DID ALL MY PAPERWORK COMPLETING FINAL ASSIGNMENT FOR FINAL MODULE FINISHING EVERYTHING EVERYTHING.
Snuck online to discuss Shereen dinner plans. Discussed with Melodi/Charlene/Keenan cause they were the only ones online. Waited for Charmaine to get on all night so I could get her to ask the Marcus cell dudes if they wanted to come cause I don't know them so well in futility, sent a message to Alison asking her if she could come.
- Interesting Josh vs Mark vs Gerald vs Me vs Andrew vs Sharyl thing
- Andrew is close to Jeff, Keenan's best friend, in a funny twist of things.
- I'm not saying a lot of stuff about a lot of stuff for the greater good.
- MASS COMM YEAR ONE IS CLEAR HI 2 MONTHS HOLIDAY
- So much drama happened that night ><
FRIDAY
FINISHED RADIO :D :D :D
FINISHED RADIO :D :D :D
FINISHED RADIO :D :D :D
FINISHED RADIO :D :D :D
FINISHED RADIO :D :D :D
FINISHED RADIO :D :D :D
FINISHED RADIO :D :D :D
FINISHED RADIO :D :D :D
Uh. Hang in there Alison you're an awesome testimony to your family etc keep fighting the good fight and keep smiling(:
- Flared up at Josh over sensitive manner regarding Mark and Gerald. Got amazingly pissed.
- Hit library, got coupla books, head up for SIM for $2 chicken rice and chilling to wait for my anger to dissipate.
- Reason why I've been skimping on food the whole week is cuz of pre-empting Shereen's birthday dinner thing lol.
- Miscommunication, Sharyl, stupid 4pm paper -.-
- I really really wanted to do the 12 blessings/Yes4 thing today but I failed. Again. Guh. THIS WILL CHANGE NEXT WEEK KAY.
- Stayed at Sim uh from like 2 to 6 lol then headed down to library to return book, cuz NPCELL :D at 7(:
- Got laywayed at library. Charmaine:/
- Ohhhhh here we go ><
- Showed up at NPcell :D abit late, OKAY THE WIND BLEW MY CAP OFF 3 STORIES K NOT FUNNY EXTREMELY TRAUMATIC.
- I love these people :D
- Pastor Josh spoke to me about uh. Some very interesting very mindboggling stuff. And outright forbade me from doing some stuff. I was pretty frazzled.
- Keenan's first NPcell and it rocked: :D
- KEENAN ATE THE FORTUNE IN THE FORTUNE COOKIE HE FORGOT HAHA
- Guys went to play CS...I...went on home. Lol.
- Spent rest of night thinking about serious stuff Pastor Josh said and wondering at implications.
- Keenan got back, talked to him about it, managed to sort myself out and decide what I was going to do, convo 20 pages long when I tried to save it ><
- Lalalalalala.
There you go 3 missing days Its now 5.51 am and I still have the post about Saturday to do and if my parents wake up before I manage to clear everything I'm screwed for life and I blame you >.<
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
*Heart stops* *Jaw hangs open*
:o
SHE'S AN ANGEL : OOOOOO
[:
And yes its a random friendster picture. Who'd you think it was -_-
SHARYL
[01:59] !~sharyl~! Jesus paid much too high a price, for us to pick and choose who should come. [I nee... {weehoooweeehoooo je t'aime}: there's some connection with me and him
JACKPOT
WAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA
GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
E-stalking and finding out about other people and their conniving tactics make me want to strangle the guy and his accomplices, and subsequently strangle myself in shame cuz its childish to be possessive over something that isn't even mine to begin with BUT AHHHHHHH.
*strangles self*
Ohmygoodness I can react better than this:/
IM HORRIBLE.
And wow honestly now don't you have exams to study for i'm working my ass off here and you're gonna miss ****************** cuz you're gonna go study instead but you're free on a monday and you're off cavorting?
I feel like Martha grumbling about Mary o.O
Its not fair ):
Okay yes yes Lord here comes flood of maturity I know, ******** isn't everything and it shouldn't be and on one hand i'm praying for cohesion and here i am semi-bitching. Gotta love more and stop seeing people as threats cuz they're not(:
Yes Lord(:
In other news:
- I hope Lord you fix my relationship with my parents again, Dad's not even talking to me now when I talk to him and this time I have no idea what I did that was so wrong.
- WRITCOM IS OVER OVER OVER YAY LIFE AND MY GROUPMATES ARE <3 d=" Sucks." style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">I DON'T INTEND TO SPEND VDAY NIGHT AT HOME.
- Cordelia(:
- Hmm philippines trip? Maybe. I'm still holding out for a Europe one though*muses*
- Gospel of Mark, Chapter 1 Subchapter 1. Been looking at that the whole day, and wikipedia-ing random stuff related to it. Gosh how can anyone say the Bible isn't true with so much conclusive historical proof of just about everything, wiki it and see.
- Will notebook it all down later because tomorrow is subchapter 2 time(:
- Still need to 12 blessings people!
- And invite to Yes4! Oh God give me opportunities and let me take them:/
- Class gathering was fun fun fun, except I don't play mahjong nor cards but Aster's dog Jet is awesome though : D
- Ugh. I could have honestly gotten away with only buying one bottle of drink lol.
- Jolly Shandyyy is weaaaak, but kudos to Sam man for not touching a drop cuz he's driving even though its only 0.0000005% alcohol! Lolololol. You rule.
- SAM'S MINIVAN IS AWESOME. I WANT ONE. I WANT A RIDE. DAMMIT. I WANT A CAR.
- Lohei( is that how you spell it?) with T106 = more crap on table than on plate. I swear. We were frigging flinging stuff at each other.
- I WON AT WEREWOLF/POLAR BEAR FOR ONCE : DDDD
- I desperately want to learn the piano Sharylteachmeeeee.
- My new 2-dollar lunch strategy! Buy $1 Mee Siam and two Pratas at Canteen 1 and bring a water bottle! It worked today XDDDD.
- Wow their prata actually rocks cuz its crispy crispy (:
- Prata@ Canteen 1 brings back memories of a year ago when I came for Mass Comm interview and made friends and sat around random table with Paul my interviewmate eating prata lol. We were so lost then :o
- Mass Comm interviews :/
Yes, that much stuff happens every day in my life O.o
:/
KAY BUMMING AROUND A BIT MORE ONLINE AND GONNA GO MAKE MARK NOTES NOW(:
LATER.
Alison Melodi Charmaine Charlene when you see this contact me asap! We have a secret to discuss : D
*strangles self*
Ohmygoodness I can react better than this:/
IM HORRIBLE.
And wow honestly now don't you have exams to study for i'm working my ass off here and you're gonna miss ****************** cuz you're gonna go study instead but you're free on a monday and you're off cavorting?
I feel like Martha grumbling about Mary o.O
Its not fair ):
Okay yes yes Lord here comes flood of maturity I know, ******** isn't everything and it shouldn't be and on one hand i'm praying for cohesion and here i am semi-bitching. Gotta love more and stop seeing people as threats cuz they're not(:
Yes Lord(:
In other news:
- I hope Lord you fix my relationship with my parents again, Dad's not even talking to me now when I talk to him and this time I have no idea what I did that was so wrong.
- WRITCOM IS OVER OVER OVER YAY LIFE AND MY GROUPMATES ARE <3 d=" Sucks." style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">I DON'T INTEND TO SPEND VDAY NIGHT AT HOME.
- Cordelia(:
- Hmm philippines trip? Maybe. I'm still holding out for a Europe one though*muses*
- Gospel of Mark, Chapter 1 Subchapter 1. Been looking at that the whole day, and wikipedia-ing random stuff related to it. Gosh how can anyone say the Bible isn't true with so much conclusive historical proof of just about everything, wiki it and see.
- Will notebook it all down later because tomorrow is subchapter 2 time(:
- Still need to 12 blessings people!
- And invite to Yes4! Oh God give me opportunities and let me take them:/
- Class gathering was fun fun fun, except I don't play mahjong nor cards but Aster's dog Jet is awesome though : D
- Ugh. I could have honestly gotten away with only buying one bottle of drink lol.
- Jolly Shandyyy is weaaaak, but kudos to Sam man for not touching a drop cuz he's driving even though its only 0.0000005% alcohol! Lolololol. You rule.
- SAM'S MINIVAN IS AWESOME. I WANT ONE. I WANT A RIDE. DAMMIT. I WANT A CAR.
- Lohei( is that how you spell it?) with T106 = more crap on table than on plate. I swear. We were frigging flinging stuff at each other.
- I WON AT WEREWOLF/POLAR BEAR FOR ONCE : DDDD
- I desperately want to learn the piano Sharylteachmeeeee.
- My new 2-dollar lunch strategy! Buy $1 Mee Siam and two Pratas at Canteen 1 and bring a water bottle! It worked today XDDDD.
- Wow their prata actually rocks cuz its crispy crispy (:
- Prata@ Canteen 1 brings back memories of a year ago when I came for Mass Comm interview and made friends and sat around random table with Paul my interviewmate eating prata lol. We were so lost then :o
- Mass Comm interviews :/
Yes, that much stuff happens every day in my life O.o
:/
KAY BUMMING AROUND A BIT MORE ONLINE AND GONNA GO MAKE MARK NOTES NOW(:
LATER.
Alison Melodi Charmaine Charlene when you see this contact me asap! We have a secret to discuss : D
Monday, February 11, 2008
HAHA WHAT NOW.
HAHA.
11:43:32 PM Need blessing/prayer? Ask me :]: okie dokes
11:43:40 PM Keann~ Oo I can't remember if i've ever had a year where i've been too busy for valentines day before : o: going off?
11:43:40 PM Keann~ Oo I can't remember if i've ever had a year where i've been too busy for valentines day before : o: D=
11:43:44 PM Need blessing/prayer? Ask me :]: nope
11:43:48 PM Need blessing/prayer? Ask me :]: i just have to pee
11:43:50 PM Need blessing/prayer? Ask me :]: :]
11:44:07 PM Keann~ Oo I can't remember if i've ever had a year where i've been too busy for valentines day before : o: every time someone says okie dokes my "she's gonna abruptly gtg now" alarm goes off
11:44:26 PM Keann~ Oo I can't remember if i've ever had a year where i've been too busy for valentines day before : o: and i'm just going to pretend you didn't just say that
11:44:28 PM Keann~ Oo I can't remember if i've ever had a year where i've been too busy for valentines day before : o: -_-
11:45:47 PM Need blessing/prayer? Ask me :]: i really have to pee
11:45:54 PM Keann~ Oo I can't remember if i've ever had a year where i've been too busy for valentines day before : o: i thought you went already
11:45:56 PM Keann~ Oo I can't remember if i've ever had a year where i've been too busy for valentines day before : o: -_-
11:46:17 PM Keann~ Oo I can't remember if i've ever had a year where i've been too busy for valentines day before : o: WELL QUICK GO BEFORE YOUR PANTS EXPLODE OR SOMETHING
11:46:57 PM Need blessing/prayer? Ask me :]: i was going to say im not wearing pants but thought against it
11:47:01 PM Need blessing/prayer? Ask me :]: TOODLES IM OFF TO THE LOO
*cries*
Surf the coolwaves
Watch out the train's acoming :D
We're coming down in case you can't tell :/
OKAY SO TODAY WAS COOL AND I FINISHED ALMOST MY BIT FOR WRITCOM SO IM LIKE YAY.
And new bible study peeps are cool and awesome and we're gonna kick the Book of Mark's ass now for starters (:
Got dragged over to NPcell outreach bbq when I wasn't planning on going O.o but it was fun! Specially the night bit, Polar Bear is like lol AND PASTOR JOSH IS PSYCHIC I SWEAR ITS NOT FAIR.
I somehow have the utmost faith that if I wasn't wearing jeans i've been dumped in the pool chair and all whoa oO.
GO CHINWOO RIDE THE BIKE INTO THE LAKE AHHHHH.
No pics sad though but yup whoohoo.
*tries not think about pants or the lack thereof ><*
Abby is living proof that not all 14 year-old girls speak think and type in twittalk HAH WHERES YOUR EXCUSE NOW GIRLS HUH HUH.
Go check her blog in the sidebar(:
KAY LATER
Sunday, February 10, 2008
Because Jesus is Healer, Comforter, Brother, Friend and everything so totally awesome(:
Hello again. Lol. No I didn't go down to the playground bench with the bacardi after all. Instead I was talking to a couple of people, and then was driven to go talk to the Big Man himself, My Lord Saviour Risen King(:
And I feel much better now(:
So He gave me 2-3 insights tonight and I'm going to attempt to put them all down now on e-paper before I forget everything and He's forced to conspire to get all of this to happen to me again so He can hammer these lessons into me again lol. Gonna try, at least. Heh.
So yeah. I was really down tonight, and my msn nick said as much. I was in one of those lonely-I-have-no-special-someone-->emo-->wish-someone-was-there-to-lift-me-out-of-this mood--> realising there's no one there --> lonely --> emo etc vicious cycle etc snowball etc moods. Lol. Yeah. And I was really down. Charlene popped up to say hi and ask if I was okay, so did Shan Yu, Josh Kwan, Abby ( :o ) and Yewey although actually Yewey popped up after my prayer was over :x BUT THANKS ANYWAY HAHA (:
So yeah. I appreciate it amazingly so guys, every single one of you, just the gesture of responding to my not-very-obvious-plea-for-help meant the world to me, let alone all the counsel and listening ear you guys gave. Shan Yu said this:
[00:12] aiiissshhhh electric piano why art thou so expensive? : [: i guess sometimes its tough, and i just kinda came out of the millionth of that on tuesday... but sometimes there's only God really
[00:12] aiiissshhhh electric piano why art thou so expensive? : [: i tell myself, okay sy, so there's no one (AGAIN), but i take it i'm gonna be better of than any human comfort cause of him
Thanks man, that really resonated with me in a way that I didn't think possible because I'd been through this so many times already I didn't think any empathy would help but this one really really did(: I think God really used that statement to touch me and drive me to Him because honestly I wanted to wallow in self-pity a little longer(:
Charlene said:
[00:11] get the girl, rule the world: hahah
[00:11] get the girl, rule the world: im seventeen
[00:11] get the girl, rule the world: and its my choic
[00:11] get the girl, rule the world: e
[00:11] get the girl, rule the world: if i want to stay up and watch you type emo stuff (:
[00:12] get the girl, rule the world: haha chill keann
[00:12] get the girl, rule the world: God has great plans for you dont worry!
That so meant the world to me, thank you girl(:
[00:12] get the girl, rule the world: hmmm
[00:13] get the girl, rule the world: lesson no.1: God will never leave you nor forsake you
[00:13] get the girl, rule the world: learn it well and your ordeal of loneliness will be over
[00:13] get the girl, rule the world: yeah you know
[00:13] get the girl, rule the world: i think your motive for living this life
[00:13] get the girl, rule the world: should be to glorify God
[00:13] get the girl, rule the world: in whatever you do
[00:14] get the girl, rule the world: so as long as that is your top priority
[00:14] get the girl, rule the world: all these worldly preoccupations will be less hard to bear
[00:14] get the girl, rule the world: because you know that above all, you're living for God
[00:14] get the girl, rule the world: and for nothing else
[00:14] get the girl, rule the world: ****/******/whoever
No, no names for you evil people haha(: Anyway, it wasn't so much about the content of that convo than about me feeling God's presence so clear in those words reminding me that He was there, He had not forsaken me, and right here right now He was speaking to me through his beloved daughter and He cared and He was paying attention(:
At this point staring at both those convo screens at once I was ready to break down and go to God and so I just did crying out quietly in front of the TV and you know what.
He came through(:
Me telling Shan Yu afters:
00:38] Keann~ i'm lonely tonight: the funny thing was
[00:39] Keann~ i'm lonely tonight: i was talking to Him about what I mentioned about having enough of lifting myself out of my own moods and wanting someone to lift me out, for once?
[00:39] Keann~ i'm lonely tonight: and He was like
[00:39] Keann~ i'm lonely tonight: "look at your msn screen"
[00:39] Keann~ i'm lonely tonight: and i was like O.o
[00:39] Keann~ i'm lonely tonight: oh yeah
[00:39] Keann~ i'm lonely tonight: lol
[00:39] Keann~ i'm lonely tonight: so thanks(:
[00:40] i don't believe anything stands against you anymore.: hahaha ohh! yay haha i'm really really glad :]
[00:40] Keann~ i'm lonely tonight:
nyeah
[00:40] Keann~ i'm lonely tonight: i've had like
[00:41] Keann~ i'm lonely tonight: 5 different people talking to me tonight on basis of seeing my msn nick alone
[00:41] Keann~ i'm lonely tonight: that's not being alone in the world
That was what really happened man. Like, I was sitting there in tears and talking to Him about being alone and this time, just this time, it would be cool if people came up to me out of their own volition to care and to comfort me?
And then I looked up and it hit me. O wait. Oh yeah. Those people right there have been doing exactly what I've been longing someone to do and I never even noticed! Like :o
The joy and wonderness flooding through me right then was indescribable. For He answers our prayers sometimes even before we pray them(:
Once again, thank you Abby, Josh Kwan, Charlene, Shan Yu and Yewey for being instruments of God, you changed one soul's hurting night tonight(:
Ohdear I almost forgot what my next insight was. Here's a bit of my convo with Shan Yu post-prayer as a starting point lol.
[00:45] Keann~ i'm lonely tonight: before I forget everything and He conspires to make me go through something like this again so He can hammer it into me
Er so lol. I was asking God, why, why do this to me? Isn't it about my turn to be happy yet? If you could easily be my Friend and save me from sin when I couldn't lift myself out of it, surely you can save me from these feelings of despair when I can't, don't want to do so myself any longer?
And then God was like O.o now you know what the lost feel like. And you know it well. You know the despair, the hopelessness, the confusion, the patheticness they feel everytime they have to lift themselves out of something AGAIN and the longing they have for Someone to just sweep them off their feet, to show them the magic, and to bring them salvation.
And they don't even know I exist. You do. Can you imagine how much greater their hurt and scars are.
:o
And He had more to say to me:
Do you understand now why I allow you to go through these situations. Why I have made you the way you are. Why I have allowed you to be so sensitive and have thrown you again and again into parallel situations of emotional romantic hurt which I am full well aware you will recognize and cry in.
Because I want you to learn lessons like these. You have already seen how well you can counsel and relate to people going through all sorts of romantic problems because you have already been through each and every one of those rocky relationships and on both sides of the people involved. I am not done with you yet. This is the first new lesson of many. I want you to understand how much they hurt so you are better placed to save them. There are more on the way. But above all I am with you and you are in safe hands, I will not let you take on more hurt than you can handle.
Do you not think I could easily bring you to meet the love of your life and lead you into marriage with that person, to have kids and be happy in Me, to be another ignominious family Christian among many? No, I intend for you to do far greater things in my name than that. I have long imbued in you a desire to be different than others, a desire that can be seen in your thoughts, your speech, your dressing and your actions. Why do you think this is so? I have a plan for you. I am equipping you with the foundations that you will need to call upon in my calling for you. And so I am forging you now. This is why I am withholding easy romantic love from you.
(At this point Charlene's words 10 minutes ago came back to haunt me:
[00:12] get the girl, rule the world: God has great plans for you dont worry!)
:o
Okay this was cool and all, but see still and of course I worried and despaired and I asked God:
But still Lord. When will it be my turn? ): I don't like to suffer these hurts either, why me? Am I doomed to never fall in love?
No.
:o
Then how long Lord? How long more? I'm tired):
I know how you feel.
Wait what. How is that possibl-
(At this point Pastor Jen's stuff from today about Jesus swung right back round at me. The part about Him living as a man and being hungry and and thirsty and suffering just like we did. And something weird happened. I just started..saying out loud stuff directed at myself as though from God. Like..my soul was listening and my voice was talking to it, like..God was speaking to me..through me. Excuse me if this is a little bit terrifying, goodness knows it was to me. But i won't deny it :o)
I ate like you did.
I drank like you did.
I was hungry.
I was thirsty.
I was tired.
I slept.
I cried when my friend died and was buried.
I felt sorrow.
I felt hurt.
I felt temptations.
Did you not think I didn't feel lust and a romantic need for a woman like a normal man would too?
30-40 odd years of My Life there was never any mention of Me having a romantic relationship with anyone because my Father willed it to be so.
But who is to say I never felt lonely and never had a crush and never wanted someone I couldn't have? I couldn't have anyone, I was called to a far greater destiny and my role of too much importance to the Salvation of so many.
I do not ask the same of you.
But I know how you feel.
:o
These lessons, especially the last one, are going to stay with me awhile yet. Oh Lord I cannot describe how overawed I am by Your wonder and Your splendor and Your perfect plans nor can I describe how honoured I am that You share these insights with me and in such a manner. I am compelled to share Lord, to speak to others of this testimony and to share Your Word which You have given me tonight. And I am eternally grateful for Your presence and Your comfort(:
So I'm blogging about this, so I don't forget, and so that you my readers can be encouraged and awed in turn just like I was(:
My life was changed tonight.
I am so glad I didn't go to Sentosa after all(:
Thanks once again to all who cared about me tonight enough to ask about my well-being, none of this could have happened without you and I believe you know it(:
Gnight(:
And I feel much better now(:
So He gave me 2-3 insights tonight and I'm going to attempt to put them all down now on e-paper before I forget everything and He's forced to conspire to get all of this to happen to me again so He can hammer these lessons into me again lol. Gonna try, at least. Heh.
So yeah. I was really down tonight, and my msn nick said as much. I was in one of those lonely-I-have-no-special-someone-->emo-->wish-someone-was-there-to-lift-me-out-of-this mood--> realising there's no one there --> lonely --> emo etc vicious cycle etc snowball etc moods. Lol. Yeah. And I was really down. Charlene popped up to say hi and ask if I was okay, so did Shan Yu, Josh Kwan, Abby ( :o ) and Yewey although actually Yewey popped up after my prayer was over :x BUT THANKS ANYWAY HAHA (:
So yeah. I appreciate it amazingly so guys, every single one of you, just the gesture of responding to my not-very-obvious-plea-for-help meant the world to me, let alone all the counsel and listening ear you guys gave. Shan Yu said this:
[00:12] aiiissshhhh electric piano why art thou so expensive? : [: i guess sometimes its tough, and i just kinda came out of the millionth of that on tuesday... but sometimes there's only God really
[00:12] aiiissshhhh electric piano why art thou so expensive? : [: i tell myself, okay sy, so there's no one (AGAIN), but i take it i'm gonna be better of than any human comfort cause of him
Thanks man, that really resonated with me in a way that I didn't think possible because I'd been through this so many times already I didn't think any empathy would help but this one really really did(: I think God really used that statement to touch me and drive me to Him because honestly I wanted to wallow in self-pity a little longer(:
Charlene said:
[00:11] get the girl, rule the world: hahah
[00:11] get the girl, rule the world: im seventeen
[00:11] get the girl, rule the world: and its my choic
[00:11] get the girl, rule the world: e
[00:11] get the girl, rule the world: if i want to stay up and watch you type emo stuff (:
[00:12] get the girl, rule the world: haha chill keann
[00:12] get the girl, rule the world: God has great plans for you dont worry!
That so meant the world to me, thank you girl(:
[00:12] get the girl, rule the world: hmmm
[00:13] get the girl, rule the world: lesson no.1: God will never leave you nor forsake you
[00:13] get the girl, rule the world: learn it well and your ordeal of loneliness will be over
[00:13] get the girl, rule the world: yeah you know
[00:13] get the girl, rule the world: i think your motive for living this life
[00:13] get the girl, rule the world: should be to glorify God
[00:13] get the girl, rule the world: in whatever you do
[00:14] get the girl, rule the world: so as long as that is your top priority
[00:14] get the girl, rule the world: all these worldly preoccupations will be less hard to bear
[00:14] get the girl, rule the world: because you know that above all, you're living for God
[00:14] get the girl, rule the world: and for nothing else
[00:14] get the girl, rule the world: ****/******/whoever
No, no names for you evil people haha(: Anyway, it wasn't so much about the content of that convo than about me feeling God's presence so clear in those words reminding me that He was there, He had not forsaken me, and right here right now He was speaking to me through his beloved daughter and He cared and He was paying attention(:
At this point staring at both those convo screens at once I was ready to break down and go to God and so I just did crying out quietly in front of the TV and you know what.
He came through(:
Me telling Shan Yu afters:
00:38] Keann~ i'm lonely tonight: the funny thing was
[00:39] Keann~ i'm lonely tonight: i was talking to Him about what I mentioned about having enough of lifting myself out of my own moods and wanting someone to lift me out, for once?
[00:39] Keann~ i'm lonely tonight: and He was like
[00:39] Keann~ i'm lonely tonight: "look at your msn screen"
[00:39] Keann~ i'm lonely tonight: and i was like O.o
[00:39] Keann~ i'm lonely tonight: oh yeah
[00:39] Keann~ i'm lonely tonight: lol
[00:39] Keann~ i'm lonely tonight: so thanks(:
[00:40] i don't believe anything stands against you anymore.: hahaha ohh! yay haha i'm really really glad :]
[00:40] Keann~ i'm lonely tonight:
nyeah
[00:40] Keann~ i'm lonely tonight: i've had like
[00:41] Keann~ i'm lonely tonight: 5 different people talking to me tonight on basis of seeing my msn nick alone
[00:41] Keann~ i'm lonely tonight: that's not being alone in the world
That was what really happened man. Like, I was sitting there in tears and talking to Him about being alone and this time, just this time, it would be cool if people came up to me out of their own volition to care and to comfort me?
And then I looked up and it hit me. O wait. Oh yeah. Those people right there have been doing exactly what I've been longing someone to do and I never even noticed! Like :o
The joy and wonderness flooding through me right then was indescribable. For He answers our prayers sometimes even before we pray them(:
Once again, thank you Abby, Josh Kwan, Charlene, Shan Yu and Yewey for being instruments of God, you changed one soul's hurting night tonight(:
Ohdear I almost forgot what my next insight was. Here's a bit of my convo with Shan Yu post-prayer as a starting point lol.
[00:45] Keann~ i'm lonely tonight: before I forget everything and He conspires to make me go through something like this again so He can hammer it into me
Er so lol. I was asking God, why, why do this to me? Isn't it about my turn to be happy yet? If you could easily be my Friend and save me from sin when I couldn't lift myself out of it, surely you can save me from these feelings of despair when I can't, don't want to do so myself any longer?
And then God was like O.o now you know what the lost feel like. And you know it well. You know the despair, the hopelessness, the confusion, the patheticness they feel everytime they have to lift themselves out of something AGAIN and the longing they have for Someone to just sweep them off their feet, to show them the magic, and to bring them salvation.
And they don't even know I exist. You do. Can you imagine how much greater their hurt and scars are.
:o
And He had more to say to me:
Do you understand now why I allow you to go through these situations. Why I have made you the way you are. Why I have allowed you to be so sensitive and have thrown you again and again into parallel situations of emotional romantic hurt which I am full well aware you will recognize and cry in.
Because I want you to learn lessons like these. You have already seen how well you can counsel and relate to people going through all sorts of romantic problems because you have already been through each and every one of those rocky relationships and on both sides of the people involved. I am not done with you yet. This is the first new lesson of many. I want you to understand how much they hurt so you are better placed to save them. There are more on the way. But above all I am with you and you are in safe hands, I will not let you take on more hurt than you can handle.
Do you not think I could easily bring you to meet the love of your life and lead you into marriage with that person, to have kids and be happy in Me, to be another ignominious family Christian among many? No, I intend for you to do far greater things in my name than that. I have long imbued in you a desire to be different than others, a desire that can be seen in your thoughts, your speech, your dressing and your actions. Why do you think this is so? I have a plan for you. I am equipping you with the foundations that you will need to call upon in my calling for you. And so I am forging you now. This is why I am withholding easy romantic love from you.
(At this point Charlene's words 10 minutes ago came back to haunt me:
[00:12] get the girl, rule the world: God has great plans for you dont worry!)
:o
Okay this was cool and all, but see still and of course I worried and despaired and I asked God:
But still Lord. When will it be my turn? ): I don't like to suffer these hurts either, why me? Am I doomed to never fall in love?
No.
:o
Then how long Lord? How long more? I'm tired):
I know how you feel.
Wait what. How is that possibl-
(At this point Pastor Jen's stuff from today about Jesus swung right back round at me. The part about Him living as a man and being hungry and and thirsty and suffering just like we did. And something weird happened. I just started..saying out loud stuff directed at myself as though from God. Like..my soul was listening and my voice was talking to it, like..God was speaking to me..through me. Excuse me if this is a little bit terrifying, goodness knows it was to me. But i won't deny it :o)
I ate like you did.
I drank like you did.
I was hungry.
I was thirsty.
I was tired.
I slept.
I cried when my friend died and was buried.
I felt sorrow.
I felt hurt.
I felt temptations.
Did you not think I didn't feel lust and a romantic need for a woman like a normal man would too?
30-40 odd years of My Life there was never any mention of Me having a romantic relationship with anyone because my Father willed it to be so.
But who is to say I never felt lonely and never had a crush and never wanted someone I couldn't have? I couldn't have anyone, I was called to a far greater destiny and my role of too much importance to the Salvation of so many.
I do not ask the same of you.
But I know how you feel.
:o
These lessons, especially the last one, are going to stay with me awhile yet. Oh Lord I cannot describe how overawed I am by Your wonder and Your splendor and Your perfect plans nor can I describe how honoured I am that You share these insights with me and in such a manner. I am compelled to share Lord, to speak to others of this testimony and to share Your Word which You have given me tonight. And I am eternally grateful for Your presence and Your comfort(:
So I'm blogging about this, so I don't forget, and so that you my readers can be encouraged and awed in turn just like I was(:
My life was changed tonight.
I am so glad I didn't go to Sentosa after all(:
Thanks once again to all who cared about me tonight enough to ask about my well-being, none of this could have happened without you and I believe you know it(:
Gnight(:
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