Because Jesus is Healer, Comforter, Brother, Friend and everything so totally awesome(:

Hello again. Lol. No I didn't go down to the playground bench with the bacardi after all. Instead I was talking to a couple of people, and then was driven to go talk to the Big Man himself, My Lord Saviour Risen King(:




And I feel much better now(:


So He gave me 2-3 insights tonight and I'm going to attempt to put them all down now on e-paper before I forget everything and He's forced to conspire to get all of this to happen to me again so He can hammer these lessons into me again lol. Gonna try, at least. Heh.


So yeah. I was really down tonight, and my msn nick said as much. I was in one of those lonely-I-have-no-special-someone-->emo-->wish-someone-was-there-to-lift-me-out-of-this mood--> realising there's no one there --> lonely --> emo etc vicious cycle etc snowball etc moods. Lol. Yeah. And I was really down. Charlene popped up to say hi and ask if I was okay, so did Shan Yu, Josh Kwan, Abby ( :o ) and Yewey although actually Yewey popped up after my prayer was over :x BUT THANKS ANYWAY HAHA (:


So yeah. I appreciate it amazingly so guys, every single one of you, just the gesture of responding to my not-very-obvious-plea-for-help meant the world to me, let alone all the counsel and listening ear you guys gave. Shan Yu said this:



[00:12] aiiissshhhh electric piano why art thou so expensive? : [: i guess sometimes its tough, and i just kinda came out of the millionth of that on tuesday... but sometimes there's only God really
[00:12] aiiissshhhh electric piano why art thou so expensive? : [: i tell myself, okay sy, so there's no one (AGAIN), but i take it i'm gonna be better of than any human comfort cause of him


Thanks man, that really resonated with me in a way that I didn't think possible because I'd been through this so many times already I didn't think any empathy would help but this one really really did(: I think God really used that statement to touch me and drive me to Him because honestly I wanted to wallow in self-pity a little longer(:



Charlene said:
[00:11] get the girl, rule the world: hahah
[00:11] get the girl, rule the world: im seventeen
[00:11] get the girl, rule the world: and its my choic
[00:11] get the girl, rule the world: e
[00:11] get the girl, rule the world: if i want to stay up and watch you type emo stuff (:
[00:12] get the girl, rule the world: haha chill keann
[00:12] get the girl, rule the world: God has great plans for you dont worry!

That so meant the world to me, thank you girl(:

[00:12] get the girl, rule the world: hmmm
[00:13] get the girl, rule the world: lesson no.1: God will never leave you nor forsake you
[00:13] get the girl, rule the world: learn it well and your ordeal of loneliness will be over
[00:13] get the girl, rule the world: yeah you know
[00:13] get the girl, rule the world: i think your motive for living this life
[00:13] get the girl, rule the world: should be to glorify God
[00:13] get the girl, rule the world: in whatever you do
[00:14] get the girl, rule the world: so as long as that is your top priority
[00:14] get the girl, rule the world: all these worldly preoccupations will be less hard to bear
[00:14] get the girl, rule the world: because you know that above all, you're living for God
[00:14] get the girl, rule the world: and for nothing else
[00:14] get the girl, rule the world: ****/******/whoever

No, no names for you evil people haha(: Anyway, it wasn't so much about the content of that convo than about me feeling God's presence so clear in those words reminding me that He was there, He had not forsaken me, and right here right now He was speaking to me through his beloved daughter and He cared and He was paying attention(:

At this point staring at both those convo screens at once I was ready to break down and go to God and so I just did crying out quietly in front of the TV and you know what.

He came through(:





Me telling Shan Yu afters:

00:38] Keann~ i'm lonely tonight: the funny thing was
[00:39] Keann~ i'm lonely tonight: i was talking to Him about what I mentioned about having enough of lifting myself out of my own moods and wanting someone to lift me out, for once?
[00:39] Keann~ i'm lonely tonight: and He was like
[00:39] Keann~ i'm lonely tonight: "look at your msn screen"
[00:39] Keann~ i'm lonely tonight: and i was like O.o
[00:39] Keann~ i'm lonely tonight: oh yeah
[00:39] Keann~ i'm lonely tonight: lol
[00:39] Keann~ i'm lonely tonight: so thanks(:
[00:40] i don't believe anything stands against you anymore.: hahaha ohh! yay haha i'm really really glad :]
[00:40] Keann~ i'm lonely tonight:
nyeah
[00:40] Keann~ i'm lonely tonight: i've had like
[00:41] Keann~ i'm lonely tonight: 5 different people talking to me tonight on basis of seeing my msn nick alone
[00:41] Keann~ i'm lonely tonight: that's not being alone in the world






That was what really happened man. Like, I was sitting there in tears and talking to Him about being alone and this time, just this time, it would be cool if people came up to me out of their own volition to care and to comfort me?

And then I looked up and it hit me. O wait. Oh yeah. Those people right there have been doing exactly what I've been longing someone to do and I never even noticed! Like :o

The joy and wonderness flooding through me right then was indescribable. For He answers our prayers sometimes even before we pray them(:


Once again, thank you Abby, Josh Kwan, Charlene, Shan Yu and Yewey for being instruments of God, you changed one soul's hurting night tonight(:




Ohdear I almost forgot what my next insight was. Here's a bit of my convo with Shan Yu post-prayer as a starting point lol.

[00:45] Keann~ i'm lonely tonight: before I forget everything and He conspires to make me go through something like this again so He can hammer it into me


Er so lol. I was asking God, why, why do this to me? Isn't it about my turn to be happy yet? If you could easily be my Friend and save me from sin when I couldn't lift myself out of it, surely you can save me from these feelings of despair when I can't, don't want to do so myself any longer?

And then God was like O.o now you know what the lost feel like. And you know it well. You know the despair, the hopelessness, the confusion, the patheticness they feel everytime they have to lift themselves out of something AGAIN and the longing they have for Someone to just sweep them off their feet, to show them the magic, and to bring them salvation.

And they don't even know I exist. You do. Can you imagine how much greater their hurt and scars are.

:o


And He had more to say to me:

Do you understand now why I allow you to go through these situations. Why I have made you the way you are. Why I have allowed you to be so sensitive and have thrown you again and again into parallel situations of emotional romantic hurt which I am full well aware you will recognize and cry in.

Because I want you to learn lessons like these. You have already seen how well you can counsel and relate to people going through all sorts of romantic problems because you have already been through each and every one of those rocky relationships and on both sides of the people involved. I am not done with you yet. This is the first new lesson of many. I want you to understand how much they hurt so you are better placed to save them. There are more on the way. But above all I am with you and you are in safe hands, I will not let you take on more hurt than you can handle.


Do you not think I could easily bring you to meet the love of your life and lead you into marriage with that person, to have kids and be happy in Me, to be another ignominious family Christian among many? No, I intend for you to do far greater things in my name than that. I have long imbued in you a desire to be different than others, a desire that can be seen in your thoughts, your speech, your dressing and your actions. Why do you think this is so? I have a plan for you. I am equipping you with the foundations that you will need to call upon in my calling for you. And so I am forging you now. This is why I am withholding easy romantic love from you.

(At this point Charlene's words 10 minutes ago came back to haunt me:
[00:12] get the girl, rule the world: God has great plans for you dont worry!)

:o

Okay this was cool and all, but see still and of course I worried and despaired and I asked God:

But still Lord. When will it be my turn? ): I don't like to suffer these hurts either, why me? Am I doomed to never fall in love?


No.



:o

Then how long Lord? How long more? I'm tired):


I know how you feel.


Wait what. How is that possibl-


(At this point Pastor Jen's stuff from today about Jesus swung right back round at me. The part about Him living as a man and being hungry and and thirsty and suffering just like we did. And something weird happened. I just started..saying out loud stuff directed at myself as though from God. Like..my soul was listening and my voice was talking to it, like..God was speaking to me..through me. Excuse me if this is a little bit terrifying, goodness knows it was to me. But i won't deny it :o)


I ate like you did.

I drank like you did.

I was hungry.

I was thirsty.

I was tired.

I slept.

I cried when my friend died and was buried.

I felt sorrow.

I felt hurt.

I felt temptations.

Did you not think I didn't feel lust and a romantic need for a woman like a normal man would too?

30-40 odd years of My Life there was never any mention of Me having a romantic relationship with anyone because my Father willed it to be so.

But who is to say I never felt lonely and never had a crush and never wanted someone I couldn't have? I couldn't have anyone, I was called to a far greater destiny and my role of too much importance to the Salvation of so many.

I do not ask the same of you.

But I know how you feel.


:o

These lessons, especially the last one, are going to stay with me awhile yet. Oh Lord I cannot describe how overawed I am by Your wonder and Your splendor and Your perfect plans nor can I describe how honoured I am that You share these insights with me and in such a manner. I am compelled to share Lord, to speak to others of this testimony and to share Your Word which You have given me tonight. And I am eternally grateful for Your presence and Your comfort(:



So I'm blogging about this, so I don't forget, and so that you my readers can be encouraged and awed in turn just like I was(:



My life was changed tonight.




I am so glad I didn't go to Sentosa after all(:


Thanks once again to all who cared about me tonight enough to ask about my well-being, none of this could have happened without you and I believe you know it(:


Gnight(: