Oo-er. Hhaahaha. Morning peeeoople. :D
So i just woke up and shall attempt to blog about my dream before it fades! : D
I've already forgotten who the heck I interacted with in the dream. Oh dear. OH PRIS WAS THERE. And some other guy that I hardly talk to but know and stuff. Keith from church I think. Maybe. Wait. I'm pretty sure the whole gang was there....
:s
*confusion*
Shit. Hahahaha. Okay nevermind the latter part of the dream was that somehow I ended up in school, and a bunch of people were watching this movie. Like all sgnewwave like. Except it was in...Lt73. Um. And I managed to get out cause there was this crusade thing happening upstairs in a big big roomy space on the 3rd floor of the sports complex.
This big room doesn't exist by the way, in real life, so don't go looking for it XD
I mean it was a crusade thing, but the usual people I know from crusade weren't there. A rather large amount of people were there. Um. Bryan from Mass Comm/BS and BB primer guy haha was leading. : blink:
And it was this training session or something. They were in the middle of it. And I had to go up to the 4th floor to get something.
(Remember there is no 4th floor in sports complex arh)
Lol. Ohyeah. I went up because there was this really really big kickass store upstairs like a huge storehouse mama shop thingy, and loads and loads of food and drinks at cheap prices. And a Subway : o
Like stacks and stacks of jolly shandy <33333
:D
Except that to get there you had to go past this room where satanic activity was taking place. Like the satan club or something. Idk. Just something horribly bad hahahhaha.
:o
And i sat down and talked to this older dude a lot (like coffeeshop uncle kinda old), at a table that looked like a hawker centre table that just happened to be there and he was eating mee rebus or something.
:ss
HAHAHAHHAA. And then he went in and i went down and i think the dream ended hereabouts. Lololol.
But the first part of the dream! Shit! That was the fun part! Like we were doing some really really fun running around game thing with everyone!
And then Pris had to go and this other dude Keith from church had to go and I had to go to school so we took the train or somethinnng. And had food at this funny place with lots of levels and escalators too. Looked like the old bukit merah townish area. But I knew (in the dream anyway) that it was the bukit batok area for some inexplicable reason.
BLAHHHHHH. HAHA
-------------------------------------------------
At least I wasn't running from something XD
So yes. Um. I am rather cheered up today, camping at home here refusing to move out until school proper. Gonna rest and do my work like my lit review yo. In peace. Haha. Long day again today. Drama class and then that dance night thing. Hahahaa. Actually I don't feel much like going, but its like a dancesports thing sooooo oookayy. Haha. I'm so in. :D
Clubbing. vs clubbing with girls. I still haven't figured out how i'm going to work that out from a godly perspective and still have fun. :s
:/
AH WELL AYE. HAHA. Just chilllll.
Drama class! Lots of fun! : D
If only I wasn't so broke.....I have all of 7 dollars. Less in fact, because some of that money has to go into taking the bus/train around too. My card's all out already. Sigh.
The irony is that I actually spent very little this week and would have 20 more moolah to throw around if not for dancesports payment. :s
And like I'm going to try and claim from my parents for that. Hahahhaah.
ANYWAY ON DANCESPORTS. I THINK WE GOT IT. HAHAHAHAHA.
Like, the routine! I think we got it covered! SONIA WE RULE HAHAHAHAHA.
:DDDD
Practice yesterday was uber fun. As per usual. Died laughing so much. Again. Which quite frankly I love doing. And I love having someone to do that with. So yes I appreciate my partner muchly :DD
Like seriously now. Who else could stand working with me XD
And much thanks to Brandon (who showed up anyway even though Pris wasn't coming, that's dedication man haha), Yewey, and that other senior dude who managed to help us get it right! XD
Now we just gotta do it without looking like retards and killing everyone. Haha.
It still tickles me to no end that the first time we got it full right was in the frigging library. Yes we were dancing in the library. We own. Thank you. Hahahahahahha. :D
Rah. Uhm. Hahahhaha to bellbottoms.
Life meeting ):
i really want to go! Its like i only was going to drop in and take a look, then the band started practicing and I couldn't pull myself away.
Because that's when I'm reminded that above all my place my home my rightful spot in life is with you and worshipping you Lord. :D
But gah well. Haha. P&W was awesome, but i had to drag myself away for ds before Glenn Lim even started speaking. Sigh. I didn't even get to talk to him can. Then again he probably doesn't know I exist. Hahahaha.
:/ And that's the way its going to be every week I guess. Sigh. Haha. Sharyl's quote on yesterday's Life Meeting:
"abt how ppl nowadays hv a very lost identity. esp ppl who as adolescents. (13-19) and like how they always try to find them in the wrong places. and if u want to find urself, u need to hv a close relationship with the Creator.
ppl accepted christ! : D
like abt 3-4 of em! "
:DDDD I wish i was there. Glenn Lim is an amazing speaker haha. And Thank You God for souls won to Your kingdom [:
So guys if you have nothing on thursday nights, please do go down, you're missing a huge lot. I know I am. Haha :/
Spent the good part of my day crashing fsv class. It was really fun :o
And like life seems somewhat manageable! MM test was good! I think! (I hope so anyway) I'm really proud that I managed to stick through the studying haha gosh it was hell. Lol. Thank You Lord :D
What else happened yesterday. Um. KIKi'S GRANDMA'S RICE THINGY IS GOOD HAHA :D
(:
K LATER
Friday, May 9, 2008
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Lines lines lines.
Bah. Haha. In spirit of trying to keep the whole daily blogging thing going, now its been revived up again, I'm just here. Haha yeah. Don't really know what to talk about though. Today has been..strangely uncomplicated somehow. Lol. Life in the day of a mass commer. :blink: No huge emotional issues to settle. Or spiritual issues. Or girl to talk about :s
YES YES IM A HORRIBLE HORRIBLE PERSON HAHA.
But like yeah! Now that there's a lack of focus (or at least I hope so) on interacting with girls and stuff, life is strangely uneventful :/
SO YOU GUYS WANTED THAT TESTIMONY RIGHT. XD
So. I made it for morning prayer! And on the way out i was pondering the wisdom of going more for not wanting to let Melodie down than for wanting to y'know. Pray. I mean I knew i wanted to, but I've never made it to morning prayer successfully before so I didn't quite know what to expect.
And I regretted it not XD. It was like. On the bus I had headphones up and doing my own mini-worship session thing with God and praying and stuff and suddenly I couldn't care less about Mel, or that whole thing, but just wanting to get there, y'know? For You God. :D Thank you[:
5 loaves and 2 fishes by Corrinne May came up on the playlist and I nearly broke down in the bus right there. :s Just the lines, in light of everything the day before, y'know?
"Take my five loaves and two fishes
Do with it as you will
I surrender
Take my fears and inhibitions
All my burdens, my ambitions
You can use it all
to feed them all"
I often think about that boy
when I'm feeling small
and I worry that the work I do
means nothing at all
But every single tear I cry
is a diamond in His hands
and every door that slams in my face
I will offer up in prayer
So I'll give you every breadth that I have
Oh Lord, you can work miracles
All that you need is my "Amen"
Haha yeah. That whole giving up so much and changing lifestyle and motivations and everything to suit God in faith. Yeah(:
And oh it was wonderful. And the verses shared at morning prayer itself were like amazingly relevant! I can't really remember but it was a Psalm and everything in it i was like "whoa" haha.
Yep. And prayer itself was about a fresh start. And I was like O.o
"Okay Lord :D"
oh I remember! Some parts about it were about how He has ordained our days out already and stuff and plans for us and stuff and no matter how far we run we can't get away from Him ever and what He's called us to do
:D
I couldn't not give up everything if i wanted to hold onto them anyway huh, Lord. XD (:
Right. And remember that whole assignment I had to complete thing!! Well, my groupmate said it was okay and I could just concentrate on that part because she was going to do the rest. EVERYTHING. And i was and still am like "wtf". "Ira I can do it I swear!" But she was like "nah i've got it covered i'm about 50% through already its okay really haha".
And i'm like :blink:
Major load of my shoulders thank You Lord thank you Ira you're amazing(:
:DDDD
And that other test for mrm we got back today and I did well lah so yes thank You Lord for motivating me to study all that and stuff (:
Another test today, Newswriting, and i requested prayer just before from everyone i could see online at that point. Cuz prayer DOES work, people :D
And it was good, I think(:
:DD
And followed by hell torture session in library flipping through copious amounts of women's mags %^$£^%$@!!!
But it was a good time lah, haha. And conversations with mel/marvin were hilarious. Lol.
Good luck marv for fmss shooting and all. Go for it. And if you get in, and change stuff, I'll be behind you all the way. Lol. God bless :DD
And then I came home! Like early! It was damn hard lah. But by God's grace i'm here now :D
Just, the rest of the family isn't for some inexplicable reason. I mean, they're always home, why today of all days :/
Ah well Your Will aye Lord. Haha.(:
Oh the irony.
SO. STUDY MM TEST, DO CBA ASSIGNMENT, AND SHOW UP FOR LIFE MEETING TMR CUZ PASTOR GLENN LIM IS SPEAKING!
XDDDD
And then there's Dancesports. Rah. (: (:
TODAY AND TOMORROW I COMMIT UNTO YOU LORD YAY HAHA.
Later. Watch this space for a testimony.
XD
*random poke*
(:
YES YES IM A HORRIBLE HORRIBLE PERSON HAHA.
But like yeah! Now that there's a lack of focus (or at least I hope so) on interacting with girls and stuff, life is strangely uneventful :/
SO YOU GUYS WANTED THAT TESTIMONY RIGHT. XD
So. I made it for morning prayer! And on the way out i was pondering the wisdom of going more for not wanting to let Melodie down than for wanting to y'know. Pray. I mean I knew i wanted to, but I've never made it to morning prayer successfully before so I didn't quite know what to expect.
And I regretted it not XD. It was like. On the bus I had headphones up and doing my own mini-worship session thing with God and praying and stuff and suddenly I couldn't care less about Mel, or that whole thing, but just wanting to get there, y'know? For You God. :D Thank you[:
5 loaves and 2 fishes by Corrinne May came up on the playlist and I nearly broke down in the bus right there. :s Just the lines, in light of everything the day before, y'know?
"Take my five loaves and two fishes
Do with it as you will
I surrender
Take my fears and inhibitions
All my burdens, my ambitions
You can use it all
to feed them all"
I often think about that boy
when I'm feeling small
and I worry that the work I do
means nothing at all
But every single tear I cry
is a diamond in His hands
and every door that slams in my face
I will offer up in prayer
So I'll give you every breadth that I have
Oh Lord, you can work miracles
All that you need is my "Amen"
Haha yeah. That whole giving up so much and changing lifestyle and motivations and everything to suit God in faith. Yeah(:
And oh it was wonderful. And the verses shared at morning prayer itself were like amazingly relevant! I can't really remember but it was a Psalm and everything in it i was like "whoa" haha.
Yep. And prayer itself was about a fresh start. And I was like O.o
"Okay Lord :D"
oh I remember! Some parts about it were about how He has ordained our days out already and stuff and plans for us and stuff and no matter how far we run we can't get away from Him ever and what He's called us to do
:D
I couldn't not give up everything if i wanted to hold onto them anyway huh, Lord. XD (:
Right. And remember that whole assignment I had to complete thing!! Well, my groupmate said it was okay and I could just concentrate on that part because she was going to do the rest. EVERYTHING. And i was and still am like "wtf". "Ira I can do it I swear!" But she was like "nah i've got it covered i'm about 50% through already its okay really haha".
And i'm like :blink:
Major load of my shoulders thank You Lord thank you Ira you're amazing(:
:DDDD
And that other test for mrm we got back today and I did well lah so yes thank You Lord for motivating me to study all that and stuff (:
Another test today, Newswriting, and i requested prayer just before from everyone i could see online at that point. Cuz prayer DOES work, people :D
And it was good, I think(:
:DD
And followed by hell torture session in library flipping through copious amounts of women's mags %^$£^%$@!!!
But it was a good time lah, haha. And conversations with mel/marvin were hilarious. Lol.
Good luck marv for fmss shooting and all. Go for it. And if you get in, and change stuff, I'll be behind you all the way. Lol. God bless :DD
And then I came home! Like early! It was damn hard lah. But by God's grace i'm here now :D
Just, the rest of the family isn't for some inexplicable reason. I mean, they're always home, why today of all days :/
Ah well Your Will aye Lord. Haha.(:
Oh the irony.
SO. STUDY MM TEST, DO CBA ASSIGNMENT, AND SHOW UP FOR LIFE MEETING TMR CUZ PASTOR GLENN LIM IS SPEAKING!
XDDDD
And then there's Dancesports. Rah. (: (:
TODAY AND TOMORROW I COMMIT UNTO YOU LORD YAY HAHA.
Later. Watch this space for a testimony.
XD
*random poke*
(:
Ramble Time
Soooo. Here I am now. And I’m tired and stuff. But I still have mrm thing to do by tmr or ira WILL kill me. And then we have until next Monday to complete an ownage lit review? That’s 5 days. And tmr I might have something. And Thursday dance. Friday dancesports bonding thing. Saturday church. Gg. And ambass isn’t even part of the equation yet. More and more it looks like I’m going to have to drop amb. Oh dear. Haha. Sharyl’s answer from God to stick to SU seems to coming true and true more even without me cutting other things out myself. I hope to awful goodness that I don’t have to drop dancesports though. I love dancesports. Its uber fun. And uber funny. And Sonia’s a great partner. Even though we’re both freaking horrible! HAHA. But that’s the really fun part about us. There’s no stress involved between us AT ALL HAHA. As opposed to dancing with Pris which no offence is a little intimidating cuz she’s so good at it, and giving advice and instructions and stuff like that. Haha. “Too fast, that open promenade thing” Don’t get me wrong! Its great and all, and really helpful, but Pris in the back of your mind I KNOW you’re thinking how Brandon is so much better at this and all XD. I KNOW. I CAN SEE IT IN YOUR EYES. HAHA. BLAHHHH.
(:
Lolololol. I think Sonia killed like 9 people today. And when dancesports people start getting hit while dancing, they do one of two things:
1) Move the hell away. There was this point where me and Sonia nearly had the whole damn floor to ourselves. These were seniors btw. Shit.. :blink:
2) Start hitting back. Omg. Pris especially. When I was trying so hard to not hit her myself omg. Bloody girl hits like an angry ballerina. Lololol. But we still love you girl. :D
Then there was this time I got K-ed full in the face by some senior’s (Lynette, I found out later) arm wrist banglet thing. Like in the full blown developed swing of the promenade. Holy Crap. Lol.
So there was this other time I was just minding my own business trying to get my feet right and forgetting my arms even existed as per usual, when this other dude swung out and hit Sonia.
She ducked.
Me gets owned.
Me goes WTF.
We and surrounding people all die laughing.
I swear we’re famous now. Or infamous. Or dangerous. Or something. There was this point where we were paying for registration late and all and I SWEAR we thought for sure they were going to kick us out for the greater good. XD
And in a funny turn of events it seems I have ticket for Freshman Night after all! Me and Pris were discussing the probable blessing that I totally forgot about securing one, being able to go home early and please parents and stuff, and oh dear. Haha. Oh well. It’s a DS bonding thing after all. Why not. Even though I stick to my stand that we’re retardedly well known already.
We’re retards everywhere, it seems. Oh dear. Haha. Blahhhhh.
I had my fair share of hitting people too it seems. I suspect but I don’t know and certaintly don’t care to confirm that I possibly maybe in worst case scenario managed to jab some girl’s boob. I dragged Sonia all the way to the other side of the room after that. >< Like duuude.
><.
):
YES ANYWAY. CONCLUSION I FAIL AT IT BUT ITS UBER FUN AND I WILL PRACTICE. HAHA. :DDD
Yeah. I was so into it that at Detention(lolololol) I couldn’t quite shake it. My fascination with my feet and hips far superceded the pop drop spin pump lock thingy routine that I only managed to pick up halfway for coming late due to DS. And I knew Adin was slightly grossed out and Josh was kinda disappointed. But yeah Josh! I want to be really good at both things, but its like y’know, y’know? <_< Momentum and all that. Haha.
The irony is that I’m obviously picking up hiphop faster than I am cha-cha. Lololol. Like half the whole routine in 45 minutes as opposed to nearly nothing of the new variation in 2 hours. <_<
BUT ITS FUNNNNN. HAHA. :D
Blah. So much to talk about today. Even though I only spent like less than half the day in school proper itself. And none of lessons <_<
WHAT. MORNING LESSON CANCELLED THANK YOU GOD HAHA. And then I skipped Advert lecture due to midway talk with Pastor Josh. And afterwards Pris. But I don’t regret it at all. I mean I might later when I’m dying in assignments or something but yeeaahhh. Today’s stuff needed to be said and discussed I think. And I thank you God so much for it. :D Siigggh.
Yeah. Pastor Josh talk really frazzled me. Emotionally as well as logically as well as spiritually. I mean. I though I had it good with God y’know? Not like good, but like. Okay. Like I’m trying to survive school life right now as a Christian and then after Poly we can start going bc intensive and training and all that. Turns out I was horribly wrong. I mean okay perhaps Pastor Josh’s view of me is slightly skewed because I admittedly only turn to him about the big problems and stuff. And not mention the stuff I felt I’ve done was good. But again then its kinda retarded isn’t it. Judging my worth based on what I’ve done and what I’ve not done. Its like a huge danger sign NO DON’T GO THERE with walk with God. Haha. Yeah. I really like PJ’s talks with me though. I mean, both times I’ve had talks with him I’ve gotten owned. Like really really hard kinda owned. He is…very fire and brimstone clear cut to principles and getting to the direct bottom of things with me. I don’t know about other people but yeah with me its like whoooaaaa. Keenan noted he could see my ideals crashing and burning right in front of me. Which is true. Its like omg. Gaaahhhh. Haha. He challenges me a lot. About a number of things. Its true that I needed to see them though. Haha. Talk with Pris helped to wrap my head around stuff a lot. :D
1) Girls.
2) Parents
3) Student Union and other related unacademic things.
Should I reaaaaally go into them? :s I don’t mind taking out the time out to discuss them though, but I know my mom wants me to sleep earlier and stuff and I still have an assignment to do, and a prayer group to attempt to get to school at 7am in the fricken morning. O.O
4 PAGES ON WORD ALREADY OMG OMG HAHA. Sleepy ><
Die. Haha. Just got interrupted by Hosanna! XD. The Paul Baloche one. The high opening kinda song one. Not Hillsongs. Haha. WHICH CONCERT IS COMING SOON YAY YAY HAHA :D
Anywayyyyy. Girls. Lots was discussed. Like like. Yeah. The whole me liking to hang out with girls thing. No not because I’m like gay and stuff and live for my “girlfriends”, but because as a happily heterosexual male I like to enjoy the company of girls. Girls that are fun to talk to and stuff.
“Why?”
“Um, because its fun”
“Why?”
“Cause er. Cause…”
And I proceeded to own myself right then. Yeah. But yeah. :/
“So where is God in all of this”
“Er.”
“Does it do anything for your walk with God”
“><”
LIKE YEAH MAN. HAHA.
Haha. But its true. And I understand where he’s coming from. Like like, if I went into these things with the intention of bringing them to God, then great. But even so there are less complicated ways of reaching out, y’know? And like, even if I have that whole friends and close friends and maybe then policy, and I know where to draw the line with myself as not to get overly emotional attached and stuff and mistakenly think girl is hanging out with me because she likes me and stuff, then I won’t get owned. Like do anything stupid kinda owned. Like I have done in the past. Sigh.
Me and Keenan tried to draw comparison with hanging out with girls with stuff like video gaming and going for movies and stuff. Because its fun. And we almost got there! I swear!
“Ah, but then its different even if you’re still doing your job and getting on with life and everything, you’re playing with someone else’s feelings”
\(><)/
\(><)/
Blah. Haha. Pris proceeded to own me some more with revelation that hey even if you know where to draw the line, does the girl know? Which quite frankly shook me. I had quite nicely never bothered to think about that part of the equation before. The whole “girl likes you but you don’t know but still talk to her lots cause its fun” equation. Because quite frankly, I’ve never thought it would ever happen.
(Secret horribly low self-esteem shows here)
Lol. Yeah. I have solutions to dealing with girls who don’t like you but you secretly like them, I have solutions to dealing with girls who I don’t like and don’t like me back(obviously), and I have solutions to dealing with girls who I don’t like but obviously like me back.
I thought I was covered. I entirely forgot to cover the base of other party liking you back but you don’t know and she’s struggling painfully to draw the line. And it kills her every day to look at you even because she knows we have fun together and we’re so good together and closer than anyone else with each other and we’re great buddies and close and all but yet so far. And she knows she can’t have you because you’ve lightheartedly told her nah “I don’t like you” and she replied likewise because she doesn’t want to ruin the friendship and still hang out with you and stuff but it burns so hard, so hard, especially when you share everything else but that secret and you just can’t tell him. And when he talks to you about other girls that he likes and you laugh and reply and give advice from a “girl’s perspective” and all when actually it’s killing her inside to know she can’t have you.
Stuff like that.
It irks and greatly disturbs me that even though I went through the WHOLE ENTIRE THING ON MY END, and it affected me greatly and I’ll never forget that horrible 2 year long emotional trauma saga, and I came up with solid ways to stop and never ever get into that kind of situation ever again, and give advice to people about holding back, and NOT getting into that, and dealing with the pain and all that, I somehow entirely forgot to think about how to use my experiences to HELP avoid someone going through that entire situation with ME, y’know? Talk about using experiences to help others and think and care about others. I didn’t even consider using it to help the direct other in that situation with me. Sigh. Meh. And I was so ashamed when it hit me. Or rather when Pris laid it out. Lol.
6 pages on Word. @_@
The thing that irks me now is, where do I draw the line? I am eternally grateful that Pris is the awesome person that she is and is in God, that we were able to discuss this situation in full about members of the opposite sex WITH a member of the opposite sex ( :o ) , but even where do I draw the line with her, y’know? Whether we like or may possibly like each other in the future doesn’t matter because she’s not ever ever dating till she’s 21 and I’m going towards and hopefully forming a resolution like that myself, and so our lines are clear and we’re not going to do anything even IF. But where do we take personal (and this means not discussed lol because uhm I simply cannot comprehend that sort of situation right now) responsibility to make sure we reduce possible heartbreaking pain on other party’s end IF? And we wouldn’t know, remember, so its only a possible situation that we would HAVE to prepare for anyway. Yeah. Where is the line drawn? Simple smsing about the randomest of stuff? Like haha joke kinda stuff? And that’s like the most extreme example I can conjure up right now, let alone having to deal with girls that aren’t as solid on the whole drawing lines and promise and resolution stuff that Pris has. Boundaries. PJ is very convicted about having boundaries. But what and where boundaries exactly I forgot to ask him to specify. Sigh. Uhm. Haha. Will ponder and pray and catch Pastor Josh somewhere. Haha. Yeeeeah.
And even the whole talking about big problems thing is slightly unencouraged too. With members of the opposite sex. Which further cements the irony of talking about this with Pris. But yeah I don’t regret it at all haha thank you girl(: Cause like, honestly speaking, we’re not equipped to deal. Lol. And I won’t go into it further but this I understand perfectly. Refer. Refer refer refer. But its so hard on my end to turn people away, y’know? I can try horribly hard but yeah I suppose. Blah.
I mean, where does God come into all of this again? Haha. And this improves my personal relationship with God how? As my pastor noted, me giving help to other people and helping OTHER Christians with their walk with God is great and all, but how does it improve my own walk with God? And he would rather me focus on my own problems to begin with, if only for the sole reason that I find it so much easier to help other people than even begin to think about making hard decisions about my personal life. Yeeeah. But again if there is no biblical stand for or against what I am doing, then it should be fine yeah. Pastors are just giving their personal input and advice after seeing like about a million such situations gone wrong, after all. Except that. Parents would be horribly unhappy. And there’s that whole part about honouring parents. Yes.
Parents of course would be horribly unhappy with all the stuff I do with girls anyway. Not so much the stuff I do I suppose but more about the damned quantity. And no I’m not out having sex or making out or grinding and stuff, but just the simple stuff. Like skyping maybe, but I’m sure I can bring them around about that. The whole focus and easily crushing thing especially. Even if I know to just wait and let it pass. Yeah. The talking with girls one on one thing. ESPECIALLY having girl over to house, or vice versa, even if its purely platonic and innocent and can I use your toilet kinda thing. Which I know that PJ would kick my ass over anyway eh so like lol. Boundaries boundaries boundaries. Baaaaahhh. Hahahahaahah.
See, PJ put forward the following motion. The reason why I seek hanging out so much with girls is because these relationships are providing me approval and attention and care and stuff that I am lacking in some part of my life, hence the craving. Which would obviously be parents. I don’t deny it. I look at the relationships that some people have with their parents like Keenan and Pris and Adin and Charmaine and stuff, and I wish beyond wish and hope beyond hope that my parents were kinda like theirs. To be able to joke around. Mess around. Have heart to heart talks about stuff. For understanding. For love omg and yes I really want that so much. And instead there’s so much hate and so little common ground and for so long and stuff I’ve always blamed that on them. They being unreasonable. And bad. And horrible and stuff. And I can obviously deal with relationships with other people in my life so that proves the problem doesn’t lie with me eh. And so I proceed to do my own thing. Which of course further ruins relationship. And this has gone on for sooooo long that now it’s a whole lifestyle thing. Yeah.
So, if girls are providing me attention filling a void left by lack of good parental relationship, and the same interactions with girls are at least on some part causing the void, it makes the equation awfully simple doesn’t it ):
I mean entirely on a logical level of course D=
:/
I mean, command by God and all that! I can’t go wrong!
I know it and I’ve known it but now I have to follow through.
Of course girls aren’t the only thing causing strain with parental relationship, there are like a million other things. Church obviously, but sigh. God still supercedes parents aye, and thank God for that. Haha. I mean if I didn’t believe in God, I wouldn’t have such a huge problem trying to be good with my parents right. I’d just- yeah. Haha. Run off worse and stuff. And quite frankly I’d have been killed by now by my own stupidity. And killed forever and stuff, to boot. So thank you Lord(:
And there are the little things. Going to sleep early LIKE TWO HOURS AGO SIGH, washing dishes which I thankfully have started doing, helping out around house, showing up for dinner, being part of the damn family. Just listening. Even when its hard like come home now kinda hard. And I recoil in shock and horror. But my stand is God, isn’t it! It straightaway becomes a God vs friends/dance/social life thing and we all know the answer to that. My stand is Higher. Now I gotta follow through.
Instead of wanting to do things my way. Because honouring parents isn’t a small thing. It’s a HUGE thing. And not doing it is a stumbling block between me and God. And in my journey towards what God has called me for, its definitely something I have to leave behind. So lets try to get there Lord, you and me, take me there(:
Help me k guys? You guys already tell me not to take a taxi home even when I really really want to which for example has been the case the first 2 days of this week already lol, so if you could convince me to go home for dinner too, that would help muchly.[: Keep me accountable, guys, I need you people for this cause I’m horribly weak on my own. Haha. That is if you’re still reading by this point. O.o And thank you if you are I swear you rule and I thank you for enduring me this long and I promise to stop soon. Haha. :D
Kinda drained at this point. Haha. But I gotta get all of this stuff down! (: XD. Hahahahha. (:
Right. Oh. Lol. I was going to go on to SU and unacademic stuff taking up my time and stuff and being advised not going into all of that if my purpose was not like called my God to go in there and reach out to people and stuff cuz it was just going to take away time from me REACHING OUT to people in my daily school life! As well as the whole parents factor as well <_<
BUT I can’t right now because my mom just told me to go to bed. Haha. I told her I still had work to do and stuff, but she said I could do it tmr. And I really doubt so, because I only have a time space of an hour, but I believe in faith that if I honour my mom now, God will honour me in turn. XD. Yeah.
So yes I have to go! And Lord please do take me through tmr. Through rushing assignment in morning, through tutorial, through newswriting test. And honouring You and gosh hopefully maybe bringing a few people closer to You. :D And of course even waking up to hit prayer group on time XD
Bless my mom too Lord, and my dad, for sticking with this wilful retard so long(:
Night guys :D Watch this space for a testimony. :DD
Dude that is such an awesome signoff line. “Watch This Space For A Testimony”
XDDDD HAHAHAHAH.
OKAY OKAY OKAY OKAY.
NIIIIGGGHTT<3
1:08 am
(:
Lolololol. I think Sonia killed like 9 people today. And when dancesports people start getting hit while dancing, they do one of two things:
1) Move the hell away. There was this point where me and Sonia nearly had the whole damn floor to ourselves. These were seniors btw. Shit.. :blink:
2) Start hitting back. Omg. Pris especially. When I was trying so hard to not hit her myself omg. Bloody girl hits like an angry ballerina. Lololol. But we still love you girl. :D
Then there was this time I got K-ed full in the face by some senior’s (Lynette, I found out later) arm wrist banglet thing. Like in the full blown developed swing of the promenade. Holy Crap. Lol.
So there was this other time I was just minding my own business trying to get my feet right and forgetting my arms even existed as per usual, when this other dude swung out and hit Sonia.
She ducked.
Me gets owned.
Me goes WTF.
We and surrounding people all die laughing.
I swear we’re famous now. Or infamous. Or dangerous. Or something. There was this point where we were paying for registration late and all and I SWEAR we thought for sure they were going to kick us out for the greater good. XD
And in a funny turn of events it seems I have ticket for Freshman Night after all! Me and Pris were discussing the probable blessing that I totally forgot about securing one, being able to go home early and please parents and stuff, and oh dear. Haha. Oh well. It’s a DS bonding thing after all. Why not. Even though I stick to my stand that we’re retardedly well known already.
We’re retards everywhere, it seems. Oh dear. Haha. Blahhhhh.
I had my fair share of hitting people too it seems. I suspect but I don’t know and certaintly don’t care to confirm that I possibly maybe in worst case scenario managed to jab some girl’s boob. I dragged Sonia all the way to the other side of the room after that. >< Like duuude.
><.
):
YES ANYWAY. CONCLUSION I FAIL AT IT BUT ITS UBER FUN AND I WILL PRACTICE. HAHA. :DDD
Yeah. I was so into it that at Detention(lolololol) I couldn’t quite shake it. My fascination with my feet and hips far superceded the pop drop spin pump lock thingy routine that I only managed to pick up halfway for coming late due to DS. And I knew Adin was slightly grossed out and Josh was kinda disappointed. But yeah Josh! I want to be really good at both things, but its like y’know, y’know? <_< Momentum and all that. Haha.
The irony is that I’m obviously picking up hiphop faster than I am cha-cha. Lololol. Like half the whole routine in 45 minutes as opposed to nearly nothing of the new variation in 2 hours. <_<
BUT ITS FUNNNNN. HAHA. :D
Blah. So much to talk about today. Even though I only spent like less than half the day in school proper itself. And none of lessons <_<
WHAT. MORNING LESSON CANCELLED THANK YOU GOD HAHA. And then I skipped Advert lecture due to midway talk with Pastor Josh. And afterwards Pris. But I don’t regret it at all. I mean I might later when I’m dying in assignments or something but yeeaahhh. Today’s stuff needed to be said and discussed I think. And I thank you God so much for it. :D Siigggh.
Yeah. Pastor Josh talk really frazzled me. Emotionally as well as logically as well as spiritually. I mean. I though I had it good with God y’know? Not like good, but like. Okay. Like I’m trying to survive school life right now as a Christian and then after Poly we can start going bc intensive and training and all that. Turns out I was horribly wrong. I mean okay perhaps Pastor Josh’s view of me is slightly skewed because I admittedly only turn to him about the big problems and stuff. And not mention the stuff I felt I’ve done was good. But again then its kinda retarded isn’t it. Judging my worth based on what I’ve done and what I’ve not done. Its like a huge danger sign NO DON’T GO THERE with walk with God. Haha. Yeah. I really like PJ’s talks with me though. I mean, both times I’ve had talks with him I’ve gotten owned. Like really really hard kinda owned. He is…very fire and brimstone clear cut to principles and getting to the direct bottom of things with me. I don’t know about other people but yeah with me its like whoooaaaa. Keenan noted he could see my ideals crashing and burning right in front of me. Which is true. Its like omg. Gaaahhhh. Haha. He challenges me a lot. About a number of things. Its true that I needed to see them though. Haha. Talk with Pris helped to wrap my head around stuff a lot. :D
1) Girls.
2) Parents
3) Student Union and other related unacademic things.
Should I reaaaaally go into them? :s I don’t mind taking out the time out to discuss them though, but I know my mom wants me to sleep earlier and stuff and I still have an assignment to do, and a prayer group to attempt to get to school at 7am in the fricken morning. O.O
4 PAGES ON WORD ALREADY OMG OMG HAHA. Sleepy ><
Die. Haha. Just got interrupted by Hosanna! XD. The Paul Baloche one. The high opening kinda song one. Not Hillsongs. Haha. WHICH CONCERT IS COMING SOON YAY YAY HAHA :D
Anywayyyyy. Girls. Lots was discussed. Like like. Yeah. The whole me liking to hang out with girls thing. No not because I’m like gay and stuff and live for my “girlfriends”, but because as a happily heterosexual male I like to enjoy the company of girls. Girls that are fun to talk to and stuff.
“Why?”
“Um, because its fun”
“Why?”
“Cause er. Cause…”
And I proceeded to own myself right then. Yeah. But yeah. :/
“So where is God in all of this”
“Er.”
“Does it do anything for your walk with God”
“><”
LIKE YEAH MAN. HAHA.
Haha. But its true. And I understand where he’s coming from. Like like, if I went into these things with the intention of bringing them to God, then great. But even so there are less complicated ways of reaching out, y’know? And like, even if I have that whole friends and close friends and maybe then policy, and I know where to draw the line with myself as not to get overly emotional attached and stuff and mistakenly think girl is hanging out with me because she likes me and stuff, then I won’t get owned. Like do anything stupid kinda owned. Like I have done in the past. Sigh.
Me and Keenan tried to draw comparison with hanging out with girls with stuff like video gaming and going for movies and stuff. Because its fun. And we almost got there! I swear!
“Ah, but then its different even if you’re still doing your job and getting on with life and everything, you’re playing with someone else’s feelings”
\(><)/
\(><)/
Blah. Haha. Pris proceeded to own me some more with revelation that hey even if you know where to draw the line, does the girl know? Which quite frankly shook me. I had quite nicely never bothered to think about that part of the equation before. The whole “girl likes you but you don’t know but still talk to her lots cause its fun” equation. Because quite frankly, I’ve never thought it would ever happen.
(Secret horribly low self-esteem shows here)
Lol. Yeah. I have solutions to dealing with girls who don’t like you but you secretly like them, I have solutions to dealing with girls who I don’t like and don’t like me back(obviously), and I have solutions to dealing with girls who I don’t like but obviously like me back.
I thought I was covered. I entirely forgot to cover the base of other party liking you back but you don’t know and she’s struggling painfully to draw the line. And it kills her every day to look at you even because she knows we have fun together and we’re so good together and closer than anyone else with each other and we’re great buddies and close and all but yet so far. And she knows she can’t have you because you’ve lightheartedly told her nah “I don’t like you” and she replied likewise because she doesn’t want to ruin the friendship and still hang out with you and stuff but it burns so hard, so hard, especially when you share everything else but that secret and you just can’t tell him. And when he talks to you about other girls that he likes and you laugh and reply and give advice from a “girl’s perspective” and all when actually it’s killing her inside to know she can’t have you.
Stuff like that.
It irks and greatly disturbs me that even though I went through the WHOLE ENTIRE THING ON MY END, and it affected me greatly and I’ll never forget that horrible 2 year long emotional trauma saga, and I came up with solid ways to stop and never ever get into that kind of situation ever again, and give advice to people about holding back, and NOT getting into that, and dealing with the pain and all that, I somehow entirely forgot to think about how to use my experiences to HELP avoid someone going through that entire situation with ME, y’know? Talk about using experiences to help others and think and care about others. I didn’t even consider using it to help the direct other in that situation with me. Sigh. Meh. And I was so ashamed when it hit me. Or rather when Pris laid it out. Lol.
6 pages on Word. @_@
The thing that irks me now is, where do I draw the line? I am eternally grateful that Pris is the awesome person that she is and is in God, that we were able to discuss this situation in full about members of the opposite sex WITH a member of the opposite sex ( :o ) , but even where do I draw the line with her, y’know? Whether we like or may possibly like each other in the future doesn’t matter because she’s not ever ever dating till she’s 21 and I’m going towards and hopefully forming a resolution like that myself, and so our lines are clear and we’re not going to do anything even IF. But where do we take personal (and this means not discussed lol because uhm I simply cannot comprehend that sort of situation right now) responsibility to make sure we reduce possible heartbreaking pain on other party’s end IF? And we wouldn’t know, remember, so its only a possible situation that we would HAVE to prepare for anyway. Yeah. Where is the line drawn? Simple smsing about the randomest of stuff? Like haha joke kinda stuff? And that’s like the most extreme example I can conjure up right now, let alone having to deal with girls that aren’t as solid on the whole drawing lines and promise and resolution stuff that Pris has. Boundaries. PJ is very convicted about having boundaries. But what and where boundaries exactly I forgot to ask him to specify. Sigh. Uhm. Haha. Will ponder and pray and catch Pastor Josh somewhere. Haha. Yeeeeah.
And even the whole talking about big problems thing is slightly unencouraged too. With members of the opposite sex. Which further cements the irony of talking about this with Pris. But yeah I don’t regret it at all haha thank you girl(: Cause like, honestly speaking, we’re not equipped to deal. Lol. And I won’t go into it further but this I understand perfectly. Refer. Refer refer refer. But its so hard on my end to turn people away, y’know? I can try horribly hard but yeah I suppose. Blah.
I mean, where does God come into all of this again? Haha. And this improves my personal relationship with God how? As my pastor noted, me giving help to other people and helping OTHER Christians with their walk with God is great and all, but how does it improve my own walk with God? And he would rather me focus on my own problems to begin with, if only for the sole reason that I find it so much easier to help other people than even begin to think about making hard decisions about my personal life. Yeeeah. But again if there is no biblical stand for or against what I am doing, then it should be fine yeah. Pastors are just giving their personal input and advice after seeing like about a million such situations gone wrong, after all. Except that. Parents would be horribly unhappy. And there’s that whole part about honouring parents. Yes.
Parents of course would be horribly unhappy with all the stuff I do with girls anyway. Not so much the stuff I do I suppose but more about the damned quantity. And no I’m not out having sex or making out or grinding and stuff, but just the simple stuff. Like skyping maybe, but I’m sure I can bring them around about that. The whole focus and easily crushing thing especially. Even if I know to just wait and let it pass. Yeah. The talking with girls one on one thing. ESPECIALLY having girl over to house, or vice versa, even if its purely platonic and innocent and can I use your toilet kinda thing. Which I know that PJ would kick my ass over anyway eh so like lol. Boundaries boundaries boundaries. Baaaaahhh. Hahahahaahah.
See, PJ put forward the following motion. The reason why I seek hanging out so much with girls is because these relationships are providing me approval and attention and care and stuff that I am lacking in some part of my life, hence the craving. Which would obviously be parents. I don’t deny it. I look at the relationships that some people have with their parents like Keenan and Pris and Adin and Charmaine and stuff, and I wish beyond wish and hope beyond hope that my parents were kinda like theirs. To be able to joke around. Mess around. Have heart to heart talks about stuff. For understanding. For love omg and yes I really want that so much. And instead there’s so much hate and so little common ground and for so long and stuff I’ve always blamed that on them. They being unreasonable. And bad. And horrible and stuff. And I can obviously deal with relationships with other people in my life so that proves the problem doesn’t lie with me eh. And so I proceed to do my own thing. Which of course further ruins relationship. And this has gone on for sooooo long that now it’s a whole lifestyle thing. Yeah.
So, if girls are providing me attention filling a void left by lack of good parental relationship, and the same interactions with girls are at least on some part causing the void, it makes the equation awfully simple doesn’t it ):
I mean entirely on a logical level of course D=
:/
I mean, command by God and all that! I can’t go wrong!
I know it and I’ve known it but now I have to follow through.
Of course girls aren’t the only thing causing strain with parental relationship, there are like a million other things. Church obviously, but sigh. God still supercedes parents aye, and thank God for that. Haha. I mean if I didn’t believe in God, I wouldn’t have such a huge problem trying to be good with my parents right. I’d just- yeah. Haha. Run off worse and stuff. And quite frankly I’d have been killed by now by my own stupidity. And killed forever and stuff, to boot. So thank you Lord(:
And there are the little things. Going to sleep early LIKE TWO HOURS AGO SIGH, washing dishes which I thankfully have started doing, helping out around house, showing up for dinner, being part of the damn family. Just listening. Even when its hard like come home now kinda hard. And I recoil in shock and horror. But my stand is God, isn’t it! It straightaway becomes a God vs friends/dance/social life thing and we all know the answer to that. My stand is Higher. Now I gotta follow through.
Instead of wanting to do things my way. Because honouring parents isn’t a small thing. It’s a HUGE thing. And not doing it is a stumbling block between me and God. And in my journey towards what God has called me for, its definitely something I have to leave behind. So lets try to get there Lord, you and me, take me there(:
Help me k guys? You guys already tell me not to take a taxi home even when I really really want to which for example has been the case the first 2 days of this week already lol, so if you could convince me to go home for dinner too, that would help muchly.[: Keep me accountable, guys, I need you people for this cause I’m horribly weak on my own. Haha. That is if you’re still reading by this point. O.o And thank you if you are I swear you rule and I thank you for enduring me this long and I promise to stop soon. Haha. :D
Kinda drained at this point. Haha. But I gotta get all of this stuff down! (: XD. Hahahahha. (:
Right. Oh. Lol. I was going to go on to SU and unacademic stuff taking up my time and stuff and being advised not going into all of that if my purpose was not like called my God to go in there and reach out to people and stuff cuz it was just going to take away time from me REACHING OUT to people in my daily school life! As well as the whole parents factor as well <_<
BUT I can’t right now because my mom just told me to go to bed. Haha. I told her I still had work to do and stuff, but she said I could do it tmr. And I really doubt so, because I only have a time space of an hour, but I believe in faith that if I honour my mom now, God will honour me in turn. XD. Yeah.
So yes I have to go! And Lord please do take me through tmr. Through rushing assignment in morning, through tutorial, through newswriting test. And honouring You and gosh hopefully maybe bringing a few people closer to You. :D And of course even waking up to hit prayer group on time XD
Bless my mom too Lord, and my dad, for sticking with this wilful retard so long(:
Night guys :D Watch this space for a testimony. :DD
Dude that is such an awesome signoff line. “Watch This Space For A Testimony”
XDDDD HAHAHAHAH.
OKAY OKAY OKAY OKAY.
NIIIIGGGHTT<3
1:08 am
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
RAHH FREE DAY
So here I am sitting here pondering stuff. Primarily shouldn't there be work I should be doing and and I vaguely really really want to watch Iron Man but lack of buddies in tow equals failure. Sigh.
SO I GOT A NUMBER OF KICKASS DND PHOTOS YESTERDAY. : D It really does wonders for your general morale level to receive amazing photos in dry dry lectures after a whole long night of no sleep.
Wweell we were Dota-ing but that's a different matter altogether. Hmmph.
AND I WANT TO GIVE A BIG THANK YOU FOR ALL THOSE LOVELY PEOPLE WHO SKYPED WITH ME YESTERDAY DURING LECTURES. You made them bearable. Barely, but you guys were my saving grace. And yes I was still listening and taking notes. I swear. Haha. By God's grace(:
I just remembered vaguely the dream i had so i put it down here before it fades omg. I was hiding/running from some evil big corporation. Again. And the setting was this huge contruction structure, y'know, like those half wrapped in green gauzy cloth things we see when a building is being built. Lots of interconnecting rusty iron bars and poles and girdles forming like a maze/gym structure/cage thing. And it was huge. Like 50 levels kinda huge. And me and some people were hiding in it. I distinctly remember everyone in dream as having a face, I just can't remember who they were, especially the 2 dudes/1 woman in business suits hunting us down. :s
And I know there were a number of you guys in dream with me, I just can't remember who you were. Maybe vague freshie faces my brain just picked up on. Hfmmmmm.
We got caught, by the way. In the end haha. Two girls or something got caught and then they found us all and SOMEHOW I DON'T REMEMBER HOW we ended up in an lt.
Don't laugh. Yes. They held us in an Lt. Looked like a cross between the ones at block 73/50 and the room in Battle Royale.
O.o
I remember nothing much after that except somehow there was a room. Like a nice hotel/bedroom kinda room, and there were a bunch of us SU people. :s
And apparently Jeremy owned the room. And he had bottles of stuff or something. And I went downstairs and did some vague stuff, and somehow we ended up at a beach. Not Sentosa. Like Pasir Ris/East Coast kinda beach.
*ponders*
Lol. Its funny about my nice big dreams though. Its always the same. I'm always running. Hiding. Running again. And always from an evil big corporation. Sometimes I'm all alone and the world is under control by the corporation and all the people i know are out to get me too. I usually get a couple of lucky breaks, and have a couple of people that got my back and help me out. Other rebels or something. Was my parents once. But mostly friends. Sometimes like yesterday, there was a HUGE bunch of rebels with me.
And most of the time, except yesterday, I can fly at some point.
Like that time I was Harry Potter. Or that time I could inexplicably glide along really strong blasts of wind over the sea and stuff.
Yes I've dreamt that I've been Harry Potter. And had a whole pack of Death Eaters/Storm Troopers hunt me down led by Voldemort that somehow gave me overtones of Darth Vader. I hung from the moon that dream. And managed to hide in a chest of some sort. Briefly.
Hmm. I wonder what the psychologists make of this. They'd have a field day with me:
"He's always running."
"Yes, this indicates some deep-seated trauma.."
Etcetcetc. Lol. But yeah.
In the spirit of coming back to the topic at hand, THANK YOU AGAIN PEOPLE WHO MADE MY LIFE BEARABLE YESTERDAY. Pris. Bev. Yixin. All those other people with Yixin when she was the only one online on Skype I had to turn to who teamed up to make me snort with laughter in the first row with the lecturer just beyond my screen.
I just realised that lecturers read our blog.
*Oshit*
MS CHAN I WAS LISTENING K. I SWEAR. AND I TOOK DOWN EVERYTHINGGGG. D=
I'm so screwed. Lolololol.
So yes thank you Yixin, thank you Larris for being a moron and mooning me your boxers which was gross but it helped. Thanks Keith, and all the people I didn't know who waved hi. Thank You XD
No thanks to Sonia, who adamantly refused to get Skype when Yixin went offline briefly and I was struggling in horror.
...
...
...
...
It was really bad. I had to retreat to the damned toilet to sleep for 15 minutes, first in the Guy's washroom till people started coming in, then the Handicapped toilet on the toilet seat. Seriously now.
*shudder*
D=
And here comes the Pris entry. Haha. And no guys, don't go getting any ideas. Morons. Lol. I'm a strong believer in the friends-->good friends-->maybe maybe maybe a relationship theory, and in that case we have nothing to worry about, do we? Friends aren't forced. You don't have to "try and make a friendship work". You don't go for counsellings over friendships. Friendships aren't one-way. Lol. They be natural. They happen naturally or not at all. As opposed to the whole "i hit on girl, girl likes me, we date" thing. No pressure. We have nothing to worry about at all. Yes please :D
And when crushes happen, or if the friends we have suddenly start getting very attractive to us or have been from the get-go, we ignore them people, as much as we can, and let the waves pass. Aye. No reason why an attractive person shouldn't offer value as a simple friend too aye.
Haha. We're people too!
XD XD XD XD XD HAHAHHAAHHAAHHAHA.
:D
Yes back to Pris. As she was pretty much the person I talked the most to the whole day yesterday, I feel somewhat obliged to devote a portion of my musings to her somehow.
And no Keenan. You don't start coming in here and demanding posts of my days. Lolololol.
Pris...Pris is really nice to talk to. Haha. On so many levels. She's radiant, she's sweet, she's awfully serious when she has to be, and she has the prettiest smile. Haha. Yes girl, the reason why people remember your smile is not because you smile so much and you're keeping up a mask of smiles even when you feel bad and pissed no not at all. Its because its amazing. Its encouraging, its sweet, and it says a million things at once. God gave you the gift to smile girl, use it. Even with your luohan forehead. XD
I'm serious! Have you seen Pris's forehead lately!
Omfg. Lololol.
So Pris insisted she could be a bad girl. Because I'm too lazy to photoshop, I'm going to use the limiting capability of Preview butbut watch this:
No. Just. No. BAHAHAHHAAH. Omg internet cuts like in 10 minutes so I'll make rest of post quick. I'll upload my fun photos later maybe.
OR NOW AHHHHH.
Failed photo. Haha.
Dinner time (:
:D
THE GUYS:
Haha. And because this is Pei Bao's cam i really gotta give her some screen time:
(:
Apple looks extremely good that day with whatever she did to her hair. You should do that more often girl! You're a babe :D
Melissa is just an idiot, per usual.
HAHA IM KIDDING OW OW STOP BITING STOP BI-
(:
I'm going to end this post with my two favourite photos of the night with our lovely Pei Bao:
(:
If you say "focus please" I swear I will kill you.
RIGHT BYE LUNCHTIME
SO I GOT A NUMBER OF KICKASS DND PHOTOS YESTERDAY. : D It really does wonders for your general morale level to receive amazing photos in dry dry lectures after a whole long night of no sleep.
Wweell we were Dota-ing but that's a different matter altogether. Hmmph.
AND I WANT TO GIVE A BIG THANK YOU FOR ALL THOSE LOVELY PEOPLE WHO SKYPED WITH ME YESTERDAY DURING LECTURES. You made them bearable. Barely, but you guys were my saving grace. And yes I was still listening and taking notes. I swear. Haha. By God's grace(:
I just remembered vaguely the dream i had so i put it down here before it fades omg. I was hiding/running from some evil big corporation. Again. And the setting was this huge contruction structure, y'know, like those half wrapped in green gauzy cloth things we see when a building is being built. Lots of interconnecting rusty iron bars and poles and girdles forming like a maze/gym structure/cage thing. And it was huge. Like 50 levels kinda huge. And me and some people were hiding in it. I distinctly remember everyone in dream as having a face, I just can't remember who they were, especially the 2 dudes/1 woman in business suits hunting us down. :s
And I know there were a number of you guys in dream with me, I just can't remember who you were. Maybe vague freshie faces my brain just picked up on. Hfmmmmm.
We got caught, by the way. In the end haha. Two girls or something got caught and then they found us all and SOMEHOW I DON'T REMEMBER HOW we ended up in an lt.
Don't laugh. Yes. They held us in an Lt. Looked like a cross between the ones at block 73/50 and the room in Battle Royale.
O.o
I remember nothing much after that except somehow there was a room. Like a nice hotel/bedroom kinda room, and there were a bunch of us SU people. :s
And apparently Jeremy owned the room. And he had bottles of stuff or something. And I went downstairs and did some vague stuff, and somehow we ended up at a beach. Not Sentosa. Like Pasir Ris/East Coast kinda beach.
*ponders*
Lol. Its funny about my nice big dreams though. Its always the same. I'm always running. Hiding. Running again. And always from an evil big corporation. Sometimes I'm all alone and the world is under control by the corporation and all the people i know are out to get me too. I usually get a couple of lucky breaks, and have a couple of people that got my back and help me out. Other rebels or something. Was my parents once. But mostly friends. Sometimes like yesterday, there was a HUGE bunch of rebels with me.
And most of the time, except yesterday, I can fly at some point.
Like that time I was Harry Potter. Or that time I could inexplicably glide along really strong blasts of wind over the sea and stuff.
Yes I've dreamt that I've been Harry Potter. And had a whole pack of Death Eaters/Storm Troopers hunt me down led by Voldemort that somehow gave me overtones of Darth Vader. I hung from the moon that dream. And managed to hide in a chest of some sort. Briefly.
Hmm. I wonder what the psychologists make of this. They'd have a field day with me:
"He's always running."
"Yes, this indicates some deep-seated trauma.."
Etcetcetc. Lol. But yeah.
In the spirit of coming back to the topic at hand, THANK YOU AGAIN PEOPLE WHO MADE MY LIFE BEARABLE YESTERDAY. Pris. Bev. Yixin. All those other people with Yixin when she was the only one online on Skype I had to turn to who teamed up to make me snort with laughter in the first row with the lecturer just beyond my screen.
I just realised that lecturers read our blog.
*Oshit*
MS CHAN I WAS LISTENING K. I SWEAR. AND I TOOK DOWN EVERYTHINGGGG. D=
I'm so screwed. Lolololol.
So yes thank you Yixin, thank you Larris for being a moron and mooning me your boxers which was gross but it helped. Thanks Keith, and all the people I didn't know who waved hi. Thank You XD
No thanks to Sonia, who adamantly refused to get Skype when Yixin went offline briefly and I was struggling in horror.
...
...
...
...
It was really bad. I had to retreat to the damned toilet to sleep for 15 minutes, first in the Guy's washroom till people started coming in, then the Handicapped toilet on the toilet seat. Seriously now.
*shudder*
D=
And here comes the Pris entry. Haha. And no guys, don't go getting any ideas. Morons. Lol. I'm a strong believer in the friends-->good friends-->maybe maybe maybe a relationship theory, and in that case we have nothing to worry about, do we? Friends aren't forced. You don't have to "try and make a friendship work". You don't go for counsellings over friendships. Friendships aren't one-way. Lol. They be natural. They happen naturally or not at all. As opposed to the whole "i hit on girl, girl likes me, we date" thing. No pressure. We have nothing to worry about at all. Yes please :D
And when crushes happen, or if the friends we have suddenly start getting very attractive to us or have been from the get-go, we ignore them people, as much as we can, and let the waves pass. Aye. No reason why an attractive person shouldn't offer value as a simple friend too aye.
Haha. We're people too!
XD XD XD XD XD HAHAHHAAHHAAHHAHA.
:D
Yes back to Pris. As she was pretty much the person I talked the most to the whole day yesterday, I feel somewhat obliged to devote a portion of my musings to her somehow.
And no Keenan. You don't start coming in here and demanding posts of my days. Lolololol.
Pris...Pris is really nice to talk to. Haha. On so many levels. She's radiant, she's sweet, she's awfully serious when she has to be, and she has the prettiest smile. Haha. Yes girl, the reason why people remember your smile is not because you smile so much and you're keeping up a mask of smiles even when you feel bad and pissed no not at all. Its because its amazing. Its encouraging, its sweet, and it says a million things at once. God gave you the gift to smile girl, use it. Even with your luohan forehead. XD
I'm serious! Have you seen Pris's forehead lately!
Omfg. Lololol.
So Pris insisted she could be a bad girl. Because I'm too lazy to photoshop, I'm going to use the limiting capability of Preview butbut watch this:
No. Just. No. BAHAHAHHAAH. Omg internet cuts like in 10 minutes so I'll make rest of post quick. I'll upload my fun photos later maybe.
OR NOW AHHHHH.
Failed photo. Haha.
Dinner time (:
:D
THE GUYS:
Haha. And because this is Pei Bao's cam i really gotta give her some screen time:
(:
Apple looks extremely good that day with whatever she did to her hair. You should do that more often girl! You're a babe :D
Melissa is just an idiot, per usual.
HAHA IM KIDDING OW OW STOP BITING STOP BI-
(:
I'm going to end this post with my two favourite photos of the night with our lovely Pei Bao:
(:
If you say "focus please" I swear I will kill you.
RIGHT BYE LUNCHTIME
Sunday, May 4, 2008
Here in Your Presence[:
God I so need that song. Won't anyone that has it send it to me! Need! Not want! Like omg!
Found in Your hands, fullness of joy
Every fear suddenly wiped away here in Your presence
All of my gains now fade away
Every crown no longer on display, here in Your presence
Heaven is trembling in awe of Your wonders
The kings and their kingdom are standing amazed
: D Because its true aye. I was just wondering about this during worship yesterday. All that stress, all that commitments, all those things so hard to give up suddenly became wonderfully easy to throw away to spend my days worshipping God forever right there in the front in Your place in Your Presence Lord, so free and yet so safe in You.
But no I didn't say to throw out dancesports, to throw out possible ambs, to throw out possible SU and all that because! I know that once school starts again the choices will become increasingly hard all over again.
Oh Lord, for the choices to be easy ones. Will you make them easy? its like if I could give them up now haha sure then it would be easy but its not, its not, its so not and its really difficult and stuff and that's why I have to pray to You Lord, because there's nothing else I can do otherwise(:
Just take me where You want me to go with this, okay Lord? And mold me. Make it easier for me to serve You[:
And I trust that all you're making me go through right now is a lesson :D
--------------------------------------------------------------
So. I realise that I haven't done a raw honest reflection in a really long time on this thing, like they've been happening in a lot of chat convos and msn talks to be sure, but not here. Haha. Like it seems like I need to be in a really secure setting to talk about these things...and I don't especially feel that right now. Which is why I love church. I swear. Politics in school. Politics everywhere. But in COOS there's none of that. Only so much love. And I treasure that more than I can possibly say. Its like ringing undeniable proof that God Your way is the Only way Lord, for an environment with You at the centre of it is like.
:D
(:
Hahahahhaa. Getting back to the topic at hand, I've decided that I will attempt to make these posts as raw as I possibly can. Or try. I know that I am rawest when I'm talking to someone, or God, as proved in some of my previous posts, so maybe more of that. Who knows. Haha. Idkkk. This is my blog. My diary. For me. Primarily me. Not for readership. To help people, yes, but not for like be popular and stuff. So not my focus, at least I don't want it to be.
Its like in so many settings I watch what i say so much not because so much that I don't want to be vulnerable but more of me wanting to preserve the social situation. Not wanting to hurt people. Not wanting to let information out that might influence behavior towards another person. Not wanting to affect morale. Etc.
It occurs to me that I take responsibility for group dynamics a lot. More than I probably should. But its just like. ...Yeah. We all have this power to screw up other people don't we, even if not deliberately, and I just feel like I can do my part against that. Meh.
But I don't have to worry about that in church at all(:
XD
its like. Theres so much love! Or perhaps we only meet once a week so we don't have the time to get overly pissed at each other. Haha. But I know, if I love someone in church, that other person is going to love me back and not think i'm weird or irritating and shit, because hey we ARE supposed to love, because God first loved us so wonderfully and awesomely. :D
Actually its less about supposing than it is about a natural thing. Idk. It just happens, and I really appreciate that. XD
Especially when in real life I battle so many things every single day, worrying about whether I come off as being attention seeking, being a moron, being selfish, being snobbish, being arrogant, being immature, being irresponsible, being a loudmouth, being weird because I'm too high, being a traitor, being soooooo many goddamned things when really all I'm trying to do is navigate the goddamned waters of social life ):
And love everyone as much as I possibly can. I mean, that was my philosophy going into mass comm this year. I really sincerely want to love and just love and just love, but heck even saying hi to people walking in on lecture day can be hard when you're worrying about other people possibly thinking you an ass-kisser or fishing for attention. Or something. Bah. There's just that whole element of fear and all, see.
And there's none of that in church at all. I can trust in church, and as far as i'm concerned what i wouldn't give for church to become school :D
(:
Which is why heaven is going to be awwwwwessommeeeee. Lord take me soon aye. haha. I really don't mind. Whenever. But then again you've called me for that work of Yours so so much for going early :/
Yes I know that last line comes off as suicidal. No guys. No. I'm not going to jump in front of a bus to meet God. Neither am I going to strap a bomb onto myself to wage holy war on the babylonians. Why? Because it wouldn't do ANYTHING for the Christian faith at all. And that's how we should be. Our passion to take a stand should NEVER supercede our passion to LOVE!
Because without love, everything is meaningless, a noisy gong or a clashing of cymbals (:
1 Corinthians Chapter 13 XD
Wow how did I remember that verse! Because Charlene this morning for no rhyme or reason mentioned the chapter to me XD and look at it popping out now here [:
God You're awesome like that : DDDDD
Back to you guys, yes things like these happen. Little inexplicable things that come together at the end of the day for bigger miracles and revelations :D It happens with us for the little things in our lives, and it happens with our lives for the collective miracle of God's faith and wonderful story! XD
I can't wait for that day that we look back and every single thread of life and encounter and interaction with each other all across the world and across history and time we can see woven together for the great Glory of God :D
For those of you who love crazy plot twists and character developments in books and movies, this is where its at. Its amazingly hard to make everything work together seamlessly and for God to be able to do something like that for not only our lives but with our lives for Everything,
Words can't do justice for it. I love you Lord and I can't describe it, and You're hardly even done with me yet. XD
Won't you guys join the ride? (:
---------------------------------------------------------
How did we get there again? XD I don't know man, i came on to talk about blogging styles and maybe love a little bit, but i'm not complaining at all. : DDDD
Sooooooo. yes. I actually blog trawled today for the first time in a loooooooonngggg time, and I realised one of two things:
1) We all have sooooo different blogging styles, but blogging styles that all reach out somehow, in compelling ways to read. its amazing, and I can't define it.
Like Matt for instance. I don't know how he does it. Keenan too, just by being raw and random and so amazingly contemplative in a way I doubt I can ever be. Pris is just...amazing, expanding on love and love and all the parts about love we either don't bother to think about, or are too lazy to talk about, or are too afraid to talk about. Brandon's layout rocks my socks off and there is so much substance there, underlying the crazy bits we all have as youths(: Josh engages with the horrendous amounts of photos he takes, and Charmaine..Charmaine is just simple. Haha. But such a good read. Charlene no I didn't forget you is so sweet! I could never imagine typing in such a small font and such a dark layout and stuff but hey it works for her somehow! Bev. Bev is great too :D Hannah is really comforting(: Sonia's really funny! No matter how annoying she gets on msn[:
And it is so encouraging, to find right on the front page or hidden in some corner or in a whole month of entries, a part devoted to how much we all love God. :D
Who says Christians aren't cool. We so totally rock your socks off. XD
----------------------------------------
BLAH. SEE I'M TOO LAZY TO TALK ABOUT LOVE ALREADY HAHA. TOO BAD. MAYBE LATER YO.
I see you see me see you but do we really see?
Idk man. Random title. I have no idea where that came from but hey yay for titles being random and the first thing that come to mind and all that. Yahhhhh. I admit that this post is liek a direct response to Sonia's boasting that 'OH I CAN RAMBLE ON AND ON AND ON AND YOUR POSTS ARE REALLY SHORT'.
HAHA SONIA YOU HAVE NO IDEA.
Blah. Meh. Nothing's in my head right now except a vague feeling that i really should reply Keenan's sms, expouse on a couple of photos, and maybe talk about love, which i honestly haven't given much thought to in a really long time :/
I thought I was done with that crap*sigh*
D=
D=D=D=D=D=D=D=D=
*replies Keenan's sms*
XD
There we go. Now if I can get on to all the other stuff that needs doing today that I really should be doing now..
:/
BLAHHHHHH. Haha. Right. Uhm. I was gonna talk about photos and here's my favourite at the moment:
I think my cheeks kinda spoil the photo though. Bmmph. :|
And no, Gracia isn't the girl I referred to in my previous post. Lol. Eh. If you think you know who it is, chances are you're probably definitely without a doubt wrong. Even if you're really close to me XD
And if you think its you, OH PLEASE HAHAHHAHAHA.
XD.
Rah. So church yesterday was really good. Not on the personal "whoa" level that it was on last week for me, but definitely relevant. Even if it seemed like I was sleeping but I really wasn't haha but oh God was I tired. Lol. Its been a crazy two days. Friday doesn't seem like it was two days ago, tbh :/
Huh. I knowwww. I knowwwww. Lord yes I know You're in control and whether I do well or not is entirely up to you and all I gotta do is try my best, and I really shouldn't have anything to worry about, but I'm still desperately afraid of screwing up. in any possible way. Screwing up any module. Screwing up any project. Screwing up dancesports. Dance. Amb not so bad but its added stress there as well. Screwing up relationships. Turning away people. Being mean. Not loving and caring as much as I should. Etc.
I know You don't expect me to be perfect Lord, but on some level I feel I should be trying to be
And that is a huge weight on my shoulders at the mo, how hard "I'm trying"
The irony. Perhaps I should be trying my best to be trying my best. Lol. Blahhhh. All of that. I don't feel like going into all of that right now haha(:
Yes Lord I know you're there so won't You please give the peace that I know in my head but I want to know in my heart? You've given me that calm to do your work and to do things for Your Glory before so I know in faith its entirely possible for You :D
Its coming already(:
HAHA LIKE WHOA MAN HAHAHHAHA. :D
:D
On some level I know that all the stress I'm going through right now is training for all the stress I'll be facing further on in life for what God has called me to be. Lol. That stress of being a leader, of taking on the burden of the "group", that feeling and reality of all eyes on me to be a model etc. Haha. Okay if you put it that way Lord. I just gotta lean on you more XD.
: D
I really should be doing quiet time more.. Perhaps I should start that whole using blog as QT space regularly again. God knows its effective, and it gives me peace, draws me closer to God and helps other people so yes okay i should and yes I will XD
Or at less I hope I will! Lololol. Uhm. Haha. But seriously yeah I remember me and Hannah were talking about this a long time ago, blogs are one of the greatest ways of reaching out. For so many reasons. Yeah haha.
My keyboard seems to be really unresponsive somehow ahhhhhhhhh gaahhhh lol.
No mac. I forbid you to spoil. ><
RIGHT. I'M TOO LAZY TO TALK ABOUT THAT WHOLE LOVE THING NOW SO LATER HAHA MAYBE IN FIVE MINUTES OR SOMETHING I DON'T KNOW. GOODBYE XD
Night at 2.33pm :D~
HAHA SONIA YOU HAVE NO IDEA.
Blah. Meh. Nothing's in my head right now except a vague feeling that i really should reply Keenan's sms, expouse on a couple of photos, and maybe talk about love, which i honestly haven't given much thought to in a really long time :/
I thought I was done with that crap*sigh*
D=
D=D=D=D=D=D=D=D=
*replies Keenan's sms*
XD
There we go. Now if I can get on to all the other stuff that needs doing today that I really should be doing now..
:/
BLAHHHHHH. Haha. Right. Uhm. I was gonna talk about photos and here's my favourite at the moment:
I think my cheeks kinda spoil the photo though. Bmmph. :|
And no, Gracia isn't the girl I referred to in my previous post. Lol. Eh. If you think you know who it is, chances are you're probably definitely without a doubt wrong. Even if you're really close to me XD
And if you think its you, OH PLEASE HAHAHHAHAHA.
XD.
Rah. So church yesterday was really good. Not on the personal "whoa" level that it was on last week for me, but definitely relevant. Even if it seemed like I was sleeping but I really wasn't haha but oh God was I tired. Lol. Its been a crazy two days. Friday doesn't seem like it was two days ago, tbh :/
Huh. I knowwww. I knowwwww. Lord yes I know You're in control and whether I do well or not is entirely up to you and all I gotta do is try my best, and I really shouldn't have anything to worry about, but I'm still desperately afraid of screwing up. in any possible way. Screwing up any module. Screwing up any project. Screwing up dancesports. Dance. Amb not so bad but its added stress there as well. Screwing up relationships. Turning away people. Being mean. Not loving and caring as much as I should. Etc.
I know You don't expect me to be perfect Lord, but on some level I feel I should be trying to be
And that is a huge weight on my shoulders at the mo, how hard "I'm trying"
The irony. Perhaps I should be trying my best to be trying my best. Lol. Blahhhh. All of that. I don't feel like going into all of that right now haha(:
Yes Lord I know you're there so won't You please give the peace that I know in my head but I want to know in my heart? You've given me that calm to do your work and to do things for Your Glory before so I know in faith its entirely possible for You :D
Its coming already(:
HAHA LIKE WHOA MAN HAHAHHAHA. :D
:D
On some level I know that all the stress I'm going through right now is training for all the stress I'll be facing further on in life for what God has called me to be. Lol. That stress of being a leader, of taking on the burden of the "group", that feeling and reality of all eyes on me to be a model etc. Haha. Okay if you put it that way Lord. I just gotta lean on you more XD.
: D
I really should be doing quiet time more.. Perhaps I should start that whole using blog as QT space regularly again. God knows its effective, and it gives me peace, draws me closer to God and helps other people so yes okay i should and yes I will XD
Or at less I hope I will! Lololol. Uhm. Haha. But seriously yeah I remember me and Hannah were talking about this a long time ago, blogs are one of the greatest ways of reaching out. For so many reasons. Yeah haha.
My keyboard seems to be really unresponsive somehow ahhhhhhhhh gaahhhh lol.
No mac. I forbid you to spoil. ><
RIGHT. I'M TOO LAZY TO TALK ABOUT THAT WHOLE LOVE THING NOW SO LATER HAHA MAYBE IN FIVE MINUTES OR SOMETHING I DON'T KNOW. GOODBYE XD
Night at 2.33pm :D~
Saturday, May 3, 2008
Rawr.
You so know you want me. Dude. That's like fine. Like dude. Dude. Duuuuuuude.
I swear Keenan has the most kickass random stuff ever. I mean. With the afro?
Or the turkey in the straw hat!
I realise the upper part of this post is one huge pink floyd advertisment. CAN I CHARGE.
God knows I need the money :/
That's all i'm posting for now lol. Dnd was. Uhm.
Uhm.
Yeah.
Photos once I get my hands on them! :D
Rah. So much I want to ramble on and on about right now. Sonia. Bev. Church!!!! :D Er. Stuff. Y'know. the usual. Blaaahhhhhh.
I realised today that I've rather ungracefully fallen for someone again.
Damn. I thought I was cured and that I knew better ):
One ponders how one managed to let my heart's guard down :/
Sigh ah well right. Haha. Later guys (:
O.o :/
Sunday, April 20, 2008
OO-ER
HEY BOOYA
And here I am with as little fanfare as possible..
I figure that no one is going to want to endure my forced rambling about FOC, awesome as it was, or FMS FOC, retarded as it was, and the rest of my crazy life since then. So THERES A HUGE VOID THERE BUT SAD IF YOU WERE THERE WITH ME COOL IF NOT BLEH.
So I attempted to be constructive today and attempted my virgin poem in the spirit of homework. In the spirit of hypocrisy I have not touched my tvpro script at all. I'm doomed.
OLAY
:blink:
Advertising. Don't ask. But I think my group/team/whatever rocks, and Lord I pray that You give me the resolve and the everything to serve them as best as I can. With You through me. Just be with me Lord(:
Yes coming back to poem. Here it is :o
--------------------------------------------
I Remember
I remember us, Anna.
Back when we were near-inseparable.
As friends, nothing more-
But maybe there could have been.
According to everyone else, anyway.
You remember that field we used to go to?
Its strange to talk like this
Cause I’ve buried your memories
So deep
So far down
And I’m okay with that.
Not thinking about you and how you used to make me feel
All the money in the world won’t bring you back
And I’m okay with that.
I remember that day.
I remember tickling you so hard with wild abandon
Yet trying God-awfully hard to stick to our boundaries
Just friends, nothing more.
No kisses
No arms around shoulders
No staring into those deep dark eyes that sparkled so
The universe was in your eyes
And maybe, just maybe
There was an inch of you that felt the same way
I remember the pool and the water slides.
The ashen-white faces of the guards watching us
As we shoved each other and the dog into the water
And put the hapless dog down the slide
Before we got kicked out, anyway.
But we didn’t care, no.
Nothing else mattered that day except us two.
And I hoped beyond hope that
Maybe, just maybe
There was an inch of you that felt the same way
I remember the grassy field
The one we retreated to in indignant chagrin
And I remember the indignation evaporating almost instantly
The smiling sun, the cool breeze and the dancing water sprinklers telling us
This wasn’t quite so bad after all!
And I remember the hours we spent there that day
Just lying there in our soaked belongings
Head to head,
Toe to toe
Me in my school things and you in your FBTs
And I remember tickling you so hard in wild abandon…
-------------------------------------------------
I've never really wanted to write poems because it took me sooooo long to claw myself out of that emo pit, back then, and writing poems as far as I know involve me jumping back into that sad sad pit of pathetic sappyness. Like uh. There was this period of time that I wrote poems on my handphone, in tears and in the dark and in impulsive torrential grief. Lol. That was two handphones ago, and those poems are probably lost to the world now. Good riddance :p
SO TODAY WAS UBER FUN.
Dota with Keenan is lol. We always figure out some way to make the game epic, somehow.
And oh yes was it epic
I've also decided I'm going to join dancesports because I can :o
WELL OKAY GOODBYE IM BORED ALREADY GOODNIGHT
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Insight wow
"I can only be there for you, and you and you, if you let me in"
Wow. Just wow. I was pondering this thought i had and suddenly God told me: that's how I feel about every single one of you on this earth.
:o
Its like yeah. No matter how much I want to be there, help, comfort, love some of you guys that God has given me the capacity to love, I can only do it if you let me even if i have some of the greatest advice in the world because it doesn't matter for anything if you aren't there to listen.
And God feels like that X a million million.
:o :o :o
Okay laters! Gotta finish up the spaghetti and head out to meet Josh and date and Sharyl and Meiling and Abby! : D
:o
Its like yeah. No matter how much I want to be there, help, comfort, love some of you guys that God has given me the capacity to love, I can only do it if you let me even if i have some of the greatest advice in the world because it doesn't matter for anything if you aren't there to listen.
And God feels like that X a million million.
:o :o :o
Okay laters! Gotta finish up the spaghetti and head out to meet Josh and date and Sharyl and Meiling and Abby! : D
I'M GOOD. I'M GOOD. AHHHHHHHHHH HOTHOTHOTTTT
HAHA
TODAY WAS DAMN FUN KAY
I'm just going to cut past the rest of the stuff and just dwell on the chili incident.
CHILI SHOTS ARE LIKE HAHA INSANE.
Its liek more fun than drinking. No really. Concentrated chili shots. Ommmgggg. Again. Next week. I swear.
NO ITS REALLY MORE FUN THAN DRINKING. PUKING PART INCLUDED.
HAHA.
We need a cameraman k i swear to go around taking pictures of our shenigans..
Okay yeah today's service was amazing. So good. The message especially. Lord that's the kind of speaker I want to be for you. Jumping all over the place with uncontrolled passion XD
The message itself was like whoa....so many notes. Like 6 whole pages. Guy went bloody fast. We didn't even try taking down verses. He was just shooting them out. So we mugged the guy afterwards and got his personal notes he had in his fist. XD
Bible study this week is gonna be all that mannnnnn. And I WILL COMMIT.
Heehee. Okay wait what my laptop clock stopped? ITS 10 ALREADY. AHHH. I DC-ED.
Now i gotta camp with this window open till like tmr afternoon or something... ):
Mel you really should have come. Whoa. Haha. The message was like so much speaking to you. The Word of God. How words have power. Taming the tongue. How what we say becomes what we believe in and who we are. How to battle temptation by just keep speaking the Word of God. Because Jesus is the Word of God made flesh. And essentially repeating that whatever verse over and over again is speaking Him into the situation. Power of Word of God. Battling what people say about us by using Word of God. E.g people saying we're stupid--> Bible says we have the Mind of Christ so that's not possible(: Just keep speaking the Word of God to our mountains(problems). God being bigger than problems and focusing on God--> ties in so much with PMC's message about dealing with problems for me I think I know why you called me to go yesterday Lord(: And then healing testimonies. Cheering self up through God's Word. Speaking in tongues. Getting high on God XDDDDD
I'm very aware the crappy format the above is in but aw hell....
Jesus I loooooooooveee you and you have given me this unbridled energy and passion so LETS GO CRAZY FOR YOU HAHA.
And all that....
Yeah. Loads have happened this past two weeks in Trial Camp, afters, laptop sales, trashtalks, revival in school, leaning on each other, struggling with guilt, finally letting God take it, altar calls, overnight prayer, loooooong overnights in school, power cheer, voice retardation, dota resurrection, basketball, bad movie followed by hilarious arcade outings, NEW HEADPHONES FINALLY, bus rides with Ana, much ups and downs and changes with identity and relationship with God, being a child again, trying to follow with unquestioned faith, random call by God to hit PMC, being wowed, meeting Mel's parents (:s), good throwback to hymns and a more reserved service structure that actually felt good and familiar too(: , walk down memory lane back in ol' Pasir Ris childhood parks, hilarious headbanging facepalming dota outing with Keenan, unlimited pasta at home :o , and I shall stop here because I think your eyes are hurting right now XD.
Yeah. My life is drama personified. Don't you so want to be my friend.
HAHAAHAHAHHAHA.
Oh and I probably won't make a habit of going to PMC. So don't worry your head Mel, I have no intention of coming in and changing the dynamics and I can't commit and serve to/in two churches at once fully anyway(: Only when God calls me to which actually I think He is a little bit <_<,> but this is a pretty big thing to impulsively decide on, don't you think. I'll let it lie (:
I mean like, yeah....weirdness X a million much lol.
Jeez. Lol.
ALRIGHT I HAVE NOTHING MORE TO SAY HERES WITHOUT RAMBLING ON AND ON AND ON SO I SHALL END THIS NICELY K.
Love y'all and goodnight(:
~
TODAY WAS DAMN FUN KAY
I'm just going to cut past the rest of the stuff and just dwell on the chili incident.
CHILI SHOTS ARE LIKE HAHA INSANE.
Its liek more fun than drinking. No really. Concentrated chili shots. Ommmgggg. Again. Next week. I swear.
NO ITS REALLY MORE FUN THAN DRINKING. PUKING PART INCLUDED.
HAHA.
We need a cameraman k i swear to go around taking pictures of our shenigans..
Okay yeah today's service was amazing. So good. The message especially. Lord that's the kind of speaker I want to be for you. Jumping all over the place with uncontrolled passion XD
The message itself was like whoa....so many notes. Like 6 whole pages. Guy went bloody fast. We didn't even try taking down verses. He was just shooting them out. So we mugged the guy afterwards and got his personal notes he had in his fist. XD
Bible study this week is gonna be all that mannnnnn. And I WILL COMMIT.
Heehee. Okay wait what my laptop clock stopped? ITS 10 ALREADY. AHHH. I DC-ED.
Now i gotta camp with this window open till like tmr afternoon or something... ):
Mel you really should have come. Whoa. Haha. The message was like so much speaking to you. The Word of God. How words have power. Taming the tongue. How what we say becomes what we believe in and who we are. How to battle temptation by just keep speaking the Word of God. Because Jesus is the Word of God made flesh. And essentially repeating that whatever verse over and over again is speaking Him into the situation. Power of Word of God. Battling what people say about us by using Word of God. E.g people saying we're stupid--> Bible says we have the Mind of Christ so that's not possible(: Just keep speaking the Word of God to our mountains(problems). God being bigger than problems and focusing on God--> ties in so much with PMC's message about dealing with problems for me I think I know why you called me to go yesterday Lord(: And then healing testimonies. Cheering self up through God's Word. Speaking in tongues. Getting high on God XDDDDD
I'm very aware the crappy format the above is in but aw hell....
Jesus I loooooooooveee you and you have given me this unbridled energy and passion so LETS GO CRAZY FOR YOU HAHA.
And all that....
Yeah. Loads have happened this past two weeks in Trial Camp, afters, laptop sales, trashtalks, revival in school, leaning on each other, struggling with guilt, finally letting God take it, altar calls, overnight prayer, loooooong overnights in school, power cheer, voice retardation, dota resurrection, basketball, bad movie followed by hilarious arcade outings, NEW HEADPHONES FINALLY, bus rides with Ana, much ups and downs and changes with identity and relationship with God, being a child again, trying to follow with unquestioned faith, random call by God to hit PMC, being wowed, meeting Mel's parents (:s), good throwback to hymns and a more reserved service structure that actually felt good and familiar too(: , walk down memory lane back in ol' Pasir Ris childhood parks, hilarious headbanging facepalming dota outing with Keenan, unlimited pasta at home :o , and I shall stop here because I think your eyes are hurting right now XD.
Yeah. My life is drama personified. Don't you so want to be my friend.
HAHAAHAHAHHAHA.
Oh and I probably won't make a habit of going to PMC. So don't worry your head Mel, I have no intention of coming in and changing the dynamics and I can't commit and serve to/in two churches at once fully anyway(: Only when God calls me to which actually I think He is a little bit <_<,> but this is a pretty big thing to impulsively decide on, don't you think. I'll let it lie (:
I mean like, yeah....weirdness X a million much lol.
Jeez. Lol.
ALRIGHT I HAVE NOTHING MORE TO SAY HERES WITHOUT RAMBLING ON AND ON AND ON SO I SHALL END THIS NICELY K.
Love y'all and goodnight(:
~
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Lets just clean slate this whole thing.
I'M A CHRISTIAN AND I DON'T WANT TO USE EXPLETIVES AND I WANT TO LOVE PEOPLE LIKE GOD LOVES ME.
I want to make my stand in FOC
I want to make my stand in FOC
Boo back
Hello. Well guess what im not going to blog about camp, or laptop sales, or overnight movie sleepover thingies.
It was cool and okay and all, but some things are better left forgotten.
Lord all I want is You take me back please and don't let me do anything not of You because life without You in the picture kinda blows aye.
I miss all my churchmates
Monday, March 10, 2008
And as promised :D
Hello. So my head hurts a little and my neck is cramping and I really should go pack for 4 days of the funnest camp I’ll ever be at, but I promised myself and y’all that I’d blog about the serious stuff at some point. So here it is. What I selectively remember of it, anyway :D
XD
Rawrrrrr. I need a raspberry cream blended frapp.
Like eeek gahhh. Oh, I have more Abby bimbo convo material that I forgot to put up but I thought I’d save it for our:o her wedding or someday when I want to embarrass the holy crap outta her :D
Yes I love you too Abbs :rolls eyes:
ANYWAY. YES. Friday was a pretty epic day all things considered. Flag painting, entire hand silver spraying that Jeremy promised me he’d send me the photo of whooo major kick ass :D:D
→Big Thing 1:←
But what mattered to me most that day was the entirely random 5 frickken 5 hour phone call I had with Melissa out of the blue :blink:
I mean like do you comprehend how long a 5 hour convo is. Its like. A half-an-hour torturous period of Chinese x10 in a row. 3 lectures on lecture day. More time than most of us spend sleeping during school days :o
Like what the hell mannn. And yes it was very atypical that at least half the conversation was about God :D
I mean like whoa man I love when that happens. Two random people who hardly know each other instantly finding common ground just like that snap once they find out they both love Jesus Christ our Savior Lord and Risen King to nuts, like boogly woogly pink candy floss nuts :D
And God knows I love talking about God:D
I have no idea where that pink candy floss stuff came from…
YES ANYWAY.
I found out that Mel was a Christian that other day in Fort Canning Park. And then I found out WeiJian was a Christian too from Heart of God church where Ignite was, of all places, and he was at Ignite too that conference that did oh-my-goodness so much for me and really put fire in our hearts to run out and reach people in our school :D:D
Freakkyyyyyy. (:
I’m not so alone after all it seems :D
I WANT TO JUMP FOR YOU LORD JUST BECAUSE I CAN :D
I love Youuuuuuuuuuuuuuu \(^-^)/
XDDDDD
And let me just say here that for all of Mel’s annoying idiosyncracies (half of which are mine too :s), she’s an amazing person who really loves and lifts everyone around her so much that it’s impossible to ignore. You’re going to go horribly far in life, Mel, loving people so openly and unafraidly the way you do(:
And God’s never ever going to let you go, He’s got his arms firmly wrapped around you in so many ways and on so many levels so don’t stress out so much kay(:
And here our beloved 150cm TALL sister was adamantly telling me that I had this gift that would enable me to help others and that she felt I was going to end up being a ********** for God but nahhhh I brushed it off because I really didn’t think ( and still don’t) that I was good enough. That I’m up to the task. Because I’m well aware of how much I DON’T know, how much I am still enslaved to the desires of the flesh, how I don’t love enough, how I can’t even push myself past the psychological barrier to evangelise to my friends, among other things. Like no way in hell mannnn. Haha. Lord. I’m not possibly ready and I’m afraid to stand up and say “Ooooh I’m going to be this ******” because if I screw up and backslide and mess up my life its going to make me look horribly stupid for being an upstart and thinking I was up to this, on top of making God+the church look stupid, as well as letting them down.
Because I’m terrified of failing for You God, it’s a pretty biiiig thing :o
→Big Thing 1 (End :x)←
So retardedly hilarious zombie movie aside and other things that I forget, we ended call and headed to bed like whoops BECAUSE NEITHER OF US WAS SUPPOSED TO SLEEP.
Which brings us to the next day ><
Saturday:
WOKE UP AT 10 FOR MEETING IN SCHOOL AT 1030 AHHHHH DIE.
I supposed I deserved it though, sleeping at 5 like that ><
Taxiied ):
HAHA anyway. Got loads of encouragement unprecedentedly from Apple-not-the-company-the-sweet-girl about school results like yay :D
Thank you Lord I tried desperately to honour you with my work this sem and You came through like :DDDDDD how can I not praise you(: (: (:
Like I even need another reason….
X)
SO YES FLAG PAINTING AND PEOPLE LAUGHING AT MY PINK SHIRT (D=) ASIDE, AND BANANA EXPEDITIONS WITH KEENAN ASIDE,
I managed to find my way to service(:
Which rocked like crazzyyyyyy. I definitely needed the replenishment, Lord. People ask why do Christians have to go to church when we’re already saved and don’t have to do anything anymore! Well hey, because it stops the backsliding. Because God uses services and fellowship to remind us oh-so-much why we came to him in the first place. It keeps us sane. It makes living in the world each week a little easier. Because it replenishes our spiritual water bottles after a week of exhaustion and draining away.
And those are just the benefits of the top of my head. Me, I go simply because:
I love You God and I can’t get enough of You and I want to worship You every chance I get because You’re worth it(:
I am in awe of You(: (: (:
→Big Thing 2 :o ←
Something happened at the end of service which awed and terrified me all at the same time
Like, yeah.
Long story short, Guest Speaker Pastor whatshername I forget felt compelled by God to send an altar call for people she felt in the room were being called by God for a specific service in the church. To serve. To be anointed. To lead. To devote their lives in that specific way to God that God had already been telling them throughout the week. And she called those people who God had been moving through to come to the front in a physical expression of taking charge of that destiny, of doing something about it.
And I blanched.
Because my that calling had happened the day before
Yes, the Melissa convo :o
Headrush. My first instinctive reaction was “No that can’t be right. It doesn’t count”. “It can’t be me.”
“I’m not up to this”
“I daren’t, Lord, I don’t want to screw this up”
“Are You sure”
“I’m afraid”
“What if I’m mistaken”
But then God said to me:
“I’ve called you to this destiny before, you know you remember”
And yeah, He had. :s I couldn’t deny that. Happened last year. Out of the blue. Went up, got prayed for, but I just let it die after a while.
And now I know irrevocably what God has called me to be.
:s
D=
:o
:o :o
Funny how God works like that.
And it terrifies me Lord, that I’ll screw up or something, don’t let me go kay cause there’s no possible way I can do this without you.
For consider your calling, brothers: not many of you were wise according to worldly standards, not many were powerful, not many were of noble birth.
But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong.
He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things – and the things that are not - to nullify the things that are,
So that no one may boast before him.
~1 Corinthians 1:26-29
I’m terrified, Lord, but I love You and I’m ready to give up anything for You( I hope), and I’ll serve You if You’ll have me(:
So holey moley :o
Yeah. Lol. Entirely in awe. Went to dinner with Hannah(+ Jonathan-green-eyes and Charmaine-hat-girl) because I like her company and she went up for altar call too and it turns out she was called to be a worship leader. So cool right. (:
I think I’m going to try to get into the habit of discussing the service and how it impacted us over dinner with my dinner people, instead of just making fun of Shereen and any other hapless ditzy bimbo who happens across our path XD
It shouldn’t be too hard cause we’re all nuts over God(:
And I’m nuts over them :D Like really man. Like I’ve spent so much time with Kappa Tau people lately heh as it should be XD and I have tons of fun with them and all but by Friday I couldn’t wait to see my church people alr. Pretty most almost nothing beats fellowship with people who love God like you do. Cause He’s the center of our lives and the core of our relationships and that’s nothing that tops that feeling cept fellowship with God Himself :D :D
Heehee.
→Big Thing 2 (End :D)←
Which brings us to Big Thing 3(:
→Big Thing 3←
HAHA. THIS BIG THING FORMAT IS SEMI-RETARDED
:/
So there was dinner right. I dragged Charmaine along for dinner because I missed her like crazy (yes I actually do, you moronic girl -_-) and because she needed cheering up. At my expense as usual. Especially once Celine and Natty showed up.
For those not in the know Celine is Charr’s little sister who is possibly even scarier than she is and Nat is their Godsister who is just plain crazy
But let’s not talk about that turn of events because i say so(;
:D
Anyway, it somehow culminated in me jumping into their cab with them because Charmaine and I wanted to talk somemore, and we headed over to Nat’s place to chill at the playground with the swings and the stars(:
Minus the mini-morons, of course :raises hands in exasperation:
Night heart-to-heart talks are pretty much what I live for(:
It sucks though that everyone that agrees with me stays like insanely far away from me and by insanely far I mean not walkable. I’m not going to walk a bloody 45 minutes to anybody’s playground k thanks no.
But yeah, we have to do that more often, girl, was tons of fun(:
Hang in there in school aye. And get your mom to adopt me already…
YES?
--------------------------------------
Goodnight, all, I have a camp to rock the house down :D
GOODNIGHT, LOVE YOU
Rawr.
Eh, I've just realised that Charr has packed herself off for a week to Bangkok possibly already idk lolol its like :o
OKAY LATERS.
XD
Rawrrrrr. I need a raspberry cream blended frapp.
Like eeek gahhh. Oh, I have more Abby bimbo convo material that I forgot to put up but I thought I’d save it for our:o her wedding or someday when I want to embarrass the holy crap outta her :D
Yes I love you too Abbs :rolls eyes:
ANYWAY. YES. Friday was a pretty epic day all things considered. Flag painting, entire hand silver spraying that Jeremy promised me he’d send me the photo of whooo major kick ass :D:D
→Big Thing 1:←
But what mattered to me most that day was the entirely random 5 frickken 5 hour phone call I had with Melissa out of the blue :blink:
I mean like do you comprehend how long a 5 hour convo is. Its like. A half-an-hour torturous period of Chinese x10 in a row. 3 lectures on lecture day. More time than most of us spend sleeping during school days :o
Like what the hell mannn. And yes it was very atypical that at least half the conversation was about God :D
I mean like whoa man I love when that happens. Two random people who hardly know each other instantly finding common ground just like that snap once they find out they both love Jesus Christ our Savior Lord and Risen King to nuts, like boogly woogly pink candy floss nuts :D
And God knows I love talking about God:D
I have no idea where that pink candy floss stuff came from…
YES ANYWAY.
I found out that Mel was a Christian that other day in Fort Canning Park. And then I found out WeiJian was a Christian too from Heart of God church where Ignite was, of all places, and he was at Ignite too that conference that did oh-my-goodness so much for me and really put fire in our hearts to run out and reach people in our school :D:D
Freakkyyyyyy. (:
I’m not so alone after all it seems :D
I WANT TO JUMP FOR YOU LORD JUST BECAUSE I CAN :D
I love Youuuuuuuuuuuuuuu \(^-^)/
XDDDDD
And let me just say here that for all of Mel’s annoying idiosyncracies (half of which are mine too :s), she’s an amazing person who really loves and lifts everyone around her so much that it’s impossible to ignore. You’re going to go horribly far in life, Mel, loving people so openly and unafraidly the way you do(:
And God’s never ever going to let you go, He’s got his arms firmly wrapped around you in so many ways and on so many levels so don’t stress out so much kay(:
And here our beloved 150cm TALL sister was adamantly telling me that I had this gift that would enable me to help others and that she felt I was going to end up being a ********** for God but nahhhh I brushed it off because I really didn’t think ( and still don’t) that I was good enough. That I’m up to the task. Because I’m well aware of how much I DON’T know, how much I am still enslaved to the desires of the flesh, how I don’t love enough, how I can’t even push myself past the psychological barrier to evangelise to my friends, among other things. Like no way in hell mannnn. Haha. Lord. I’m not possibly ready and I’m afraid to stand up and say “Ooooh I’m going to be this ******” because if I screw up and backslide and mess up my life its going to make me look horribly stupid for being an upstart and thinking I was up to this, on top of making God+the church look stupid, as well as letting them down.
Because I’m terrified of failing for You God, it’s a pretty biiiig thing :o
→Big Thing 1 (End :x)←
So retardedly hilarious zombie movie aside and other things that I forget, we ended call and headed to bed like whoops BECAUSE NEITHER OF US WAS SUPPOSED TO SLEEP.
Which brings us to the next day ><
Saturday:
WOKE UP AT 10 FOR MEETING IN SCHOOL AT 1030 AHHHHH DIE.
I supposed I deserved it though, sleeping at 5 like that ><
Taxiied ):
HAHA anyway. Got loads of encouragement unprecedentedly from Apple-not-the-company-the-sweet-girl about school results like yay :D
Thank you Lord I tried desperately to honour you with my work this sem and You came through like :DDDDDD how can I not praise you(: (: (:
Like I even need another reason….
X)
SO YES FLAG PAINTING AND PEOPLE LAUGHING AT MY PINK SHIRT (D=) ASIDE, AND BANANA EXPEDITIONS WITH KEENAN ASIDE,
I managed to find my way to service(:
Which rocked like crazzyyyyyy. I definitely needed the replenishment, Lord. People ask why do Christians have to go to church when we’re already saved and don’t have to do anything anymore! Well hey, because it stops the backsliding. Because God uses services and fellowship to remind us oh-so-much why we came to him in the first place. It keeps us sane. It makes living in the world each week a little easier. Because it replenishes our spiritual water bottles after a week of exhaustion and draining away.
And those are just the benefits of the top of my head. Me, I go simply because:
I love You God and I can’t get enough of You and I want to worship You every chance I get because You’re worth it(:
I am in awe of You(: (: (:
→Big Thing 2 :o ←
Something happened at the end of service which awed and terrified me all at the same time
Like, yeah.
Long story short, Guest Speaker Pastor whatshername I forget felt compelled by God to send an altar call for people she felt in the room were being called by God for a specific service in the church. To serve. To be anointed. To lead. To devote their lives in that specific way to God that God had already been telling them throughout the week. And she called those people who God had been moving through to come to the front in a physical expression of taking charge of that destiny, of doing something about it.
And I blanched.
Because my that calling had happened the day before
Yes, the Melissa convo :o
Headrush. My first instinctive reaction was “No that can’t be right. It doesn’t count”. “It can’t be me.”
“I’m not up to this”
“I daren’t, Lord, I don’t want to screw this up”
“Are You sure”
“I’m afraid”
“What if I’m mistaken”
But then God said to me:
“I’ve called you to this destiny before, you know you remember”
And yeah, He had. :s I couldn’t deny that. Happened last year. Out of the blue. Went up, got prayed for, but I just let it die after a while.
And now I know irrevocably what God has called me to be.
:s
D=
:o
:o :o
Funny how God works like that.
And it terrifies me Lord, that I’ll screw up or something, don’t let me go kay cause there’s no possible way I can do this without you.
For consider your calling, brothers: not many of you were wise according to worldly standards, not many were powerful, not many were of noble birth.
But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong.
He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things – and the things that are not - to nullify the things that are,
So that no one may boast before him.
~1 Corinthians 1:26-29
I’m terrified, Lord, but I love You and I’m ready to give up anything for You( I hope), and I’ll serve You if You’ll have me(:
So holey moley :o
Yeah. Lol. Entirely in awe. Went to dinner with Hannah(+ Jonathan-green-eyes and Charmaine-hat-girl) because I like her company and she went up for altar call too and it turns out she was called to be a worship leader. So cool right. (:
I think I’m going to try to get into the habit of discussing the service and how it impacted us over dinner with my dinner people, instead of just making fun of Shereen and any other hapless ditzy bimbo who happens across our path XD
It shouldn’t be too hard cause we’re all nuts over God(:
And I’m nuts over them :D Like really man. Like I’ve spent so much time with Kappa Tau people lately heh as it should be XD and I have tons of fun with them and all but by Friday I couldn’t wait to see my church people alr. Pretty most almost nothing beats fellowship with people who love God like you do. Cause He’s the center of our lives and the core of our relationships and that’s nothing that tops that feeling cept fellowship with God Himself :D :D
Heehee.
→Big Thing 2 (End :D)←
Which brings us to Big Thing 3(:
→Big Thing 3←
HAHA. THIS BIG THING FORMAT IS SEMI-RETARDED
:/
So there was dinner right. I dragged Charmaine along for dinner because I missed her like crazy (yes I actually do, you moronic girl -_-) and because she needed cheering up. At my expense as usual. Especially once Celine and Natty showed up.
For those not in the know Celine is Charr’s little sister who is possibly even scarier than she is and Nat is their Godsister who is just plain crazy
But let’s not talk about that turn of events because i say so(;
:D
Anyway, it somehow culminated in me jumping into their cab with them because Charmaine and I wanted to talk somemore, and we headed over to Nat’s place to chill at the playground with the swings and the stars(:
Minus the mini-morons, of course :raises hands in exasperation:
Night heart-to-heart talks are pretty much what I live for(:
It sucks though that everyone that agrees with me stays like insanely far away from me and by insanely far I mean not walkable. I’m not going to walk a bloody 45 minutes to anybody’s playground k thanks no.
But yeah, we have to do that more often, girl, was tons of fun(:
Hang in there in school aye. And get your mom to adopt me already…
YES?
--------------------------------------
Goodnight, all, I have a camp to rock the house down :D
GOODNIGHT, LOVE YOU
Rawr.
Eh, I've just realised that Charr has packed herself off for a week to Bangkok possibly already idk lolol its like :o
OKAY LATERS.
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