Here in Your Presence[:

God I so need that song. Won't anyone that has it send it to me! Need! Not want! Like omg!




Found in Your hands, fullness of joy
Every fear suddenly wiped away here in Your presence
All of my gains now fade away
Every crown no longer on display, here in Your presence
Heaven is trembling in awe of Your wonders
The kings and their kingdom are standing amazed




: D Because its true aye. I was just wondering about this during worship yesterday. All that stress, all that commitments, all those things so hard to give up suddenly became wonderfully easy to throw away to spend my days worshipping God forever right there in the front in Your place in Your Presence Lord, so free and yet so safe in You.

But no I didn't say to throw out dancesports, to throw out possible ambs, to throw out possible SU and all that because! I know that once school starts again the choices will become increasingly hard all over again.



Oh Lord, for the choices to be easy ones. Will you make them easy? its like if I could give them up now haha sure then it would be easy but its not, its not, its so not and its really difficult and stuff and that's why I have to pray to You Lord, because there's nothing else I can do otherwise(:



Just take me where You want me to go with this, okay Lord? And mold me. Make it easier for me to serve You[:


And I trust that all you're making me go through right now is a lesson :D


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So. I realise that I haven't done a raw honest reflection in a really long time on this thing, like they've been happening in a lot of chat convos and msn talks to be sure, but not here. Haha. Like it seems like I need to be in a really secure setting to talk about these things...and I don't especially feel that right now. Which is why I love church. I swear. Politics in school. Politics everywhere. But in COOS there's none of that. Only so much love. And I treasure that more than I can possibly say. Its like ringing undeniable proof that God Your way is the Only way Lord, for an environment with You at the centre of it is like.


:D


(:


Hahahahhaa. Getting back to the topic at hand, I've decided that I will attempt to make these posts as raw as I possibly can. Or try. I know that I am rawest when I'm talking to someone, or God, as proved in some of my previous posts, so maybe more of that. Who knows. Haha. Idkkk. This is my blog. My diary. For me. Primarily me. Not for readership. To help people, yes, but not for like be popular and stuff. So not my focus, at least I don't want it to be.




Its like in so many settings I watch what i say so much not because so much that I don't want to be vulnerable but more of me wanting to preserve the social situation. Not wanting to hurt people. Not wanting to let information out that might influence behavior towards another person. Not wanting to affect morale. Etc.


It occurs to me that I take responsibility for group dynamics a lot. More than I probably should. But its just like. ...Yeah. We all have this power to screw up other people don't we, even if not deliberately, and I just feel like I can do my part against that. Meh.



But I don't have to worry about that in church at all(:

XD

its like. Theres so much love! Or perhaps we only meet once a week so we don't have the time to get overly pissed at each other. Haha. But I know, if I love someone in church, that other person is going to love me back and not think i'm weird or irritating and shit, because hey we ARE supposed to love, because God first loved us so wonderfully and awesomely. :D


Actually its less about supposing than it is about a natural thing. Idk. It just happens, and I really appreciate that. XD


Especially when in real life I battle so many things every single day, worrying about whether I come off as being attention seeking, being a moron, being selfish, being snobbish, being arrogant, being immature, being irresponsible, being a loudmouth, being weird because I'm too high, being a traitor, being soooooo many goddamned things when really all I'm trying to do is navigate the goddamned waters of social life ):


And love everyone as much as I possibly can. I mean, that was my philosophy going into mass comm this year. I really sincerely want to love and just love and just love, but heck even saying hi to people walking in on lecture day can be hard when you're worrying about other people possibly thinking you an ass-kisser or fishing for attention. Or something. Bah. There's just that whole element of fear and all, see.




And there's none of that in church at all. I can trust in church, and as far as i'm concerned what i wouldn't give for church to become school :D


(:


Which is why heaven is going to be awwwwwessommeeeee. Lord take me soon aye. haha. I really don't mind. Whenever. But then again you've called me for that work of Yours so so much for going early :/



Yes I know that last line comes off as suicidal. No guys. No. I'm not going to jump in front of a bus to meet God. Neither am I going to strap a bomb onto myself to wage holy war on the babylonians. Why? Because it wouldn't do ANYTHING for the Christian faith at all. And that's how we should be. Our passion to take a stand should NEVER supercede our passion to LOVE!


Because without love, everything is meaningless, a noisy gong or a clashing of cymbals (:

1 Corinthians Chapter 13 XD


Wow how did I remember that verse! Because Charlene this morning for no rhyme or reason mentioned the chapter to me XD and look at it popping out now here [:


God You're awesome like that : DDDDD


Back to you guys, yes things like these happen. Little inexplicable things that come together at the end of the day for bigger miracles and revelations :D It happens with us for the little things in our lives, and it happens with our lives for the collective miracle of God's faith and wonderful story! XD



I can't wait for that day that we look back and every single thread of life and encounter and interaction with each other all across the world and across history and time we can see woven together for the great Glory of God :D



For those of you who love crazy plot twists and character developments in books and movies, this is where its at. Its amazingly hard to make everything work together seamlessly and for God to be able to do something like that for not only our lives but with our lives for Everything,






Words can't do justice for it. I love you Lord and I can't describe it, and You're hardly even done with me yet. XD


Won't you guys join the ride? (:



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How did we get there again? XD I don't know man, i came on to talk about blogging styles and maybe love a little bit, but i'm not complaining at all. : DDDD



Sooooooo. yes. I actually blog trawled today for the first time in a loooooooonngggg time, and I realised one of two things:



1) We all have sooooo different blogging styles, but blogging styles that all reach out somehow, in compelling ways to read. its amazing, and I can't define it.


Like Matt for instance. I don't know how he does it. Keenan too, just by being raw and random and so amazingly contemplative in a way I doubt I can ever be. Pris is just...amazing, expanding on love and love and all the parts about love we either don't bother to think about, or are too lazy to talk about, or are too afraid to talk about. Brandon's layout rocks my socks off and there is so much substance there, underlying the crazy bits we all have as youths(: Josh engages with the horrendous amounts of photos he takes, and Charmaine..Charmaine is just simple. Haha. But such a good read. Charlene no I didn't forget you is so sweet! I could never imagine typing in such a small font and such a dark layout and stuff but hey it works for her somehow! Bev. Bev is great too :D Hannah is really comforting(: Sonia's really funny! No matter how annoying she gets on msn[:



And it is so encouraging, to find right on the front page or hidden in some corner or in a whole month of entries, a part devoted to how much we all love God. :D



Who says Christians aren't cool. We so totally rock your socks off. XD





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BLAH. SEE I'M TOO LAZY TO TALK ABOUT LOVE ALREADY HAHA. TOO BAD. MAYBE LATER YO.