Delicious Holidays. Life.

Oh! Are we blogging now? Harhar okay. I feel like I’m in a good moodish. Today’s been decent, timing’s been a bit off planning, but I’m okay! Just wondering what I want to do later. Originally on the cards was worship bus trip, but I’m torn between skateboard practice and com gaming….whatever it is I’m sleeping at 11. Haha.

SO. Planned to wake at 7 today. And I did :D The plan was morning worship, after 8 hours of sleep, then breakfast, then go run at 8…

Then I realised that mom not leaving the house till 745am throws a spanner in things. I’ll figure that out later! But I won’t have to deal with that till Monday, so yeah. Tmr is going running with Keenan instead, at 8, soz yeah.

Instead today I fell asleep again and woke up at 8, so I had nine hours of sleep in the end, something I intend to keep constant :D

Worshipped harharhar. Got a couple more songs. There are way too many versions of I Could Sing Of Your Love Forever, by the way. I’m really bad at picking choices! Soz this led at some point to me going all Korean again. I blame Girl’s Generation. Saw this Youtube link to an old song by Girl’s Generation ( I didn’t previously like them ), clicked it dubiously, then the song about blew my mind :D

Girls in big huge long sleeved bright red shirts with big red baseball caps with a song that is exactly the way I like beat, a really catchy syncopated soft hiphop thing with stop-bursts of energy to pop to…

I likeeeee :D

So I was happy. Am happy. Hahahahahha. Grabbed lunch! I didn’t run in the end, procrastined (working on that), was wondering whether I wanted to swim at 1pm to make up for it, ate lunch while watching Gundam Seed Destiny episodes 1-4 (by the way is as crap as everyone says it is, I’m pretty much watching only because Athrun is badass and Lunamaria is hot and I feel an obligation to sit through the plot to get to the parts I want), packed my swim stuff and all…

Then it started raining D:

So much for that :/

So anw I got out of the house to church with dance stuff and my skateboard at 2-ish, cause I was supposed to meet Mel (Ghui) at 3.30 at the dance studio at 305 to see if we could dance with the big glass mirrors (something that following previous intel garnered I deduced that we could just use cause it was an open area, not a room, uh)

Turns out the air-conditioning is off, and the dudes can’t turn it on cause its not booked, and Jon Heng is around (mysterious), but whatever. Haha.

I’m used to dancing in no air-conditioning studios, somehow! I don’t hugely mind the sweat. Haha. Righto. So went up, called Pastor Jenn to inquire about booking, and she’ll check for us, but its highly unlikely cause its not a church thing we’re dancing for, like a ministry –
And no, no ideas about me starting one, cause guys honestly I’m just starting out on dance myself and I’m still trying to figure myself out, going in blind with this one, and you guys are welcome along for the ride, but I’m not fit to teach anything. Not even warmups. Honestly. Haha.

Gosh I miss O School. I’ll go back next month when I have funds, I really learnt a lot just about warmups, and if I’m practising at my own pace everyday I really should have some kind of choreo to work with that is not leggy girls prancing around, I can do that, but no -.-
But ah, funds. If I get my usual haircut, and contacts, and hair product is running out, that’s $110 bucks, and $160 when I get concession, and that’s only $140 left for the month, and if I hit the 8-week dance course that’s $120 upfront, and honestly that’s more useful for me than the open classes, though its scarily fun trying to catch up to new choreo in one hour every week with those.

Which leaves me with $20 for a month. And then there are the earphones I need to get, and shoes, and an iPod, its silly that I open my laptop on the bus if I want to listen to music…

Um, I need a job. But. Only three weeks of holidays. And I want a constant grunt work job that I can do when attachment starts, at nights or something, with a super friendly customer service philosophy that I agree with, so that means….

Starbucks.

Hmm. I want to ask Starbucks-working people about that. Haha. There’ll be training right! I have three weeks, that works out about fine…


So anyway, I was in the studio trying to remember what the warmups were for O School, and trying to remember how many crunches and in what order, even stumbling upon the same music that Alex (The dude guy teaching at open classes) used for same warmups..
Then Mel came and we largely did our own stuff. We’re doing so different things anyway. She’s focusing on choreo from SNSD and videos and everything, and I want to get my techniques down. Haha. So lots of neck work today, and trying to figure out body side-to-side isolation, and I focused a lot on chest popping practice, linking to the body wave, uh.

I still have problems with that! And cause there’s no wireless where we are, I couldn’t pull up the instructional video I used to use for the body wave.

Worked out for an hour, didn’t get very far noticeably, but I’m gonna have faith in practice and just leave it. Tmr will be better, no point chionging all out and hurting self and getting demoralised the next day. Same goes for skateboarding, and running, swimming, and hopefully gym that I haven’t even planned into my schedule yet…


Tmr will be better, tighter, and I’ll get that video downloaded tonight. Yeah (:


Righto. Hit the library after, came home at seven-ish, tried to practice skateboarding in the carpark for awhile, cool evening(:


And here I am. Haha. Gonna go eat now. And volunteer to wash up. Uh. Sorting laundry clothes for myself I guess…


Man I really have to get that guitar back from Cheryl Han, its been four years, I need to get off my ass. But next week. Haha. Lots of errands to do tmr! But I’ve managed to plan my day already. Week, no, but….working on it. Do not want, let HIP go to waste. Yeah. (:


RIGHT. FOODTIME.


OH. HAPPY BIRTHDAY KEENAN, HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHARLENE ONG, AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY ENNA. I love you all like crazy nuts I hope today has been the bombbbb, or will be. Yeah. See you soon (:



My entire dressing philosophy ♥

I hate you

I hate you. I really really hate you. I hate everything about you. You're so annoying, you don't give me anything, not even dignity, I know you want to trod me into the ground and smush me and kill me slowly and I just want to get away from you. So bad. I never do anything to you, I never confront you, but now and again you just decide to come in and ruin my life with snide comments and treating other people better than me and depriving me of things. I hate. you. You're the worst dad in the world, people say others have worse situations, like Sharyl or whatever, but at least they talk. Something. Talk about God. Kinda. You hate everything about me, you hate what i love, you disagree with everything I like, you shit on everything I want, and ARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGH.


Look I discovered blogging. You retard. I really really freaking hate you. And I won't vent to anybody else. Honour. Something. You will never get just how much effort I'm putting in just to do this much. Both of you. To not fight. I'm nowhere near loving yet but at least i'm not fighting. Not shitting all over you. Not that you'd care, or affirm, or encourage, or anything like that. You know nothing like that. Just your own snide little world view of what things should be and you hate everything that is not. Freaking short-sighted munchkins. I hate you.


ARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHH.

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH.


WHY CAN'T YOU JUST GO AWAY YOU'VE RUINED MY LIFE ENOUGH ALREADY


I hate you and I want real parents ):

The rest of sunday.

Hoo hoo hoo.

Haha. Its 5am already! Oh dearrrr.

But I believe I was doing productive stuff!
Minus the reading wow.com, and chatting on fb and skype. Haha.

God, I've served you today. Gladly. Productive mode. Working on it. Working in it. Thank you for showing me that I have it.

Children's min, and really trying to work, I think, and the shoot, and afterwards at the hospital, and then blogging/making a note so others are blessed by it.

I know this is all for You and of You (:

Just that....its 5am now. Oh dear. Haha. There's radio!

BUT I entrust it to you kay! Seek ye first the kingdom of God. And I have. And I will. And I await your favour. You provide for all my needs anwyay (:



Helpe me to wake up early tmr God! Is it possible! Haha. I wanna be productive. Hopefully I can get up early enough to run. Yeah. Wake up, shoot to breakfast, run, sit-ups (I want a mat D:).....oh yeah I can't worship at home. Haha. Where to?

I'll ask you tmr again (:

Heal my earphones, Lord. I know you can do anything. Haha.


RIGHT. SLEEPO TIME?


I guess no dota. And no maple. Le sigh.

I need a job, Dad. And moneyyy. haha. Howww.

Good night (:

Hospitals at night, the warm afterglow.

Tonight, I realised that hospitals at night are one of my most favourite places.

Try walking through the halls of TTSH past midnight, its dark, sleepy, dimly lit, glowing with little puddles of yellow light, probably to reassure those who have to wait the whole night for their loved ones, and those rushing in by taxi for the A&E.

Its very calming, not creepy at all, doesn't smell sickly, or medicinally, no buzzy worried crowd, just the occasional worried couple with masks on, head in hands, waiting outside the A&E, or the sleeping old man in the bench.

This place isn't death, it's opportunity. The place breathes with them. Whether in the beds of the sleeping patients above, or the waiting worriers outside the quietly frantic A&E, or the occasional urgent gown-escorted helter-skelter metal bed trolley running past from the ambulance.

There's so much to do, so much influence to wield, especially when you remember that we're living time-bombs of God's presence spreading puddles of it when we walk, more when we pray, and even more when we offer to heal.

And its, so, fun.

I wasn't even trying to be in a hospital tonight. I just got back, an hour ago from TTSH, I didn't plan to go there for a treasure hunt or a prayer walk or anything like that.

I just had a film shoot that went past midnight on National Day, and one of the actors got greviously injured. We rushed him to the hospital.

And so I'm here, sitting here, with Valerie Chia, on the gravel outside the A&E, mask drooping off our faces, watching the other despondent and worried people waiting for loved ones.

ooh

gee God I wonder what happens now?

:D :D :D

Lets just say that I haven't been offering to step out and heal people in awhile, despite being post-SSM and all. School has been hard, challenging, and social life tempts to distract, and my struggles with self-discipline are all over the place. Revival hasn't started, its scary to offer to heal friends, politics are awash around the area, and different christians from different churches believe in slightly different things, and have slightly different priorities.

And that lady in a wheelchair has turned from a window of opportunity into an obstacle of fear all over again.

I admit that.

Saturday comes. Suddenly my friend, who doesn't believe in healing, pops up out of the blue and tells me that he believes in healing now. It wasn't the argument. It wasn't the experiences I told him about. It was a conviction from the Holy Spirit brought upon by me being entirely willing to jump out and try and heal him of an injury, a month ago.

He didn't get healed that day, by the way.

But here he is then, telling me that watching me dare to be so expectant, with such faith, changed something. He continued, talking about going out to heal in general, saying "what's needed is intervention, the healing from God is just a bonus".

"What's needed is intervention, the healing from God is just a bonus."

Now we know this. The Bethel guys told us this. But its one thing to hear it from the Bethel experts, and quite another to hear the exact same thing come out of your friend's mouth, who was previously quite unconvinced of healing, and its not like you said anything like that to him, fearing that it'd sound like an excuse for the healing not happening.

So that was encouraging. Then Pastor John comes up and gives a sermon about the exact same thing. And I am reminded that yes, I can heal, and I want to heal, and I want to expect the supernatural all over again, even though I've been flagging.


Back to the hospital past 1am.

what am I doing here

snicker.

Totally go for it right.

Rubs hands together

I'm still laughing at how I got to be here. I know I need practice, I know I haven't done this in a long time, and here I am, and I didn't even seek it out. Its the A&E ward on a public holiday in the middle of the night. This is too easy.

There's that lady in a wheelchair with casts all over, can I pray for you? Lady's very un-wheelchair-bound friend assertively proclaims "no, we don't need you to pray for us, thanks."

Ooook.



I return to my friend. Then that old man in the thin white tee and slippers. "Hi, my name is Keann, what's yours?"

"Sorry, no, I don't want to talk to you right now, I just want to rest."

old man walks away and pointedly sits somewhere else

On that note, people waiting in a hospital past midnight are usually notoriously easy to talk to. If you're there waiting for someone else too. It happens all the time, all over the world, worried waiters find solace in others waiting too, and rapport is usually easily, sometimes desperately, built over cups of vending machine coffee and hard ceramic benches.

You can see in the body language, you can feel it in the atmosphere, everyone wants a friend when waiting at 3am.

Usually.

Haha.



Its okay. I make friends with this indian man. Foreign worker I think. We stumble over some words, then he leaves when his friend comes out from the ward, I never got to offer to pray or sow a seed. Bummer.


Ooook. My friend's mom comes then. And we talk while my friend sleeps, about stuff, work, the film shoot, parent-children dynamics, whatever..




I go and buy food, come back, and see this semi-old guy sitting opposite us on a curb, next to the A&E mysterious fever ward (which is crazy fillled, at the end of the day, I've spoken to 3 out of 5 people who are waiting for people with high fevers).

His son overheated. he's in the ward. Of course we can't go in. But i get to pray for him and the father too. The father wants my contact for some reason, maybe to ask his son to thank me later. This whole time, I know my friend's non-christian mom is watching my back.

I am devious. Haha. The injured friend is discharged, I tell them to leave first cause I still want to pray for the father dude.

My only case k, of course I'm staying. Its 230am, this is hilarious.




We finish that, I start to grab my bag and leave.

Hold on.

That worried indian couple has been sitting there since before I got here, everyone else around since then has left.

Hmm. (Its always really easy to go for one more after one successfully allowed prayer)

:D

They didn't let me pray for their feverish (another one) daughter. But seeing the way their eyes lighted up at a random stranger coming to ask them who were they waiting for, what happened to her, concerned for her health and their tiredness...

That was cool(:




That's all right. Time to go! Hold on! There's this worried lady sitting near the counter! There's a man with her. But they aren't together. You can tell. The man is serious too, but he's not worried, he's resolute. Like, almost quietly confident.

"Hey, do you know where's the taxi stand? (I really didn't know). Er, who are you waiting for?"

Hee.

Turns out the lady's husband is sick. Can I pray for him?

"Oh we prayed already," the confident man says with a tired smile.

oh, it all makes sense now

:D

Now its my face's turn to light up. Hahahahha. Fellow christians. Awesome! I could have offered to pray again, more prayer always helps. Perfectly legit.

Instead, I had a gut feeling (I won't say led), to not do that, but say this instead. I was somewhat high already, anyway, from the previous two happenings in 6 minutes.

"I like hospitals. So much, opportunity :D"

Faces flicker with half-confusion before settling on sudden realisation and smiles.
"Oh, I see," the man says, happily.

I leave them. I know they've already been blessed :D

I'm not saying this to boast, but I know there is nothing wrong with accepting that we are awesome, modesty is not humility.

But I know how inspired and strengthened I am when I'm suffering and see a fellow peer suddenly jumping in and being really on fire for God, happy and bringing Him into the conversation for you. It works best when when it comes from an unexpected area, like not in church, but school from someone you didn't know was a christian, or on the train, or anything like that.

And I've just done that for that two, especially being a crazy young kid running around the hospital at 2am and all. I've inspired them, and given them something to think about.

I take my leave, skate down the TTSH slope, see a (full-fledged!) bat flitting above my head when I reach the bottom, take a cab back.

So blessed! :D :D


Thank you God, for remembering that I do best with spontaneous surprises, not planned charts and outlines :D


We are such walking time bombs for God, isn't it scarily exciting. :D

Hospitals(:

Saturday, Service, Spirit replenishment (:

SO.I WANTED TO POST SOMETHING HERE.

It was about Saturday.

Haha. Hold on, on that note, Friday, I also learnt an important lesson about not being late. It really crushed me to not be able to be an usher, just because I was 10 minutes late, especially when I took a taxi all the way, bringing me one step closer to being broke.

Sigh. I was angry at first, thought they were being unreasonable, then I realised that the right thing to do was to learn the lesson from it. Late, face the consequences. Therefore, don't be late. Haha.

And it worked out okay anyway, I had an enjoyable time in the subway with the long book (:

Plus, I found it quite funny that the only reason I'd dress up to that extent is because I am an usher, an official representation. Like I'll do next week. When it comes to myself, I can't really be bothered. I want my own style. Haha. Uh.

----------------------------------

SO SATURDAY. HMMM.

What happened. Oh yeah. The conversation with Joshua Simon. Oh man. Haha.

What happened was that, weeks and months ago, I had a huge argument with him about healing and its possibility. And we discussed that arguments didn't do anything, but somehow, experiences can be seen and talked about, and the person still might not believe (case in point: Josh).

And I picked up somewhere along the way from Pastor Jen and all that, that some things can only be gotten through revelation from the Holy Spirit. All arguments and experiences can't do anything, without that.

And on saturday, Josh just came and spoke to me that he believed in healing now.

Because of me praying for him that day. The funny thing was, he didn't even get healed man. But the experience really wowed him, about how I stepped out in complete faith and was ready to intervene.

And he said about healing and stepping out:

"What is really needed is intervention, the healing from God is just a bonus".

That's crazy. Because see, as people stepping out, we do understand that, but its not something you'd say to the people you're praying for! Because it sounds like a cop-out, an excuse, a "oh you didn't get healed but that wasn't the point anyway".

But its entirely different when the people you're praying for, completely realise that for themselves, without you saying anything in the matter. Okay, revelation through the Holy Spirit.

Its one thing to hear that logic from Joaquim and the Bethel supernatural healing bigwigs! That the healing is just a bonus! Its another thing entirely to hear it from your friend, whom you've stepped out for, and you didn't say anything like that at all to them."

Its so powerful.And that's when you realise that "hey, I don't have anything to lose, at all." "This is real."

Dannng. So I really needed that inspiration. Because post-SSM, I've been regressing. So caught up trying to survive schoolwork, knowing I should be going around healing people, but still being afraid. And slowly regressing.

And yesterday restored that, put me back in the mode. Pastor John talked about it in the message as well. And brought us back, replenished us, re-encouraged us that we can heal and we should go out and do it.

I so needed that. Haha. The SSM spirit, had been slowly dying away.

But now I am reminded and re-restored and ready to go!

Ready to see a wheelchair and see it as an fun opportunity, not a fearful obstacle.

Again. Yup. Haha.

I wondered if the others, Hannah etc, were going through this as well. Cause its the whole "we're going to step back into schools and cause mass revival! yeah!".

Then it doesn't happen. And we (at least i), can't help wondering if hey we're wasting our gifts, what we've been equipped. Vague sense of unease that something should be happening, but we aren't doing it. Guilt.

That's silly. Haha.

but yeah lets clean slate it. Ready to go. Hmmm. Operate from approval aye! No "we need to do this", it really is just a bonus. No pressure. Haha. Fun. Love.


Hohohoho. Okay. I got Saturday down. What's important about it, anyway.

Lets hit this productive mode thing. Lets do up this radio thing (:

Friday, National Day Breakthrough

Still in productive mode! I will be. Haha.

Lets talk about Friday, Day Of His Power.

I really learned something about being a citizen of Singapore that day. It felt like a real breakthrough, a problem I didn't even realise I had, but rather was proud of my "inclinations".

They were speaking about giving thanks for the nation, and living to really have a heart to love our country, for real, because if not, we will never be able to pray for Singapore in the right spirit!

And I so totally agree. See, over the years, I've always prided myself as not being "of here". I've been ashamed to be Asian. I've been ashamed of my culture, i've always wanted to be Western. It always made so much more sense to me. I've appreciated Singapore tons, over the years, but I've always seen myself as belonging to the "ang moh" cliques. Singaporeans small and shortsighted. Little bubble. Conniving and grasping and silly notions of respect that is entirely dependent on rank, not capability.

There have been reasons for it. Me hating most of how my parents have treated me. River Valley. Resentment, blaming the culture for all the crap I went through. Escaping to my Western Identity, American, then Australian, because they had life philosophies I agreed with so much more. Being open, unafraid of shame, etc. Forward, all of that.

Staying away from my Chinese identity. Never liking or really understanding even Chinese New Year. Not liking relatives. Never being good at Chinese anyway, so why bother. Deny it to support my self-identity.

I've always been looking towards getting out. Thinking I'm meant for "something more". That I'm "better than this". But all of these....

Pastor Charissa and me once had a random conversation that stuck in my head. About how I hated my Asian heritage, Chinese etc, and she said"If you don't accept where you come from, you can't get to where you're going".

And I've not been willing to. It hurts too much. I've been too stubborn to say my views over the years have been wrong. I've hung out, and built a community around myself, where because I am "Western", I am cool.

And "cheenah" is bad. And on top of that, the whole "loving nation" thing not being cool. Not that I have any issues with Singapore itself, I know what a frigging great job they've done over the years, its nuts. But it has never been "cool" in Singapore to be patriotic, but seen more as a "government hugging nut", and so I've not been, appreciating, but always having the thought process stop there!

Even though I actually really love singing some of the songs, I have not been letting myself. Not wanted to be "uncool".


I am repenting of that. Haha. God really hit me at DOHP. And I realised that until I love my country, yes, I cannot pray for it in the right spirit! Because I have no ownership of it.

And I will. I do love my country. And its not healthy to run away from my heritage. I just need to step out now and unabashedly say that yes I think Singapore is pretty awesome. Its time to make it "cool" to be so. I get it now.

So, Singapore (:


Hahahahha. I like my country. I love my country. and if you don't you're not cool, not me. Lol. Hmm.

So really needed to hear that, that day. Rawr. But now....the question arises.

How do I love two countries at once? I still believe that I am called to Australia. Its just now that I don't have a resentment for Singapore anymore. But how do we work that out.....

Like, now I have to sink roots into here and love it unabashedly knowing that I have to leave. Haha.

Interesting. But I think, like Pastor Charissa said, until I accept where I come from, I cannot go where I'm going (:

So this is a on the way process for me in Australia. Learning that it doesn't mean leaving Singapore behind without thought. I can see how that'd work out.


So. Time to love my nation. Whether its cool or not. Its right. Haha. Alrightyyyy (:

As for the faults and hurts I've suffered, I'm learning that these might not be because of culture, but more of people. Let's not blame culture for faults of people, because what happens when you go to a different culture and find the same problems! Then you have egg in your face. Haha.

Okay.

I love Singapore (:

This is a new thing. Time to get used to it. Haha. Enthusiasm!

August, before cell

So how God? Should I write this note now?

Haha ugh. Okay. I guess not. Though its natural to spill. I'm sure all of this in my head will be here later if you tell me to do it later.

Lets listen to you all the way, not halfway God. Alright. Starting new (:

-------

Hmm guess i know why start later now. Haha. Had to go for cell in like 30 seconds. Lol.

And I'm going to turn it off again because you say so, God. Fellowship time (:

Clean slate. Wiped identity clean


5/8/09 5th August

Bus worship 2

I think I miss church, God. And I miss happy people. Its so draining here, the possible politics, the trying to keep everyone happy, the juggling friendships with work.

I miss the freedom and the grace and the love, and no club or drinking camaraderie can compare to that!

Yup. Only in you is joy truely found, the love, the happiness, woowwww. Remembering now (:

Hahaahaha. To worship. One % bat!

Pre Bus Worship

Hmm.

Bit depressed Lord, and I'm not sure why. Am I just tired? I've been tireder. Assignments are covered, just masina, and acting, printjourn is clear and medlaw is negligible, its just masina and acting left. Why do I feel so unhappy then? Is it just because I'm poor and broke and lack options? Haha I don't know....

This saturday I will not go drinking. There is no value. Rarrgh. But yeah I just feel so uncool lately. Restricted by money, restricted by time, and I don't like it, Dad ):

Hahaahah ahhhhh.

I don't know what I need. I think.....

its you. Haha. Time to worship. Lord, will you let the 3% bat last the journey pleaeeeeessee? I want to be happy. Engaging your joy....now

God Talk More

Gal 9:6 or 6:9

Hmm. So I shouldn't go to Hillsong, because:

1. Its time the whole bunch of them got out from under my shadow, and learn how to chase after God on their own, and why.

2. For me, its time for me to really learn the lesson that I don't have to go after the hype, and the big shows. Like, make it into reality. And not be there. Also, learning to think of how I can serve, as opposed to how I can be served. And I can serve better in COOS that week.

Should I still go down? No. Its true that me being there can help facilitate and everything, but I spend my time better doing other things. Plus, josh and rachael and everyone can facilitate on their own anyway, they're capable people. Or do I really want to go down because I want to see Myra? Hah. Got it.

I was gonna type about something else here...Oh right. NP cell. And me and dance worship. And my leadership and sowing truth style, how I might not be trusting God enough in it. And counting the cost for school, and how lately I've not really been willing to go all out and sink deep precisely because I've been afraid of counting that cost. Sinee. Hmm. Harsh, but its gotta be said.

Whooosh, worship really puts you in the right mindset of asking God for His will (:


Lol ok I visit NP cell this friday. Cause we don't have cell anyway, It works out! But after that, corporate prayer, and Day of His Power, I stick with my cell, hold the cell together. Awesome (: And La and Cerise will talk and then we'll seeeee.

The wisdom La has is astounding. Lol.

Oh yeah I want to reflect on going to help treasure hunt too. Kids, being late, Pastor John. Right.

Need to talk about porn/sex/clubbing vs praising God and reading his word etc and living in him...

And how I should help Kai En in the clapping thing, mentoring, not just about hype, but in being in tune with God, and leading....

Bus Rides and Stress

dfkjasdnfaskdjfn

Howwww God. Howwwww. I am so scareddd. And so stonned. Don't feel like typing, brain doesn't feel like moving, and I really have to create up a storm tonight. Michael Jackson. Local quotes. Oh welll? I have more than enough info to chuck in without having local quotes luh, but its like ararrrrrrghhh.. Confusion.

"Michael took soul, jive, gospel, dance, groove and rock, and combined it. And that created pop as we know it"

Rarrrraggghhh And then if/when I pull this off, I get some sleep, (hopefully), and go to school, SPSS something, hit printjourn, chiong the web radio proposal afterwards in one and a half hours, and thennn I gotta watch the movie, in my sleep addled state. or something. With no money for Red Bull. And then watch Harry Potter. Without writing my review yet. THEN stay up and write said 350-word review.

And figure out wisp next day, EPM sometime, and Masina report omg omg omg. So howwwwwwwwww?

God I know you've pulled me through things before, but I'm so scared.

"Don't be". Ah. I feel very defeated God. Haha. Then on top of everything I'll probably have pimples tmr, and meeting Myra, oooh funnnn.

Waaaaghh.

Cool today though, teaching Josh about healing and stuff and discussing it with Clarice. Yuppp. Haha. Then the bubble ended and I had to go back and do my story again ):

Whaaaaat. Local quotes? Don't bother? Just take them anyway?

Rarrrghh. Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding.

Well good, God, because I have no understanding left to lean on.

-.-

Haha. But yeah I wil praise you. Just....a bit tired to sing right now. Uh. Yeah. I trust you. And if work doesn't work out, its just work. My grades don't determine my destiny (:

Rarraragaghh. Haha. God give me rest? Yup (:

(sleep)