We aren't so different, all of us, all we want is that one person that makes us believe love can exist again.

Hello all. Lol. I've been contemplating blogging for the past few days, but just brushing it off. Hmm. Anyway. This morning I decided to get some work done, homework and stuff, so I started prepping for the practice non-assessed speech, you know, the

Legend has it that Alexander the Great* always slept with two objects under his pillow: a dagger, and a copy of The Iliad**. According to him, these two objects not only possessed practical usefulness (protection from enemies and a means to pass the time), but also defined his personality (both a soldier and a scholar).
Along these same lines, what two objects would legend record you as having under your pillow? Which two items best represent who you are and what is important to you?

So yeah. I for the life of me couldn't find something that personified me, so I started brainstorming on MS Word to get something out. The following wall of text I'm going to post is interesting, to say the least. Might as well.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

What’s important to me?

God (:
Friends
Hockey
Sports
Books
Music
Uplifting music
Cosy warm fires huddled up in a blanket lost in a book
Hot steaming foods
Peace
Wind
Sun
Sea
Water
Grassy fields

Hey. All I want is a happy ever after together with you.
Whoever you might be. But I’ll know when I meet you.


Simple needs. Just me you our own little circle of happiness.
And that’s all I could ever ask for. Doing crazy things together just for the hell of it.

So what object describes me best. Lol.

Uh. Quarterstaff? Lololol. Boat? Er. Blanket. Towel. A gauntlet.

Er. What’s my personality. ENFP. Extroverted. Intuitive. Feeling. Perceiver. Emotional. Fun. Spontaneous. Impulsive. Mad. Irresponsible. Forgetful. Explosive.
Kind. Hates being vulnerable. Crazy on the outside but really sensitive on the inside.
Reads too much into things. Cares about others’ impressions of him. Loud. Forms quick opinions. Loves going out. Likes sitting at home alone too. Gets distracted easily. Not focused. Wants to be appreciated, cared about, loved. Easily influenced to a point. Random. Disorganized. Loves new stuff. Big dreams.

Lol wow. Um. Item that describes me? Cheese maybe. Uh. Bacon? Why I have no idea. Lol. Lettuce. Chicken. ….Nevermind.

But all I have under my pillow is my phone..Er. Lol. What bloody personifies forgetfulness and silliness. Lol. Fail. A clown hat? Yeah right. Uh. A kite maybe. But it seems so..shallow. Hmm. The string. Its not just sticks cloth and string. Hardly that simple. Cool. I’m using a kite. And.

A water gun. Like the Super Soaker kind. Shoots off his mouth so often. But doesn’t really mean it. Just loves fun. Even though to the point of irritating at times. Pressured up water and everything. Cooooool.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

(lol)

What, I can't let such rare long thought out insights just fade into anonymity, can I. Putting it up here so I can go "Whoa, Keann", sometime in the future when I pop back in(:


NEED TO DO MORE WORK NOW.

But uh. After cooking myself lunch. I swear, I'm addicted to cooking, even though I have no idea how.

Like me frying myself eggs, bacon, and a toasted tuna lettuce cheese sandwich for breakfast. Mmmmm.

Note to self: Tuna sandwich good enough without mayo and cheese. Or keep the cheese but drain the tuna first. Soggy toasted big breads not nice.

[Heads back out to put water on the stove]




I mean I would if I didn't feel compelled to put down that last night I had a really interesting long conversation with __________.

Even though I'm over her and all. Uh. Really gotta watch myself there to make sure I don't start entertaining feelings for her again. Friend Zonity all way too familiar to me.

(Week Explodes)

Cheer up (:

I hardly blog anymore, lack of time or lack of motivation, but i'm just popping in to devote this short post to you.




I care and I'm always here, so hey you've at least one person on your side for forever(:

[Nudge]

*buys you a strawberry cheesecake with banana icecream on the side*

Cheer up soon (:

RUBIX CUBE. DAY ONE.

Lazy to blog. Wasn't as if I was thinking about a lot of issues anyway, which I suppose is good. Cooooool.

Sum up:

Work-
Blatant advertising of Apache Video-
Organizing outing-
Going for outing, showing up late, still having an awesome time. Movie rocked-
It was Stardust-
Sat on steps and was really comfortable doing it watching movie because only tickets left were the front row one which in movie =/= good-
Promised self to do that(the sitting on steps thing again)-
RUbix Cube D= -
Josh Bbq--> cool -
Home now-




THERE :D

Tomorrow radio hopeiwakeupontime:/

Still need shoes AHHH.

Night, me (:

ALL SO WORTH IT

THE APACHE VIDEO IS UP AND WORKING AND ROCKING MY SOCKS OFF.

:DD :D :D :D



Like, woof. Seeing the video buffering on youtube playing again and again in the public domain makes it all so worth it (:

Put it in your blogs, readers! Oh wait, I have no readers.

[double take]

*continues to spam me*

And then I remembered that I wanted to post this.

I'd screenshot it and then photoshop/cut it down to size, but its just my diary, what the hell. Will not slip into that presentation obsessed cycle again.

Anyway, lecturer's analysis of my participation grade for the msia trip:

D-/F+

Was half a day late for the 1 day workshop and fell asleep during a talk by a specialist. However, he later woke up and participated by asking sharp questions.

Has outstanding analytical ability.

Good at taking and editing photos/videos. Has a creative streak. Needs to watch the playfulness and attitude and keep that in check.

Admitted on the day of presentation that he had only seen the slides in the morning. Very irresponsible behaviour in terms of teamwork. Commitment is questionable.

Not co-operative when asked to do certain tasks related to the trip.

------------------------


Lol2that. But it WAS a really boring trip, no matter how much I tried to convince myself otherwise ):


Will see about possibly retaking the IS module instead of going for extemption when choosing next year. Will ask later.

Hmmmm. Still not prepping for school yet. You know what. Screw it. I've pinpointed that the only reason that I want to go to school so early is to possibly bump into you(mel), you(yanhong), and all those other seniors e.g. rae/sheereen/tom/liping/etc etc etc.

I really shouldn't go, if my motivations are aligned that way, huh. Like, its really..very desperate-ish and very socially popularity orientated. As opposed to doing my own thing.

Hmm.

Or maybe I will start prepping early. Who knows where my impulses will take me.

:rollseyes:

Whoa.

I just had this amazing insight that I felt compelled to put here for future reference.


The reason why I keep telling everyone else that popularity is overrated is because that's what i'm trying to convince myself to believe half the time.

Like, I know its the right attitude to have towards it and all.


I do like the attention though. :/ kfdvjavasdlkvasv.


INSIGHT OVER.

!!!!!!!

And then camp happened!

:D :D :D :D



.......


*deflates*

No really. You would expect me to hit camp and go crazy from the get go? Huh. Didn't happen. Tried to stay low-profile and such. I mean, at FOC we went mad and all and we became popular and all that, but at the same time there were people who were bloody hell yes irritated at us, so this time I think I kinda tried to fix that. You know. Don't be so assertive. Give others in my group a chance to shine. Take ideas from other people. Be low-key a bit. Don't hog the limelight.

Which I did.



Which I didn't like doing at all.

So it was rather interesting in a way, the way the camp turned out, how my closer friends like Keenan and Josh went crazy, hogged the limelight, while I just sat there and tried to stomach it.

Don't get me wrong, I had a relatively good time as well.

I mean a really good time.

And I have nothing against the people who did go crazy-ass crazy.

Just frustration with myself really. I told Josh/Keenan about it at camp night as well, and related it to school and the ______ issue, and all that. Really long self-illuminating discussion and I thank them for hearing me out and giving their take on it and all that.

In fact, I think I won't diary it in now. I will at some point, but not now, because I don't want to slip into a really reflective mood and perhaps sombre one just yet. Its only the start of the day. Hahahahhaa. Tonight, alright. Or something. Yanhong if I see you I'll tell you about it in person, alright (:


But camp did rock, yes. A whole lot. Amazing. And amazing people. And I intend to get at least some of them out for this Thursday FOR A MOVIE OR SOMETHING :D :D :D


So yeah. By the way, nothing but respect for the camp comm who planned it and especially jo, rae and sheereen. Man, the work they did for us. Will see about yes buying them a present and all that. This is idea.

_______ was a big part of the camp as well, and the camp was a huge factor in me dropping the chase-thing-process with her.

Will talk about it some other time.

Later (: There's a whole day ahead of me, a day where I'm actually free after class, no work, no training, nothing, and by golly I intend to use it well. :D

Later!

Backtrack

As to the last two days I didn't blog about, Thursday and Friday, they were really really uneventful. Yeah. I overslept hard on both those days, ended up staying at home, missed writcomm and my radio 8am class, and felt really bummed. Yeah. Partly because I couldn't get a dialogue with ______ going. I didn't talk to her Wednesday because so much stuff happened, V for Vendetta and all that--> which in hindsight was a really bad move. Trying to talk to her Thursday :

(me) "Hey supergirl. How's it going :D"
(_____) "Stressed"
(me) "What's up"
(_____) " Lots of stuff. Can I text you later?"



Which she never did. And of course which did nothing for my mood.

It seems that the less I go out, the worse I feel, and the worse I feel the less I feel like trying to go out, and so on and so forth. :o

So didn't talk to her friday at all. Didn't go to school either. Felt like a depressed social loser the whole day too. Partly because I was broke. And all that.

I seem to remember feeling sick too those 2 days. :x

No really, I had'a huge migraine and body felt weird and nose felt inflamed and all that. Whoa.

Hey when i'm low, I'm really low, alright. Lol.

So yeah I didn't feel like blogging those two days at all. Maybe I didn't want to start putting into a worded form the wave of negative emotions I was going through, y'know, not processing it and stuff.

Hmm.

:/

Clarity

I vowed never to edit any post on this blog again and so will add 'nother entry pertaining to previous one which I found rather ambiguous and lacking in explaining the gravity of the issue.



Its over between me and _________

That clears things up (:

Hi yall.

Its been ages since I last updated hrmm, and quite a lot of stuff has happened since then. Yeah. Huge ups and downs, profound camp insights, work infighting and such. Huh. I'm not going to pile everything into one big post, it'd get too messy. I'll try to break it up, people (:


This entry is devoted to the ________ issue, or rather the lack of it.


I'm dropping it, aight. (;

:/

Damn.

Gawheesh

Not going to be a long entry. Don't feel like diarying much at the moment. I'm downstairs hitting the wireless and yes I could say some stuff, but i'm not really in the mood.

Wasn't a very eventful day anyway. I could turn that into a really long entry espousing on the lack of "day", but i'm not really in the mood. Gonna head back, eat something, maybe study socpsych a bit, tbrigade a bit, pack bag for 8am class tomorrow and pray I wake up on time.

Very disappointing on the _________ front today.

I'll talk about it tomorrow.

Make it better, Lord ):




I need to procure a pair of sports shoes and fast.
Night.

Gotta stop the rot.

Its 11.53 am, lesson started at 9, and i woke up at 9.30.

Fail. And only because I was up the whole night not studying not reading up not doing anything worthwhile but playing a flying tank fps game that i found that i was extremely into 4 years ago.

Not healthy. Radio report as of yet still not completed, journal not touched, and i'm sure there're 1351231235125 more assignments left to do that I can't remember at the moment. Bit jaded at the moment. Deflated. Slightly depressed.

I wanted something cool for breakfast like a bowl of boysenberries and apple juice and maybe pancakes. Yeah right. Best I could do was some milk out of the carton, a slice of plain bread, and chicken curry which ordinarily I would love but when your mind's set on a tantalizing juicy and oh-so-refreshing bite of a boysenberry and freshly made hot steaming pancakes-

You get the general idea.

I don't get why I'm so melancholic right now. I don't feel like dressing up and heading to school, I don't feel like talking to _______, I don't feel like eating and all I want to do is head somewhere on my own with a nice thick blanket and a hoodie.

I'd go swim, but that's suicide. I have 'nother class in 3 hours. Maybe I should skip that too. Then I could swim and maybe run and not have to actually meet anyone.

Except that wouldn't be a good testimony for you Lord. ): I know I should go to school. Be happy. Be a fountain of joy and blessing and all that. Draw people to you.

But all that's happening lately is that I've been getting dao-ed.

Funny how I could possibly ask anyone out to dinner and they'd say yes, anyone except the people in my semester.

I know Lord. I shouldn't care. Popularity is overrated. There's not much point chasing after it. I have You and a multitude of people that You've placed in my life that care about me, even if they're not in my immediate circles of action. And I appreciate it so much.

But there's a part of me deep down that still does care. 'Specially when you know you've attained it before. Everybody hanging on your every word, going along with the crazy spontaneous ideas you come up with, and no one can get enough of you.

I'm horrible.

Its that whole "I don't have this thing that I want" (sad) "I feel really guilty about wanting it" (sad) "snowball effect" (sad) thing again.

Sigh.

I know i'm supposed to be happy and happy in You Lord, but I have other desires too and those are just not happening right now.

I know, its just all so fragile Lord, and You're so much more than that, but it's not as if I have to choose between the two, isn't it. Sigh.



Besides that, yesterday was pretty alright. Went to school in a taxi, I don't know what for, drifted around, met my IAC group(love my IAC group), tried to get yanhong/mel to crash my movie screening :D

Went for movie screening, I frigging loved it. It threw up interesting questions for me. The portraying of the "terrorist" dude as the good guy, inevitably making Evey(and the audience) love him, even when he did things I felt were clearly parallel to real-life terrorist M.Os. The disregard for the judicial system. The zealousness of it all. Reneging on peace deals. Outright refusal to forgive even when the crime at hand had been long past.

*That's right, go ahead and murder the old lady in her bed even though you're clearly aware that she's paid for her crimes a thousand times over by the fear and regret she's being living with all her life*

Indoctrination. Brainwashing. Suicide bombing. And a thousand other things.

Don't get me wrong, I liked seeing the guy blow up Parliment as much as everyone else. It just piqued a few questions for me. When is the terrorist the good guy? When is a terrorist the noble leader for the freedom of the people and when is he just a trigger happy terrorist? Who decides?

Godammit I miss lit. I hope conissues develops into something just as fun.

I hope :/

Talked to Sherlyn for the most in my life today. Its funny how I seem to know so much about her, because I found her blog while I was still interested in her best friend, Chanel, and kept reading even after the whole Chanel thing crumbled. Hey, its a good read.

She seems like a really nice person though. God-loving, very nice, a bit blur around the edges but with a clear wit and presence of mind behind it that surfaces in her writing. And everytime we talk, even for like only five seconds, we hit it off really well. I just don't talk to her more because I'm a bit afraid she might take the attention as weird and unnerving. Considering that we're in two entirely different courses and no points of contact in our social circles at all. And no, i'm not talking so much about her because I like her :rolls eyes:

No really. She's just one of those people that I can see myself being really really good close friends with, that's all. I'd love to have lunch/dinner hang out with her someday. Talk about stuff. She's a really interesting person. (:

I think that's all relevant about my day yesterday. Couldn't find anybody to go to dinner at Holland V with, talked with genny for quite a while at the bus stop, went home.

Funny thing about that. Genny is also one of those people I wouldn't mind being really good friends with, and hanging out and such. I just worry that she might take the sudden attention as me trying to get together with her again, opening up a whole bucketload of emotional issues that I don't want her to start rummaging through :/

I worry too much.

On the topic of worrying, Marvin didn't show up for the movie screening yesterday. Neither did Amber. I'm starting to worry about him/her. Don't start skipping classes to go partying, Marv. It's not worth it ):

I'm one to talk, I did the equivalent of skipping class for a computer game *exasperation*

Fail.



So I didn't talk to _______ the whole of yesterday. Just couldn't really be bothered to. I reckon I should talk to her today? I mean, if she liked me, she'd be wondering why I didn't talk to her the whole day yesterday...which would be a good thing because she'd be thinking about me.

Then again if she didn't like me and I suddenly popped out of nowhere randomly she might get a bit weirded out. I know she's really busy though. This could be turned into an opportu- oh screw it. Just make things go my way for me, Lord. If it is Your Will (:

For some reason my mood is substantially better than my mood before at the start of this very very long rambling post. And no its not because I'm talking about ______. :rolls eyes: I'm calling it diary therapy. And now I'm in this really reflective ready-to-do-quiet-time mood, as opposed to just now when I was just pissed at mostly everything. (:


I miss church. So bad. And I need a camp. Now. Church tomorrow and saturday, camp saturday(: Its gonna be a good weekend!

It sucks that I won't be able to go for the friday mass cell segment things once sports camp gl trainings kick in ):

Ah well Lord. Show me the way(:



I wonder if I have time to go run before prepping for school? :o

Okay, later(:

__________________

Hello me. And you. Time to wake up to the reality that I actually have readers now. But whatever really, if you've found your way here it pretty much means that I don't mind(;

This means you yanhong qwendy mel keenan. Lol. Hey. A 4 man readership is a good nice number yo.

So yesterday was a pretty good day. Was supposed to come at 7 but overslept and hit school at 11. Handed in my radio capsule which i still think fails, bombed my speechcomm speech, talked to a few cool people, hung out with ________ for awhile. And no, no more details will be forthcoming today before I give myself away.

Lol.

Yes I bombed speechcomm. Bet you never saw that coming. I certainly never did. I prepared for it too. I've never prepped for a single speech in my life, I've always winged them and gotten away with them, exceedingly well, in fact. Something about a structure and pre-ordained points just throws me off and leaves me forgetting everything.

Which was pretty much what happened yesterday. Huge shocker. Talked to Cordelia afters about it and if nothing else, at least I left her with a good impression of me. Mmpph. Huge shocker there. I mean, its a tad egoistical, but I'm Keann. You know. The speech-doer. The motormouth. The you-can't-shut-me-up I always have something to say guy. And this guy froze on an assessed speech.

A good thing I suppose, I've talked with various people how my philosophy of last minute desperate but really good work is going to inevitably screw me up some day. Never expected it to be speechcomm though. But yeah, probably a good thing, waking me up from my complacency and all that. Just going to have to kick major butt for the next speech then.

Watch this space.




Went to work right afters, tried out taking the straight bus 75 all the way to marina square, and its just wrong. No bloody bus ride to town from bukit timah should take an hour. Wtf. Fail. Major fail. And I thought the 25 minute bus ride home from there on the circling 195 was bad. The hell.

*Needs to bring book*

Work was good, by the way. Was host, which pretty much means standing at the door and smiling and bringing them in. A really good time for revising something like socpsych in my head or something. Except I don't have anything substantial about it in my head at the mo. Which is fail cause I actually do find socpsych really really interesting.

*muses*

*Determines to do some really good reading*

*Somewhere in there where I want to run, get fitter, pick up a couple of kickass songs on the piano or something*

:/


It turns out that for her paper two math Sherlyn was really helped by God and a lot more composed than her previous one. Praise Him. Its so heartwarming and heartening to hear/read about stories like that- it only does go to show that interceding prayer can does and will help. Without fail(:

Show me more wonderful mysteries of Yours, Lord (:

Yesterday was a relatively good day for me and _______, I think. Got her to open up some, managed to start a dialogue, made a bad joke, got something to tease her about, and ended the conversation on my own terms.

"Cheerios"

*snort*

Just taking it as it goes, then. I really do want to be there for her and make her laugh/happy/etc. when she's swamped with stressy stuff, like now. Once I've managed to show her that I can do that for her, the battle's half won already.

:/

Be with me, Lord(: I'm not half as worried that it won't work out because I know no matter what happens, You're there for me and all that(:

Sentosa camp is this weekend.I really should start working out some so I don't look retarded at camp. Yes, I am semi-concerned about how I'm going to look with my shirt off. Yes, its retarded. Yes, you're probably dying of laughter right now. I don't care. My blog, my thoughts, my terms.

<3

Drifting a bit from Marv and the rest now. Don't care. I want to study. I want to do well. Its just too bad if our paths differ, I won't let anybody slow me down. Even if it is Marv/Pat and all those other funny awesome people.

Hey people drift, its life. I gotta go my own way at some point. Harsh, but its the only way to live.

Talked to Yanhong a bit last night. I'm sorry I can't tell you who ______ is yet! :p

You might die of laughter and I might die of humiliation if it doesn't come off well. I'll let you in as soon as I can (:

I'll see you later, alright, you cheer up as well. The hell. There're still truckloads of people here that really really care about you, even if they don't say it all the time. And I care. (:

Had a loooooong convo with Keenan last night regarding the oh-so-good food at CA(changing appetities) and how their ice cream was horribly overpriced in comparision to Cold Rock, which already is horribly overpriced. 12.90 for 2 scoops of CoK ice cream with Oreos over it and on it. That's crap. 22.90 for what they call the Godfather which is really just 5 scoops of ice cream and various oreo/peach topppings. It looks really impressive, until you remember that a Large size(4 scoops) cup of very well mixed ice cream is 8.00 bucks with GST included, and the 14 scoop take home pack is what, 16 dollars?

Ripoffripoffripoffripoff.

Its also really interesting how only the bosses are allowed behind the bar making all the desserts milkshakes and drinks and everything. Its like they have all these closely guarded recipes, where at Cold Rock everyone would HAVE to know EVERYTHING. I probably scoop ice cream better than them by default. Lol.

*toys with idea of introducing mixing ice cream to CA*

*ditches idea due to possible threats of getting sued*

May is probably just waiting for the chance to jump on my ass. Lol.

So yeah. Talked to Keenan more about _______, 3 hour convo, ended up being too tired to listen to the radio's late night show/read up on socpsych/start socpsych journal. Not healthy. I mean, our conversations are cool, but I really should have used the time spent in coherency to get some work done. Yeah. Gotta cut down on these.

Semi-big day but very slow in comparison to my usuals ahead! I'll actually be home early aka 8 plus tonight. (:/) Sweet. I can get some work then then.

In hindsight I should probably stop stuffing my days with activities all the way till 11.30- 12+ etc.

And this even with clubbing being a total non-factor in my life.

*muses*









Can you imagine how screwed I would be if _________ somehow stumbled upon this blog? She'd know exactly what I've been talking about for the whole past week, and I'd be owned so hard.

Or she might ask me out.

HEY I'M BEING OBJECTIVE, KAY.


k. Should stop blogging now. Should start being productive. Later

Quiet time was good today(:

Hmmmm

I've decided that my confusion over QT and just treating it like prayer item time is due to a lack of substantial devotion material and a guide and such. I gotta go get one of those.

Okay school now! Later!

Geegeep

I've always thought that titles should be the first thing that come to mind. Don't ask, lol. dsafasgddg.

So yesterday was a pretty good day. Was asleep half of some lectures, but I pre-empted that so I studied beforehand :D So grateful for sheereen for those notes man. I really have to do uberly well with help like that.

Is it just me or has Marvin been a little bit cold lately. He's probably just feeling a bit out of it. Meh. It'll blow over.

So yesterday i stuck to my promise to do my own thing, so I went to the gym and got my orientation in about all of 5 minutes (:o), then doubled back and stuck at the convention centre churning out the minute capsule thing. Bumped into _______ there, and then it got interesting. In a bad way.

:/

What. She got a bit pissed for no reason so I walked away. And then she called me back to take the thing we were arguing about. Huh. We hung around at two tables doing our own stuff. And then she left without saying bye after an hour.

Maybe she wanted me to say bye first.

Or she could just not care. Aye.

*blink*


I need a study partner. Some one I can bounce off and discuss socpsych theories with, and writcomm rules, among other things.

Except no one cares about studying so hard right now at this moment :/

Guess I'll just have to try then. 3.8 gpa. I'm not letting it go.

First things first I have to churn out my speech for later or i'll lose 10% just like that. D=

Busy day ahead, MD recording too, and I wanna work on my socpsych journal man. I won't have time at night cause of work again. Which for some inexplicable reason is really tiring.

I dropped dead last night after promising myself to only take a "2 minute rest"

D=

missed quiet time, and listening to the late night show which I really need to do to finish my radio report.

Which I am in extreme danger of going over word limit. I have like 27 words left of space to use. D=


So work was fun. I remembered mostly everything, and the cook is SO MUCH FRIENDLIER HAHA. She used to be this crabby smoky old lady that would raise hell if you asked her to repeat the order. Now she's so much happier, and her food still smells so good(:

I was stuck washing again for the most part =___+

Bah well. BUT THE PAY SYSTEM IS BETTER. I thought it was still 4.50 an hour man. Now its 5 an hour for weeknights, and 7-8 bucks for weekendnights! Like wow. XD

They really need people though, it seems, Irene( the boss) had to call down Anna to help out for 2 hours due to manpower shortage. Gee, familiar much. Lol.

Still not commenting on the Anna angle. Suffice to say that it was a bit weird at first, but we worked it out, we have an understanding, and she's still the amazing girl I fell in (bad) love with.

She called me "Keann" even though I never told her my name was such. :o

I'll...stop talking about her now. This would be prudent. I'd love to, but I might never stop and its a very slippery slope to walk down.


I missed prayer meeting today ):

I really wanted to hit it too. Gah. Fell asleep so fast I couldnt even turn on my phone, let alone my alarms. :/ I actually woke up at 6.42, but for a meeting at 7 that's going to last under an hour, its unsalvageable. :/

And...that brings us to now! Gotta wrap up quiet time right after this ( I always get distracted and start thinking about other stuff/fall asleep while thinking about other stuff which waswhatjusthappened)


I was for a moment ago really grateful that God gave me so many people around school that cared about me and would hang with me to do stupid stuff, just a bit put out by the fact that none of them happened to be in my semester. :/

Seniors I've got, fsv people, dvfx, sports camp, random people around school and hockey.

But my sem? Maybe God is trying to push me to hang with my class more.

*muses*

Well I'll see them later so..

This is starting to feel all too familiar to River Valley where I knew everyone but was close to no one. And especially not my class.

Don't let that happen again Lord, I don't know what I've been doing that always makes things turn out this way but I recognise that its something I've been doing and that's a start. Guide me to be a better person.

(:

God bless all the O level people especially Sherlyn! And my cellmates(:

Food/QT/homework/school/work time. Later

(:

Lolwut New Shoes Clingy Father New Job and Impending Nightwalk

In essence, that is it. I just managed to get myself into another insane middle of the night thing. Scare myself silly. All of that. Yeah.

Aside from that, today was a really good day yo. Hanging out with Mark was cool, we haven't seen each other for too long. Hopefully we can do it again next sunday. Barring FMSA camp. We'll see how it goes. Its a shame mag and adora couldn't come down. Miss those two as well yoar. Ah well. Next week (;

Got my shoes a size too big, but screw that, they're good. Then I lost my old shoes on the bus or something D=

I have to stop leaving random things behind.

*muses*

Got my job back. Lol. Irene and David don't seem to remember me quitting the MIA way, so its all good. Starting tomorrow. Again [rollseyes]

Should be interesting. No I will not comment on the Anna angle.

Tried to get ______to lunch today, which failed. Stupid workaholic responsible girl. Or maybe she just doesn't like me.

..
..

Point.

At any rate she'll have to call me tomorrow at some time so I'll just go with it then.

I hope they let us do the gym orientation on the spot in the afternoon :/ I can't stay for the night one, work and all. Woohoo.

Did my radio report! Almost anyway, I'll come back tomorrow night to listen to that Mutton Midnight Madness thing so I can wrap it up. Now I just have the podcast/capsule to finish up.

Which fails ): Its Akon. Gah. Lord give me inspiration or something. ):

IAC could potentially be a huge bitch, or an instant A. Working with Elkee is really fun though, lol@ Emo Monitoring Organization Singapore ( EMOS) XD

Hope I can keep it up.

Help me hit the ground running and keep going all the way till my 3.8, Lord. Only You can help me(:

Oh thanks mel for tagging and your take on the whole God/clubbing/loved thing! You're amazing mel, thanks a million :D

*gasp* I'm getting readers. This could potentially be good or bad.

:/

:/

-whatever.

HAHA.

okay yeah. Gonna head to nightwalk now and stay over in school or something till lectures tomorrow. Then work afters. My bag is frigging stuffed, aye.

Yes, I know I'm insane. I hope I get to do my quiet time tonight, I have a huge sermon to work through(:

Be with me Lord.

Night !

:D :D :D

The ironytrain

Attempt to make blogging regular even though i'm abit rushed for time this morning, before my memories all slip away.


Whoa. Like whoa. I thought I had stuff to blog about last night. This morning was crazy. And its only 10 am. What the hell.

Anna got a job at changing appetites.

..
..
..


This is fail. This is made more fail by my near instant decision to go back there. I can't believe myself. Still, it'd be an awesome opportunity to make things right. Maybe get to ask questions. Maybe stop avoiding each other and pretending each other didn't exist. That would be nice.

Aside from that, the food there is good, the pay is weekly, and I already know everything there is to know about the job. Hey, why not, I need the money anyway :/

Sometimes I wonder me getting hit by the ironytrain every so often has something to do with clearly retarded decisions like these.

So therefore I will be going out with Mark now, do something about my shoes, head to Marina later, and fit in my radio report somewhere in there.

It's interesting how listeners of 987 place so much emphasis on needing the djs to be funny.
<-- info taken from my (much younger) sister.

*muses*

And here's the second ironytrain.

_______ uses facebook.

..
..

This does not mean i will use facebook. Alright. Not happening. I refuse to capitulate to Keenan's misinformed predictions.

Even if they've been wellinformed up till now ):


Mmmmph. Need to do quiet time in a while. Uh. Mark is going to be soooooo pissed at me. Lol.



Last night's service was so good. I mean, the message itself wasn't really what I had been looking for, but it was good and Pastor Cynthia is insanely funny. We need to have more lecturers like those.

The best thing about the service was that I broke down during worship. Like, started crying really hard. I didn't stop me. I welcomed it. So much emotional shit that happened in the week that I hadn't been able to cry about due to circumstance/place/time/maturity etc, and I think I needed the outlet to have a really good cry, kneeling there in the dark, just me and God.

Your house is the only place where I can truly let go and be safe Lord, vulnerable but safe because You're firmly all around me(:

*happy*


I was supposed to get my shoes yesterday, but Cheryl asked me and keenan for cell dinner at holland v with those heartmelting slightly unsure but oh-so-cute eyes and I couldn't say no):

I fail at saying no to a pretty girl.

This is a problem.

aefgjlfkdfvnkdsvnasdcasndc;adsmckalgwrlhjkfw/dsa

sdafasdf.
as'dascasdfljh

):



Then dinner was so boring, it could have just been me and keenan having dinner at a table a little bit away from them not knowing who they were. Bit disappointing really. I hoped they would include him more.

Keenan noted it would take time though, this was only the 3rd week since they met him.

:/

Kinda frustrating though, how are you supposed to convince him our cell is so much more fun than the NP cell when you ignore him like that. Mmmph.

On that note, Pastor Josh is really insistent on getting Keenan to join the NP cell. Lol. Its too funny, they way he keeps insisting that Keenan meet xxxxx NP people, cerise, etc, when I've been trying to tell him Keenan met them already :/

I suspect he doesn't trust me not to try and claw Keenan to my cell :p

Sigh.


Bit saddening really. I worry for my cell. I know its O's now and all, but we hardly hang out and so many people are leaving us for other cells. Ryan and Joseph (D=) were our latest casulties, yesterday. I really want our cell to work, Lord. Bring us together again. D=


And then Keenan went to Cold Rock. Got ice cream. I abandoned him reaaal quick and went to the bus stop on my own, only to head back to Cold Rock in defeat when I found out Cheryl had already caught her bus. D=

I'm a hopeless sucker, I know. Shut up.

Went back, found Mel and Paul at Cold Rock, bit freaked out because it totally wasnt preplanned, but yeah. Good to catch up with them. This resulted in hilarious running and hiding from May, toilets and walls and all that. Lol.

In the end I apologised, anyway. Had to do it three times, even. Mmmph. But it was good, I guess. Now I don't have to avoid the place like hell anymore. XD


Joshua came round yo. I wasn't all that surprised, really :p

Paul mentioned that the other Joshua(Tan) didn't like me. Bit discouraging. I mean, I know, but I'm trying to change that now. I just hope that that comment came from a long time ago, when I was still being a dickhead as opposed to now where I'm trying to fix things. Help me, Lord, it's not right that two Christians are feuding like we are.

(:


Go for it, Joshua. Why the hell not. Lol.




________ talked to me again on msn last night. But like, for admin stuff. Again. I really have no clue whether she remotely likes me/finds me interesting or not. Chances are probably not. Ah well. Just taking it as it goes.

LORD DON'T LET THE GYM ORIENTATION THING BOMB TOMORROW. D=
plus ______'ll be there. ..


I know, I know, I'm a sad hopeless bugger. Shut up. Go away. Mmmmph.


Okay quiet time now, and then off to this potentially disastrous day. :blink:

Later.

:o

In much cheerier hindsight, I don't need a party that bad after all.





Still, a movie would be nice.



I need more happy songs.

I know You're only looking out for me, Lord, but it would be nice to be let out to party once in a while.

That probably is a badly comma spliced sentence. Past caring at this point. I'm going to writcomm hell, aren't i D=


So yeah. Everyone is going to halloween parties and I haven't been asked to a single one.

It shouldn't bother me, but it does. I'm been comforting myself with all these "I won't actively go looking for parties but maybe I'll go if people really want me to be there" thoughts. Like, totally assuming people think i'm this really fun guy that they really want at parties so i can do this whole diva "oh sorry, I don't party" thing.

So arrogant. Jeez.

Still not going to look for any. Why should i. So many implications come with the whole "omg i have to party give me a party i'll find a party" attitude that I really don't want to go there. Again.

I'll just sit here hoping that people remember me.





Yeah right.

Maybe they think I'm already at parties of my own--> which is the totally egoistic way of looking at it.

Or maybe they don't think I'm fun enough anymore.

Or maybe they think I'll refuse, doing the whole Christian thing and all--> I weirdly enough find this one really hard to comprehend. I don't know why. Maybe I'm in denial again.

The worst part is that I shouldn't be caring. Who cares about popularity anyway and sociability. I have God. He is my life. Church rules. There is an awesome bunch of people I love in church.

But i do care. At least a little bit. I like being relevant, I like being significant, I like being noticed and I like being loved.

):

Is that wrong? I don't know. Or maybe I do. Not thinking about it now. Just want to head to church and see how it goes from there.

And I like dancing. A lot. I don't let it show, but I do really love the whole thingashimmy. Why do you think I buy into mass dances so much. Just because I'm hyper? Yeah, right. I love dancing. I love grooving to the music. I love bidaboopbeeping to the beat, and I love the whole impulsive freestyling element of it all.

Cept I'm too shy to let it show. No, really.

Nevermind. But I wonder sometimes if its so wrong to want to club. Sherlyn is going today. Nat probably is. I'm going to head to church and then home like some social loser.

And the worst part is that I'm not supposed to feel that way. I should be over the moon about church. Don't get me wrong, I really am. It's just the whole going-home-after-that part that leaves me with a bad taste in my mouth.


Not many people to ask about this. Maybe i'll talk to josh. Or nat. Or something. Draw me close to You, Lord (:

Because I don't think there's anyone else who will.

Busted, T-rex roars, cell leaders, and i need new shoes.

Don't think I wanna know you
I'm tired of running after you
I won't send you sorry cards
Cos I don't need to
I'm giving up and I'll never reminisce
I've found a way, I'm getting over this
I let go in every way
Cos I don't need you



Busted, Can't Get Thru


Crazy awesome song. No i'm not doing the whole sensitive emotionally hurt guy thing again, I just really like the song. You have to hear it to understand. That whole wounded confused desperate hurting mood set over the whole song is something i can really identify with, that's all. There isn't a person in my life right now that remotely fits those lyrics.

Probably that Anna thing again. But c'mon, that was ages ago :rollseyes:

(:


Songs like that don't make me sad, they actually cheer me up cause I just start feeling good that i broke out of that whole pain cycle. I made it out. I'm clear (:


Soz. Uh. Stomachache, now. Don't think i'll stay online long, gotta go upstairs to take a shit. Plus i noticed _____ going offline just as i came on. So much for that (maybe she'll talk to me idea) yeah. Hah. *meh* :/

okaytosumitupbecausemystomachisgoingonyouneedtotakeashitnowstrike im just going to sum up today really quick.

Hair fails.

Spent more money out of my shoe fund):

Procured the t-rex sounds, tons of them, found the snazzy brassy iconic horn solo from the jurassic park soundtrack that is just so old school classic verving win. :D

Cheryl called and Joseph messaged me to make sure that I wouldn't be stranded at corporate prayer cause no one from my cell could make it, that was really nice. Even if I didn't really need it :rollseyes: I'm not THAT low-profile, and God would provide anyhow (: He always does. Haha.

This leads me to possibly thinking about Cheryl again. Hmm. *slaps self*

*muses*

Hope she's having fun at prom. :o ............. I fail. ....
...
...


STOP IT KEANN.

Uh. Alright. Need new shoes. Must buy tomorrow before i spend more money out of fund for food. But i'm this really perpetual hungry person ):








Church was awesome. Crazily so. Like wow. Here I am to worship, Lord (:

OKAY NIGHT