We aren't so different, all of us, all we want is that one person that makes us believe love can exist again.

Hello all. Lol. I've been contemplating blogging for the past few days, but just brushing it off. Hmm. Anyway. This morning I decided to get some work done, homework and stuff, so I started prepping for the practice non-assessed speech, you know, the

Legend has it that Alexander the Great* always slept with two objects under his pillow: a dagger, and a copy of The Iliad**. According to him, these two objects not only possessed practical usefulness (protection from enemies and a means to pass the time), but also defined his personality (both a soldier and a scholar).
Along these same lines, what two objects would legend record you as having under your pillow? Which two items best represent who you are and what is important to you?

So yeah. I for the life of me couldn't find something that personified me, so I started brainstorming on MS Word to get something out. The following wall of text I'm going to post is interesting, to say the least. Might as well.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

What’s important to me?

God (:
Friends
Hockey
Sports
Books
Music
Uplifting music
Cosy warm fires huddled up in a blanket lost in a book
Hot steaming foods
Peace
Wind
Sun
Sea
Water
Grassy fields

Hey. All I want is a happy ever after together with you.
Whoever you might be. But I’ll know when I meet you.


Simple needs. Just me you our own little circle of happiness.
And that’s all I could ever ask for. Doing crazy things together just for the hell of it.

So what object describes me best. Lol.

Uh. Quarterstaff? Lololol. Boat? Er. Blanket. Towel. A gauntlet.

Er. What’s my personality. ENFP. Extroverted. Intuitive. Feeling. Perceiver. Emotional. Fun. Spontaneous. Impulsive. Mad. Irresponsible. Forgetful. Explosive.
Kind. Hates being vulnerable. Crazy on the outside but really sensitive on the inside.
Reads too much into things. Cares about others’ impressions of him. Loud. Forms quick opinions. Loves going out. Likes sitting at home alone too. Gets distracted easily. Not focused. Wants to be appreciated, cared about, loved. Easily influenced to a point. Random. Disorganized. Loves new stuff. Big dreams.

Lol wow. Um. Item that describes me? Cheese maybe. Uh. Bacon? Why I have no idea. Lol. Lettuce. Chicken. ….Nevermind.

But all I have under my pillow is my phone..Er. Lol. What bloody personifies forgetfulness and silliness. Lol. Fail. A clown hat? Yeah right. Uh. A kite maybe. But it seems so..shallow. Hmm. The string. Its not just sticks cloth and string. Hardly that simple. Cool. I’m using a kite. And.

A water gun. Like the Super Soaker kind. Shoots off his mouth so often. But doesn’t really mean it. Just loves fun. Even though to the point of irritating at times. Pressured up water and everything. Cooooool.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

(lol)

What, I can't let such rare long thought out insights just fade into anonymity, can I. Putting it up here so I can go "Whoa, Keann", sometime in the future when I pop back in(:


NEED TO DO MORE WORK NOW.

But uh. After cooking myself lunch. I swear, I'm addicted to cooking, even though I have no idea how.

Like me frying myself eggs, bacon, and a toasted tuna lettuce cheese sandwich for breakfast. Mmmmm.

Note to self: Tuna sandwich good enough without mayo and cheese. Or keep the cheese but drain the tuna first. Soggy toasted big breads not nice.

[Heads back out to put water on the stove]




I mean I would if I didn't feel compelled to put down that last night I had a really interesting long conversation with __________.

Even though I'm over her and all. Uh. Really gotta watch myself there to make sure I don't start entertaining feelings for her again. Friend Zonity all way too familiar to me.

(Week Explodes)

Cheer up (:

I hardly blog anymore, lack of time or lack of motivation, but i'm just popping in to devote this short post to you.




I care and I'm always here, so hey you've at least one person on your side for forever(:

[Nudge]

*buys you a strawberry cheesecake with banana icecream on the side*

Cheer up soon (:

RUBIX CUBE. DAY ONE.

Lazy to blog. Wasn't as if I was thinking about a lot of issues anyway, which I suppose is good. Cooooool.

Sum up:

Work-
Blatant advertising of Apache Video-
Organizing outing-
Going for outing, showing up late, still having an awesome time. Movie rocked-
It was Stardust-
Sat on steps and was really comfortable doing it watching movie because only tickets left were the front row one which in movie =/= good-
Promised self to do that(the sitting on steps thing again)-
RUbix Cube D= -
Josh Bbq--> cool -
Home now-




THERE :D

Tomorrow radio hopeiwakeupontime:/

Still need shoes AHHH.

Night, me (:

ALL SO WORTH IT

THE APACHE VIDEO IS UP AND WORKING AND ROCKING MY SOCKS OFF.

:DD :D :D :D



Like, woof. Seeing the video buffering on youtube playing again and again in the public domain makes it all so worth it (:

Put it in your blogs, readers! Oh wait, I have no readers.

[double take]

*continues to spam me*

And then I remembered that I wanted to post this.

I'd screenshot it and then photoshop/cut it down to size, but its just my diary, what the hell. Will not slip into that presentation obsessed cycle again.

Anyway, lecturer's analysis of my participation grade for the msia trip:

D-/F+

Was half a day late for the 1 day workshop and fell asleep during a talk by a specialist. However, he later woke up and participated by asking sharp questions.

Has outstanding analytical ability.

Good at taking and editing photos/videos. Has a creative streak. Needs to watch the playfulness and attitude and keep that in check.

Admitted on the day of presentation that he had only seen the slides in the morning. Very irresponsible behaviour in terms of teamwork. Commitment is questionable.

Not co-operative when asked to do certain tasks related to the trip.

------------------------


Lol2that. But it WAS a really boring trip, no matter how much I tried to convince myself otherwise ):


Will see about possibly retaking the IS module instead of going for extemption when choosing next year. Will ask later.

Hmmmm. Still not prepping for school yet. You know what. Screw it. I've pinpointed that the only reason that I want to go to school so early is to possibly bump into you(mel), you(yanhong), and all those other seniors e.g. rae/sheereen/tom/liping/etc etc etc.

I really shouldn't go, if my motivations are aligned that way, huh. Like, its really..very desperate-ish and very socially popularity orientated. As opposed to doing my own thing.

Hmm.

Or maybe I will start prepping early. Who knows where my impulses will take me.

:rollseyes:

Whoa.

I just had this amazing insight that I felt compelled to put here for future reference.


The reason why I keep telling everyone else that popularity is overrated is because that's what i'm trying to convince myself to believe half the time.

Like, I know its the right attitude to have towards it and all.


I do like the attention though. :/ kfdvjavasdlkvasv.


INSIGHT OVER.

!!!!!!!

And then camp happened!

:D :D :D :D



.......


*deflates*

No really. You would expect me to hit camp and go crazy from the get go? Huh. Didn't happen. Tried to stay low-profile and such. I mean, at FOC we went mad and all and we became popular and all that, but at the same time there were people who were bloody hell yes irritated at us, so this time I think I kinda tried to fix that. You know. Don't be so assertive. Give others in my group a chance to shine. Take ideas from other people. Be low-key a bit. Don't hog the limelight.

Which I did.



Which I didn't like doing at all.

So it was rather interesting in a way, the way the camp turned out, how my closer friends like Keenan and Josh went crazy, hogged the limelight, while I just sat there and tried to stomach it.

Don't get me wrong, I had a relatively good time as well.

I mean a really good time.

And I have nothing against the people who did go crazy-ass crazy.

Just frustration with myself really. I told Josh/Keenan about it at camp night as well, and related it to school and the ______ issue, and all that. Really long self-illuminating discussion and I thank them for hearing me out and giving their take on it and all that.

In fact, I think I won't diary it in now. I will at some point, but not now, because I don't want to slip into a really reflective mood and perhaps sombre one just yet. Its only the start of the day. Hahahahhaa. Tonight, alright. Or something. Yanhong if I see you I'll tell you about it in person, alright (:


But camp did rock, yes. A whole lot. Amazing. And amazing people. And I intend to get at least some of them out for this Thursday FOR A MOVIE OR SOMETHING :D :D :D


So yeah. By the way, nothing but respect for the camp comm who planned it and especially jo, rae and sheereen. Man, the work they did for us. Will see about yes buying them a present and all that. This is idea.

_______ was a big part of the camp as well, and the camp was a huge factor in me dropping the chase-thing-process with her.

Will talk about it some other time.

Later (: There's a whole day ahead of me, a day where I'm actually free after class, no work, no training, nothing, and by golly I intend to use it well. :D

Later!

Backtrack

As to the last two days I didn't blog about, Thursday and Friday, they were really really uneventful. Yeah. I overslept hard on both those days, ended up staying at home, missed writcomm and my radio 8am class, and felt really bummed. Yeah. Partly because I couldn't get a dialogue with ______ going. I didn't talk to her Wednesday because so much stuff happened, V for Vendetta and all that--> which in hindsight was a really bad move. Trying to talk to her Thursday :

(me) "Hey supergirl. How's it going :D"
(_____) "Stressed"
(me) "What's up"
(_____) " Lots of stuff. Can I text you later?"



Which she never did. And of course which did nothing for my mood.

It seems that the less I go out, the worse I feel, and the worse I feel the less I feel like trying to go out, and so on and so forth. :o

So didn't talk to her friday at all. Didn't go to school either. Felt like a depressed social loser the whole day too. Partly because I was broke. And all that.

I seem to remember feeling sick too those 2 days. :x

No really, I had'a huge migraine and body felt weird and nose felt inflamed and all that. Whoa.

Hey when i'm low, I'm really low, alright. Lol.

So yeah I didn't feel like blogging those two days at all. Maybe I didn't want to start putting into a worded form the wave of negative emotions I was going through, y'know, not processing it and stuff.

Hmm.

:/

Clarity

I vowed never to edit any post on this blog again and so will add 'nother entry pertaining to previous one which I found rather ambiguous and lacking in explaining the gravity of the issue.



Its over between me and _________

That clears things up (:

Hi yall.

Its been ages since I last updated hrmm, and quite a lot of stuff has happened since then. Yeah. Huge ups and downs, profound camp insights, work infighting and such. Huh. I'm not going to pile everything into one big post, it'd get too messy. I'll try to break it up, people (:


This entry is devoted to the ________ issue, or rather the lack of it.


I'm dropping it, aight. (;

:/

Damn.

Gawheesh

Not going to be a long entry. Don't feel like diarying much at the moment. I'm downstairs hitting the wireless and yes I could say some stuff, but i'm not really in the mood.

Wasn't a very eventful day anyway. I could turn that into a really long entry espousing on the lack of "day", but i'm not really in the mood. Gonna head back, eat something, maybe study socpsych a bit, tbrigade a bit, pack bag for 8am class tomorrow and pray I wake up on time.

Very disappointing on the _________ front today.

I'll talk about it tomorrow.

Make it better, Lord ):




I need to procure a pair of sports shoes and fast.
Night.

Gotta stop the rot.

Its 11.53 am, lesson started at 9, and i woke up at 9.30.

Fail. And only because I was up the whole night not studying not reading up not doing anything worthwhile but playing a flying tank fps game that i found that i was extremely into 4 years ago.

Not healthy. Radio report as of yet still not completed, journal not touched, and i'm sure there're 1351231235125 more assignments left to do that I can't remember at the moment. Bit jaded at the moment. Deflated. Slightly depressed.

I wanted something cool for breakfast like a bowl of boysenberries and apple juice and maybe pancakes. Yeah right. Best I could do was some milk out of the carton, a slice of plain bread, and chicken curry which ordinarily I would love but when your mind's set on a tantalizing juicy and oh-so-refreshing bite of a boysenberry and freshly made hot steaming pancakes-

You get the general idea.

I don't get why I'm so melancholic right now. I don't feel like dressing up and heading to school, I don't feel like talking to _______, I don't feel like eating and all I want to do is head somewhere on my own with a nice thick blanket and a hoodie.

I'd go swim, but that's suicide. I have 'nother class in 3 hours. Maybe I should skip that too. Then I could swim and maybe run and not have to actually meet anyone.

Except that wouldn't be a good testimony for you Lord. ): I know I should go to school. Be happy. Be a fountain of joy and blessing and all that. Draw people to you.

But all that's happening lately is that I've been getting dao-ed.

Funny how I could possibly ask anyone out to dinner and they'd say yes, anyone except the people in my semester.

I know Lord. I shouldn't care. Popularity is overrated. There's not much point chasing after it. I have You and a multitude of people that You've placed in my life that care about me, even if they're not in my immediate circles of action. And I appreciate it so much.

But there's a part of me deep down that still does care. 'Specially when you know you've attained it before. Everybody hanging on your every word, going along with the crazy spontaneous ideas you come up with, and no one can get enough of you.

I'm horrible.

Its that whole "I don't have this thing that I want" (sad) "I feel really guilty about wanting it" (sad) "snowball effect" (sad) thing again.

Sigh.

I know i'm supposed to be happy and happy in You Lord, but I have other desires too and those are just not happening right now.

I know, its just all so fragile Lord, and You're so much more than that, but it's not as if I have to choose between the two, isn't it. Sigh.



Besides that, yesterday was pretty alright. Went to school in a taxi, I don't know what for, drifted around, met my IAC group(love my IAC group), tried to get yanhong/mel to crash my movie screening :D

Went for movie screening, I frigging loved it. It threw up interesting questions for me. The portraying of the "terrorist" dude as the good guy, inevitably making Evey(and the audience) love him, even when he did things I felt were clearly parallel to real-life terrorist M.Os. The disregard for the judicial system. The zealousness of it all. Reneging on peace deals. Outright refusal to forgive even when the crime at hand had been long past.

*That's right, go ahead and murder the old lady in her bed even though you're clearly aware that she's paid for her crimes a thousand times over by the fear and regret she's being living with all her life*

Indoctrination. Brainwashing. Suicide bombing. And a thousand other things.

Don't get me wrong, I liked seeing the guy blow up Parliment as much as everyone else. It just piqued a few questions for me. When is the terrorist the good guy? When is a terrorist the noble leader for the freedom of the people and when is he just a trigger happy terrorist? Who decides?

Godammit I miss lit. I hope conissues develops into something just as fun.

I hope :/

Talked to Sherlyn for the most in my life today. Its funny how I seem to know so much about her, because I found her blog while I was still interested in her best friend, Chanel, and kept reading even after the whole Chanel thing crumbled. Hey, its a good read.

She seems like a really nice person though. God-loving, very nice, a bit blur around the edges but with a clear wit and presence of mind behind it that surfaces in her writing. And everytime we talk, even for like only five seconds, we hit it off really well. I just don't talk to her more because I'm a bit afraid she might take the attention as weird and unnerving. Considering that we're in two entirely different courses and no points of contact in our social circles at all. And no, i'm not talking so much about her because I like her :rolls eyes:

No really. She's just one of those people that I can see myself being really really good close friends with, that's all. I'd love to have lunch/dinner hang out with her someday. Talk about stuff. She's a really interesting person. (:

I think that's all relevant about my day yesterday. Couldn't find anybody to go to dinner at Holland V with, talked with genny for quite a while at the bus stop, went home.

Funny thing about that. Genny is also one of those people I wouldn't mind being really good friends with, and hanging out and such. I just worry that she might take the sudden attention as me trying to get together with her again, opening up a whole bucketload of emotional issues that I don't want her to start rummaging through :/

I worry too much.

On the topic of worrying, Marvin didn't show up for the movie screening yesterday. Neither did Amber. I'm starting to worry about him/her. Don't start skipping classes to go partying, Marv. It's not worth it ):

I'm one to talk, I did the equivalent of skipping class for a computer game *exasperation*

Fail.



So I didn't talk to _______ the whole of yesterday. Just couldn't really be bothered to. I reckon I should talk to her today? I mean, if she liked me, she'd be wondering why I didn't talk to her the whole day yesterday...which would be a good thing because she'd be thinking about me.

Then again if she didn't like me and I suddenly popped out of nowhere randomly she might get a bit weirded out. I know she's really busy though. This could be turned into an opportu- oh screw it. Just make things go my way for me, Lord. If it is Your Will (:

For some reason my mood is substantially better than my mood before at the start of this very very long rambling post. And no its not because I'm talking about ______. :rolls eyes: I'm calling it diary therapy. And now I'm in this really reflective ready-to-do-quiet-time mood, as opposed to just now when I was just pissed at mostly everything. (:


I miss church. So bad. And I need a camp. Now. Church tomorrow and saturday, camp saturday(: Its gonna be a good weekend!

It sucks that I won't be able to go for the friday mass cell segment things once sports camp gl trainings kick in ):

Ah well Lord. Show me the way(:



I wonder if I have time to go run before prepping for school? :o

Okay, later(: