Qi En, I hope this does't come across as stern or as a rebuke. I might not have a lot of time with you but every leader is precious to me and I want to see them succeed hence the time taken to write this msg.
You're a person of great influence. I see that a lot and I also hear a lot about you which is why I say that. This is a great thing except that sometimes I realized your influence might not always be positive.
This is also a follow up to Ps Peter's msg which is to not just watch our tongues but also our written words esp on facebook. I have no issue in you having feelings for Rachael (I gather that from your FB walk messages cos I read about it so much.) but I do not think it is helpful to express the feelings in such open channels because you inevitably might cause her to be manipulated and also put yourself under intense scrutiny from others.
I hope you will realize that overtime, this will only cause you and her more harm and it might be wise to stop doing that before something happens. If you truly treasure her, I suggest you do not put her in vulnerable positions where because of your words, her actions are also constantly watched in school and in church, adding unnecessary pressure to her.
What you do also might not be helpful for the younger ones too because they look up to you and they will do the very things that you do when they grow up. Power does come with great responsibility. I hope you will learn that quickly.
I say the above with a posture of love, not of harm. I hope you will consider my words carefully with humility. Will be glad to talk more if you desire to clarify further.
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Keann Chong May 3 at 6:16pm
Hey Pastor Vic,
)x I really really appreciate the message and the intentions behind them, it means a lot to hear that every single leader is precious to you, and also a lot to see it in action just simply by writing this message to me.
Yes, I understand where you are coming from, and I think there are two issues I am dealing with here, that I am struggling with, and I will try to separate the two so we can have a fruitful discussion. I really really appreciate the intent to build me up, and they have been things I have been thinking about.
1. The position of 'great influence' I hold. Pastor Vic, the pastors and La have been conveying this to me on many occasions, and it does affirm and build me up, and I appreciate where it is coming from, but honestly speaking....sometimes it puts a lot of pressure on me. I hope that I'm not coming across as complaining and being whiny, I really appreciate the measure of influence that God has given me, and I try many times to use it for good, whether in a church or school community, but if I could share my heart about it, sometimes I feel very pressured to 'be a certain way'. Because I'm a leader, and also because people look up to me, I know that this is something to give thanks to God about, but at the same time it can make me feel very restricted and afraid that any wrong move I make equates to everyone doing the same, and I don't enjoy that negative part of it.
I hope my words are coming out correctly, I just realised that as pastors you must face this pressure on a greater scale, and constantly, and I probably have no idea how great the pressure can be 24/7.
It is scary, and its something I've been wanting to talk about for awhile, but I've never really had an outlet. Yes, I could have talked to La or Josh about it, but I also don't like feeling weak, and there are always 'things to do', so I have been shoving it down. Thank you so much for allowing me to air it. I'm not quite sure what the solution is, but I'm glad that I have been able to talk about it ):
2. My feelings for Rachael, and peer pressure and culture. Um, honestly I didn't think I was openly declaring my feelings for her that much? Once at the beginning (which was not wise), and last night, and I was hoping nobody would see that, because it was late at night ):
I know it is a rather silly line of thought. If I didn't want anyone to see it, why didn't I just make it private. Well...I have to admit that I like declaring it publicly. I like being sweet in public, and I like both my friends and her friends going 'awww' about it. It is probably foolish, but I do like that a lot, being able to express that publicly. I'm not saying that it becomes a valid reason because I like it, but it is a strong feeling, and I am seeking for understanding, I again hope this comes off correctly ):
Peer pressure...I am someone who loves expressing my feelings for people in public (friends, leaders, or elsewise), and her school...Australian International School, is filled with people who love doing that too. A Western culture. I have always been very comfortable in that kind of culture, and wanting to embrace it, and it gets to be an easier motivation when I get to act like that in a community that acts like that? My head knows that it isn't wise, sometimes, but besides my feelings for Rachael, my heart also take me in the direction of 'this kind of community is where I want to be'. I'm sharing this in the hopes that you can understand my struggles and my life, because honestly...I don't get a chance to do this much. Not with my parents, and with La and Josh, I do feel that they have 'no time' sometimes, and so I'm just grabbing this chance to speak to someone I trust. It means a lot to me that you asked me, and reached out to me, and I hope I'm not being a bother.
But yes. Rachael...I will take your words to heart and ponder them, my initial thoughts are that I never felt they put her in a position of harm because her school people 'want her to get attached', and everyone goes 'awwwww' when they see that.
Reading my own words, it seems like a pretty silly reason, but they also are powerful feelings.
This is also only the issue of being 'public', but I am aware that moving too fast when we are not ready, whether public or private, is a serious issue for us as well. I was reading I Kissed Dating Goodbye last night, I've read it ages before and I agreed with it...but in my current frame of mind, i was like 'D: no i don't want to do that. I agree with some things, but not that D:'
Um, if you feel that I should speak to Josh more than to you about it, because of time, I am okay with that too, but I want to say that I want to submit to your guidance, love and experience, even though it can be hard where feelings are involved.
Thank you so much for the time,
God's Love
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Victor Seet May 3 at 10:18pm
Qi-En, first of all, I apologize for the team (Josh and La) if you feel that they have not had time for you. This was not my impression though but I might be wrong. Do be objective on this. It cannot be a feeling. Do you feel that because you have asked to speak with them on many occasions but they have indicated they have no time or is it just a feeling therefore you do not even try. As far as I know, someone like La, even in the midst of exams, she will sacrifice herself just to hear someone out. I hope u will come to resolve this "feeling". Do talk to me if you feel you are objective about it. One of my key criteria for Pastors and Supervisors is that of time spent with their sheep and I want to hear feedback as well. All these feedback are kept confidential.
Shall we meet up soon even if it's for a short while? I will like to discuss all the above in greater details. I'm free Thurs afternoon if you are free to meet.
You're a person of great influence. I see that a lot and I also hear a lot about you which is why I say that. This is a great thing except that sometimes I realized your influence might not always be positive.
This is also a follow up to Ps Peter's msg which is to not just watch our tongues but also our written words esp on facebook. I have no issue in you having feelings for Rachael (I gather that from your FB walk messages cos I read about it so much.) but I do not think it is helpful to express the feelings in such open channels because you inevitably might cause her to be manipulated and also put yourself under intense scrutiny from others.
I hope you will realize that overtime, this will only cause you and her more harm and it might be wise to stop doing that before something happens. If you truly treasure her, I suggest you do not put her in vulnerable positions where because of your words, her actions are also constantly watched in school and in church, adding unnecessary pressure to her.
What you do also might not be helpful for the younger ones too because they look up to you and they will do the very things that you do when they grow up. Power does come with great responsibility. I hope you will learn that quickly.
I say the above with a posture of love, not of harm. I hope you will consider my words carefully with humility. Will be glad to talk more if you desire to clarify further.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Hey Pastor Vic,
)x I really really appreciate the message and the intentions behind them, it means a lot to hear that every single leader is precious to you, and also a lot to see it in action just simply by writing this message to me.
Yes, I understand where you are coming from, and I think there are two issues I am dealing with here, that I am struggling with, and I will try to separate the two so we can have a fruitful discussion. I really really appreciate the intent to build me up, and they have been things I have been thinking about.
1. The position of 'great influence' I hold. Pastor Vic, the pastors and La have been conveying this to me on many occasions, and it does affirm and build me up, and I appreciate where it is coming from, but honestly speaking....sometimes it puts a lot of pressure on me. I hope that I'm not coming across as complaining and being whiny, I really appreciate the measure of influence that God has given me, and I try many times to use it for good, whether in a church or school community, but if I could share my heart about it, sometimes I feel very pressured to 'be a certain way'. Because I'm a leader, and also because people look up to me, I know that this is something to give thanks to God about, but at the same time it can make me feel very restricted and afraid that any wrong move I make equates to everyone doing the same, and I don't enjoy that negative part of it.
I hope my words are coming out correctly, I just realised that as pastors you must face this pressure on a greater scale, and constantly, and I probably have no idea how great the pressure can be 24/7.
It is scary, and its something I've been wanting to talk about for awhile, but I've never really had an outlet. Yes, I could have talked to La or Josh about it, but I also don't like feeling weak, and there are always 'things to do', so I have been shoving it down. Thank you so much for allowing me to air it. I'm not quite sure what the solution is, but I'm glad that I have been able to talk about it ):
2. My feelings for Rachael, and peer pressure and culture. Um, honestly I didn't think I was openly declaring my feelings for her that much? Once at the beginning (which was not wise), and last night, and I was hoping nobody would see that, because it was late at night ):
I know it is a rather silly line of thought. If I didn't want anyone to see it, why didn't I just make it private. Well...I have to admit that I like declaring it publicly. I like being sweet in public, and I like both my friends and her friends going 'awww' about it. It is probably foolish, but I do like that a lot, being able to express that publicly. I'm not saying that it becomes a valid reason because I like it, but it is a strong feeling, and I am seeking for understanding, I again hope this comes off correctly ):
Peer pressure...I am someone who loves expressing my feelings for people in public (friends, leaders, or elsewise), and her school...Australian International School, is filled with people who love doing that too. A Western culture. I have always been very comfortable in that kind of culture, and wanting to embrace it, and it gets to be an easier motivation when I get to act like that in a community that acts like that? My head knows that it isn't wise, sometimes, but besides my feelings for Rachael, my heart also take me in the direction of 'this kind of community is where I want to be'. I'm sharing this in the hopes that you can understand my struggles and my life, because honestly...I don't get a chance to do this much. Not with my parents, and with La and Josh, I do feel that they have 'no time' sometimes, and so I'm just grabbing this chance to speak to someone I trust. It means a lot to me that you asked me, and reached out to me, and I hope I'm not being a bother.
But yes. Rachael...I will take your words to heart and ponder them, my initial thoughts are that I never felt they put her in a position of harm because her school people 'want her to get attached', and everyone goes 'awwwww' when they see that.
Reading my own words, it seems like a pretty silly reason, but they also are powerful feelings.
This is also only the issue of being 'public', but I am aware that moving too fast when we are not ready, whether public or private, is a serious issue for us as well. I was reading I Kissed Dating Goodbye last night, I've read it ages before and I agreed with it...but in my current frame of mind, i was like 'D: no i don't want to do that. I agree with some things, but not that D:'
Um, if you feel that I should speak to Josh more than to you about it, because of time, I am okay with that too, but I want to say that I want to submit to your guidance, love and experience, even though it can be hard where feelings are involved.
Thank you so much for the time,
God's Love
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Qi-En, first of all, I apologize for the team (Josh and La) if you feel that they have not had time for you. This was not my impression though but I might be wrong. Do be objective on this. It cannot be a feeling. Do you feel that because you have asked to speak with them on many occasions but they have indicated they have no time or is it just a feeling therefore you do not even try. As far as I know, someone like La, even in the midst of exams, she will sacrifice herself just to hear someone out. I hope u will come to resolve this "feeling". Do talk to me if you feel you are objective about it. One of my key criteria for Pastors and Supervisors is that of time spent with their sheep and I want to hear feedback as well. All these feedback are kept confidential.
Shall we meet up soon even if it's for a short while? I will like to discuss all the above in greater details. I'm free Thurs afternoon if you are free to meet.
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