Bus love melancholy, that sounds like a song

So. Finally writing again. Typical how it takes love melancholy to make me do this, instead of epic events, or epic life-shattering encounters with God, of which i've had plenty of over the past few months.

Life has been...interesting.

And I really should have taken all of it down huh. Haha. Ah well. Lets not dwell on all of that today, lets just dwell on...today.



I feel lonely again. Well, not in the same way as before, its not the nobody-is-there-for-me loneliness, or anything, God is here and he's fixed that (somewhat), thank you Dad. I'll never be alone, I always have you to talk to, rant to, turn to, et-cetera...

And yeah. I've always been so okay with getting affection from those around me in my life, the girls especially, who are okay with hugging and all of that.

I'm cool with that.

Its Day Two of Zul telling me firmly that I should be holding off doing that, hugging, being so tender, etc, with Nadia. And Shery and Val. Because of the whole boyfriend thing. Its not wrong, I fully agree, and I probably needed an incentive anyway to stop being so physically affectionate (inappropriately, as Pastor Josh would say) with girls anyway.

Yeah. We'll figure out girls sometime, but firstly, girls with boyfriends are off limits.

However, folllowing that, and being reminded every second when with them, great friends that I love (who wouldn't turn me down), that I'm not going to do that, hugs and tenderness and stuff, really reminds me that I don't have someone of my own to do that with.

So that's the part that bothers me now. The lack of a girlfriend to hold, to be with, to caress tenderly, to love, etc. I used to do that with all girls, you know, friends, i'm okay with it as long as they're okay...but now that I'm drawing back from that -

Going on bus rides are awesome. Haha.

Well anyway....not wanting to dwell on this topic further. But disappointment, and God saying He'll always fulfill his promises...

Idk. I was made to love. And there was nothing inappropriate in my mind when i do these things. Just wanting to love, and find a connection there, between friends.

Just that girls with boyfriends are off limits, just as most girls i know in church are.

Haha.

Help me to learn to love and connect through other ways as well, Lord (:

Okay, later