Good morning its 5pm

My head hurts. And my mouth feels weird. Uh. Gosh. Afternoon naps :/

/groggy.


But i totally did not sleep in! Woke at 7, which was nice, and ran to the 830 service for awhile and other things and came back at 1pmish, slightly sianed because I'm all dressed up again and there's a whole afternoon but no one wants to/can go out again.

Sundays always are depressing like that. I wasn't looking for much, not anything big, just something to do in somebody's company. Even reading. Or not even doing anything. Just existing in the same general area, like a house, would be fine. They could totally do their own thing.

I sound so desperate for social activity :/

Bleagh. Messaged a few people, stoned while playing Pokemon mindlessly thinking "this is pathetic", and shut it off and went to bed, somehow.


Mmmhmm. No i didn't feel like swimming, not in Queenstown anyway, it was raining while I was in the library and the sun was out and it was hot and bright and humid. Nice to look at, but not nice to be in, not very much :/



Morning was good though(: The past few days, like, God has really opened my eyes to the wonder of His creation, somehow. Like, i'll just be walking and i'll look around and be awed by the beauty of it all. At night, at sunset, in the afternoons and especially in the mornings while the world wakes. Even if its just the sky and the trees outside my window. Or the grass downstairs with the sun reflecting off it while the little butterflies flit in and out unnoticed until they're at your knees. The little things I've spent my life around for the past 10 years, looking, seeing, but not really living.

And I am so blessed. Haahaahahah. Wondrous beauty. Today and yesterday, God has been dragging me out of bed early to QT downstairs in the morning mist, and its like woaahh :D


Frigging amazing. Its like my eyes were opened since Sentosa, and I've had a hunger for seeing and experiencing the natural beauty of the world God created since then. Wheee(:


Keenan and I joined the AV ministry yesterday, we went at 1pm for the training. Which struck me as vaguely ironic because while I know almost nothing about the equipment and all, my father's been faithfully doing that in my family church for the main Chinese service since before I was born...

I mean, its slightly different, no intruments besides the piano, and one mike, I think, but yeah.


Anyhow, it was cool. I mean, Keenan picks it up a lot faster than I do, due to his course and all, and he sincerely wants to learn and serve in the live audio management, and I've been worrying a bit because unlike him, I didn't really actually have a proactive call for it or something. See, he asked me if he should join AV min or Worship min, and I encouraged him to join AV min, and somehow I got invited along for it too. Which I don't mind, and I happily want to serve, I just vaguely hope I'm serving the right way God intends me to do.


I mean, it doesn't clash with anything else, right. And I suppose God can call people through friends as much as He can spiritually and through the Word. And I'm happy to serve. I wanna. And I think as long as the heart for it is there, its okay. Haha.

Its fun, anyhow. And its cool because you really really learn about how the service functions, how its set up, how everything is supposed to sync and work together, the worship min and the individual mixers, and the stage soundboard and the front-of-house board, and I've lost you already, haven't i.

Plus they do need people! A lot! See, they do a damn good job, every week, but again, they're doing it EVERY week. oh so it seems. See, if you're serving, you're not really partaking of the service and the worship and drinking it in and focusing on God, you're helping to make sure everyone else does. Helping the band hear it other. Making sure nothing goes wrong. Being alert for cues, and all. Which is why the worship team rotates too. Service is great, but we all need a bit of worship too. Cause we all need to grow as well. Haha.

Which only goes to show how much the worship team, AV min, pastors, and cell leaders, and people leading cell worship, even, sacrifice of their personal worship time each week to make everybody else's worship with God better(:


Which is exactly what service should be. Service. :D


Annnyhow. Yesterday was cool. They tell us we'll be watching for about a month, to just stand there and watch how everything goes on, it'll start making sense soon, to be always on the look out not so much how someone does something, but why someone does something. Cause once you know what you want to do, the actual doing comes easy. Which totally makes sense. So Keenan stood at the stage soundboard this week, I'll stand there next week, and we'll alternate, that's where they start us off.

I love how before anything else, we weren't taught about the technical aspects of anything, but drilled on the importance of submission, to the worship team, to the musicians, and to the worship leader. To give them as much help as they want/need as they possibly can, and to be a servant. That was cool. Everything we do, even the little things, Bible-based!


Verrrryyy cool. Maybe I'll end up doing lights though. Idk. There are even less lights people than there are sound people. Just see how God leads I guess. No hurry. Haha.


(:


But yeah. Standing there in the box, paying attention to how the service is being done, listening out for the quality of the music, and the technical aspects of it all, isn't in any way the same as being up there in the front pouring your heart out to God worshipping Him. It was rather detached for me yesterday, and it seemed over so quick ):

Which only further goes to show how much the AV ministry need people, so there is a bigger team of competent people to rotate around, so all can benefit from the worship instead of sacrificing week in week out.

Yeah. Haha. That's why I attended the 830 service this morning, at least the worship, because I didn't get my weekly dosage yesterday. Haha. Or something. But I got quite sianed after that and evacuated during Communion :/

Mmhmm. Went upstairs, found Bellejoy in a room studying, decided to be productive and take advantage of the place and atmosphere and sit there and ponder a burning question I had:


"How do you balance out liking a service and attending it?"

"Should we attend a service even though we don't like how it is being done, technically?"

I mean, that shouldn't be the focus of service right. And if our hearts are in the right place, God should handle it for us right. Bring us to Him, draw us to Him anyway.

So I followed that line of thought for about a little over an hour, leading me to questions like "What is the objective of service", and "What are our responsibilities as Christians", and other things.



And the conclusion of that matter was that yes, as Christians, we SHOULD go for service anyway, but if there is a better one that suits our needs more, it is better that we go for that because there's no point hammering ourselves against a brick wall. Like, we're not chasing exciting because its exciting but because God is at the top of it all and we want to make our service the best that we can for him, and our worship as beautiful as we can for him, which is exciting.

Of course, on the part of the worship team and the pastors there is a responsibility to make the service suit the needs of the congregation, and be the best they can make it, as much as they possibly can. Like, letting a service be boring and assuming God can do the work for us is like not studying and assuming God is going to let us do well. Yeah.


So this led me to the question "What makes a good service".



Which I answered pretty easily since the previous questions and answers to them from the Bible had established a groundwork on which I could easily draw on and rely on for support.


I'd put it out here but I don't have time, gtg dinner with family now. Haha.


Not even time enough left to bold stuff and make pretty colours, so I apologise for the grey drab walls of text :/


OKAY GTG LATER (: