Uhhh. This was wednesday? 9/6/10

HELOOOOOOOO GOD.


HAHHAHAA. Owell. Journalling within testimony time. Ursh. But yeah, I guess I need to do this. I want to. I could have prob come earlier yes...or done it at home...but I don't regret staying at home and exploring music! And discovering the new planetshaker album! And watching Christian Hip Hop and being inspired!

More and more I'm learning about that I shouldn't just try and follow plans that would work for others but not me. Be flexible. Let God move. Like this morning. That it wasn't guilt or bad time management, that it was flowing in You and letting you speak to me at this time in that personal way that wouldn't work for anyone else.

And we'll keep casting off that reproach and self-condemnation until its gone. Get gone, evil spirits. Hhahahaa.

So :)

I still have to do that Gerald's video! I'll do that at lunch maybe or something. It'll be okay. Yes, I could have probably actually gone to sleep last night instead of playing Pokemon...but ah well. Haha God your grace is enough. Thank you for being amazing. Last night....man. Hahaa. I woke up like 20 times disabling alarms or something. It didn't quite work out. Heh.

In the morning....I woke up, and just laid there, knocked out, knowing there are things that I prob have to do....but not being worried about it. God will handle it, will keep me safe, manage my time for me. I'm not quite sure how to explain it...but I'm starting to be aware that God and I function better when I'm not working on strict disciplinarian plans, things that work for others but not for me! I function so much better with a vague plan and a list of things to do....and then going to do it. Yes I could waste time less...but I do that with a strict plan or not anyway because I keep putting things off. Haha. Its better if I just get out there and run with that.

Mostly. I don't quite understand it yet but I'm slowly walking in intimacy with you, God. Being chill. I mean, being excited and hungry yes, but I can also do it in chillness. I just vaguely sense this is the season.

Give me the mind renewal and words to express this whole thing when its over, God :)

Riiiiight. So. Haha yesterday was amazing. I didn't even know a guy like Keith was coming! But I was like, YES, AMAZING. THIS IS WHAT I AM HERE FOR. That energy, that culture! Taking all of it from the source, not a filtered down more-acceptable 'Asian' version! I'm not saying that our guys aren't good though. But I want that culture. Straight from the source.

That craziness, that free-ness, that jumping. Yes. YES. I am ready for this, God. I am so adaptable, and ready for this.

Things I took away from it:

1. Being an ambassador
- We've always heard and learnt about being an ambassador of God for ages! But it never occurred to me that being an ambassador in another country doesn't mean you live on the resources of that other country! You operate on the riches, security and providence of your own very rich country! No matter what the country you're in is like. And being a Christian is like that! Operating on the resources and security and culture of heaven, of the kingdom!

That knowing God, entering His kingdom, is different from salvation. I always wondered about that, that verse never made sense to me that someone might be kicked out of the kingdom. But its not about losing eternal life. Its losing the open heaven of the kingdom now, because of not walking in intimacy in God, though you use his name and cast out demons. Which brings me to my next point...

2. Knowing God's heart.
- This has been on me for a little bit. Realising that God and I talk about me all the time, but what about Him? What's on His heart? What do I really know about Him? And part of it is learning about God through His word, through His Names...

And part of it is also about asking God and listening 'God, what's on your heart? What matters to you?'

Not in a 'send me now I will do it' way, which is important too, but just about listening. Just about being a friend and walking in intimacy.

I wonder if I journalled about Monday yet? I can't rememberrrrrr. Hahahahha. :s

But yeah. Slowly walking as a friend. I need to hit the Dreaming With God book again, sometime :)

3. Going crazy!

Omigosh crazy jester hat prayer walks. Dancing around singing 'THE KING HAS COME'. IT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE. THATS WHAT PRAYER WALKS SHOULD BE LIKE. Y'KNOW.

And then yesterday at the end, we were laughing so much, and I wasn't laughing THAT hard, I wasn't that high, but I had to decide to click that switch in my mind and be high! To just decide to be! In the running around and yelling, you know?

And it was a challenge. And I realised I do more than that at every camp I'm at. Just choosing to be high just because! Its like my mind has decided its completely acceptable to be that way!

So yeah :) Help me to bring that here, God, you've given me that experience and mantle for a reason.

I love You.

Very cool.

Well....I think I'm just learning about intimacy again. Just being chill, and restful (though you can grow in intimacy from running hard as well, so don't close off to that! Camp has taught me that much). But yeah. Don't try so hard, Keann. God will reveal.

Because when I'm comfortable in chilling, then when the crazy comes, I'll know how to handle it right.

Slowly. Just change me inside out, God :)


Maybe I'll journ about the mother/father thing later. Hahaha.

Oh. I guess I didn't journ about Monday. Ahhh. Impartation, walking into Trumpet Praise, just resting, etc.

Maybe later. But I don't have to do anything. :)

Love,