March 15 2010

Not a single day in the past three weeks have I gone to bed not thinking of Rachael, and wake up thinking of her.


Its crazy.

Hahahhah God. Why. I miss her like crazy, I'm so in love with this girl, I thank you so much for this. I've waited so long for this, it makes it so worth it. So, so worth it. All the hurts, all the rejections, all the loneliness, and so I appreciate like crazy that you've let this happen. Gosh, its unimaginable. Craazyyyyy.


Hahahha well Dad. I wanna worship you now. I want my life for you. Will you give me time with you? Time to learn from your Word as well, let me hear you. Yeah.

Ah (: Let me talk with you, for real.

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I'm in a mode of too much 'spiritual'? And always trying to push the boundaries of worship, and talking to you, but I'm not pursuing the other parts as much.

Doing. Doing in worship. Learning from your Word, applying it, honouring the family, helping out around the house

How do I do in worship, God?

I love sitting in your presence. I'm in a season where its time to start doing. Breakthrough comes from there.

From where?

Family. Not anywhere else. I mean, cell and stuff yeah.

What are the things of God?


Family.

Hokay. Can I worship you though?

Yeah, but don't get so caught up in dreams of the world that you don't focus on right here.


I love them too. I love your parents and family like crazy.


That's the challenge.

Doing.

Honouring.


Cleaning the fan, washing, sweeping, helping.

Finding a job to give money

When should I get a job, God? Mid-April?

What about HIP? And all that. And all the freelance stuff.

Don't worry about that this week. Okay. Next week we start hitting.

Yeah.

Get busconcession dad? Yeah. Haircut? Yeah. Haha. Uh.


Mark
Rachael
kiss
family
growth
Pearl
Nat
La/Howai
Josh
Josh Simon

Yeah. What do I do about me and Josh Simon, God.

Wait. Okay.

I don't want this to be one of those relationships where it is perceived I only go back to him when he's big.

And so when he's big its too late to.


Yeah. Wait. Got it.

(:


Keenan/Naomi
Hannah/Sam

Our audio project
My family
iCamp

dance/skate/swim/time

Rachael's beautiful, God. Thank you (:



And this is my prayer in the harvest. When favor and providence flow. I know I'm filled to be empty again. The seed I receive I will sow.

Thank you God (: I understand the season I'm in. Fill me full with the awareness to receive (:


The shaping of me will be long. But so worth it. Be patient. Start with the small things.


I believe that when I worship. When I sing. When I declare. I make a difference. Even if I'm alone. I make a difference.


There is power in words. There is authority given to me.


your first responsibility, is not. A student. It is being God's child. Your first responsibility is not. work. It is being God's child.

I truly believe that.

Songs that I might use for worship this week:

For Who You Are
Desert Song
This Is Our God
Stronger

Hey God. I have tons of issues, I think. Yeah. But just now you told me, that you see my heart. You see my worshipping heart. You see my desire to pursue you and draw closer, and how often I sit in worship with you, and even when its hard for me to do things, or hard for me to read the Bible because I find it boring, you love me so much for my heart. Thank you. And you will honour me. You will honour the time spent in worship to You. You already have.

I mean, yes, start small. Start with helping out around the family. Start with honouring them. But you're glad that I do the worship. You see it, even if no one else does (:

You are the reason for my being, God. I can thank no other. Wow. You will shape me, it will take time, don't feel bad that this is my first cell ugh what am I doing, why do I need so much supervision and stuff, La had to start somewhere too, and now she's 22, and all that.

Not that I should care about age or time or comparing, anyway. Yeah.


As for reading the Bible, and devotion time, its time to challenge myself to do so without music. To do so without worship songs. To do it in quiet. Hmmm. You're in the quietness as well God, as much as I need stuff going on.

And memorize verses huh. Start memorizing stuff. Inspiration: Book Of Eli. 30 years reading the bible and in the end he memorized the whole thing and became the Bible.

HIP/SSM is going to be a time of healing. A time where I can get to know the others better, and share my fear that I'm someone who so often jumps for the exciting and frivolous but finds it hard to commit to the down and dirty. That I'm all flash and no substance. Because that fear does plague me, because I do find it hard to sit down and endure the boring stuff. And you're just going to affirm me, and remove that part of my identity.


Yeah.

Looking so forward to it (:

Verse to memorize today:
(because we should keep your word in our hearts)

Now someone may argue, "Some people have faith; others have good deeds." But I say, "How can you show me your faith if you don't have good deeds? I will show you my faith by my good deeds."

James 2:18


Yeah (: