March 13 - 2010

March 13 - 2010

Music Makes Everything Better

Ahhhh. Its 7.22am, I'm happy, stepped out into the azure mists that was the 7am sky, and as I got to the skate park, it changed into a lilac, chiffon, baby blue hue.

I hope I know what chiffon is. Haha. Well, yes its really nice here, sitting here at the top of the skatepark, shoes off, feet touching the cool metal, Kristina Debarge is playing, and I hope to start worship at some point :D

:D

Ahhhh. Fell asleep early, woke up at 630 feeling really good, my first thoughts were

1. Damn, I feel really good, awesome sleep
2. Rachael, so awesome (:


Its been like that for ages. I wake up, and its her smile that hits me the moment I wake up, she's who I'm thinking of before I go to bed, right before I fall asleep thanking God for everything.

Its been pretty crazy. Haha ahhhhh. My heart sings. There's not a happier song than morning birds chirping, and that goes on so often now its pretty nuts..

Turned off my music. Haha. Nature sounds right now, this 730am, are pretty awesome as well. Its a cool, cool misty morning. I literally skated down onto the path outside my place, watching the maids walking the dogs in the green fields, and was like 'wow'. 'this happens every day, what have i been missing'

And its a city.

Bet its crazier in Australia. The sky blue-er than I've ever seen before. I'll bet. Rachael tells me. Haha. Ahhhh happy birds.

Nuts.

So what was I going to talk about? The past couple of days. Yeah.


Thank You God (: You're amazing (: Help me to ever not take this for granted, I've prayed so much for this, given so much of my love life to You, waited and waited and waited, and its inexplicable somehow that this is happening now. Crazy. That you'd see I was lonely, even though I was happy, and you set aside someone for me that would like me back. Pretty awesome. Hahhaha siighhhhh. I could gush more but I guess I'll never get to the point. Haha. Keep me a romantic, God, for when it really matters :p


Three weeks ago, I never knew this would happen. Three weeks ago, I was still dying in work, trying to see the light at the end of the tunnel, trusting you, having great friends, knowing you would bring me through it, but not quite sure how at this moment.

And then Rachael happened. Crazy. If this is the reward for the trial, just wow (: (: (: (: (: (: (:


Hahahhaha (: (: (: (: (: (: (:



I still want to put down a journal entry about how it happened. A really, sweet, cringe-worthy, sappy one. I remember it reaaaaallllly clearly. I also kinda have to :p
Just in case. In the future. Its the kind of stuff I want to remember if i don't ever want to be doghoused :P

But I want to (:

For instance:
I've been noting down what she's been wearing every time we see each other. Its an investment. hahahaha. Uh.

1 - Friday night - 19th Feb
- Red checkered shirt, denim shorts
- blue-white striped bikini
- black EVERYONE shirts, frumpy brown white shorts
-had goofy orange cambodian pajamas
- white shirt, blue denim shorts (next morning)

2. Sat Church - 27th Sat (1st service together, 1 week on)
- White/Black dress thing...

3. Sat Church - 6th march (2nd service together, 2 weeks on - UM. I FORGOT ><)

- I KNOW. BLUE -SHIRT. BLUE JEANS. HOOP EARRINGS. Gorgeous (:

4. Thursday Afternoon 1pm - 4pm, 11 March (3 weeks)

- First outside meeting
- Talked about boundaries and stuff
- frolick
- gorgeous red top, blue denim shorts, sexy as hell
- sunny outside (:


HAHAHHAHAHA. ITS SO CHEATER.

But yeah. I'm a smart one ><
I also find it really, funny. Owell. hahaha. But yeah (: I don't ever want to talk any of our meetings for granted. I don't want it to become stale.

But at the same time, I don't want each meeting to be a complete romantic explosion, I mean, we want to just be friends, and that can't really happen if we place such a significance on each meeting? :/

On that note, yesterday was wonderful, but I completely missed what she was wearing. Arrrgh >< SLIPPERS. SHE WAS WEARING SLIPPERS. AND A DARK TOP. But I can't remember if its the 'Everyone' top! Arrrrgh. Um. Shorts or jeans? I'm pretty sure......shorts? YES. I REMEMBER LOOKING AT LEGS IN HOSPITAL WAITING ROOM.

I feel like such a pervert now. La. I am ashamed. Not really. Haha. Sigh.



There we goooooo. Your mercy is forever, God :p




Well (:

Its a beautiful day, God. Skies are moving, dark and light clouds serenely shifting past each other, birds dancing around trees, your light shining down, mist fading -

its pretty crazy. Haha. Thank you for letting me be here. Thank you for helping me understand the value of time, the value of -in this moment- Let this be something I never lose, I don't want to be running forward so hard I forget to look around.

Because you create all this beauty just because

Mmmmm (:


Well. I want to do the boundaries thing at some point. Think I could write it together? Okay, I'll write it now, and copy paste it into an Email, for La, Hannah, Cerise, Rachael, Josh, the whole bunch. Or maybe not Josh yet. In case I get something wrong and Rachael wants to correct it. Yeah (:



Ahhhhh (:

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Boundaries & Guidelines for staying friends

1. Physical Affection
Everything off limits but goodbye hugs. - And considering we usually only see each other once a week...man. Haha. But its been good, this has been in place for awhile, and I love it, honestly (:

2. Phone Calls
No limit but - we don't want this to be a legal, time, duration thing, before we start looking forward it to too much, and squeezing what we can in during these 'special phone calls'. We've already not been calling each other, a long romantic one only like once, and we're not going to go there again (:

its more like - what we talk about. Which I'll talk about in a bit. But talking about stuff only normal friends do, instead of each other, a phone call can't last that long anyway. We want our lives together to be about what we're doing, not each other, at least not right now (:

So, proactive, limiting of this on both sides. Just not calling when we don't need to, understanding the effect we'll have on each other, and because once we set into a regular pattern, its hard to stop (:

3. Msn, Skype Chat, Facebook Chat
This is what we've been doing more. Talking on this almost every night. We've fallen into a pattern where I come home knowing that I'm going to see her on, and that I'm going to talk to her tomorrow, yesterday, and all that. And I love it. I just know she's going to be there.

Well...because the nature of phone calls is different from chat, where the relationship is built by the knowing that "the other person is always going to be there if I want to share something, across my three hours online", as opposed to hearing the person's voice.....

The intention for now, again, is limiting it by what we say and talk about, but I'll cover that in a little bit.

Otherwise: Finding a friend on chat that I would talk to more than Rachael. And vice versa, for her. For me, that would be Keenan or something. Or Angie. Idk. we'll see how this goes in a couple of weeks (again I'll cover this in a bit)

4. Going Out
No 'only-us' dates. Haha. That's it. No one on ones, e.g. having Hannah with us at the ropes playground yesterday night really made a difference, so no one on ones. Yeah (:

5. What we say to each other
This is the big one that all our interactions come under. What we sayyyy.

No: - I miss yous
- you looked amazing/gorgeous/so beautiful today (which she does, though :p)
- you're amazing, the way you make me feel/I was thinking of you/you made me smile this morning first thing when I woke up

I mean, we pretty much know that its a given on both sides, but we're going to step away from our urge to confirm it, or find out whether the other is feeling the same way that we do, but just trust that its there :p Cause it is :p


So, nothing like that. Nothing that normal friends wouldn't say to each other, but instead talking about normal stuff. What happened today, you know, stuff that happened, instead of each other. And the idea is that, our private conversations are checked like this, they can't sustain themselves too long without talking about how we feel and all that :D

We worked this out on Thursday, and we did this on Thursday night/Friday, and I'm so proud of her :D Especially because we didn't start talking about how awesome our boundaries and everything worked out, which is one of our guidelines as well....

6. No assessing the relationship with each other (2 weeks)
Its soooo easy to fall into a "omigosh today worked out so great, how we did, you know, we have to be careful about this, and do this, and not do this" conversation everytime we hang out, or every day that we spend talking, e.g., I really wanted to do this on Friday, but I remembered. And I trusted that Rachael was thinking about the same thing as well, so I didn't have to say "let's not talk about this". Which is awesome. Haha.

I mean, its easy and natural to want to affirm and encourage each other in this, through this, but when we talk about that, we end up talking about each other anyway, in a way that friends don't! And we don't want to fall into that, into being in a relationship while saying we're not!

Though I am absolutely crazy over this girl.


Haha well anyway, if we wanna assess the relationship, talk about what went on in our interactions, and what to watch out for and everything, we'll just talk to one of you guys. La, Hannah, Cerise, Keenan, Sam, Pearl, whoever, but not each other, because that breaks the flow of the friendship we're trying to build. We'll stick to these guidelines for now, see how they go for two weeks, and not talk to each other about changing them.

We might need to change them anyway after two weeks, even if they worked really well, because we don't know what's going to happen and what is still relevant then (:



So this is us. Yeah. Once again its:

1. Physical Affection
- only goodbye hugs
2. Phone Calls
- intentionally not falling into a pattern, what we say
3. Msn, Skype Chat, Facebook Chat
- what we say, and finding a friend
4. Going Out
- no One on Ones, at least a 3-people or more thing
5. What we say to each other
- no romantic stuff, just normal friend stuff
6. No assessing the relationship with each other (2 weeks)


Yeah. But Rachael, I am insanely proud of you, and I'm soooooo happy that you're always meeting me halfway on this, and I'm so happy that we're doing this. Its crazy. You're amazing, thank you (:

Anyway, its not like we're boring old stogies keeping ourselves from fun. We found out that a friendship can be tons of fun as well, last night on Facebook and everything was the beginning of that. I noticed :p

So yeah (: What do you think and stuff? Rachael, did I miss anything or screw something up? :p


Thank you guys for being there, you are all totally amazing. Totally feelin' the love :D

(You can bet that I'll probably be spazzing over every single day that Rach and I do something together though, on my journal. Which La has access to. Haha. Sigh. Its never something I really want to forget. Imma hopeless romantic (: )



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There we go. Haha. Uh. Well....I kinda wanted to talk about the day before, and yesterday, but, I've kinda exhausted my emotional wordspace? Haha. Uh.

Maybe in a bit. But something's probably going to happen today as well....


Ahhhh God. Help me to get it all down. Haha.

Love (:


(gonna go back now, go home, get a drink, and chill out and stuff, cause there are people at the skatepark already, and its hot, and i'm totally shy, For real. Haha. Man.)

(even though they are such totally cool people) (really) (this white dad and his mixed son, and they picked up all the litter from the previous night. wow. But yes I'm totally shy. Haha)

Gonnna goooooooooo (:

Love,