Post worship

That was interesting. I started out asking God to take away my desire to go to him for "a need" but simply because worshipping Him is what He deserves, to worship out of complete adoration.

And that totally happened.

All through when I was completely out of it sick later and still praising God in agony because He deserved to be praised, yeah.


Cool. I'd talk more...but I have work to do. Task. Word. Gogo.

Worship

Here we start again trying to get my life right with God. Gotta do cell prep. But its kinda stupid to do it without worship or prayer or soaking and being in God. Yeah. Its like drinking water that isn't wet.

So here I am God, trying to come back to you after what seems like too long. Get my focus right. Put you first, up there. Thank you for the gifts and the trainings and the skills and the people around me.


Help me to yes worship You because You are good, not because I feel a need to be in some kind of "mode", that's why I do worship. That's not the point. The point of worship is You. Giving adoration to You. Because you deserve it, not because of any benefits I get. Help me dissociate from that God. Yay. You are merciful. Love you (:

Melancholy

Try and praise God anyway, even if you feel like crap and everything is going wrong. I can do that. Yeah. But once the songs and the music and worship goes away, I feel like crap again.

Solution: Praise God all the time.



Err..I can do that. Haha. Idk. Hard. ALL THE FREAKING TIME? Model answer yes, but honestly speaking I don't think right now I am able to. I can try..but I have to be willing..and that's a whole new different story. Yeah. I'm nobody's perfect Christian leader, but this place seems like the only place where I can admit to that. I don't want to stumble nobody. I don't want to take up more time than everyone else to get things right, to perform. Idk. I feel bad. Well. Later.

Starting to Journal

Got worship to plan, so this isn't the real journal entry, but just some thoughts down.



1. I am very confused about a lot of things in my life right now, especially to do with myself, but I trust God (I really do) and want to decisively and irrevocably serve Him.

This is a good summary of my current walk in my current season.


2. I could just use the previous worship set I planned for the previous cell, but to do that would not be to do the best job I possibly could. And I want to do the best possible job for worship I can tmr, focused on Oliva's theme, and I need to practice how to make worship sets more anyway.

Yeah. Let's do this.


Gogogogogo