Wait wha- I got a wha- uh- blog? :blink:

14th July, 2.58 am. Friday night.

Hey diary. Yeah, its weird and all, but I need to start one now before I forget everything I just said. Maybe I should have taken notes. :o Whoa. Okay ignore me. Okay not really.

I’ve never been able to admit that I still miss what I had with Anna before, and that I still want that, huh. Huge eye-opener. Thank you God for Charlotte, and being God :D

So. Anna. Its been a whole year or something. Lol. Charlotte said something that really struck me, its that Anna will pretty much always be a part of my life. Always. I can get over her, but the impact that she’s had? On everything I do? Man. No way in hell am I ever going to get away from that, not unless I totally change the way I’m living now, and even that would be indirectly influenced by her. Lol. Awesome snowballing ironies. Sike.

I’m staring at the page trying to admit to myself again that I still do like her. Uh. Not love, not infatuated, but that I would definitely go after her again if I met her and she was single. Maybe even not single. What the hell. Lol. Still, that’d be treating her like any other girl I’d be interested in that I’d bump into, huh. Lol. Only bump, though. I can’t seem to be bothered to actively go after girls nowadays. Too much trouble.
← Truth.

Sitting here missing the times we had..sigh. Heck, Genny never was like that. Kay so its unfair to compare, and I did enjoy myself, kinda, but a big part important to me in relationships is being able to talk. About anything. About everything. Never was like that with Genny, yo.

Dude Keann wake up. How are you so sure that a relationship with Anna wouldn’t have problems of its own? Maybe we wouldn’t be able to talk either. Maybe other shit would surface. Don’t assume shit you don’t know, kay.

Maybe that’s why I want to find out so badly :p Whether it would work out and shit.

Sigh. We can’t always have what we want. But should I at least try? Lol. I know, I know, stupidity. Life isn’t all a High School Musical, aight.

Still, that show kicks major ass. I don’t care what anyone else says, it kicks major ass. Shut up. So I like simple innocent happy fairy tale shows. And happy idealistic songs. If we stop believing in ideals, we’re doomed. I mean it. Humans are by far the only species that perform shit based on illogical, impractical, emotional and idealistic impulses. Exactly NOT like a pig. And that rocks.

Soz, back to Anna. Think I’ll be able to stop this here, tonight? Lol. Pretty sure I can, its all a matter of wanting to. Oh yeah I want to. But not yet. Tomorrow morning yes. Maybe a bit later. Whenever I have to go be popular again. Yeah, that works, somehow. Lol.

So I like being vulnerable and emotional. So sue me. I get to do it so rarely. And I believe it keeps me centered and humane. Besides God, of course, hey Man you rock my socks off. God that sounded bimboish.

I miss church. Yes. Totally looking forward to it. I half feel like going on, and on and on, and on, but there’s the part of me that just doesn’t want to think about how reluctant I am to commit to actively taking a stand for Christ in school or something right now. Feeling too guilty, and really not wanting to admit it to myself. Damn afraid of making yet another promise to God tomorrow, and not keeping it again. Sigh. We’ll just see how we roll then, God put fire in my heart (:

But do I want to be fired up? Do I really? ):

Shan’t think about it. Which is bad. I know. Still gonna do it. One intense contemplative soul searching enough for the day. And I kinda do know that this one was the easier one. Damn.

):

Ghhagggh. Shat. Diary post im now considering making a blog for. Why do I even want to do that? What the hell. Yeah, the naïve part of me wanting to be understood. Social suicide much. Plus ruining chances of getting with her for about forever. Oh look I didn’t specify. I’m already leaning towards the idea of making it public.

:blink:

Ohmanohmanohman.

Lol. Whatever. Sleep now. Yes please. Night diary. Thank you God. Thanks Charlotte for everything :D

WHY THE HELL AM I EVEN THANKING PEOPLE? ITS LIKE SUPPOSED TO BE PRIVATE YOAR.

This close to heading over to the dark side and publishing this ):

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And now I don’t want to stop talking. As per usual. ):

*forcibly ejects self from seat, even though self is having a kickass time*

Ah well. Night.
-3.27 am-
-3.31 am-
Ha. Feeling better already. World Of Our Own – Westlife - kicking emotional ass for you. Booya. Can’t not groove to that song <3 style="font-style: italic;">We got a little world of our own
Ill tell you things that no one else knows
I let you in where no-one else goes
What am I doing without you

(:

I don’t wanna say goodbye, there’s a certain tangibility of finality about the whole thing ):

Gaaaggh ah well :D

Night :D

REALLY.

-3.36 am-